Chapter 70: Smart Girls Step In For Spymasters

Last chapter's trigger warning about pregnancy ending scenarios still stands....

Marley

Riley doesn't linger in the wake of the car speeding away. He turns at once toward the stairs and takes them two at a time. I follow in his wake as he stalks toward the concierge.

"I need a car, now. In the next five minutes. One of our artists has a medical emergency," he snaps, not even listening to the concierge's frantic questions as he turns away and pulls his phone.

I respond to the concierge. No, we don't need an ambulance. The artist is already in transport. I forcefully re-iterate our need to follow immediately. I grab Riley's arm at the same moment, because now that he's unlocked his phone I see he's planning to call Matt.

I'm fairly certain what's wrong with Row, and that's the only reason I intervene.

"She said no to her parents," I remind him.

He gives me an incredulous scowl. "Are you joking? If it were Darius on the way to the hospital, you would be furious not to be notified."

He's right about that. His observation stills my protest just long enough for him to shirk me and punch up Matt.

"I need you and Marianne in the lobby now, please. Row's just been taken to the hospital. Abdominal pain...I'm getting us a car—" he hangs up. He puts a hand to his head, then looks at me. "Row won't have her insurance card, her id, any of that, she never carries it on her. It's all digitized for situations like this. Call Ariadne..."

I'm on the phone as Matt and Marianne arrive in the lobby. Matt is wearing last night's jeans and a grim expression. I've never seen Marianne in a sweatsuit without makeup and her hair pulled back into a ponytail. She walks right up to Riley and takes his face.

"What did she say? How did she behave?"

"She said she thought appendicitis. She looked...scared. She walked to the lobby under her own power. I think she was trying to get a car and go own her bloody own," he growls.

Marianne lets out a sigh, and pats his face. "Then she's okay. It will be okay. These things happen, people have emergencies like this. Let's go," she says as the concierge comes forward and she nods at him imperiously. "Show us to the car please."

On the way, Matt and Riley are grimly silent. Marianne seeks to ease Matt by casually reminding him of Street's emergency surgery to remove his ruptured spleen after a car accident at sixteen.

"It was scary—"

"It was a fucking nightmare," Matt growls, gripping her hand.

"But he came through fine. He was asking for pizza within two days." she prompts. "You bought two dozen pizzas and invited all his friends to the hospital. Remember?"

He looks sheepish. "Vaguely."

"And then you lectured them all for an hour about the dangers of texting and driving. Made them all look at Street's scar. And surgical drain. Absolutely mortified him."

"Some things never change," Riley spits, looking out the window, his hand tapping nervously on his knee.

Marianne looks sharply at Riley, then with exasperation at Matt. "What did you do?" she says softly, squeezing his hand.

"I told this idiot to stop sleeping with my daughter and ruining her professional reputation. As a female front she has to look twice as ambitious and strong-minded as any man in this industry. She definitely doesn't need to seem starry-eyed and led around by her manager. I didn't put it all on him. I also told Row to stop seducing him," he growls. Marianne's eyebrows are still raised. Matt sighs. "Okay, fine. I may have done it while they were naked."

Marianne puts a manicured hand to her face. "He's not wrong," she says to Riley. Then she grabs Matt's face roughly, "But as a parent, you are so fucking far from right, doing what you did. When are you going to learn you can't tell Row not to do something, she'll kill herself trying?"

Matt grabs her hand away from his face. "Jesus, Annie. Can you not say shit like that right now? Then he sighs and kisses her hand. "Can we just focus on getting Row through this crisis, please?"

There's a moment of silence, and after everyone seems to be breathing, I interject. "Good news. Row is with an ER doctor, being examined. Bodie says she's calm, alert and doesn't appear to be in very much pain, but the doctors say they will give her something as her blood work comes back..." Riley looks up sharply. "Just a precaution, I'm sure, Riley."

He nods tersely.

In minutes we have arrived at UCSF Medical Center and are being ushered into a private waiting area. Bodie walks in a moment later.

"Hey, I saw you coming down the hall. She's alright." He looks at Marianne. "Good that you are here. She wants you," he says simply. "I'll show you where..." They walk out abruptly. The nurse refuses to tell us anything, insisting the doctor will talk us shortly.

When Bodie comes back, Matt practically jacks him up against the wall. "Start talking, you have to know something..."

"Okay, Okay," Bodie holds his hands up. "They thought I was her guy, when I brought her in, they let me go back with her. I know everything. Just chill, man."

Matt releases him roughly and begins to pace, raking through his gray hair. Bodie is rubbing his face, looking at Riley and also looking like he would rather be anywhere, doing anything, than delivering the news he's about to deliver, which I've already surmised is going to be both shocking and saddening to Riley.

"Why the fuck isn't your mouth moving, Jamison!?!?" Matt roars.

"Sit the fuck down," Bodie says calmly. "And I will tell you. Both." His eyes are on Riley as he gestures to the chairs.

Riley, maybe by some instinct, is finally starting to form a suspicion. He looks absolutely gray as he drops woodenly looking up at Bodie with resignation.

Matt tosses himself down and leans forward aggressively.

"She's going to be one hundred percent fine. She's not seriously ill or anything like that. At some time in the early morning, she...started bleeding heavily. She was about nine weeks pregnant, but the doctor just confirmed that there is no longer a heartbeat, so she's...having a miscarriage."

Riley and Matt share the same expressionless face. Then Riley takes off his glasses and bows his head.

My attention is more on Matt, assessing him for explosion. Amazingly, he seems calm. He nods. He looks at Riley, doing his own assessing.

"You didn't know," he says quietly. Riley shakes his head.

"No clue," he says hoarsely.

Matt grips his shoulder. "This is a tough thing, no matter what the circumstances...planned, unplanned, doesn't matter. Trust me, I know about this kind of trouble."

"She was going to tell me last night," Riley shakes his head. "She was going to tell me, and then you came in and fucked it up. And now, we never get a chance to have one hopeful moment about...this...possibility. Now all we have is a...another goddamn hurt between us."

He rises abruptly and walks out of the waiting room.

Matt blows out a breath and bangs his head back against the wall. One, two, three times.

Like Trace.

"Fuck," he says.

After a long moment, he looks at Bodie, "How did she take it?"

Bodie's mouth works for a moment, then he shrugs. "She was calm by the time she got here. I think she had already accepted what was happening sometime in the middle of the night. But what's upsetting to her? How Riley is going to react. How disappointed you and her mom are going to be."

Matt shakes his head. "Disappointed? Naw. It ain't like that. I just...I want her to have everything she wants. She can have it all...she just can't have it all at once."

He closes his eyes. "Nine weeks. She's known for a while. My poor poodle, dealing with that all on her own. She was so terrified she couldn't even bring herself to tell him." Suddenly he goes rigid, his head righting and his eyes flying open like he had a sudden thought. Then all at once the rock star face descends.

But I realize Matt has had the same thought that I'm having—that Riley might not have been the guy.

I stand. "I'm going for coffee. Can I get you anything, Matt?"

"Black, thanks," he says, staring absently into the distance.

"Bodie, help me carry them back?" I ask and he rises to follow.

He's expecting my questions. "Why do we always get mixed up in confrontations in hospital corridors?" he jokes lamely.

I reach a hand in his pocket. It's empty. I pat his other one. Also empty.

"I appreciate the sentiment, but now's really not the time, Jaz..." he jokes again.

"Where is it?" I demand.

"Oh it's there, but it's just not a big as you are used to dealing with right now."

I scan the corridor, making sure Riley is neither, coming, going. Or lurking. I know how he usually hears everything. I draw Bodie into a corner where I can see everyone coming our way.

I slap him on the pec. "Stop. Fucking. Joking. You know what I'm talking about. The DNA swab. I saw it. I know what that was."

He looks beleagured but he sighs and mutters, "I don't have it anymore. Not that it really matters now...but Row gave the sample to the doctor and is still insisting on the test. They said they could still do it..." he winces. "Which is pretty morbid, but she's pretty upset. She's thinking wrong, but she's hoping it wasn't Riley's. Thinks it will be...easier on her somehow? I don't think it matters either way, any more. A loss is a loss and it's personal to her...and anyway...he's going to assume it was his...but whatever, it's her call."

I gape at Bodie. It's like I don't even know him.

"Wait. There's like, a hundred things wrong with what you just said. First of all you stole DNA from Riley. You made this elaborate awful plan to do it. And secondly, what if the child turned out not to be his...were you just going to lie to him about if forever?"

"Probably not, Jaz," he looks at me like I'm dumb. "Think, Sweetheart. She probably wouldn't have continued the pregnancy if it wasn't his. If it was his and she decided to keep the pregnancy...what does it matter about the test?"

"It matters because you and Row were just going to pretend that you didn't deceive him in one of the most personal, the most primal ways. You took his DNA without permission. And you think, Bodie Jamison. You can't know for sure what a twenty year old girl would have decided to do about an unplanned pregnancy. What if in the end, it wasn't his, but she did keep the pregnancy and didn't tell him the truth? What if you and Row perpetrated a lie about a person's identity-to his potential father, to the child himself? After everything you and Darius and I have been through...that doesn't strike you as...wrong? Heinous, even? What if our paternity issue hadn't just been a lab error? What if it was an intentional lie like that, Bodie? Could you ever forgive someone for it? Because I sure as hell couldn't!"

All these words are hissed in more vehemence than I even realized I could muster. I am so...angry about Bodie's nonchalance over this.

"Bodie how could you?"

He looks bleak. He rubs a hand over his face and then he squares his shoulders and looks down at me with so much fatigue in his eyes. "No, I don't suppose you could. I don't have a decent defense, but I tried to talk her out of it, Marley. I tried to get her to tell him upfront. But she's not thinking right. I thought for a minute she might jump off the goddamn balcony last night. She was sad and scared and asking for help, Jaz. And I thought of you, alone, pregnant, scared, young and vulnerable like her...and how could I not help her, okay? Whatever help she needed. Shady help, deceitful help, I didn't care. I was just trying to do what she needed. What was best for her. Just like we are doing what's best for Darius, perpetrating a public lie about who his father is."

My fury drains as he points out the comparison in our joint collusion over Darius' paternity. I feel so confused. On the one hand I feel so angry at the idea of him deceiving Riley via paternity test. On the other hand, I see how his own guilty baggage motivated him to help Row.

I nod slowly. "Okay. I see that. I don't want to fight. You are right about one thing...the result isn't going to change Row's feelings right now. It doesn't matter what she was contemplating. As of right now, she's suffered a loss. Even if on some levels she is unburdened about that outcome...it comes with it's own complicated grief. She will have to deal with that, and Riley and Row offering support to each other could actually be a good thing."

Bodie embraces me gently. "I know it sounds morbid, but I hope it was his. That way, it's a secret she doesn't have to carry."

I lean my head on his chest. "I can't believe you didn't tell me what was going on. I mean...hello...fucked up paternity issue? Isn't that our thing?"

His fingers slide my spine. "Well, when was I supposed to tell you? Was I supposed to slide a note under the locked bedroom door last night? Or call you from the couch?"

I hug him harder. "Okay, that' a fair point. I'm sorry I locked you out. Just don't...lock me out, okay? Not out of the truth. This? This was not your other life. This was our family. Never lie to me about our family, okay?"

Bodie's answer is a fierce hug. "I love you so much, Marley. So fucking much. This shit? Makes me rethink the whole baby thing. Never want you to have go through something like this. Row is...tough like you, but you should have seen her face with they did the ultrasound. It was sad as fuck, and there I was, the whole room full of doctors and nurses thinking I'm the guy...and she started crying asking me to call Marianne, and it was awful, really. A goddamn tragedy, even if she wasn't sure she wanted to be a mama."

We stand there for a long time, grieving for our friends, grieving too for all the experiences we didn't get to share together. We have our blessings, but we have our losses, too.

We when bring the coffee back, Marianne and the doctor are there with Matt. Marianne looks to me. "The doctor wants to explain what happens next. Riley should be here. Can you find him?"

It only takes a moment. He's sitting on the curb in the ambulance drive. I sit down beside him. "I'm so sorry, Riley. This is a difficult way to learn about Row's pregnancy and loss—all at once. If there is anything I can do for you..."

He shakes his head. "Is it terrible that I feel...on some level...relieved? Row isn't ready for motherhood. We aren't ready to be parents. Hell, we haven't even managed a proper conversation in at least three months."

"It's not terrible. But just because there is a part of you that is relieved, it doesn't mean that there isn't a part of you also in pain. It's okay to have very complicated feelings about this."

He nods his eyes still on the ground. "Yes, I understand..."

"The doctor is with Marianne and Matt. They are waiting for you."

When we walk back in, the doctor looks a little surprised to see Riley. Obviously he knows who everyone in this room is, including Soundcrush's rather photogenic manager who was seen escorting all of Strut on the Grammy pre-show. He looks quickly at Bodie, perplexed, trying to find a social leg to stand on.

"This my daughter's manager and boyfriend," Marianne says demurely. "Bodie," she grabs Bodie's arm in identification, "Obviously, is a close family friend that happened to be with her at the time..."

The doctor's perplexed look resolves a little too smoothly. Ah. I guess he's also the doctor that's coordinating the unusual paternity test and thinks Riley and Bodie are the two candidates.

"Right of course. I'm sorry you're experiencing this loss. I know personally, it's a difficult thing," he says with empathy, to Riley. Then he explains that Row has been offered the medical options available for the "physical recovery" from miscarriage and she has opted to have a procedure to fully evacuate her uterus.

"It's an outpatient procedure, she'll be sedated, recover and be released within a few hours. Many women feel the procedure a more compassionate process to undergo than being compelled to continue with the natural course of a miscarriage at home, which can take several days and is potentially physically uncomfortable. And of course, emotionally painful to endure. This procedure is the option my own wife chose," he smiles with sympathy. "Eighteen months later, we had a much happier outcome."

He's a nice doctor. He looks very young to be a married father, but of course, almost any doctor has to be at least twenty-six.

"Can I see her?" Riley and Matt both ask at once.

The doctor looks at Marianne, and undercurrent of something passing there.

"She was very upset. They sedated her," Marianne says. " This way, from her perspective, when she wakes up, the worst of the ordeal is over."

"The OR is already being prepped. She'll be in outpatient recovery within an hour and you can see her then." The doctor puts out his hand to Riley. "Again, very sorry."

He exits, but I follow rapidly. To do the business Riley isn't capable of thinking about right now.

"I'm sorry...Dr..." I call after him.

He swings around, putting out his hand. "Carmichael," he offers. "Scott," he smiles.

"Dr. Call-Me-Scott," I mutter.

"I'm sorry?"

"Nothing," I say hastily. "We—Soundcrush—I mean, we tend collect doctors. It's weird...really."

"I'm a big fan." He leans close. "Well. Sort of. My wife loves that Leed guy. Don't tell his crew, but I'm more of a classic rock fan. Those Skid Marc guys rocked out last night." He looks to Row's curtain. "I really have to scrub now, we didn't give her much sedation, I don't want her wake in transit to OR...did you need something else?"

"Not at the moment now. But after the procedure I'm going to need to talk to staff about that paternity test. About the potential for a breath of confidentiality."

"Our medical ethics—" he frowns.

"Of course. I understand. But every transporter, lab tech, candy striper, do you understand the potential money they can make from a tip about something like this? Asking for an NDA keeps their ethical silence properly underscored."

He gives a capitulating grimace. "Yes, I can certainly see that."

"Also, the result needs to be given to Row...alone."

"Yes, she made that clear. I put a rush on it, over two hours ago, now. We'll have it before she leaves."

"Can you please make sure she's cognizant when she receives the result? And if possible, before you let anyone back to see her?"

"Sure."

I put out a hand. "Thank you, Dr. Carmichael."

"My pleasure," he nods crisply and summons a transporter. "Let's get this patient to OR14, please."

I see Row as they pull the curtain back. She looks so young, so thin, in sleep. She looks no older than I was, when I woke in a room alone at seventeen, bereft of my child, feeling hollow, unsure exactly how it happened. That is what she will feel like, when she wakes in recovery.

As they begin to wheel her past, the doctor says, "Wait." He gently teases a small black and white photo from beneath Row's hand. "She may want it, she may not..." he nods and shrugs kindly offering it to me.

"Thank you," I stare at the sad picture, then walk slowly back to the waiting area. I'm not sure what I mean to do with it, but when Bodie sees me with it, he automatically takes it from me and puts it into Riley's hands.

"You should hang onto this. She..." Bodie sighs. "She made them print it. She said she hadn't been to the doctor yet. She said it was...the only image."

Riley stares at it dumbly, almost uncomprehending. Then he wipes his glasses and readjusts them, looking carefully at the image for a long silent moment.

"Right," he says softly. He folds it carefully in half and tucks it in his wallet.

He looks from Matt to Marianne. "I never meant to cause her any pain at all. But I...I love her. I don't bloody want to, believe me. She leaves me sleepless nearly every night. With worry or longing or occasionally, rage. But I love her all the same."

Matt bites his lip. Toes the ground. "Are you sure Riley? That it's her you love. Not the girl she reminds you of?"

I understand now. Matt's main objection. Row has shared her insecurities over Priscilla with him. Of she would, she's closer to him than almost anyone. And of course Matt would fear for her, because of Riley's past experience with love and loss.

"Just Row," Riley says softly looking Matt square in the eye. "Not any ghost. Not anymore. Not for a long time."

Matt looks at his wife, then at Riley, a slow final shake of protest all he can muster. "Jesus Christ, Riley. She's too young. Too wild. Too fucking terrifying."

"Oh hush," Marianne smiles at Matt. "You were young, wild and terrifying once. I managed you just fine."

"You did." Matt still looks like that sex god of thirty years ago when he smiles at Marianne. It makes me turn to my own rock star whose smile makes my heart beat faster even when it is slightly sad, like now.

"Well, who am I to stand in the way of love?" Matt grumbles. "But if shit goes south professionally, don't come crying to me. You'll have your love to live on." He's saying this to Riley, but he's still giving Marianne his tender attention.

Maybe all the love between us two couples is too much sentimentality for Riley at the moment, because his breath comes in rapid breaths and he turns away, pulling his glasses off, stabbing thumb and forefingers into his eyes, shut desperately against tears.

"What if it's too late? What if this is too much? What if she hates me now, for putting her through this?"

"Oh, doll," Marianne says huskily and swoops around, refusing to let him escape her fierce hug. "She doesn't hate you. She has so many mixed emotions right now and she just needs you to understand that. She told me so."

To my surprise Riley hugs her back, shaking silent sobs out from him, onto her shoulder.

I wonder when was the last time poor Riley cried. Probably a decade ago. For Priscilla. From the way he's unloading now, something tells me it wasn't quite enough.

I gaze up at Bodie, thinking of the deception he perpetrated so easily, wondering if Riley's healing has finally begun or if he has more heartbreak in store. Something in Bodie's eyes as looks down at me, gives me a jolt of doubt.

Like a lightening strike, it disappears. But I feel the uncertain rumble that follows.

Something is still not right about all this. What is he not telling me? Some part of his deception with Row he omitted? Some twist of the lie he didn't fully reveal?

I tell myself to stop policing him. After all, I'm not telling him that Arabella knows the truth about her stepfather, until they can achieve some face to face honesty about it. Or that there is now an active police investigation.

I'm not telling him to protect him. Because I love him. And whatever he is keeping from me, I doubt it really matters.

I promised him ride or die.

No matter what.

I know that this is a sad ending to Row's sudden pregnancy crisis, but it is one very real outcome in early pregnancy. How are we all feeling? We aren't quite done with "intro arc" to Row and Riley's book. I think we will have a new POV from in the next chapter. Row, of course, is the one we need to hear from, I think....

Wow, we can also begin to see that the ONE secret Bodie is keeping from Marley is potentially going to feel like a huge betrayal to her...