31: Confused and Lost

Chapter 31:

Hazel POV:

"Isn't your Mum going to, like, kill us?" Liam asked me hesitantly.

"She's not going to be here for another three days, so why the hell not?" I asked him with a smirk.

He shrugged and grabbed a teaspoon from the table and breathed out heavily. I smiled and opened a drawer and took out the two mini bottles of cinnamon and walked out to the pool side in my house. The rest were all sat outside on the deckchairs, waiting for me to get the things that we needed for the cinnamon challenge.

I handed each of them a  teaspoon and handed Louis the cinnamon bottle and took the other one myself and piled it on top of the teaspoon and handed the cinnamon bottle to Seth. When the rest of the group had piled their teaspoons with cinnamon, I looked up at all of them.

"On the count of three," Louis said, sounding like an excited little kid. "One, two, three!"

I jammed the teaspoon in my mouth and instantly had the urge to spit the cinnamon out of my mouth but forced myself not to. Harry fired cinnamon everywhere the moment the cinnamon was in his mouth. He coughed and sneezed and out came the cinnamon that was once on his teaspoon.

Jesy, Liam, Niall and Seth ended up coughing, which resulted in having a cinnamon puff surrounding us. Louis winced and swallowed the cinnamon without a single cough, then drank some water to get rid of the cinnamon.

Zayn, on the other hand, was having some 'difficulties' with swallowing but in the end he managed to swallow it. I wrinkled my nose and forced myself to swallow but ended up choking and coughing the cinnamon, which exploded in Seth's face.

"Hazel!" he protested and wiped his face with his shirt.

"Sorry!" I replied while chuckling. "Your face was standing there."

He sent me a death glare and I looked at him innocently.

"What time is it?"Jesy asked.

"Two in the morning," Seth replied and her eyes widened.

"I have to go, my mum is going to kill me," Jesy said, standing up and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Yeah, we should probably go, too," Louis said, standing up.

And since he was the only one with a driving licence, the rest of the group stood up aswell so that he could drive them back home. He was going to drop Seth off at the train station because his mum wanted him home this night.

I gave Seth a hug, even though I would be seeing him in two days, I would still miss him. He was my closest cousin and my best friend and I treated him like my brother.

After everyone had left, I locked the door behind everyone else and walked towards the kitchen, turning off the lights and making sure the back door that led towards the pool were locked. I breathed out heavily and coughed slightly. I headed towards my bedroom and flopped down on my bed.

It has been around a week since the whole Chase scenario. I hadn't heard of him or even contacted him or vice-versa. I didn't want to know about him and I had come to a realisation that I never actually loved him but I only really liked him. Love was such a strong word and I thought that he was my first love and that I was going to be heart broken and bla bla bla. But in fact, I'm not.

I let out a sigh and got off my bed and went back downstairs, heading towards the kitchen to eat something. I turned on the lights beneath the top cupboards and sauntered towards the fridge. I pulled the fridge door open and gazed inside the fridge, trying to decide on what to eat. I ended up choosing a banana. I closed the fridge door and made my way to exit the kitchen but the front door unlocking stopped me in my tracks.

After hearing it softly closing and footsteps walking around the hall, I found it hard to breathe properly.

Who the hell had the front door keys? Am I going to die? Oh my God, I'm gonna die.

My brain was filled with million questions and I was finding it hard to breath, my heart was pounding so loud I was sure that whoever had just entered my house to murder me, was hearing my heart pounding loudly against my ribs. I breathed out quietly, trying to control my breathing, emotions and all of the questions that were flooding through my brain, which was making everything hard to concentrate on what was actually happening.

I tightened my grip on the banana that was still in my hands and quietly walked out of the kitchen and creeped out through the corridor, with my back pressed against the wall. I peeped through the hallway and saw a man's figure walking up the stairs.

A tiny squeak left my lips but he didn't hear me, thank God. I stared at his back and slowly started making my way upstairs, following him.

He reached the top landing and started walking towards my room quietly.

"Oh shit," I whispered, quiet enough for the stranger in my house not to hear me.

I forced myself to continue climbing the stairs and when I reached the top landing. Silently, I placed one foot in front of the other and managed to be a few steps behind him without him noticing I was behind him. He opened my bedroom door and peered inside.

I raised my banana in my hands over my head and hit him in the head with the banana. I dropped it on the floor, waiting for him to drop to the floor but that did not happen. He straightened his back and turned around to look at me, my heart beating rapidly.

My eyes widened when I saw his face and anger bubbled inside of me. He raised his eyebrows at me in amusement, then looked down and picked up the banana from the floor. He twirled it around his long, slender fingers and arched an eyebrow in my direction. He slightly shook the banana and coughed.

"A banana? Really?" he asked, sounding amused.

"How the hell did you even get in here!?" I fiercely whispered at him.

He shrugged, putting his hands up in surrender. "You're the one who told me where the front door key is."

"That doesn't give you permission to fucking get in my house at three in the morning!" I scolded him angrily.

"I was bored! And I couldn't sleep, so yeah," he replied with a shrug, which only made me angrier.

"Get out."

"What?"

"Get out!" I repeated again, sounding angry.

"Why?" he asked, pouting.

"Zayn! It's almost three in the morning and I'm tired! I want to get some sleep and you need to-"

I was abruptly cut off with him slamming his lips against mine. My eyes were open wide from shock.

My mind wasn't functioning well at the moment and my stomach was suddenly filled with butterflies. My breath was hitched in my throat. What was air? I had no idea. The feeling quickly disappeared when he pulled back, leaving a burning sensation on my lips. He stared intensely at me, his mouth slightly parted his breath hitting my face.

It only took a few seconds for me to decide what I wanted and that was him.

I closed the gap between us and met his lips. He was quick to react and soon enough, our lips were moving in sync. My heartbeat was beating rapidly and I was pretty sure that it was going to break my rib cage and fly out of my chest.

He twined his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to his body. I felt his teeth slightly nibble on my bottom lip and I didn't even bother fighting with myself to not let myself open up to him. Both our lips parted and his tongue explored my mouth before meeting with mine, both fighting for dominance.

His hands were gripping my hips tightly, which resulted in me being very close to his body. My hands were roaming through his hair, tugging slightly. A tiny moan left his mouth and I let a tiny smirk work itself up on my lips. He tugged my bottom lip with teeth, tugging it backwards. His lips moved to my neck and I felt his teeth grazing my neck, then biting softly. A tiny moan escaped from my lips and I felt him smirk against my lips as he continued to work his lips against my neck.

I hadn't even realised that my back was firmly pressed against the wall across from my bedroom. Zayn's body was tightly pressed against my own as he continued to suck the skin from my neck, 100% sure he intended to leave a mark.

He bit the skin that he was working on and left trails of kisses across my neck, cheek and finally met my lips again. The kiss was sweet and delicate. I felt his hands trailing lower and then rested on my butt.

"Jump," he mumbled against my lips.

Something in my brain yelled for me to stop and just push him away but I couldn't. So I jumped and wrapped my legs around his waist. He slammed me against the wall again and kissed me harder.

He pulled the both of us away from the wall and walked towards my bedroom and placed the both of us on the bed. I felt my throat tighten when I realised what was coming next and I wasn't sure what to do. My brain was telling me to pull away and not sleep with Zayn but then my heart told me to just go on and sleep with Zayn.

I was absolutely confused and I had no idea why I was thinking these things when I was kissing Zayn. I furrowed my eyebrows and pulled abruptly away from him, pushing him away from me. I sat up and buried my face into my hands, trying to hide my face from him.

Hazel. You did not just push him away. You fucking idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot. I repeat, idiot. You're an idiot. I can't believe you just fucking pushed him away!

I groaned and suddenly felt extremely embarrassed, my cheeks started to heaten up and all I wanted to do was just disappear from the face of the earth and die.

Oh God, this is so embarrassing.

I knew he was looking at me. I could practically feel his eyes burning into me and I just wanted to vanish into thin air or rewind everything and change everything. I felt my eyes watering but repeatedly blinked to get rid of the tears. I was sick and tired of crying and crying in front of him was even worse.

I felt the bed shift and his footsteps walking around the bed and approaching me. He crouched down in front of me and I literally wanted to disappear.

"Hazel," he said softly.

I didn't look at him, I couldn't even look at him.

"Hazel look at me."

I shook my head and tried to turn away from him but he grabbed my wrists, pulling my hands away from my face. I met his eyes and studied them. He looked confused, his eyebrows furrowed but I didn't see any anger in them like I had expected.

"What's wrong?" he asked, sounding worried.

"Nothing," I replied and he arched an eyebrow at me.

"Then why did you push me away?"

"I don't know, I just didn't feel comfortable," I replied, sounding confused.

"Feel comfortable? With kissing me? Or sleeping with me?" he asked and I felt butterflies filling my stomach.

"Sleeping with you," I replied quietly. "Since getting raped, I'm scared to do it."

"Wait, you and Chase never had sex?" he asked, sounding shocked.

I grinded my teeth together. "No."

"I thought you two had sex together," he replied as though he was thinking to himself.

"Well, we didn't. And thank God for that because I wouldn't like to have anything to do with Sophia."

He raised his eyebrows and nodded to himself, agreeing with me.

"Right, well, I wasn't going to do anything you weren't comfortable with aye," he replied and stood up. "I thought I hurt you or something."

I furrowed my eyebrows together and smiled to myself. He wouldn't hurt me, I was sure of that. I mean, yeah sure, he was a selfish bastard, blind and sometimes doesn't give a fuck but he was nice and I was totally wrong on the Malik's. I couldn't believe I ever believed that the Malik's were a family that only cared about themselves and kicked the others until they gave up.

Family history should be gone, forgotten, shredded into pieces and burnt until the ashes themselves were burnt into smaller particles and never found again. I hated my grandfather for ever making me believe everything he said about the Malik's and I hated my grandmother, being a Malik herself, for letting him making me believe so.

"No, I was just scared and not ready," I replied and he shrugged.

"You'd know when the time is right," he replied and yawned.

I nodded and I suddenly felt light headed about the situation I was in.

Where does this leave Zayn and I? Honestly, I had no idea and I hoped that it wouldn't change anything between us.

"You can stay over, if you want," I said and he looked at me, giving me a curious look.

"Sure," he replied after a moment of hesitation.

He flopped down on the bed next to me and I laid down, staring at the ceiling, leaving the both of us in comfortable silence.

"Where does this leave us?" he asked after minutes of silence.

"What do you mean?"

He looked at me and gave me a dull face. "After what happened and all."

"You sound like a girl," I replied with a laugh. "And to answer your question, I don't know."

He rolled his eyes and chuckled. "Okay, our friendship won't get ruined, correct?"

He propped himself up on his elbows, looking at me.

"You're really acting like a girl, Zayn," I replied and he gave me a flat look in reply, I chuckled. "And yes, correct."

"Good, and I am not acting like a girl!" he replied with a slight smile.

"Whatever you say," I replied and turned on my side, facing him. "Goodnight Zayn."

"Night Hazel," he replied and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close to him.

I rested my head on his shoulder and quickly fell asleep.

I was sort of happy, for once in my life. He was always there for me and he was there when I cried, he listened and was patient with me. I knew things about him that only Liam, Niall, Harry and Louis knew about him and he knew things about me that only Seth knew about me.

I didn't want to lose him. I really didn't. I've lost too many people in my life, I didn't want to lose more.

Waaa finally updated and I hope it's long :) Sorry haven't uploaded in the last couple of weeks but I was on vacatioooon in Slovenia waaa it was so amazing omg :3 I wish I lived there, that would be amazing.

Anywho, hope you liked the Zayn/Hazel moment :)

-Kat xxx