32. Ashe

I narrow my eyes. “What do you mean why I was born?”

Nadia dips her bread in a bowl of curry, her white orbs avoiding my stare, and my blood begins to boil. She chooses now to ignore me?

I slap a palm on the table, rattling the platters and drawing the attention of the room. “Answer me!”

“Shaant ho jaen, chhotee juganoo. Control your temper in my house.”

Calm? I was sitting on the precipice of finally getting the answers I've sought for centuries and she was stalling. And after a point that she brought up, no less. How can she expect me to be calm with any of this!

“Tell me what you meant by that,” I seethe. “Why are witches after me? Why did demons attack me out in the open? What the hell do you know?”

“Ashe, love,” Catalina speaks up, though I detect the faintest hint of trepidation in her tone. Good, she should be scared. “You know how dramatic Nadia can be sometimes. She meant nothing by it.”

“Cat,” I growl, not even bothering to glance her way. “Shut up.”

I have known secrets all my life, but for Nadia—a demon who raised me as her own since I was a child and who has never kept anything from me before—to suddenly reveal that she was keeping perhaps the biggest secret of all? I expected as much from Catalina, but not from my own family! How many times have I asked her about my origins, about why I had to be kept hidden and why I was born with a soul ring? How many times did she lie when she said she did not know?

I can barely feel the pressure from Dani's hand as she tightens her grip on my own and my lips set into a frown. She has seen me angry before and the fire in my blood may not be glowing now, but if Nadia did not answer me soon then the barista would get a good look at just how furious I can really be. She will see then the monster that I've tried so hard to keep from her.

Nadia meets my glare with the calm collectiveness that only a demon could muster. “Finish your thali and then we will talk. I went through all this trouble to cook and I will not have my efforts wasted by your sour mood.”

My mood? I open my mouth to retort but Rose beats me to it.

“So what kind of demon are you?” All eyes turn to the blonde as she takes a bite of her food. “What?” she asks with a shrug. “Red's outburst is going nowhere and I'm genuinely curious. Apparently bird demons exist”—she quirks a brow in Dani's direction and I feel like a spectator to some inside joke—“so I was wondering if there were other types. It's a perfectly harmless question.”

“It seems that everyone brought an appetite for questions to my table and no appetite for food.” Nadia sighs. “And I really do not like that term.”

“What, demon?” Rose leans forward. “But that's what you are, isn't it? A demon? With, like, fire and brimstone and all that?”

“I am no elemental, if that is what you ask.”

“Jesus, Dani, what the fuck did you drag me into? A fantasy role playing session?” The blonde snorts as she turns back to Nadia. “So you're saying that you're, what, a lesser demon?”

“You say that word like it is a bad thing.” Lightning crackles in her hollow sockets as the demon threads her fingers together and fixates her stare on the two humans. “Demons, as your kind has come to know us by, are not as evil as your religious teachings lead you to believe. We have been around for much longer than you, longer even than your human concept of good and evil. You only call us demons because you do not understand what it is we are and you love to categorize that which is beyond your comprehension, as if that gives you some sort of power over it.”

Catalina hums. “Yes, well, they are an ignorant species at best and dangerous at worst. Still”—she licks her lips, the florescent lights glinting off her fangs as she sneers—“a mortal is good for one thing at least. Don't you agree, doctor?”

“Doctor?”

“Nadia's a psychologist,” I interject, drawing Dani's gaze. “A fitting cover for a demon who preys on emotion.” A fitting cover for someone who lies.

“What do you mean 'preys on emotion'?”

I turn to face her, prepared to snap, but the look in her eyes is enough to still my tongue. I'm not sure what it is I'm staring at—was that fear reflected in her gaze? Concern?—but for a moment I find myself wondering if she was genuinely curious about all of this or if she was merely buying time in the hopes that my anger would fade as my own questions were drowned out in the growing conversation. A conversation that seemed to ebb away like a retreating wave the longer Dani held my gaze, until the only sound that filled my ears was the wild thumping of my heart as it slowed to a steady, rhythmic pace—

“Demons aren't from this realm, sweetling, so emotions are something new for them. Though they do enjoy the way they taste.”

Those piercing green eyes are ripped away as she whips her head in Catalina's direction, and just like that the spell is broken.

“Like how you enjoy sucking the souls out of bodies?” If Dani gripped my hand any tighter she might cut off the circulation to my fingers. But, considering that anger was still simmering in my blood, having her skin pressed against mine was almost grounding. Almost.

Catalina runs her tongue over her ruby red lips, caressing the pointed tip of a canine as she eyes Dani with a predatory stare. “I can promise that you'd enjoy it, too.”

“That's enough!” I hiss. My head is pounding and if I sat here any longer I knew I would lose control. I withdraw my hand from Dani's grasp and scrape my chair back as I push myself to my feet. I can feel the fire coursing through my veins and knew it would not take much more to awaken the demon within. “I need some fucking air.”

Nadia raises an eyebrow, no doubt sensing the rage boiling just beneath the surface. Although I catch the subtle warning in her electric gaze, her demeanor remains unchanged. “Eat, Ashe. Then we talk.”

“I've lost my appetite.” I shove the thali away and toss my napkin on the table. “I'm going for a smoke and then we're talking. You're going to tell me everything you've been keeping from me, aantee, and I mean everything. I'm tired of all the fucking secrets.”

***

I place my duffel bag on the bed and unzip the side pocket, rummaging around for the packet of cigarettes that I know I packed before we left.

'I think it time we told her the truth, Catalina.'

I gnash my teeth, determined to block out Nadia's words as I open another pocket. The rushing of blood thrums in my ears and a growl rumbles in my throat. I needed something to take the edge off, to numb my mind and take away my fixation on this mystery that my two guardians have kept me shrouded in. I could go back downstairs and raid Nadia's liquor cabinet, but I was not mentally ready to face them again and I wanted to maintain a clear head for the conversation that awaited.

I could test how much alcohol it would take to get me drunk after I learn the truth, but for now I needed a distraction before my demon got out.

'The truth about what?'

Shit. No cigarettes in here, either.

Frustrated, I unzip another part of the bag and feel around, moving aside the clothes I had packed as my fingers search for the familiar feel of paperboard wrapped in plastic. “Where the hell is it?”

'About why you were born.'

My anger spikes and with a huff I throw the bag to the floor. “Dammit!”

“Looking for these?”

I look up to see the last person I expected leaning against the doorframe. “Rose?”

The blonde snorts. “You look like a walking glow stick.”

My eyes flick down to the dull glow of veins beneath my skin, then to the package in her hand and my brow furrows. This was definitely not helping me calm down. “You went through my things?”

She shrugs as if she did not just invade a small piece of my privacy. “I wanted to make sure you weren't packing anything illegal.” A smirk flitters on her lips as she adds, “Or anything kinky.”

Jesus, she was almost as bad as Catalina. Did she not have any boundaries at all or did she just enjoy pushing them?

As if taking my silence as some sort of answer to an unspoken question, Rose hums. “You have a pretty fucked up family dynamic, among other things. So many secrets lurking under one roof.”

Yeah, we are so not getting into that right now. One psychotherapist in my life was more than enough. “What do you want, Rose? Why are you here?”

“Dani's like a sister to me, okay? I'm here to make sure nothing bad happens to her.” Her ice blue eyes look me up and down, that playful smirk quickly twisting into a frown. “I can't imagine anything good ever follows you around.”

Well I was definitely not scoring any brownie points with her. “You really don't like me, do you?”

Rose scoffs. “Well you did kill my date and kept my best friend from me,” she replies, crossing her arms. “You aren't really great at first impressions. Plus, you're a devil bitch with anger issues and what I'm sure is a long list of victims. How much longer do you think it'll be before you turn on her, too?”

The threads holding back my anger give way like a crack in a dam. “Everything I've done I did to protect Dani. I would never hurt her!”

“You're a fucking Reaper, for God's sake! By definition that makes you a walking herald of death. Everything you touch ends up infected by your taint and I won't let that happen to her!” Her jaw flexes as she exhales through her nose, her glare burning a hole in the carpet at my feet. “Goddamn her and her bleeding heart. I don't even know why she's so infatuated with you.”

The anger that burned in my veins cools at her words. Dani was infatuated with me? What did that even mean? She could not actually be happy with her situation or with being soulbound to me. Could she?

But something else the blonde said catches my attention and my throat tightens. “How'd you know about Reapers?”

Her nostrils flare as she levels her gaze with mine. “Dani mentioned them,” she deadpans, her own anger rolling off of her and slamming into my senses with unbridled fury. But her eyes do not linger for long and before I can contemplate the source of her hatred Rose turns away. “I have a phone call to make.”

What the hell would she need to talk to someone about now? “You can't tell anyone about any of this, Rose. You knowing about our world puts you in danger, and Dani—”

“Relax, Red. We're visiting Dani's sick aunt, remember? I told David I'd let him know when we got in safely. He can be such a worrywort sometimes, but it's no reason to get all paranoid.”

David Vossler, the witch who owned the café the two girls worked at. I briefly wonder if their opinion on this situation would change if they knew how close to my world they truly were. Would he warn them now if he knew the truth about where they were?

I clench my teeth but decide against arguing further. She was Dani's friend. Dani trusted her and the blonde seemed to have the barista's best interest at heart. It was probably best if they did not give others a reason to worry.

I was done with our little heart to heart, anyway. “Well, don't let me stop you.”

“Dani hates it, you know. Smoking.” Rose purses her lips as something new flashes in her eyes. But before I can attempt to read whatever emotion that was, it was gone. “If you care about that then you'll throw these out,” she says as she tosses the pack at me.

I catch it effortlessly with one hand and quirk a brow. “Thanks for the tip.”

“Don't mention it. Like, ever.” Rose hums absently, flicking her blonde hair over a shoulder as she pulls out her phone and starts tapping on the screen. “But if you feel anything for her at all inside that black heart of yours”—her fingers pause, hovering over the call button as she glances back in my direction with a look that could kill—“then you'll do what we came here for and get that damn ring off her finger. She isn't built for this world, Red. She deserves more than what you can give her.”

I sit on the edge of the bed after Rose leaves, rolling the cigarette package around in my hands as I contemplate her words.

She was right. All I could offer Dani was death if she stayed with me, the memories of Jeanne and Emelie were haunting reminders of that. Dani deserved better.

“Hey.”

Are you freaking kidding me right now? I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Dani, what're you doing up here?”

“Your aunt wanted us to get settled in while she cleaned up.” A soft thud! sounded in the doorway, drawing my gaze. “The other guest rooms were taken.”

Of course they were. “I'll sleep downstairs on the couch.”

“I think we've established that we can sleep in a bed together, Ashe. It's no big deal.”

I stare up at her, my gaze flicking between the mysterious forest of her green eyes and the way she sucks her bottom lip up under her teeth as she crosses her arms. Was she nervous? Angry? Did she want to sleep next to me? Did I make her feel safe? Scared?

'I don't know why she's infatuated with you.'

My jaw tightens as Rose's words taunt me. None of it mattered. How could it? If she stayed bound to me, if by some miracle death did not find her, then I would eventually taint her. She could never be safe around me.

“Share Rose's bed, then.”

“What was she talking to you about, anyway?”

She was changing the subject. Exactly how long had she been standing there listening?

I grimace. “We were bonding over our shared love of Indian food.”

A faint smile curls the corner of her mouth. “She can be intense, but she means well.” She takes one cautious step forward, then another. I watch her, each step in rhythm with the heavy thumping of my heart against my chest until she was standing right in front of me. “Are you okay?”

Her concern is so endearing that I almost want to laugh. Instead, I clench my fists. “I will be once I know the truth. I'm tired of living with all these secrets. That's all my life has been, for six hundred years, just one lie after another and I can't—” A shaky sigh leaves my lips as a groan vibrates in my throat. What was it about her that made it so easy to open up like this?

Dani crouches down until she was eye level with me and my breath hitches in my throat. She was so close. All I had to do was lean forward just a little bit and—

She cups my cheek with her palm, setting my skin on fire as her penetrating gaze shoots electricity through my core, and I close my eyes. Fuck.

“You've lived through so much pain,” she whispers. Her breath smells like mint and my lips tingle as the puff of hot air caresses my skin like a sweet promise. I feel her other hand roam over my bare arm, the tips of her fingers sending shivers down my spine as she traces the Reaper's mark. “You close yourself off to keep from feeling anything. You call yourself a monster to keep others away and you've been calling yourself that for so long that you believe it's true, but I know that's not who you are. I don't know how to explain it and, honestly, it doesn't really make any sense. But I know you, Ashe. I feel like I've known you my whole life.”

I open my eyes to see a sea of green staring back at me and I suddenly wished with every fiber of my being that I could read the emotions that swam in their depths. “Are you always this insightful?”

She chuckles, the sound light and airy, and for a split second her gaze flicks down to my mouth. She tucks her bottom lip up under her teeth again and my resolve nearly melts then and there.

“Dani.”

Her name slips from my lips like a breathless whisper and hesitantly I raise a hand to her face. She leans into my palm as if it was the most natural thing in the world, like we have shared in these intimate little touches all our lives. Her mouth was only a hair's breadth from my own, nothing but centimeters of still air separating us. Would she taste as sweet as she makes me feel?

'She deserves more than what you can give her.'

Goddamn you, Rose.

My hand slips to her shoulder and gently I push her away, shattering the distance between us wide open like the fissure that shatters my heart.

“I can't,” I mutter, placing my hand back in my lap as I avert my gaze. I may not be able to read her emotions, but I feared what I might see if I looked at her in this moment. “Whatever you think this is, Dani, you're wrong. I can't give you what you want. I'm sorry.”

“And how do you know what I want?”

Because I want it, too.

I grit my teeth. “You don't belong in my world.”

“Don't shut me out,” she pleads, the quiver in her tone piercing the shards of my heart like a knife point. “Don't distance yourself like this.”

My jaw hardens. “If I let you in, Dani, I will hurt you.”

“You think it doesn't scare me, too, to let someone in again after Monica? I'm petrified, Ashe!” She places her other hand on my cheek and forces me to look at her. Tears glisten in her eyes as they dart between my own, frantically searching my gaze for something that I'm not quite sure is there. “But at least I'm foolish enough to try.”

Did she honestly think that this could work? That whatever this feeling was between us would be enough to keep her safe? Can she really ignore the demon within me?

“You can't fix me, Dani.” My brow creases as I reach up and gingerly pry her fingers from my face. “You force me to confront what I am, to come face to face with the monster inside me. You make me realize just how broken I am and I won't subject you to that.”

“You're only a monster because they made you one. But I know you and you aren't—”

“I've always been this way! You make me see that, you make me hate that part of myself!”

I draw in a ragged breath as I stand up and wrap my fingers around her throat, not hard enough to hurt her but more than enough to scare her. Her eyes widen as I cross the room in an instant and push her back against the wall. She gasps from the impact and inwardly I cringe. It was not a particularly hard shove, the ring would not let me hurt her, but it was rougher than I had planned. My gut wrenches with guilt but I had to show her, I had to prove to her exactly how dangerous I could be.

“If you aren't scared, then you don't know me at all.” I lower my head until my mouth is hovering near her ear. Then, with a predacious growl, I whisper, “You should be afraid of what I could do to you.”

I hold her there for a moment longer, hoping with everything in me that my point sinks in, before relaxing my grip on her neck and backing away. This was for her own good.

“What's going on in here?”

I snap my gaze to the bear lingering in the hallway, the loose strands of his mane framing his face and a bag slung casually over a broad shoulder. “Nothing, Marco. Everything's fine.” I turn back to Dani, whose wide eyes have not left me since I pulled away. “Dani was just leaving.”

Marco narrows his eyes as a wave of concern emanates from him, but thankfully he decides not to provoke the situation further. “Nadia's looking for you.”

I nod. “I'll be down in a minute.” Regardless of whatever was going on between Dani and I, getting my ring off of her finger was my top priority. But first, I needed to know where I came from. For all I know, the secrets of the soul ring could be buried in my past.

I turn my attention back to Dani after Marco disappears, but I cannot bring myself to look her in the eye. “We're going to figure out how to remove my ring and once we do, you can go back to living a normal life. No one will come after you and you won't ever see me again, I can promise you that much.”

My heart thumps wildly in the stillness between us as seconds tick by like hours in my head. I can feel her gaze upon me, studying me, and in my peripheral I see a faint tremble in her hands. Finally, without a word, she shoves past me as she takes her leave.

“Just so you know, I'm not afraid of you, Ashe,” the barista says, shattering the silence as she stops just outside the door. I lift my gaze in time to see her cast a glance over her shoulder. “Even if you're afraid of yourself.”

And with that, she was gone.

I let go of the breath I did not realize I had been holding on to, the air whistling from my nose as my throat constricts and the broken pieces of my heart sink to the pit of my stomach. I allow the grief to wash over me, letting myself mourn what could have been if circumstances were different. Then, with practiced ease, I roll it all up into a tight ball and shove it down. Demons did not get to know love, and so I bury my hope alongside the ghosts of the ones who had once tried to love me.

Let's get this over with.

I stare at the unopened packet of cigarettes in my hand for a moment before crumpling it up and tossing it in the trash bin. What an emotional fucking roller coaster this trip is turning out to be.

***

“Come,” Nadia beckons as I enter the den. “Now that your head is clear, are you prepared to listen?”

I notice Dani sitting next to Marco on one couch, her eyes trained nervously on the large glass water pipe centered on the coffee table in the middle of the room. Clearly she has never seen a hookah before and since I threw out my cigarettes on a stupid whim, I would not mind smoking from Nadia's stash.

“Well I've waited this long, aantee.” I take a seat on the couch opposite of Nadia's chair. “Yeah. I'm ready.”

“Well you don't have to sound so sour about it,” Catalina murmurs, crossing one slender leg over the other as she leans back in her chair.

“I'm tired of all the lies, Cat,” I snap, keeping my gaze locked on the demon before me. “I need to know where I come from.”

“Still trying to find your place in this world, I see.” Catalina purses her lips. “Sometimes ignorance really is bliss, darling. The truth will not always set you free. Still, if you're this determined to know then I suppose it would just be easier to show you.”

“What're you—”

Nadia materializes right in front of me before I can finish my sentence and the words die on my tongue. So that was what this felt like.

White lightning crackles with the intensity of a thunderstorm in the hollow sockets of her eyes as she places her fingertips against my temples. “This will be painful. Are you sure you are ready?”

I barely have a chance to nod before the lightning sparks, shooting jolts of electricity coursing through my entire being. I grit my teeth against the pain as she probes into my mind with steely tendrils, burrowing deeper as they threaten to rip me apart. A faint sigh leaves her lips as she seemingly finds what she is searching for and once more her eyes spark until the white light fills my vision. It envelops me, crushing my bones and searing my flesh as a loud buzzing drums in my ears. My nerves pop and sizzle as wave after wave of blinding pain assaults my senses and I feel myself falling back into the abyss.

A voice calls out to me through the static and my eyes roll back into my head as I succumb to the light.

“Lamashtu!”

I snap my eyes open. My body did not radiate with pain, but as I blink I realize that I was no longer sitting on Nadia's couch. The world around me was dark but in the faint moonlight I could make out trees in the distance.

The woods? Did Nadia send me through a backdoor? Was it even possible for a demon to do that?

“A blessed evening to you, mistress.”

I whirl around. An older woman steps into a patch of moonlight and, although her silvery blonde hair trails down her back in a singular braid and her skin is pale against the dull green of her dress, I recognize the spark in her eyes and the familiar emotionless baritone of her voice.

I've never seen Nadia in this skin before. Was this a vision? A hallucination?

“We can skip the pleasantries, love. And I may possess the soul ring that still binds you to this realm, but I am not your mistress.”

The other woman steps out of the shadows, the moonlight glinting off her youthful ebony skin as wickedly as it glinted off her exposed fangs. Even the maroon dress she wore, despite its thickness and antiquity, gave Catalina the appearance of royalty out in the dark woods. A flash of silver amidst the red catches my eye and I glance at the pendant dangling from her neck, positioned carefully so as not to graze her delicate skin.

I instantly recognize the unadorned ring that hung from the plaited necklace, an heirloom Catalina took from her creator during a moment of peace between the vampires and the witches—from what I knew of their history, the werewolves and the rate at which their savagery spread had posed an even greater threat at the time. But moments of peace rarely ever last in our world.

“Why have you summoned me here?”

It takes me a moment to realize that they are speaking fluent French and suddenly it hits me. This was more than a vision. This was a memory. Nadia gave me one of her memories from before, when we lived in the wild outskirts of France. What does she want me to see?

Catalina tilts her chin to the sky. “Midnight fast approaches. You can feel a shift in the Veil, can you not? An imbalance of power?”

Nadia huffs. “Witches again, old friend?”

“Civil unrest within none other than the High Court, itself. Rogue Supremes with loyal covens and severely misguided intentions.”

“Then why do you not stop them?”

“I am bound to the Tribunal and, regrettably, the surviving members of the High Court want to see this spell through. They believe that it will benefit the alliance.” Catalina inhales deeply before squaring her gaze with the demon in human skin once more. “It has taken centuries of war for peace to finally find its way into our world, but I fear that tonight these defectors seek to undo all that we have achieved. And they seek aid from your kin to do so.”

“Mortals should know better than to strike a bargain with a demon, Neithhotep. Or have you forgotten the price you have paid for your own lust?”

“I am known by Catherine in this century. And do not discount a witch's thirst for power, Lamashtu, nor their disregard of the balance in their pursuit of it. Your little bargain with Mother some eight thousand years ago should have shown you the lengths they are willing to go for even just a taste.”

Nadia's eyes spark, white lightning crackling as she studies the vampire. “What is it they plan on doing this time?”

Catalina hums as she combs slender fingers through her dark hair. “From what our spies have gathered, tonight a cambion child will be born.” My eyes widen as she continues. “This child was conceived by magic and will carry within it the spirits of not one but four powerful elementals. You are not from their realm, but even you cannot deny the pull of royalty when it calls to you.”

“Impossible.”

“The conjuring spell itself has cost them the lives of many of their followers. But I assure you, dear friend, the demons they summoned through the Veil for this ritual are the very kings that came from the elemental planes seeking dominance over our realm millennia ago. They were the reason the doorways were sealed, and now these witches have brought them into our world once more.”

“If such a child is allowed to be born—”

“Then the Tribunal will have no more need for cambions,” Catalina interjected. “These half-breeds are turning into wraiths far faster than their handlers can keep up with and the promise of complete control over the demons is too tempting for these witches to ignore. Why else do you think I am here?”

“They cannot be serious.”

“The alliance may keep the peace among us, Lamashtu, but we both know that it is still a witch's world we live in. They control the Reapers, as unstable as they are, and with this child in their grasp they will be able to bend every demon to their will. How long do you think the witches will wait before they turn such a weapon upon my kind, or on the ferae?” Her eyes flash blood-red and my stomach coils at her words. “How long until they turn it on humans?”

Nadia remains quiet for a moment. A gust of wind whips by, touseling her braid in the silence, and her eyes crackle as she slowly lifts her chin. “What would you have me do?”

“Gods are not so forgiving when they are banished.” Catalina smirks as she levels her gaze. “The moment that child is born the Tribunal will call upon the Reapers to strike the defectors down and bury the truth of what happened here. I need you, dear friend, to make sure they do not find that child.”

“You wish it to live? Knowing what it can do, what it may one day be capable of?”

“Kill it, if you must. But the witches cannot have it. The very fate of our realm depends on as much. The fate of all realms may depend on it.”

The woods dissolve around me and in an instant I'm sitting back on Nadia's couch. Sweat slicks my skin and my chest heaves as I press the heel of my palms against my eyes in an effort to numb the stinging sensation left behind by Nadia's memory implant. But I cannot deny what she showed me.

The kings. They had summoned the kings of the elemental realms, the same spirits who had once portrayed themselves as gods over mankind all those centuries ago, and had planned on using them—on using me—to control demons. No wonder the Enlightened were after me. I was the fucking key to their whole damn plan!

“Tell me, Ashe.” I run trembling fingers through my hair as I lift my head to meet Catalina's stern gaze. “Now that you know the truth, has it freed you from the burdens that weigh on your soul?”

-------------

A/N: Hot damn, that was intense! But dammit, Ashe, why you gotta keep pushing Dani away? 😒

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