: Chapter 28

Dr. Connolly, the ER doctor who’d examined me when I first came in, knocked on the open glass door. “I think you’re in trouble when you get home,” she said.

My brows knitted.

She smiled and walked in. “Will called. He said you were supposed to call him with an update but hadn’t.”

“Shoot. I forgot. He’s worse than an overprotective father, and I have one of those already.”

“It’s sweet.”

“Not when you’re sixteen and fifteen minutes late getting home, and he’s waiting at the door with an axe.”

“An axe is pretty intimidating. My brother just took off his shirt and flexed. He went to the gym every day, so he thought he was a tough guy. But in reality he was five-foot-eight and pretty scrawny. So my dates only humored him. I would imagine Fireman Will with an axe is a lot scarier. Smart of you to pick a boyfriend who looks like he could go toe to toe with him.”

I smiled. “Wilder played rugby.”

“I know. The nurses were all gossiping about a celebrity in the house. I don’t follow sports, so I wasn’t aware, but they tell me he’s a big deal.”

“That’s what I’ve heard. Though I didn’t know who he was when we met, either.”

She pulled up a stool and sat next to me. “So, before we take you down to get your CAT scan, I wanted to talk about your blood test results.” She shuffled some papers. “Your glucose concentration was where it should be by the time we tested here at the hospital since they did dextrose at fifty percent in the field. Which is good.”

I nodded. “This is all my fault. My monitor alarm went off, and I ignored it. It’s given me a few false alarms recently, and I was sleeping, so I didn’t double-check my sugar. I should’ve. I know better. Though I’ve been eating well, so it shouldn’t have gone so low.”

Dr. Connolly nodded. “I know the reason your body is acting out of sorts.”

“What do you mean?”

“Sloane, you’re pregnant.”

“Wha … what?”

“It’s standard procedure, when a female patient comes in with diabetes, to do a full workup to see what’s going on in the body. One of the tests is a pregnancy test. Yours came back positive.” She offered a hesitant smile. “I figured it would come as a surprise since your intake sheet said your last menstrual period was only a month ago and you answered no when asked if you were pregnant.”

“But … but … we used protection. Every time.”

“No birth control is a hundred percent effective.”

My head started to spin, and I thought I might pass out again. “Oh my God.”

Dr. Connolly stood and pulled up the guard rail on the bed. “Take a deep breath, Sloane. Take a few deep breaths.”

“Did you tell Will?” I wasn’t sure why I’d asked that. Will was the least of my problems.

“No, of course not. I would never reveal your private medical information to anyone without your consent.”

I shook my head, looking down. “I’m sorry. That was a stupid question.”

“It’s fine. Your privacy is both of our concern. Would you like to talk about it? We can discuss your options, or I can answer any medical questions you might have about diabetes and pregnancy. Or…” She paused and waited until I looked up. “Or we can talk about how you feel right now. I’m not just a doctor. I’m a woman, too.”

I looked at her, tears welling in my eyes. “Wilder and I haven’t been together that long. Less than a year ago, I was engaged to another man.”

“Is it Wilder’s baby?”

“I haven’t been with anyone else since my ex.” My heart pounded. “Oh God, how am I going to tell him? I already gave him a heart attack today. He was the one who found me seizing in the shower.”

“Well, you don’t have to tell him today. Maybe you need some time to absorb it yourself. You’re entitled to that, Sloane.”

I took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah. That’s true.”

“You just experienced a major medical trauma—a seizure and possibly a concussion. That alone is a lot for anyone to handle. Things aren’t going to change if you give yourself a few days—or a few weeks—however long you need to heal before you deal with this new medical condition.”

I’d forgotten all about the possible concussion. “Is a CAT scan okay when you’re pregnant?”

“Studies have consistently shown that the amount of radiation used in CT imaging does not cause any harm to a child. And only your head will be scanned, not your abdomen. But of course, the choice is yours.”

I felt so lost. “What would you do?”

“You have a nice lump on your head, so we know you likely hit it when you lost consciousness. You’re not having blurred vision, vomiting, or experiencing ringing in your ears, which are positive signs when considering the chances of internal bleeding. But I would have the CAT scan, to be safe. Cranial bleeding can be treated in its early stages, but it’s dangerous if left untreated.”

I nodded. “Okay. Let’s do the CAT scan.”

“Alright.” Dr. Connolly stood. “I’ll have the nurse bring you down, and I’ll come check on you when you get back.”

“Thank you.”

She rested her hand on my arm. “You’re going to get through this. I promise.”

I wasn’t sure she was right, yet I nodded. “Thanks, Dr. Connolly.”

Over the next hour, I went through the motions of getting the scan. Thankfully, the technicians guided me on and off the table, because while I might’ve been looking at them while they spoke, I wasn’t hearing a word.

Pregnant. I kept repeating it over and over in my head. I. Am. Pregnant.

I’d never even had a scare before. Not even when I was on the pill and messed up taking them once. Thank God this didn’t happen when I was with Josh. I couldn’t imagine having his baby. Would he have married me, and I’d be stuck in a marriage where my husband felt trapped and had questioned whether he was still in love with another woman? Or would I be raising a child alone?

Why the hell was I wasting time thinking about this when I needed to figure out how to tell the actual father of my child?

Wilder.

Oh God. How was he going to take the news? The man hadn’t had a relationship of more than two months in over a decade. Two months! That’s not even the first trimester! What if he left me and I was alone the rest of the time? I didn’t want Will or my father in the delivery room with me. Would I be alone? Me and some nurse I’d just met in an understaffed hospital? She probably wouldn’t even be able to hold my hand because she’d be too busy.

I started to hyperventilate as I waited in the little room for whoever was going to wheel me back to the ER. The ER where Wilder is waiting!

The technician who had done the scan walked back over. She started to say something, but when she got a look at me, she sprung to action, pushing a red button on the wall. “What’s going on, Miss Carrick? Can you speak to me?”

I couldn’t. I clutched my chest and took deep, painful breaths. A few seconds later, a team of people burst in.

“What happened?” someone demanded.

“I don’t know. She was fine when I took her out of the machine. I went to call the transporter, and when I came back, she was hyperventilating.”

“Let’s get her on a monitor.” I was suddenly flying down the hall on a gurney, back toward the ER. Dr. Connolly was in another patient’s room as we passed, but she jumped out and followed.

“What happened?” she yelled.

The nurse kept moving. “I think it might be a panic attack, but I want to get her on the monitor to be sure.”

Fifteen minutes later, after guided belly breathing and an oxygen mask, my breaths finally returned to normal. I lay back in the bed, feeling exhausted—like I’d run a marathon without a day of training.

Dr. Connolly smiled. “Well, you certainly know how to make an entrance.”

“I’m so embarrassed.” I shook my head.

“You have nothing to be embarrassed about. This has been a lot. I didn’t have a seizure and a head injury this morning, and I’m pretty sure if someone told me I was pregnant right now, I’d be on the stretcher next to you, swiping your oxygen mask.”

I was sure she was just being kind, but I appreciated it. “Thank you.”

“The good news is, you scared the CAT scan department, so they read your images quickly. Everything looks clear. But I’m going to admit you, to be on the safe side. A night of observation after a head injury is never a bad thing. Plus, I’d like to get a tech to look at your monitor. With all the changes going on in your body, I want to make sure your pump is working properly.” She typed into an iPad. “It might also give you some time to think, since they won’t let visitors stay too long when you’re on concussion protocol. You need your rest.”

Being in the hospital did seem less scary than going home and having to face Wilder. I nodded. “Okay.”

She typed more into her iPad and hugged it to her chest. “I hear there are two very anxious men bugging the desk clerk.”

Oh God—my dad is here! I completely forgot they’d said that earlier. What was he going to say when he found out I was pregnant?

“Would you like me to let your visitors know everything is fine and it’s going to be a bit longer before they can come back? I can tell them things are backed up, which is never a lie around here. That way you can rest a little more before seeing them?”

I shook my head. “Thank you. But I’m sure my dad is worried. I don’t want to keep them waiting any longer than I have to.”

“How about if we let them in for a bit to see you’re okay with their own eyes? They won’t be able to go up with you when you’re being admitted to the floor, so if you want, I’ll see if we can get a rush on that.”

I let out a loud sigh of relief. “That would be great. Thank you.”

“No problem. I’ll give you a few minutes, then tell the nurse to bring them back.”

Not long after, Wilder and Dad walked in. Each went to a different side of my bed.

“Are you okay?” Wilder took my hand. “Did you get the scan results yet?”

“How’s your blood sugar?” Dad asked. “And why didn’t the damn alarm go off? I’m going to get on the horn with that company and—”

I lifted a hand. “Dad, it was my fault. The alarm did go off, and I reset it.”

My dad looked to Wilder. He nodded. “I didn’t know any better. Now I do. Trust me, she won’t be ignoring it again.” Wilder turned to me. “What about the scan?”

“Everything came back clear.”

He blew out a relieved breath, but I was one breath away from freaking out and blurting out words I wasn’t ready to say.

“Are they discharging you?” Wilder asked.

“No. They’re going to keep me overnight for observation.”

“Good.” He leaned down and kissed my forehead. “Better safe than sorry.”

The two of them tag-teamed me with medical questions until Dad’s phone buzzed. He held it up. “It’s Will. I’m going to step out and take this, give him an update.”

“Okay.”

When it was just Wilder and me alone, he stroked my hair. “You scared the shit out of me, Cupcake.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It made me realize something.”

“What?”

He looked into my eyes. “I … I…” For a second I thought he was going to tell me he loved me. But then he cleared his throat. “I need to take a refresher first-aid class, CPR and stuff. The last time I took it was in high school.”

“That’s sweet. But I won’t ignore the alarm again, so it’s not necessary.”

“Maybe not. But you never know what life’s going to throw at you, and I want to be able to take care of you.”

My heart melted. His concern also made me feel absolutely awful for not telling him I was pregnant. But the doctor was right, I needed a moment. Maybe two.

Dad came back, snapping his flip phone shut. He refused to upgrade to anything more. It made me smile. “Will’s gonna come by after his shift ends.”

“I’m fine. Tell him he doesn’t have to. You should go, too, Dad. The bar must be opening soon.”

Dad waved me off. “Eh. Frank lets himself in when I’m late.”

My head was so jumbled and my heart was so heavy from keeping a secret that I found it difficult to talk. Luckily, a few minutes later, Dr. Connolly came into the room.

“We’re going to be bringing Ms. Carrick up to the floor to admit her shortly,” she said. “Visiting hours are eleven to eight, but visitors aren’t permitted during transfers, so the doctors and nurses can get the patient settled in.”

“How long will that take?” Wilder asked.

“Probably an hour or two. But I think Ms. Carrick really needs to get some rest. So maybe hold off coming back until this evening?”

Wilder frowned, but nodded. “Okay.”

Dr. Connolly caught my eye before walking out. “I’ll give you a few minutes to say goodbye.”

“I’ll come back later,” Dad said. “Bring you something to eat.” He kissed my cheek and nodded to Wilder. “I’ll meet you outside.”

Wilder looked stressed. “You gonna be okay? I hate to leave you.”

I smiled. “I’ll be fine.”

He searched my eyes. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if something had happened to you.”

“I’m sorry I scared you.”

“I’m just glad you’re okay.” He brushed his lips against mine. “I’ll be back later.”

“What time is your flight tomorrow?”

“Already changed it. I’m not going anywhere for a while.”

God, I hoped that held true even after I told him the news.

“Hi.” That evening, Dr. Connolly popped her head into my room upstairs. “Thought I’d check on you before I left. My shift just ended.”

“Thank you.” I sat up a little taller in bed. “I’m doing good. Blood sugar has been stable.”

“Great.” She walked in and pulled over the chair that sat in the corner. “But I was less worried about your glucose levels and more worried about your stress levels.”

I sighed. “I didn’t tell Wilder yet. He came back to visit and stayed until they kicked him out. But I couldn’t bring myself to say the words.”

“Have you been together a long time?”

I shook my head. “It’s really new. We only met a few months ago.”

“Do you love him?”

I nodded. “I think I loved him before I finally agreed to go out with him.”

She smiled. “Played hard to get, huh?”

“In my case, it was more scared to get hurt, but yeah … it took me a while.”

“I don’t usually share personal information with patients, but I’m a single mom.”

“Really?”

She nodded. “Long story, but my daughter’s father is a good friend. We were residents together, and we quickly realized we were better off as friends.”

“Is he involved with her?”

“He is. He recently got married, and his new wife is great. I look at it like my daughter’s lucky. She gets three parents. Hopefully four someday, if I ever meet Mr. Right.” She shrugged. “Anyway, after you left today, I was thinking a lot about how I felt when I found out, and I figured I’d come see if you wanted to talk. You may have already called a friend or spoken to someone, but just in case, I thought I’d pop in.”

“I appreciate it. I was going to call my best friend earlier, but it didn’t feel right telling anyone before Wilder.”

She smiled. “I felt the same way. It took me about a week to tell Mark, and I think I might’ve only told him because I was going to explode if I didn’t.”

“Yeah, I’m not sure I’ll make a week. I felt so guilty when Wilder was visiting tonight. Plus, he kept asking me what was wrong, and I hated lying to him. I’m in the hospital, so when I’m quiet, he thinks I’m in pain and not telling him so he won’t worry, and that just makes him worry.”

“He seems like a doting boyfriend.”

“He is. He’s the exact opposite of what I expected when we met.” I sighed. “Do you have any advice for how to tell him?”

“I do, actually. Two pieces of advice. One, figure out what you want before you tell him. Did you see yourself having children?”

I nodded immediately. “Definitely. I want a family.”

“So it’s more about timing and circumstances then?”

“Yes.”

“Do you have a good support team of family and friends?”

I thought of my brother raising a teenage girl alone, how we’d all rallied around him and moved into the brownstone to pitch in. That was my family. My eyes filled with tears—happy ones this time. “I have the best family support.”

She smiled. “That’s great. Well, it sounds like you want a family, and even if your boyfriend winds up not being in the picture, you could handle it. Those are two important things. Timing and circumstances—those are often out of our control, even with the best-laid plans.”

I thought about my parents, how they’d done everything the right way—engaged, married, children. They’d had the timing and circumstances they wanted, yet look what happened. My mother didn’t have the time she thought, and my dad wound up with different circumstances than they’d planned—as a single father of three. So really, sometimes the best-laid plans brought you to a different place anyway.

“Thank you,” I told her. “I was definitely focusing on the wrong thing. I was so worried about what Wilder was going to want, I never stopped to ask myself what I want.”

Dr. Connolly smiled. “I’ll let you rest. You should get some sleep. Your body needs it after today.”

“Thank you.”

She stood. “Take care, Sloane. It was nice meeting you.”

“You, too.”

Dr. Connolly was halfway out the door when I realized something. “Hey, wait!”

She turned.

“You said you had two pieces of advice. What was the other thing?”

She smiled. “Don’t tell him after you’ve just finished doing a colonoscopy together. He’ll be white as a ghost, and then the poor patient will burst into tears, certain you’re about to tell her she has cancer.”