Chapter 40: Smart Girls Break Down

Ok, so lot's going on in the chapter. We're bringing in the final tension that begins to separate Bodie from Soundcrush. Alot of dynamics will slosh and shift in the band from here on out, and who knows how we are actually going to end up.

In the second part of the chapter, we answer the question...who counsels the counselor when she breaks down? I give you one guess who comes full circle with Marley and proves Wolfe wrong--women and men can be friends (ooops shameless plug for my new work The Exception That Proves The Rule. If you don't know who Wolfe is, relax, I'm just mixing my worlds and you probably aren't reading over there, though you should be, lol...)

Marley

I'm swinging Lennon in the swing Adam installed overlooking his dock, keeping an eye out on the lake hi-jinx as best I can, since Darius and most of the older Hearltey cousins are zooming in and out of the cove on Waverunners.

Since moving in, Adam has bought a fleet of personal watercraft. I count at least a dozen on the water right now.

It's too cold for sane people to be swimming, but teenagers hardly qualify. Adam, being slightly more sensible, is wearing a wetsuit as he jumps wakes and spins his machine.

Mac is taking video of him from the dock. "Looking good, Rockstar!" she yells. He stands up, giving her a heart-stopping grin and making the rock on sign with both hands as he expertly balances his gliding craft.

Darius comes screaming in and cuts a turn in front of Adam's Waverunner, creating just enough wake to cause Adam to lose his balance and dump into the lake.

Darius twirls in a circle, around Adam. "Need a hand?"

"Yeah," Adam reaches up and yanks Darius into the water, too. I laugh to hear Darius screeching from the cold.

Mac saunters up the path from the dock in a tank top, jeans, and flip-flops.

"Did you get that?" I grin.

She sits down in the swing beside me, taking her daughter into her arms as she passes me her phone so I can see their up close expressions.

"Your Cousin Darius is a clown just like his daddy," Mac babbles to Lennon, bouncing her chubby legs.

I try not to react when she says things like that so casually. On the one hand, it means so much to me that Mac has embraced Darius.

On the other hand, I'm terrified that Darius is going to overhear something he shouldn't.

Mac reads my tension. "I'm sorry," she mutters. "I just really think the longer you wait to tell him, the more betrayed he's going to feel."

"I'm well aware," I say dryly. Mac has made her feelings strongly known. Apparently now that Darius is officially one of their own, these rock stars hold nothing back.

If Mac feels that way, Trace is ten times more adamament. We actually had a tense discussion that would have probably turned into a fight if I hadn't deliberately switched to counselor mode and de-escalated.

Before he went back to LA, I mentioned to Trace that maybe he should think about getting another counselor because the lines are getting blurred and he just hooked an arm around me and said, "No way. Now that you are family, it just means this counseling thing goes both ways. So sometimes we'll talk shit out and sometimes we'll yell about it. You let me know if you need a safe space from me," he grinned.

Lately he's been calling me at least four times a day, worried about Leed's drinking. My advice there is always the same. You can't make someone sober up. Leed has to be recalled to his purpose.

Trace groans and tells me, "Marley I need you out here. If Leed is a lion sober, he's more like a T-rex when he's on a bender. He needs professional help, not my short-tempered ass. Because as long as Leed's purpose is playing nurse to Dr. Fuck-Up-My-Band, he's gonna be numbing his pain in some way or another. I'd rather it would be with guided yoga meditation or some new-agey shit with you than with a handle of tequila every day."

So Trace and Kat are worried about Leed and Ashlynn, and although Mac and Adam are certainly worried too, they are newbie parents and are mostly concerned with their daily routine with Lennon and life at home.

No one is nearly as worried about Bodie as I am. Everyone has taken at face value the explanations he has given us since he left the country. He had a teleconference with all of SCIC us over a week ago from the Philippines that put everyone's mind at ease but mine.

Supposedly, he held nothing back from us. He told us all bluntly that he's extremely angry with everyone in Soundcrush because they didn't tell him about Arabella's blacklisting. He said that his trip to the Philippines is a work around for that.

He seemed confused when I asked about his equipment purchases, but replied vaguely that he bought Daemon off to the tune of three million dollars more investment capital and that I must have misunderstood Daemon, because the purchases were to come later and had nothing to do with this particular trip.

Bodie actually expects me to believe that.

"Look, the bottom line of what went down with Daemon? He didn't bat an eye when I asked him what it would take to buy your and Darius' freedom," he said. "Three million was the answer. You can ask TJ. That's how it went down."

At that, Adam swore, Trace grimaced and put on his sunglasses, Leed hiccuped and drank straight from his handle, and Mac threw something. They acted like three million was a bitch but at least the case was closed on Daemon.

Only I seem to have a problem with Bodie's explanation. Actually, I have a lot of problems with it. First of all, if it's true, I'm furious with Bodie for his logic. Darius and I aren't property to buy or sell. And no matter what Daemon says, I don't believe he will consider our ties severed. So if Bodie did buy Daemon off, I feel quite sure all he bought himself was another extortion episode at some point down the pipe.

But that's not even really why I'm furious. I'm mostly furious because I'm sure Bodie is lying. I know how Daemon thinks. He would never be bought. But he could be sold...on a "business opportunity" that would actually draw Bodie—and by extension Darius and I—deeper into Daemon's world.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure Bodie is doing some kind of big time drug deal for Daemon right now. And these Soundcrushers? They are in denial about it. If they suspect the same thing, they just refuse to believe it.

Of course, there is the other complication that has them much more distracted.

Arabella Burns.

Bodie also told us on the teleconference that he's taking over managing her career personally. He said he took her to the Philippines to explain the blacklisting situation to her so she could process it away from Hollywood for a little bit without doing something stupid. He also said he was checking into some international opportunities for her that might not be affected by her Hollywood blacklisting.

Everyone feels guilty about throwing Arabella under the bus with the label president, so everyone accepted Bodie's decision begrudgingly.

Except me.

The thought of Bodie and Arabella in close quarters indefinitely has me almost as furious at him as the Daemon situation. Bodie can say what he wants about not having feelings for her, but the truth of the matter is, not even six months ago he was highly physically attracted to her.

He was crazy for her. Or at least he was crazy for her body and her brand of high energy affection. Throw a little partying in the mix, not to mention that I know for a fact that the man hasn't had sex in months?

I'm sure in those circumstances Arabella could look appealing all over again.

I watch Adam and Darius climbing back on their crafts and zooming off to catch Gwennie and Blake.

I'm trying so hard not to let my anger with Bodie show in front of Darius.

Darius was a little confused at first when Bodie left without explanation the night of the shooting, but as smart as Darius is, he still didn't put the pieces together. He saw the drive-by reported on the news as a random shooting, and I absolutely forbade everyone from telling him the truth—that I was targeted. As far as Darius knows, I turned my ankle in the crowd panic that followed the shots.

He is aware that the Philippines' trip is about Arabella's career. So even though he's more than a little pissed that Bodie skipped town with her, his anger has more to do with his own feelings that he's not even fully aware of, rather than his concern for Bodie abandoning me in a crisis.

Bodie has been behaving like his father. Like my partner. Treating us both with affection. He saw Bodie and I kissing the same night Bodie skipped out with Arabella. Even at thirteen, Darius probably has the same kind of questions as I do.

However, Darius' anger as eased since we've been in Nashville. Thanks to Adam. I know that Adam has been extremely cautious in what he's said to Darius about Bodie and Arabella, but he's definitely been on the side of assuring Darius that Bodie's trip was necessary. Adam just has that way of saying things that help people. Having now met the Reverend several times, it's easy to see where he gets it from.

I'm still holding Mac's phone, lost in thought, when mine buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out.

Mac and I exchange a look. It's Riley. He's in LA, but if he's calling me and not one of the band members...it's surely about Bodie.

I put him on speakerphone. "Hey, Riley."

"Where the fuck is he? Put him on the goddamn phone," Riley growls. I've never heard Riley so angry.

"Do you mean...Adam?"

"No, of course not. I mean Bodie. He's not answering his phone. And he has a bloody fuck ton to answer for."

"Slow down," Mac says mildly. "Are you saying you think Bodie is here? In Nashville."

"I know he's there. He boarded a plane last night to Nashville from LAX. Just after he arrived from the Philippines with Arabella and that piece of shyte Avery Thompson, who is apparently ruining lives on a more massive scale these days as the CEO and Owner of his own label, B-Side Records."

"Wait. Who is Avery Thompson? I don't know him..." Mac asks.

"That's because I don't speak his fucking name, but Avery Thompson was the drummer of Pub Panic."

"Oh fuck!" Mac hisses. Then her eyes widen and she kisses Lennon's cheek. "Sorry, sweet girl, but sometimes the f-bomb is necessary. Riley, you've got to be cool man." Mac switches Lennon her shoulder and snatches my phone, her face drawn in concern. "I'm sure Bodie hasn't put that together. He would never—"

"He would never get in bed with Avery? Well, he fucking did. In the last ten days, Bodie has divested himself of about a quarter of his wealth. I don't know where the three million he supposedly bought off Daemon with actually went, but you can bet that the IRS is going to want to know, and soon. But the other four million he's down? He invested in B-side records to create his own operation within Thompson's company."

"Wait, are you saying that Bodie formed his own label?" Mac asks.

"Yes, using B-Side's infrastructure to market and distribute. I can't even tell you how that's going to play at Colossal, but I can tell you how it plays with me. If Soundcrush follows Bodie to his label under B-Side, I'm fucking done, Mac. I can't work with Avery Thompson."

"Riley, you know that's never going to happen. First of all, Soundcrush can't even do that. We're under contract for one more album with Colossal. I have no idea what Bodie is doing, but whatever it is, he has to know Soundcrush will never jeopardize the timing of our next album over label politics. We are set to record in the fall. Everything is cresting. Pop music is shifting back to the alt genre. There's no way we can miss riding that wave."

"Then someone needs to make sure Bodie understands that he's risking Soundcrush's future and my oversight all because of Arabella Burns."

Mac says nothing. "Riley, you can't mean that."

"I've never meant anything more in my whole life. Avery Thompson stole my life once, and I'll be goddamned if I let him do it again. It's him or me, Mac."

"I'm sorry, I don't understand," I whisper, more to Mac than Riley, but he hears and he spits out:

"Avery Thompson was the drummer in my band Pub Panic. He seduced our lead singer, Priscilla Pinkerton, while she was drunk out of her mind. Priscilla was my fiancée. Well, until she slept with Avery. He destroyed our band, and the love I shared with Priscilla, and her life. She overdosed from the guilt of it all. She died in my arms, on my drugs, but that fucker drove her to it."

Everything seems to slow around Mac and I as we are drawn down to stillness by the pain in Riley's voice.

"Oh Riley," I whisper. "I'm so..."

"Sorry? I don't want your pity, Marley. I want you to think like an sober companion, not like a member of the bloody entourage. If Bodie landed twelve hours ago, and he's not groveling at your feet for abandoning you hours after you were almost killed, then he's afraid to face you. For one reason or another. Because he's backsliding. Either with substances, or Arabella, or both. Either way, I need you to do your damn job and find our junkie drummer. "

"Riley!" Mac hisses. "Don't talk to Marley like that!"

"It's alright, Mac," I say evenly. "He's right about the fact that I'm definitely not doing the job he's paying me for. I lost my patient and I've been on vacation while he's probably been using."

I know he's been out of methadone for days. But I'm the only one that's aware. I haven't said anything to Riley or the band, because of my loyalty to Bodie. He's been texting me, assuring me that he's sober and coming home soon. I'm angry, so I haven't been texting him back, but part of me has also been hoping my cold shoulder might bring him home sooner than if I took an understanding tone.

It's the exact opposite of the approach I would take with an actual patient, but I'm banking on Bodie's feelings for me, not my counseling skills.

But maybe that approach is all wrong, if he's fallen under Arabella's spell again.

"I'll find him. Now that he's back in the States I can trace his phone," I remind Riley.

"It's not your fault he left the country, while you were incapacitated from your trauma and your ankle," Riley says woodenly. "But I need you to sober him up, while I do the same with Leed. It's time these bloody rock stars tended to the business of their band and not their fucking personal drama."

The irony of Riley's statement is not lost on me. His personal pain is driving his anger at this very moment and he's trying to overcompensate. Probably more than almost anyone I know, Riley hates feeling out of control.

I know the feeling. Dr. Watkins is always trying to control the Jasmine in me. She did a pretty good job of it until Bodie woke the girl underneath.

But Riley is right about one thing. Bodie knows exactly where Darius and I are. If he didn't come to find us when he got to Nashville, something is wrong.

So I don't take Riley's anger personally. "Don't worry, Riley. I will find him. Whatever shape he is in, I can get him back on track."

Him? Yes.

Us? I'm not sure.

"Thank you," Riley says curtly. "Mac, tell Adam. We need a sit-down as soon as the addicts get their shit moderately together."

"Riley, you need evaluate how your temper is affecting your judgement right now," Mac says coolly. "I am sorry you've been blindsided by Avery Thompson. I am sorry for the pain you've been through. I love you. But there are only five heartbeats in this band. You need to remember that. Drunk or drugged or sober. Leed and Bodie? They are my brothers."

I blink at Mac. I'm surprised, but then again, maybe I shouldn't be. There is no one Mac will defend more fiercely than Leed. Not even Adam.

"I think we all need to evaluate a good many things. Perhaps I'm not the right fit for Soundcrush anymore," Riley retorts. "Please let me know as soon as you all arrive in LA."

"Of course. After we have a closed band meeting. We have a lot to talk about it seems," Mac spits back.

I'm a little shocked at how quickly the tensions rose between them.

Mac ends the call. She pats Lennon methodically as she stares into space for a moment.

"Are you okay?" I ask her.

She blinks. Then she smiles. "Yes. Fine. That's just...business. Don't worry about it. I feel so fuc—fluking—terrible for Riley right now, but his entire role as our manager lies in his ability to keep a cool head. He can't let his pain run him like he's doing right now.

"Look, I have done a few things for my career that made me angry that I had to do—mostly letting the label and other artists capitalize on my sexuality when I prefer to own it for myself and for Soundcrush. I could have refused and found another way, but I chose to sell sell my sexual brand and feature for other artists I don't even like. Well, Dev's okay, I'm happy to vibe with him, but the others, not so much. Still, it was my choice.

"My point is, only Riley can decide where he draws his line. Riley has to make his choice, too. But if he chooses Soundcrush, then he works for us, not the other way around. Someone in this band has to remind him of that. It's either me or Trace. Adam is too damn nice to get tough unless he's protecting me, and Bodie and Leed are too distracted to deal with management dynamics right now."

She rises. "I need to talk to Trace. When you figure out where Bodie is, maybe you should take Adam with you. You can tell him everything that just went down...and he and I can share thoughts after you find Bodie...that's the most important thing right now..." she murmurs as she thumbs her phone.

I watch Mac straighten as Trace answers. "TG, we've got trouble." She snorts. "Okay, fine. More trouble. Has Riley called you? Oh. So you know. Yeah, he's not himself. Do you think Bodie is aware of Avery's history with Riley..." her voice fades as she hikes toward the house with Lennon.

It's so weird. I've heard that Trace and Mac were the primary drivers of the band back in their formative days, but I've never actually seen behind the scenes of their dual leadership at work.

I smile with a new respect for Mac. I've always known she was tough, but I see now, she has a grip on her career that runs much deeper than I realized.

Priestess, indeed.

I close my eyes and try to summon my inner Priestess. I'm going to need all the help I can get, if Bodie is using again.

Seems like maybe I don't have an inner priestess. All I can find is Dr. Watkins, with a side-sass of Jaz.

I try calling and texting Bodie, but he doesn't answer. Dr. Watkins doesn't mind using the locator app on him, and ironically neither does Jasmine his Babymama. The Marley in me gets totally shouted down by their urgent need to track that man down and either talk, or knock, some sense into him.

Dammit, Bodie! He's on Broadway right now. Which is the musician's street in Nashville lined with honkeytonk after honkeytonk. All full of liquor.

I swear to fuck if I find him drunk in a booth making out with Arabella, somebody's weave is getting snatched. I'm not sure if it will be Bodie's "designed" a.k.a. fake dreads, or her hair extensions.

I walk down to the shore and give Adam the "back to dock" boating signal. He gives me the thumbs up and skids out of the cove to relay the signal to all the kids he's in charge of.

When I tell Adam that Bodie is on Broadway and I need him to help me track him down, I can see Darius watching the disappointment on Adam's face.

"What's going on?"

Adam claps Darius on the shoulders. "Help Gwennie and Blake walk the other kids home, okay?" Darius wants to ask more questions, but for once, he's pretty graceful about not being treated like an adult. He heads off with the Heartley cousins, while I fill Adam in.

Adam makes a quick change of clothes, and we are just getting ready to head out with security, when Darius returns. He stops us by the truck.

"I'm not dumb, Mom. I know Broadway is Honkey Tonk Row. I know Bodie is probably drinking, but he has a disease. So don't be too hard on him about that. Give him hell about Arabella, though."

I can't respond, because I'm near tears.

Adam steps in. He shakes Darius gently by the shoulders. "Look, we don't really know what's going on with Bodie, or where his head is at. So let's not judge any of Bodie's choices right now, okay? I'm not an Arabella fan, but I also know, my boy is loyal as...hell. So until I hear otherwise from the man himself, I'm going to think Bodie is just being a friend to Arabella. Helping somebody he's been close to that's in need right now.

When we get in the truck, I brush back a tear. "Thank you," I whisper. "For what you said to Darius."

Adam pats my leg. "That's wasn't just a speech. I believe in Bodie. I know I haven't been around the two of you much since you've been...cohabitating, but the way he spoke about you after the shooting? Marley, Bodie definitely loves you and Darius. It's just that, shit is super complicated right now and he knows he's got to focus on priorities. Your safety. His sobriety. Wrapping his loose ends with Bells. Everything I saw in him that night makes me think he wants a family with you. He just...feels responsible for Arabella, that's all."

"Do you know what I tell Trace all the time, Adam?"

"That he needs to stress less?" Adam grins.

"That, but also that he can't be in love with Kat and behave like Ashlynn's husband."

Adam sighs. "You know that's easier for Trace to hear because Ashlynn has a support network now. Even if she and Leed stay broken up, she has Kat. She has her parents. She has Cameron. Bells has no one."

"That's not true. Bells has family. Everyone acts like she doesn't because for whatever reasons, she chooses to distance herself from them and insinuate herself into the Soundcrush family. But she has people, Adam. She should go the hell home to them and leave Bodie alone. She is toxic to him."

Adam crosses boot to knee and gives me a tucked back smile. "Marley, you know we are friends. Good friends. And there is nothing I would like more than to see you and Bodie and Darius make a real family. But I'm gonna call you out on that particular argument you are making. You of all people should see that one a little different. Marley, you have people that you do your best to pretend don't exist. Your adoptive parents. You could have taken your baby and gone home after you got out of jail. And you didn't. I'm not asking why. Maybe you were angry at them. Maybe you were ashamed or you think they are ashamed of you. Maybe it's because they aren't accepting of Darius' color, or maybe you only think that because they never shared your own ethnic roots with you. But they adopted you, Marley. Chose you. Loved you. And maybe you let life and misunderstandings and distance come between that, but I can't believe your parents don't hurt every day for the loss of you in their lives. The point is, maybe you could have a little empathy for Arabella in that respect because sometimes family isn't easy. So maybe you should reframe and try to see that Arabella feels like she needs Bodie right now, like you felt like you needed the Turners. Maybe he's not her only option, but to Arabella, maybe it feels like it."

"Adam, you should have been a counselor."

"I sort of was the resident counselor until you came along," he grins. "You know Marley...you can talk to me anytime. Mac is totally over the hormonal pregnant jealousy thing. I'm totally over feeling weird about her hormonal pregnant jealousy thing. You're totally over crushing on me, right?"

"I was never crushing on you," I tell him. "I was projecting my feelings for Bodie. You were just the guy I was using to have an excuse to think about Bodie."

"Huh. I was your Mike Rawlins," he muses.

"Who?"

"Doesn't matter. So...you really were in deep with Bodie when you guys were younger? I mean, I know you guys made a kid, obviously, but that doesn't always mean...love, of course..."

"I can't explain to you what I felt for Bodie when I was younger. I was experienced but I was sort of...traumatized by Daemon. I mean...our relationship was consensual but it was my first relationship and it was very intense. I became what Daemon wanted me to be. Then Bodie...freed me. I have never felt more like myself than when I discovered that girl I showed Bodie. And then it was over before it even started. And I was pregnant and in jail. And then I got out and I was a mother with no idea how to be. I've had so many different versions of my life already, Adam. The version I hold onto is those few weeks of falling in love with Bodie when I was just seventeen. And sometimes it feels like, it wasn't real. That we just aren't real. It was so long ago, and everything now is so hard."

"I get that...I know it must be hard for you, right now. For the record, I think Riley made the wrong call, asking you to be Bodie's professional sobriety companion. I think it would be better if you two had more space to handle things at whatever pace you need. There's a lot of comfort that you and Bodie are probably missing out on, that might actually help...give you something to hold onto," he says diplomatically.

I burst into tears. "I couldn't be with him right now even if it weren't for the job, Adam! You don't know what it's like. Watching Bodie and Arabella together...watching him kiss her, put his hands on her, look at her with lust like he does...even if it's not real...I feel like I want to die. It's...so fucking...unfair, Adam!" I'm full on sobbing now. "It's...like...everything...keeps us apart...and I have to...be mature...and strong...for Darius...and alone...all the time...and I...need...a person...and I'm scared...Bodie is never...going to be able...to be that...person."

For one second, Adam looks a little uncomfortable at my outburst. "I'm...sorry," I choke out trying to stuff it down.

"It's fine," he sighs and wraps an arm around me and pats my knee a little awkwardly."Let it all out, girl,"

I cry and snot and splutter more frustrated complaints.

Adam pats and rocks and gives me encouragement in the form of a little sermon. "I know it's rough on you. I don't know what your spiritual feelings are but my whole family prays for him, and you and Darius. I swear, Marley, when I pray for y'all, I feel peace. Bodie may break his sobriety but it doesn't mean that he won't get to a steady sober place in life where he can be there for you like you are there for him. He's got a good heart and good head and he's just got to catch a break and catch his breath and his sobriety will fall in line. I've seen people in worse shape, and my dad, or maybe God, has helped them. I've seen their families heal, and love hard.

"In the meantime, while Bodie pulls himself together? You? You aren't alone. You have family now. Your son is my nephew's cousin. We are all bound by blood, you see? Me and Mac and Leed and Tam and Bodie and you. You are practically a Heartley now, which means you have a fuckton of family. Mac and I will always be here for you. And Darius? Christ, I feel like his uncle already. But I am telling you this...if Darius gets anything more than a first base hit with Gwennie, I'm not waiting for them to knock it out of the park, you know what I'm saying? I'm pulling out the shotgun and he's gonna do right by her and then you and I will be even more related..."

I push away from his bracing hug, laughing now between the sobs. "Shut...up. Don't even...joke about that."

"Made you laugh," he says, and after searching the truck for paper napkins, and coming up empty, he stoically holds outs his long dark sleeve. "Come on now, wipe those tears and twist your hair up or something. I can't be captured on cell phone cameras stepping out on Mac in a honkeytonk with a pretty girl who looks like a drunk hot mess. We gotta look somewhat professional when we climb out of this truck."

I snort and slap his sleeve away, using the sleeve of my own hoodie to clean up.

Minutes later, Adam and I are being let out of a black truck by one of his security guys. Adam is craning his neck at my phone.

"He's in there," Adam says to one of the less well known honkeytonks. The bouncer recognizes Adam and gestures to him to come ahead of the small ID line.

"I'm glad you are here, man," the bouncer says. "Your boy's been at it for six hours. The floor manager wanted to cut him off but the GM was afraid to step on any famous toes."

"You shoulda called me," Adam says as we push our way inside.

I'm not sure what I was expecting, but as I lay eyes on Bodie, I realize, it wasn't this.

Can I get a holla-back for my girl Mac in this chapter?Somebody does need to check Riley when he gets so damn self-righteous, don't you think? I love him, but the man thinks he's always right. RIght?

Can I get an AWWWWWW for Adam in this chapter?I love that man.  He knows how to deal with a crying jag. He's just the best. I'm so glad Marley let it all out. She's always so strong but she needs someone to lean on too.

What in the world is going down with Bodie right now? He's been in this bar six hours? Doing what?