: Chapter 19

“So, tell me everything.” The car door was barely closed before Elijah started the interrogation. He looked around the back of the stretch limousine. “And does this thing have champagne or what?”

The uniformed driver looked in the rearview mirror. “There are two bottles in the cooler on the left side. Glasses are on the right. Would you like me to wait so you can pour before I start driving?”

“Pour?” Elijah waved him off. “What’s there to pour? You said two bottles and there’s two of us. Do you have straws?”

The very British driver looked appalled. Elijah couldn’t have cared less. He waved goodbye to the man as he pushed the button to raise the privacy screen.

I shook my head. “You are so rude.”

“Me? He’s the one butting into our conversation.” He pulled the chilled champagne out of the cooler box and turned the bottle to face me. “Ooh … Dom Pérignon. The company really went all out for this trip.”

“I doubt it was the company.”

“What do you mean?”

“Wilder’s been intervening on all the plans the company made and upgrading them—my flight here, my hotel. I’m sure the car service that was supposed to pick us up for the wedding tonight was a Volkswagen Rabbit before he quietly stepped in.”

Elijah pulled the cork from the champagne with a loud pop, then put his mouth over the top to catch the foam bubbling out.

“Classy.” I laughed.

“No judging.” He swallowed a mouthful of champagne and used the back of his hand to wipe his cheek. “Or I’ll stick my tongue in the hole before I give you your bottle, and you do not want to know where this tongue was last weekend.”

My nose scrunched up as I plucked the other bottle from his hand. “No, I definitely do not.”

The wedding tonight was at Hedsor House, a country estate forty-five minutes outside of London. So I slipped off my gorgeous but extremely high-heeled sparkly new shoes.

“Wow. Jimmy Choos.” Elijah gestured to the floor with his champagne bottle. “Someone didn’t get the same shitty three percent raise as me at Christmas.”

“They were a gift from Wilder. As was this dress. I don’t even want to know what they cost.”

“So you’re like Cinderella going to the ball? Except your fairy godmother is a hot rugby player.” He wiggled his brows. “Tell me, is he big and brawny all over? God couldn’t be so cruel as to give a man with those shoulders and that face a tiny dick.”

I sighed. “I wouldn’t know.”

“You didn’t go all the way yet?”

“We haven’t gone any of the way yet. Wilder hasn’t even kissed me since I landed in London.”

Elijah’s jaw dropped as he covered his heart. “Oh my God. Is he gay? Please, please tell me he’s gay?”

I laughed. “He’s not gay, but he has been a gentleman.”

My friend wrinkled his nose like he’d smelled something sour. “Yuck. Why?”

“It’s my fault. The guy scares the crap out of me.”

“You’ve seen the outline and it’s that big?”

I chuckled. “No! I meant he makes me feel things.”

“Well, clearly not the good kind of things if he hasn’t touched you.”

“I’m serious.”

Elijah lifted his knee onto the seat and turned to face me. “You fell off the horse—or in Josh’s case, the jackass—and now you’re afraid to get back on. I understand that. I really do. But, honey, this isn’t another donkey. This is a fucking unicorn we’re talking about. They don’t come around very often.”

“I know. But the fact that he is a unicorn makes it even scarier. I mean, if I couldn’t hold on to the donkey, how the hell can I expect to saddle the unicorn?”

Elijah frowned. “What Josh did is not about you. It’s about him. You can’t be afraid to take chances because you got hurt. Life is all about taking chances. Sometimes we jump off the cliff and splatter to the ground. But sometimes we jump off and fly.”

“Wilder and I are just so different. I’m a serial-relationship person; he’s a serial dater. He’s first class to Europe. I sit in the middle seat on my flight to Florida because I’m too cheap to pay for seat assignment. I live in New York in a house with most of my family, and he lives in London and has been on his own since he was eighteen. This month, he got approval to start his own professional rugby expansion team. He’s been traveling around the world signing players for weeks. I read three self-help books and went to therapy.”

“You know what that sounds like to me?”

“What?”

“A bunch of excuses because you’re a chicken shit.”

My shoulders slumped. “I hate you.”

“Let me try a different approach. What about having fun? No expectations, just get back on the horse and ride, girl, ride.”

I smiled. “Now that is tempting…”

“So do it. Listen to Nike and just fucking do it.”

“I don’t think Nike said it exactly like that.”

“They should have.”

Hedsor House was breathtaking. A private Georgian estate set on a hundred acres of manicured gardens, it made me wonder how I’d ever thought my wedding venue was special. Even the ceremony was beautiful. The bride and groom cried as they exchanged vows, making my own eyes well up with tears. Wilder and I had shared secret smiles a few times, but he’d been on groomsman duty, and I’d been busy talking to the bridal party to get material for my article. After getting off to a rough start with Piper’s wedding, this group had proved themselves to be sophisticated and tasteful, and the series had turned out to be a smart addition for the magazine. All because of a nip slip …

At the cocktail hour, I noticed a willowy brunette walk over and greet Wilder with a big hug and kiss. She was difficult to miss, being drop-dead gorgeous and probably close to six feet tall. When he spoke, she leaned in, gave good eye contact, and rested her hand on his arm or his chest. A woman could spot another interested woman a mile away, and it made me wonder if the ease with which she touched him was because they’d previously spent time touching each other. I looked the other way and went to the bar for a glass of wine, rather than let it bother me. Though the simple exchange dented my confidence.

But once the reception was in full swing, Wilder made his way over to my table.

“Can I have this dance?” He held out a hand.

“Sure.” I smiled.

Wilder led me to the dance floor, pulling me close as we slipped into the crowd of people. His hand rested at the small of my back, making my skin tingle.

“Not leaving room for Jesus again, huh, Hayes?”

His lip twitched. “Have I mentioned you look gorgeous tonight?”

“You have. But thank you. A girl can never hear it too many times. And thank you again for this beautiful dress.”

He nodded. “I intentionally picked one with an open back, for this very moment.” His fingers stroked my bare skin. “The things I’ll do just to get to touch you.”

I giggled, trying to lighten the moment, but the sexual tension was so thick, my breaths felt more like pants already.

Wilder spun me around the dance floor. “Is it weird that I really like shopping for you?”

“No, but I’ve noticed you seem to like shopping in some departments more than others. I think I have two outfits left, yet I have twenty thongs and lacy panties.”

“I never knew dressing a woman could be so titillating.”

“Titillating, huh?”

“Every time I pick something out, I imagine myself peeling it off of you.”

His hand at my back tugged me closer, and I suddenly felt every hard inch of his body. Every hard inch. I gasped.

Wilder moved his mouth to my ear. “I’ve been this way since the damn day I met you. It never fully goes down.”

“Maybe you should see a doctor?”

He groaned. “A psychiatrist. Because my mind seems to have only one track lately. You.”

There was something so sexy about the way Wilder wasn’t afraid to tell me what he thought. Our attraction wasn’t a one-way street, but I hadn’t had the courage to admit that—at least not yet. I took a deep breath. “You know, I…”

My words trailed off when a woman appeared beside us—the tall brunette from earlier. She was even more stunning up close. She flashed a megawatt smile and looked only at Wilder. “I hope you won’t find me too much of a daft cow if I cut in?”

Great, that face comes with an equally sexy British accent.

Wilder’s grip on me tightened. “Maybe the next song.”

As if on cue, the band played the last note of the song and rolled into a new one.

She smiled. “It seems the band agrees we should dance.”

But Wilder still hadn’t loosened his hold, so I helped him along, wiggling from his grasp. “It’s okay. You two enjoy.”

“Sloane—”

But I kept going, not stopping until I was back at my table. Unfortunately, Elijah wasn’t around to distract me, so I sat there alone, watching the two of them glide around the dance floor while I micro-analyzed everything—the way her hand rested on his chest, how his held her hip. They definitely had history, and that didn’t make me feel good.

When the dance was over, Wilder came right over. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine.” I forced a smile that probably made me look like the Joker. “No big deal.”

“Natasha and I went to college together.”

Great, Harvard. Beauty, British, and brains. I continued to pretend it didn’t bother me. “That’s nice.”

Wilder’s brows pulled tight. “Are you angry with me?”

“Of course not. Why would I be angry? Dance with her all night, for all I care.”

His jaw hardened. “Really? You wouldn’t mind if I danced with her all night?”

“Why would I? We’re just friends.”

The muscle in his cheek ticked. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Pretend that’s all we are. You know that’s bullshit.”

I looked away, shaking my head. “I’m sorry, Wilder. I shouldn’t have come to London early. I’m giving you the wrong impression.”

“The wrong impression?”

“Yes, the wrong impression.”

He stared at me in silence, but I refused to meet his gaze. After the longest time, he frowned. “Whatever. Have a great time tonight.”

I felt tears threatening as he stalked off. One of the ladies sitting a few seats away looked at me with concern in her eyes. She leaned forward like she was going to ask if I was okay, so I abruptly stood to avoid her and went in search of the ladies’ room.

When I found it, there were a few women chatting near the sinks, so I locked myself in a stall to collect my feelings. I blotted my eye makeup and took a mint from my purse before flushing, even though I hadn’t used the toilet. The bathroom chatter had quieted, so I opened the door, expecting to be alone. But I wasn’t.

The tall brunette, Natasha, leaned over a sink, lining her lips in blood red, but her eyes moved immediately me. She flashed a vicious smile. She’d definitely been waiting for me to come out. “Hello.”

I nodded and stepped to the sink. “Hi.”

She grinned. “You must be American?”

I knew I had a New York accent, but I didn’t think one syllable showcased it.

Her smile widened at my confusion. “Brits don’t say hi.”

“Oh.” I turned on the water and tried to pay attention to getting my hands wet, but it was impossible to ignore her studying my face in the mirror. I looked up and met her gaze. “Can I help you with something?”

“Actually, I thought I’d help you.”

“And how would you do that?”

“By giving you some advice on Wilder Hayes.”

My jaw clenched. I wanted to tell her I didn’t need her advice, but I also couldn’t bring myself to stop her from talking, because I was equally curious.

She turned to face me directly. “I saw the way you look at him.”

“And how is that?”

“Like he’s the catch that he is. Let’s face it, the man is the full package.” A dirty grin crossed her face. “And bonus—he has a very full package.”

I wanted to come across as cool and collected, but my skin betrayed me. I felt heat rise from my neck to the top of my head.

The woman’s eyes gleamed when she saw my face. “Oh my. You’ve got it bad, and you haven’t even fucked him yet.”

I turned off the water and reached for a paper towel. “Does this conversation have a point?”

“I’m only trying to save you some heartache. Wilder is an easy man to fall for. He’s handsome, rich, intelligent, and the best lay I’ve ever had. But he’s also emotionally unavailable.”

It felt like steam might billow from my nose and ears, I was so angry. “Did you ever think that maybe the reason he wasn’t emotionally available is because you were just an easy lay?”

“And you think he wants something more from you?”

I dried my hands and tossed the paper into the garbage. “I don’t know. But where did he go as soon as he could get away from you?”

The woman’s eyes narrowed. At least I’d landed one punch. I straightened my spine, pretended to fluff my hair in the mirror, and walked out without giving her the satisfaction of looking back. Though underneath all the strut and confidence, I felt myself crumbling. I just wanted to go home—not even back to my beautiful hotel, but home to New York.

Elijah was at our table when I returned.

“Do you think we can get out of here early?” I asked.

“Are you okay?”

I didn’t want to get into it now, so I lied. “I feel a headache coming on.”

“I’m supposed to get photos of the giant cake, remember? It’s like six feet tall or something.”

Shoot. I’d forgotten about that. Some famous cake decorator in London had spent days making it, and we’d planned to include it with our spread.

Elijah stood. “You go. Take the car home. I’ll get an Uber or something.”

I wasn’t sure if Ubers were even a thing this far out in the countryside. Plus, this was part of my job, and Elijah and I were a team. I wasn’t going to leave him high and dry.

I shook my head. “It’s fine. I’ll just take a few aspirin and get some fresh air.”

“You sure?”

I forced a smile. “Positive.”

I disappeared outside for a while, taking a walk along the beautiful tree-lined grounds while I went over the mess tonight had become. I’d been jealous. That’s how it had started. I wasn’t unattractive. In fact, I could confidently say I was pretty. But there was a mile between me and that bitch from the ladies’ room, at least on the outside. She’d made me feel small, and in turn I’d lashed out at Wilder, who hadn’t done anything wrong other than dance with a woman he clearly—by the way he’d held on to me—hadn’t wanted to dance with. I hadn’t wanted him to see that I was insecure, so I’d pretended it hadn’t bothered me, that we were nothing to each other. Which, deep down, I knew was crap.

I walked for the better part of an hour, until my feet started hurting in my heels. While the time alone had brought me clarity, and I could see that I’d acted immaturely, it was also a stark reminder that I wouldn’t do well in Wilder’s world. Imagine if we took things further and the newspapers ran pictures of him with a pretty fan while I was a continent away? I couldn’t imagine how many opportunities the man had thrown at him each week. I’d be sitting home, questioning what he was doing, while he traveled the world, and that wouldn’t be fair to either of us.

I didn’t want to miss the cake cutting, so it was time to go back inside. Elijah was waiting out front when I walked back to the door.

“There you are. I’ve been looking all over for you. Are you okay?”

I smiled. “Yeah, I feel better. Sorry to make you worry.”

He slung his arm around my shoulder. “They’re going to do the cake soon. Then we can get out of here.”

“Okay, great.”

“I should warn you before we go back in, though, your guy is pretty liquored up tonight.”

“Wilder?”

He nodded. “Caused a bit of a scene a few minutes ago. He fell into the dais, and his buddies had to help him up off the floor.”

I sighed. “Thanks for letting me know.”

Back at our table, I kept an eye on Wilder. He was sitting with his friends, drinking some sort of amber liquid from a glass. I’d never seen him have more than a few glasses of wine or beer, and it looked like he didn’t hold more too well. His hair was mussed, his tie was missing, and he slouched to one side.

Luckily we were nearing the end of the evening, so we didn’t have to wait long for the cake. The giant, seven-tiered confection stood taller than the bride. It was over the top, yet also stunningly beautiful with hundreds of flowers and details like I’d never seen before. I was glad I hadn’t made us rush out and miss it for our feature.

After, I wasn’t sure how to end the evening with Wilder, but I thought it might be best to avoid confrontation in his condition. I looked over at Elijah. “You ready to go?”

He nodded. “I’ll go outside to text the driver and let him know we’re ready. I don’t get service in here, but he said he was parking ten minutes away, so it shouldn’t be long.” He lifted his chin toward Wilder. “You going to say goodbye?”

I shrugged. “I’m still debating.”

“Okay. Be right back.”

The more I watched Wilder, the drunker he seemed to get. He was standing now, the front of his shirt partially untucked, leaning on his buddy Louis, who was practically holding him up. I didn’t want to make a scene, so I decided to slip out unnoticed. But as I took one last look, I saw the brunette from the bathroom strut over. My jaw clenched as I watched. Her claws were all over him. Elijah returned from calling the car just in time to catch the show on the other side of the room.

“Who’s that?” he asked.

“Some bitch. She cut in while I was dancing with Wilder and tried to scare me off in the ladies’ room.”

Elijah and I looked on as Natasha slipped under Wilder’s arm—the one that wasn’t around his buddy. He wasn’t paying any attention to her, really, but that didn’t stop her from curling into him and laying a hand on his chest.

“Does that piss you off?” Elijah asked.

“What do you think?” I deadpanned, feeling like I might crack a tooth with how hard my jaw was clenched.

He grinned. “Well, go do something about it. Stake your claim, girl.”

Adrenaline pumped through my veins. “You know what? I think I will. If nothing else, I’m not going to let her take advantage of the state he’s in.”

I started walking before I could talk myself into realizing this was a bad idea. Natasha saw me coming first. She smirked as I approached, and she held Wilder tighter.

“Hello, again,” she practically cooed.

“Let go of him.”

Wilder turned, noticing me for the first time. Though he had to lean forward and squint before he could determine who I was. “Sloane!” he said. “Where you been, baby?”

I gestured behind me. “Elijah and I are leaving now. Would you like a ride back to London?”

He looked over at Natasha and slurred his words. “Sloane doesn’t want me. Isn’t that the kicker? Everyone always wanted me, and I never wanted them back. Now, I finally want a woman, and she doesn’t want me.” Wilder wobbled on his feet, and his buddy grabbed him. Louis and I had met at the previous weddings. I smiled at him.

“Hey, Louis? Would you mind helping Wilder to the car? It should be out front by now.”

“No problem, Sloane.”

None of us acknowledged Natasha before walking away, which gave me a sense of satisfaction. Once we were in the limo, Wilder spread out across the backseat with his head on my lap. I was pretty sure he hadn’t noticed Elijah. Five minutes later, he was snoring.

Elijah grinned. “He’s even hot when he’s sleeping.”

I looked down and brushed Wilder’s hair from his face. “I kinda wish he wasn’t.”

“Wasn’t what? Hot?”

“Sort of. Hot, a celebrity athlete, wealthy, this body…”

“Umm, are you drunk, too?”

I smiled. “He’d be just as much of a catch without all that.”

“If you say so. Where are we taking him, anyway? Back to our hotel?”

I hadn’t thought about the logistics. But I should probably take him home. Though … I had no idea where that was. “I’d rather take him to his place, but I don’t know his address. Do you think he has a wallet on him?”

Elijah wiggled his brows. “I volunteer to check his pants pockets.”

I chuckled. “I’ll try his jacket first.”

His wallet was the first place I checked, on the inside of his tux jacket, which had his name embroidered on the inner pocket. I’d assumed by the way his tux fit that it wasn’t a rental, but this was yet another reminder how different our lives were. None of my friends owned a tuxedo.

If that didn’t point out the difference enough, pulling up to the address on Wilder’s license was a flashing neon sign. Wow. The building looked like it belonged on the cover of Wealth magazine. Modern and sleek, with curved glass and an entrance that had to be two stories high—it was pretty damn intimidating.

“How are we going to do this?” Elijah asked. “You think they have a luggage cart or a dolly?”

I laughed. “I’m sure that would raise a few eyebrows, if we wheeled him in. Let’s start by trying to wake him.” I placed my hand on Wilder’s chest and gently shook him. “Wilder? You’re home.”

He gripped my hand and grinned. “I smooth-talked you into coming home with me after all?”

“Something like that … Do you think you can walk?”

“I can do more than walk…”

I smiled at Elijah. “At least it seems like he’s back to himself a little more than when we left.”

Slipping my hand under Wilder’s head, I lifted and helped him sit up. Once his feet were on the floor, he blinked over at Elijah. “Oh, hey, man. When did you get here?”

“Just now.” Elijah chuckled and looked to me. “Want me to help you get him up?”

“I don’t need any help getting it up,” Wilder said. “Trust me.”

“Should I wait here?”

I shook my head. “He said our hotel was near here. I’ll just grab an Uber so you don’t have to wait.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’m going to help him up and make sure he’s okay.”

Elijah winked. “Right. Got ya.”

“No, really.”

He opened the back of the limo, still grinning. “Let me at least get the doors.”

Once we were inside, I waved goodbye to Elijah and turned to the task at hand. Wilder’s forty-five-minute power nap had made him a bit more steady on his feet, but he was still pretty drunk. “What floor do you live on?” I asked as we stepped into the elevator.

“Top.”

There were thirty-eight buttons and one marked PH. “Thirty-eight?”

He yawned. “Penthouse. The code is zero-zero-one-seven.”

NumberSeventeen. I smiled to myself thinking back to how he’d stalked my YouTube channel when we first met and found the keypad underneath the buttons and entered the numbers. Before I could push the PH button, it illuminated. I guess it knows where we’re going.

The car sped up to the top floor, and the doors opened right into an apartment. I stepped off tentatively. “Is this you?”

Wilder peeled off his jacket and let it fall to the floor as we walked in. “You want a drink?”

“No, thank you.”

“Don’t mind if I do…”

I thought he’d had enough, but at least he was home and safe. Wilder headed to a bar off the living room and poured something from a decanter while I looked around. The apartment was even more fabulous than I would’ve guessed from the fancy outside, and that was saying something. Floor-to-ceiling windows lined the living room, showcasing a lit-up London beneath. I lived in what I considered to be a decent-sized space due to my brother’s generosity, but my entire apartment could fit in this room, and there were hallways going in two different directions, too.

“Your apartment is beautiful.”

He swallowed the contents of his glass in a second gulp. “But that doesn’t get me points with you, does it?”

I sighed. “You don’t need points, Wilder.”

“Tell me, what I do need?”

I wished it were that easy. But it wasn’t about him. It was about me.

When I took too long to answer, Wilder frowned. “I’m going to bed.”

“Alright.”

“You’re welcome to stay. There’s three bedrooms. Or go.” He smiled sadly. “But I know which you’ll be choosing.”

Wilder bumped into the kitchen counter on his way down the hall and disappeared into the last room on the left. I waited, listening to make sure he got to bed okay. The apartment went quiet, so I waited a few more minutes, then tiptoed down the hall to check in. Wilder was passed out, on his back, with his shoes still on. I figured the least I could do was make him comfy. So I went in, slipped off his shoes, and covered him with a blanket. I looked down at his beautiful face, feeling so torn. I was crazy about him. But … what if he was just in it for the chase? He’d said himself that everyone had always wanted him, except me. Maybe it was the challenge that was enticing. After all, he was a competitive athlete.

Eventually, I took a play from his book, leaning down and kissing his forehead before turning off the light. On my way out, I looked around to see if everything was in order. The cap was still off the decanter, so I closed that up and rinsed the glass he’d used in the sink. A laptop sat on the island, a screen saver of some sort flashing photos, one after another. Catching something familiar in the millisecond it was on-screen, I walked over for a closer look. And I gasped when I realized what it was.

Me.

It was me.

One flashing photo after another. All me.

I stood there dumbfounded, watching it over and over to get a good look at each of them. Most of them had been taken at St. Dunstan in the East, the church ruins he’d taken me to on my first day here. I knew he’d taken a few pictures, because we’d posed for selfies. But these were of only me. Me smiling up at the sun with my eyes closed. Me smelling one of the sweet-scented flowering trees. Me trying to balance in one of the archways and almost falling. Me laughing.

I felt a physical ache in my chest. As much as he denied it, Wilder was sweet. He was thoughtful and caring. Everything he’d done for me since I arrived—no, since I’d met him—had shown me that. But I’d wanted to believe it was all a ploy to get me into bed. Because anything more scared the crap out of me. If I didn’t take a chance, I couldn’t get hurt. And there was no getting a little hurt by Wilder Hayes. Because Wilder was big love. The kind that doesn’t just take a piece of your heart when he leaves, but punches a gaping hole right through it.

I looked toward the elevator, then back to the hall that led to the bedroom. Then back at the elevator. One choice was simple—walk out that door, get on the flight tomorrow night, and never look back. The other choice was complicated—messy and scary as hell. But … I looked over at the screen saver once more and realized there was no choice.

In the end, it wasn’t even a conscious decision to stay, my feet just started moving on their own. I strode down the hall, took a deep breath, and opened the bedroom door. Wilder was conked out, but I wanted to be here to tell him how I felt when he woke up. So I slipped into bed beside him, rested my head on his warm chest, and shut my eyes, feeling at peace for the first time in a long time.

Though when my eyes fluttered open the next morning, peace wasn’t what I felt. At least not pushing up against my ass …