Eleven

I woke up and got changed before heading to the kitchen. Nobody was there so I just poured a coffee and went to the patio.

When I first woke up I felt terrible for Caden. What I said was true, but how I said it was rude. Especially after what he said.

He may want me here, but is that only because he's making the best out of the situation? Is he saying that just so we'll mate?

I was terrified that he would treat me like my father does my mom after we mate though. Grandma took part in the pack, she didn't help train the wolves or set up patrols, but she knew about pack problems, helped when Grandpa didn't know what to do, or when he was stressed and she even went to most of the meetings. She was a Luna, a true Luna. She deserved her title, Grandpa made sure of that.

And not only that. The pack members looked up to her. They would ask for her opinion, and everyone was her friend. I remember once when I asked her what it was like to be Luna. I was not yet five and she just smiled proudly and said that she tried to be a mother to everyone. I asked if it was hard to have so many kids and she just laughed and said, 'No, not if you love them. One day they'll look up to you, and you'll find it's not hard. Do you love your family?' I had nodded and she smiled, 'Well they're your family Bee, remember that.'

I broke out of my reminiscing when I heard laughing and talking as the pack started heading outside for training. It was only males and Daniel was laughing with a group of them I've never seen before.

Caden walked out shortly after and almost angry already. I was hoping that wasn't my fault.

Daniel looked over to Caden and jogged up to him, "So...?"

"So." Caden replied dryly.

"Everyone loved her after dinner last night. Although most were shocked she went to the woods first."

"Of course they were. I have a pack of wolves that hates being in the woods."

"Okay, what happened?"

"What?" He kept his gaze forward and I went inside. I could hear them talking as they walked across the backyard.

"Caden, stop." Daniel said as he grabbed his arm. Caden shook him loose with a growl and kept walking.

"Hey!" Daniel called and Caden spun on him. The rest of the pack were already in the clearing just inside the woods to the side of the house.

"What?!" He snapped.

"Why are you like this? You introduced her and she was... smiling all of dinner."

I heard Caden snort, "Even you didn't believe it. Her eyes never shone, not once. Her smile was forced and she glanced at the door so many times you'd think she thought a bomb was going to go off."

"So she was nervous," Daniel said.

"No, we both know she wasn't nervous. She just didn't want to be beside me."

"Or maybe she didn't want to be in front of thirty people she doesn't know."

"She's been in front of more. Its not that Dan."

I leaned against the wall and slid down. I couldn't walk away, I knew what was coming. I didn't want to hear it, but my body wouldn't leave.

"Caden, don't say it."

"What? That the woman I want to mate, the only one I've ever wanted, only smiles and laughs when I'm not around? Or should I not say that she spends all of her time with my brother, but when we're together she stays perfectly still and shows not an ounce of emotion?"

"What? No emotion? When?"

"Always."

"Caden." There was silence and yet I still couldn't make my body leave.

"Last night I asked her to sleep in our bed."

"And...?" Caden didn't respond to Daniel and it got quiet. "Caden. What happened?"

"Nothing."

"Did you mean sleep together, like together?"

"God no! I've slept in my office since she got here. That won't change until she's ready Dan. You know that."

"Then what went wrong?"

Caden snapped, "She said her being here doesn't change anything! That I keep using my bed and she'll use hers! Hers, Dan! My own mate won't even stay in our room, even if I'm not there. What does that say about me?"

"Nothing."

"Really? Because I see-"

"Nothing. It says nothing about you. It says everything about her." Daniel said completely serious. "It says that she wants her space. Can you blame her?"

I heard Caden go silent before he sighed, "No. Dammit!"

"That's not all though?" Daniel said it more like a statement.

"I told her everything changed. I told her about her always being on my mind, about the restraint I use because my wolf wants to mark her, because I want to. I told her everything she's changed Dan." He sounded so defeated and I covered my face with my hands forcing myself not to go and apologize right now.

"And...?"

"And she sarcastically apologized! She apologized for ruining my life like hers was ruined." I am such a bitch, I thought. It got quiet before Caden sighed and kept talking, "I yelled at her."

"You did what?!"

"I couldn't take it Dan! I yelled that she changed everything but that I wouldn't change it back, even if I could. I told her that I wanted her to stay because I like the change. I just- I don't how to get her to believe me."

"And you wake up pissed off at the world like it shit on you because...?"

"Because she coldly replied, as if nothing I said even mattered; as if I didn't just tell her I cared about her."

"What did she say?" Daniel asked quietly so quietly I had to strain to hear it.

"I told her I wanted her here Dan. I wanted her here, not because she was the alliance, but because I like her for who she is."

"Yeah..."

"And she tells me, completely emotionless, that if she had it her way she'd be gone, but she can't because she's stuck here."

"No." Daniel said quietly and I took several deep breaths.

It got quiet for what felt like forever.  Why did I do this to him? No, I don't want to be here, but did I have to kill him? Did I have to tear him apart?

"Now what does that say about me?"

I peeked out the window to see Caden march off and Daniel was standing there shocked.

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. What have I done? Does he really care that much? But then why can't he treat me that way when we're together? Why does he treat me like I'm a business deal?

I suddenly got so mad at him. How can he expect me to care when he doesn't even show an ounce of it? How can he expect me to just smile and accept him as if we actually knew each other? So many questions...

I heard someone coming and stood up. I took several deep breaths and held back my sigh as Sam walked in.

"Hey Blake! Whatcha doing?"

I shrugged, "Just putting my cup back."

"Want to go shopping?" She asked way too excitedly.

"No, thanks. I'm hanging out with Daniel after training."

"Daniel?" She asked suspiciously.

"Yeah. Figured I'd get to know his brother." I said by way of an excuse. It would look weird for me to spend more time with Daniel than Caden.

"Oh, I see! That makes sense." She walked further into the kitchen and stood across the counter from me, it was almost like a flip switched and her face fell, "Sorry about yesterday."

"Yesterday?"

"You know, what I said about... spending time... with him."

"Oh, that's okay."

She looked down at her hands, "No. I say things I shouldn't when I'm nervous. Everyone thinks I'm just a slut, but I'm pretty much always nervous." She looked up, "I've never even slept with a guy and yet when I'm nervous or shy I act like I've done them all," she sighed.

I laughed and she seemed to relax, "Everyone has flaws."

"So you're not mad?"

"No. Honestly, yesterday I was. But I don't blame you. Wait, why were you nervous?"

"I asked my Luna to go shopping with people I call friends."

"People you call friends?"

"Nobody likes me, except them, but..." she trailed off with a shrug. So she acts like that all the time because she's nervous and now she's always seen like that?

"Do you like swimming?" I asked and she smiled.

"Yeah! I actually swim a lot. I used to compete but gave up when I got nervous in the competitions." Her voice was so different than yesterday. It wasn't high pitched and flirty. It was a bit lower, smoother, and she sounded genuinely happy.

"Well, you now have one friend, and you're going swimming with them today."

"No, no. I don't want to intrude."

"You won't be."

"But-"

"I've hung out with people I don't like before. It sucks to pretend to be someone you're not. I just hope you aren't nervous around me. I like the real you."

"Really?" She seemed really shocked.

"Yeah. Of course."

"I'll try not to be nervous then." She smiled and I knew she wasn't lying. Her eyes lit up and her whole face changed. It was mainly relief but also excitement.

"Then lets go. We can get a head start in the lake."

She smiled and we left the kitchen to change.

She kind of got shy when we got to the lake but I dove in and she followed me flawlessly. She really was a natural swimmer.

"Why are you nervous all the time?" I asked when we resurfaced, "If you don't mind me asking, that is."

"No, I don't mind. It's nice talking about something other than boys and shopping." She paused, "I've always been shy, but I started getting nervous after I got to high school. There were so many more people and everyone judged you and labelled you. I had an accident in the hallway with this guy and everyone talked about it. After that I was nervous around other guys, and eventually I was just always nervous."

"How do you calm down?"

"Usually when I lay down at night I just think of memories. It's calming."

"I agree."

She looked over at me, "What?"

"I agree. It's calming. It helps me sleep at night too."

"What are you nervous about?"

"I wish I could tell you, I really do."

"No, no. I get it. You're Luna."

I nodded, "Not yet. But not just that stuff. And it's not mostly nerves. Usually I just need to relax after the day."

"Are you stressed?"

"Lets call it confused."

She laughed, "Sounds like a good word."

Her laugh was actually really nice and bubbly, not like yesterday when it was forced.

Two hours later we were each sitting by a tree across from each other by the lake.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked her.

"Of course."

"Is there anyone you're calm around? Are you even calm around the people you call friends?"

She didn't even hesitate, "No. Especially around them. You're the first person in a long time that I've talked to without shaking with nerves."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I thought of moving but I'm too shy and I'll act like that anyways."

"Not if you're comfortable around the new pack."

"I guess that's true."

"I think you just need to forget about other people though. Just be you."

"No, I can't do that."

"Yes you can. And you will, because the person you've been for the last three hours has made me smile and laugh, and you're only the second person here to do that."

She smiled, "Okay. I'll try."

"Okay, and that starts with Daniel."

"Dan? As in Alphas brother?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"I don't think I-"

"Yes you can. Daniel is a great guy. He's smart, happy, and although I hate to admit it, he's funny. He's gentle but jokes around. He's literally a friend to everyone."

"I'm sure he's heard what I'm like."

"But you won't be nervous around him."

"Yeah I will-"

"Why? He doesn't judge. He listens and he's always happy."

She smiled and nodded slowly, "Okay."

"Good, because he's heading our way."

I actually was kind of nervous myself because of how shocked he was this morning when Caden told him what I had done. I wasn't sure if he would hold it against me, the bad part was, I wouldn't blame him.

"Hey cupcake."

"Hey Daniel, I hope you don't mind that I brought someone."

"Oh, no it's not a problem. Hi Sam," he said. He actually seemed shy himself as he looked her over.

I wanted to say something about this morning, or last night, but I just couldn't, "So, swimming?" I asked hoping the tension would break.