38: Over-Thinking Is Murderous

Chapter 38:

Hazel POV:

The one thing I saw when I woke up was a sleeping figure in front of me. Zayn was sat down on a chair, resting his head on the bed that I was on. He looked uncomfortable but was still deep in sleep. I could tell that he was in a deep sleep because his mouth was slightly open and he was making very quiet noises of him breathing.

I stayed like this for a while, studying slight features in his face that hadn’t changed at all in the past five years. His cheekbones, jawline, eyelashes, eyebrows. The only thing different was that he had slight bags beneath his eyes and he had short hair across his cheeks.

I sat up, straightening my back. Pain still shot up from my abdomen and it always reminded me of the loss that I had just gone through. Tears brimmed my eyelids but I blinked them away, not wanting to cry. Not anymore.

I was alone once again and no, them coming back into my life didn’t mean that I suddenly wasn’t alone. I didn’t trust them, I lost my trust in them a long time ago when I realized that none of them where there for me. I might still have feelings for Zayn but that didn’t mean I trusted him.

A nurse came in the room and she looked surprised when she saw me awake.

“Oh, you’re awake!” she said cheerfully, giving me a slight. “Ugh! You’re so lucky.”

“Why?” I asked her confused. I don’t think losing your baby makes you lucky.

“You have 2/5 of One Direction here! He’s been in here since yesterday and Harry was here too but he left yesterday night. The other three visited you yesterday for an hour but still,” she babbled and I arched an eyebrow in her direction.

“For how long have I been out?” I asked her, ignoring what she had just said.

“Almost two days,” she replied with a smile, checking the board that was stuck at the end of my bed.

Two days!?

“What!?” I asked in shock. “I just wanted a freaking nap not a two day nap!”

“You were still in pain so we gave you some painkillers and sleeping pills to help you, doctor’s orders,” she replied and yawned. “I think you’re free to go, I’ll confirm it with your assigned doctor.”

She left the room without another word. I huffed out and slid back down my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I tilted my head and looked at Zayn. I poked him in his cheek and he mumbled something. I poked him again and he swatted my hand away. I chuckled and poked him again.

He groaned and furrowed his eyebrows. “Niall shut it. Go cook your own food.”

I burst out laughing and he shot up, awake. He gave me a confused look, and then looked around the room and his eyebrows furrowed further.

“What?” he asked sleepily.

I gave him a smile and rubbed my eyes, wiping away a strand tear that had escaped my eye due to the laughter. He gave me a curious look, still looking sleepy.

“I didn’t know you knew how to cook,” I replied and his eyes widened, a smile forming on his lips.

He chuckled and gave me a tiny shrug. “Dunno where you got that impression, though.”

I rolled my eyes and breathed out heavily. My head snapped towards the door that had once again opened. The same nurse entered with a smile, her cheeks flushed red when she noticed that Zayn had woken up.

“You’re free to go, just sign a paper at the reception of this ward and you’re free to go,” she announced shyly and retreated from the room.

Zayn looked at the door quizzically. I got the sheets off of me and tried to get off the bed but failed. Whenever I tried to move, my abdomen hurt even though the stitches were taken off while I was asleep on drugs. Zayn turned around and his eyes widened when he noticed that I was trying to get off the bed.

“What are you doing?” he asked, grabbing my hands and pulling me up in a sitting position.

“Getting out of this junk they call a bed,” I replied, rolling my eyes.

I looked around the room for my clothes but there wasn’t any sign of them. Zayn was studying my every move.

“You know, you haven’t really changed,” he randomly announced.

“Um, thank you?” I replied not sure if it was a compliment or a random statement.

“No, no as in you’re still the same. That’s good,” he replied and I gave him an awkward nod.

“Right, well, I need clothes,” I said and his eyes widened, his eyebrows furrowing in thought.

He turned around and walked towards the sofa and grabbed a bag. He reached inside, taking out a pair of grey sweatpants and a hoodie. He walked back towards me and handed them to me. I arched an eyebrow at him and he gave me a smile in return.

I rolled my eyes and tried to get off the bed but ended up wincing in pain. He grabbed my hands and carefully pulled me off the bed.

You don’t need his help!

I blocked the voice in my head and attempted to walk towards the bathroom that I had in the room. Instead of just walking towards the bathroom like a normal person would do, I didn’t manage to make two steps that I almost tripped so I decided to change in the room without going to the bathroom.

After putting on Zayn’s sweatpants and putting on his extra hoodie that he had brought from home, I put on a pair of white flip flops that were in the tiny cupboard in the room.

We left the room and after signing the paper at the reception, we left the hospital without uttering a single word to each other.

**

“Where are you staying?” Zayn asked as he drove out of the hospital and onto the road.

“Um, dunno,” I replied, looking out the window.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” he asked as though it was the stupidest thing he has heard.

“I’m not going back to the flat that I shared with Mark, obviously,” I replied, turning to look at him.

“What about one of your parent’s houses? Or what about Leeds? Your cousin, Seth, isn’t he supposed to be out of the army by now, no?”

My jaw tightened and I wanted to scream in his face. But I couldn’t. He didn’t know about Seth. How could he? He wasn’t even there to know about the accident.

“Seth’s dead.”

I noticed his grip tightening on the steering wheel, his jaw tightening.

“I’m sorry,” he replied quietly, giving me a sideways glance. “How long ago?”

“Five years, you were already in live shows,” I replied, avoiding his gaze.

“Why didn’t you call and tell me about it, Haze?” he asked in disappointment, looking at me. “You know that I could have just got out of the house for a few hours and came at your college, right?”

I chuckled and rolled my eyes. “You’re funny.”

“I’m serious Haze; I wasn’t locked in the house. Niall visited Jesy, I could have come!”

“But you didn’t!” I cried out, turning fully around to look at him. “You never called back! I know that I should have called for once but you knew that I was day and night busy with college. You weren’t day and night busy with XFactor. You just had mornings and the nights to yourself! You never bothered to call and when I had some free time, it was too bloody late to call you because you were long gone!”

He let out a sigh, his jaw tightening. “I’m sor-“

“I don’t want your apology, Zayn. It’s not all your fault. Just forget about it, it never happened. You were living your dream and I was living mine. It’s what we always wanted from the beginning.”

He gave me a confused look. “But I can’t forget it, how are you supposed to forget it?”

“You move on,” I replied, looking away.

“But I haven’t moved on,” he replied quietly. “Five years passed, girls came and went but you were the one on my mind. I know that you have, well had, Mark for the past five years but don’t you think that this is probably a sign that we were meant to happen?”

“What are you saying, Zayn?” I asked him confused, turning to look at him,

He wasn’t looking at me, his eyes fixated on the road in front of him. He shrugged and gave me a cheeky smile.

“A fresh start for the both of us, together” he replied.

I furrowed my eyebrows, giving him a confused look. I just got out of a five year relationship and it felt like those few months with Chase happening all over again. Ironic right? But then there was the problem with Zayn. He was soon leaving again to continue One Direction’s tour. The worldwide tour. This meant that he wasn’t going to be here with me for months. He was going to be out and about the world doing his thing and I was here stuck in London recording songs with major artists and painting.

“Why are you asking me when you know that you’re going to leave again?” I asked him quietly.

“I’m only going to be gone for a month out of England, then two weeks in America and the rest in England but I’ll always be coming back for you,” he replied, slowing the car down to a halt.

I looked out of the window and noticed that we were in front of a hotel’s garage. He rolled down the window and inserted a card into the machine on his side and the garage door slid open. Zayn drove down the garage ramp and looked around for a parking space.

After he parked and got out of the car, I remained quiet. Thinking about tiny things that meant everything. I couldn’t go on tour with them, obviously. That would be too selfish to do so and besides, I had my life to do and my work to attend to. I didn’t want to get heartbroken again and have to wait months until I saw him again.

And most importantly, could I trust him again? Trust him enough to know that he will in fact come back? I don’t want to truly end up alone once more.

Right, just another chapter and the epilogue left J so excited about the ending J Sorry haven’t uploaded in a while but I haven’t had the internet for daaaays and it’s been torture. But I’ve already started writing Chapter 39 so yeah! J -Kat xxx