Chapter 5

"Didn't you want to be a commando?" Jiya asked suddenly.

Ishaan who was adding the last few pieces of wood into the fireplace, stiffened. "I couldn't."

"Why? The last I remember, you were supposed to take up the probationary training right? Aman told me you cleared the requirements..!"

He looked crossly at her, he mumbled. "I will go out to get some wooden logs, this won't be enough to keep us warm all night."

As he made his way towards the door, Jiya sprung up in realization. "Is this because of Aman? Because you lost him and couldn't focus?"

He stopped in his tracks, taking a sharp breath. When Jiya picked up an issue, she would never let it go. At least not until she got the answers she wanted. "Col. Ashutosh Uncle told me, after Aman's death, you went ballistic! Always put yourself in harm's way and didn't take a single leave for more than a year. Ishaan.. Ever since you joined the army, all you wanted was to join the Para Commando unit. It was your dream. Losing Aman, shouldn't have stopped you from chasing your dream. He would have wanted you to see through it.."

Her words stabbed Ishaan's heart with a thousand blades. Everybody mourned differently. Brigadier Amarjeet Singh spent months being aloof and silent. Shilpa coped with Aman's loss by completely immersing herself in the activities of various associations. Jiya showed her pain visibly and yelled at everyone who pitied her. Ishaan... Well, the only way he knew how to cope was by doing everything that kept him away from the thoughts that would eat him. But, it wasn't just Aman's death that hurt him. "I didn't lose one person Jiya. I lost two Dhillons that year."

Jiya blinked registering his words. Tilting his head, he sneered, "You vanished from my life after the Christmas Ball. I could have grappled losing one Dhillon, but two? That was more than I could handle, Jiya."

Ishaan was a lot of things, but one thing he wasn't was being vulnerable. Jiya stood there aghast at a revelation and painfully aware of her own deeds. At that moment, she hated herself with an intensity that overwhelmed her. Tears streamed down her face as he walked out, closing the door shut behind him.

"Don't you know how I feel about you?" He had asked her that night, a couple of years ago, after the Christmas ball. She knew exactly how he felt about her and that was alone enough to make her heart flutter like crazy. Only if everything were that simple. Girl meets a boy, they love each other, they confess and off they go for their happily ever after. That happened in movies and books. Real life, sucked.

Memories flooded her mind as she struggled to hold herself together without breaking down into bits and pieces.

"LEAVE THE PARTY RIGHT NOW!" Brigadier Amarjeet thundered at his daughter's recklessness. She was wearing a scanty dress that didn't even reach her knees. The army had strong rules on dressing decent and unrevealing. If Brigadier's daughter didn't care for the rules, will the rest of the guests? He was ashamed.

Adding to the fire was her scandalous dance with Lieutenant Ivan D'silva. The entire Army Academy knew what a player he was. If that wasn't enough, Jiya had punched Ivan in the gut for whispering something in her ears.

"Okay, you guys party. Giggle and enjoy the Christmas celebrations. Day, it's barely been 3 months since Aman's death. This must be the best way to mourn your dead son, isn't it? Do you even consider us as your children or have you picked us up from the street?"

Walking across the hall, Shilpa slapped Jiya hard enough to leave an imprint on her cheeks. Amarjeet was speechless with moist eyes. The loud gasps that had echoed in the venue thanks to Jiya's remarks, fell into pin-drop silence. "How dare you speak to us like that! Jiya, from this moment on, you are banned from all of Army events, until further notice. Get out now!"

Holding her sore cheeks, Jiya sobbed looking around the hall with blurred vision. Not wanting to waste another moment, she walked towards the exit only to crash against Ishaan who popped up on her way all of a sudden. As a result the orange juice he was holding, spilt all over his suit. "Just what was missing.." Jiya muttered glancing briefly at his intense gaze. She stormed out of the venue leaving the room behind with gossip mills running and Amarjeet consoling his sad wife, Shilpa.

"That was quite a scene." Ishaan breathed plopping down next to Jiya, on the edge of a roof in the neighbouring building, with their legs dangling down. Jiya wiped away her tears. "You must think I am such an immature and terrible girl, don't you?"

Ishaan shrugged. "What I think doesn't matter.."

"You came here to lecture me about what happened inside?" She asked with her eyes swollen and damp from all the crying. Ishaan sighed, rubbing her cheeks with the back of his hand. She flinched at his cold touch. Ishaan withdrew his hand immediately. "Jiya. What happened earlier, was not necessary. But you are still mourning the loss of your brother. So it's okay, even though it's not."

His statement was so weird and contradicting. Did he even know what he was saying? Jiya wondered but a faint smile had already touched her lips.

After a few beats of silence against the night chills of Kashmir, she told him, "Sorry about the suit."

He chuckled, "It's not the worst thing you have done to me so far."

Jiya looked at him, their eyes locked in strong force. "And yet, you never get angry with me.. Why?"

"I wonder the same, all the damn time." He spoke with all honesty. She was right, sometimes she crossed many boundaries, and yet he managed to see beyond her impulsive actions always. She just didn't know how to hide her pain or hatred. Jiya showed whatever she felt with her actions. Not the kind of person to fake it, ever.

Ishaan found himself caressing her cheeks again. The tears had dried up but her face filled with so much sadness was unbearable. His thumb moved across her chapped lips stroking them gently. Jiya shut her eyes shortly, heat rising up to her cheeks. Realizing their proximity, she looked away. He pulled his hand back and looked in the opposite direction.

"Your date ... what's her name? Uh, yeah Naina! She might start looking for you. You should go back." Jiya said, her voice cold.

"She doesn't care. Nor do I."

"Then why did you bring her as your date?" Jiya piqued.

Ishaan threw an 'are-you-seriously-asking-me-that-look'. "Well, because a certain person ditched me at the last moment. I had to grab the first girl who was ready to join me for the party."

Jiya stared at him in surprise and then cursed herself when she remembered.

"I know I asked you to be my date for this year's Christmas Ball long ago... I hoped you would remember. But, with Aman's... erm... I understand... It's okay."

Jiya didn't know what to say, she got up hastily pacing on the bridge. Ishaan stood up, leaning against the railing. "I am sorry Ishaan... I am not ready. I..."

She stopped in the middle of her pacing, fiddling with her fingers. "It's okay Jiya. Aman's death... It's still raw memory. I get it if you avoided me. You obviously need time to cope. Don't feel bad because of this now, please."

Walking back, Jiya stood in front of him with only a few inches of space in between. "Why do you care for me so much?"

"You don't know?"

Jiya gulped. She had a faint idea. And she was extremely scared of that faint idea. "I... erm... I... Don't know."

"Don't you know how I feel about you?" Ishaan asked again, lifting up her chin and holding her gaze. She bit her lips to hold back the words in her mouth.

"Are you clueless or... You don't feel the same?"

Jiya must really be a rock if she didn't fall for him. How could she not? "Tell me how you feel, Ishaan.." Jiya asked him, even when the back of her head begged her to twirl on her heels and run. She felt numb and cold. She wanted his warmth.

Ishaan however, chose actions over words. Pulling her close, he dipped his face and caught her lips with his. Delicately at first, he tasted her soft lips and before passion took over. Snaking her hand against his waist, she drew him close to her body. Standing in the middle of a bridge, under the moonlight sky of Christmas day, they finally caved into that raging affection they felt towards each other.

It felt so right... So damn right...