17: Love=Hurt

Chapter 17:

Hazel POV:

This was beyond being awkward and uncomfortable and I was too busy feeling awkward and uncomfortable to act pissed off at Zayn, which I was.

Patricia knew that Zayn had the football gathering party at Niall's tonight and that I was invited but she still made us all eat dinner before leaving to the party. The party started at eight and the clock ticked 8:45pm. Zayn didn't look at all bothered that we were supposed to be at Niall's house three quarters of an hour ago. I had texted Chase that I'd meet him there at around 8.30 and I was late. I hated being late.

I was fidgeting in my seat and since I wasn't hungry, I didn't have anything to take my mind off things and instead I had to stare at them all eating calmly. Once again I was sat down between Zayn and Waliyah, Doniya and Safaa sat opposite me, Yaser at the head of the table and Patricia on his right side next to Safaa. They looked like the perfect family with their perfect face and dark skin tone and all while I was freaking white as a paper. They were making conversation with each other asking how school and work went and all the usual things that families talk about over dinner.

Ha. Not with my parents because they were long gone in Ireland and didn't give a damn to bother asking their only daughter if she wanted to go with them. Sure I had school and dance classes but that still didn't give them a valid point to not see if I wanted to go with them because I could have easily taken after school classes, copied notes from Jesy or Lenni and asked the teacher after the lesson if I hadn't understood anything.

I stretched my hand out to grasp the glass filled with flavoured water and lifted up to meet my lips. I silently drank a few gulps without making a sound, keeping quiet and to myself. I didn't want to socialize with them even if my grandmother had the same surname as they did. That didn't give me any reason to talk to them like I've known them forever.

I just wanted to get out of here and ... well basically I just wanted to get out of here but that wasn't happening anytime soon.

After around twenty minutes after, Patricia had stood and gathered the plates while Doniya helped her take them to the kitchen and Safaa took the drinks and the tiny bits left on the table and into the kitchen. Waliyah stood up, kissed her father's cheek and slumped down on the sofa while turning the television on. I stayed sat down, my eyes slightly wide while I was looking between Yaser and Zayn. They were looking at each other as though they were having a silent conversation through looks and nothing else.

Finally, after what felt like eternity Zayn talked.

"We have to go, c'mon Hazel," Zayn announced stiffly while standing up from his chair and walking next to his father and slightly patting his shoulder. It took me a second to realise that we were leaving and I quickly stood up and pushed the chair back in and followed Zayn out of the dining room without a second glance at Yaser.

His expression told me he knew something that I should know or that he wanted to say something but the way Zayn looked back at him, it was like he was telling him to keep his mouth shut for someone's sake. I ignored it and followed Zayn out of the dining room and into the main hall. He slipped on his black leather jacket and patted his pockets to see if he had everything. He looked up at me and I realised that I needed my jacket.

"I have to get my jacket from upstairs," I said and before he could reply, I silently turned around and climbed the marble staircase, similar to ours but there was only one marble staircase and not two spiral staircase on both the left and right side. I walked through the corridor and opened the door next to Zayn's room which was the only guest room unless you wanted to sleep in the attic or whatever. I walked over to the wooden drawer and slid the top one open and took out a black jacket and slipped it on my dark purple tank top and changed my shoes to black ballerina shoes. I grabbed a black and white scarf on the way out. I walked back out of the corridor and down the stairs while wrapping the scarf around my neck and tucking the last bit of it into the already wrapped part of the scarf.

Zayn was typing something on his phone, leaning his back on the door, and when he saw me he raised an eyebrow in my direction. He locked his phone and slipped it into his jeans pocket. He yelled to his mother that we were leaving and the door slammed shut behind us.

We walked down the long drive way and I could see Louis' car in front of the gate. Zayn opened the gate and let me walk out first before closing it shut behind the both of us. Liam was tapping his fingers on the steering wheel and when he saw us approaching he straightened and gave us a smile. I smiled back and Zayn nodded his head in Liam's direction while giving him a smile in return. I climbed into the back seat and Zayn in the passenger seat. I didn't try to make any sort of conversation with any of them, especially Zayn. The both of them were talking about their next football match with some other school named Twin Peak High School in a town next to Bradford, only twenty minutes away.

After five minutes, we arrived at Niall's house. The house was huge itself, complimented with a huge front garden and on the side you could see a huge pool behind the wooden gates. The front garden was empty and the grass was trimmed neatly with some flowers planted in the middle of the garden shaped in circles and I was guessing they were Mrs Horan pride and joy. We walked up the few steps that lead to the house and Liam pushed open the front door without knocking or ringing the bell.

I followed the both of them to the back where the pool was situated and the rest of the football team together with Niall, Louis, Harry, Jesy and Lenni. I walked over to them and hugged Jesy and Lenni.

"So I don't get a hug?" a voice asked from behind me and I turned around and met Chase's blue eyes and his lips tugged up in a smirk.

"Nope," I joked and he rolled his eyes while I hugged him briefly. I turned around and noticed the group's curious eyes on Chase and I. "Oh, um, this is Chase, Chase these are my friends, Harry, Louis, Liam, Niall, Zayn, Jesy and Lenni." They all gave him a smile and I noticed Zayn's smile was tight and forced looking.

"It's nice to meet you, Chase," Jesy said and took her hand out and shook it with Chase's. Lenni did the same while the guys gave him a head nod.

"Zayn!" Sophia screamed from behind Chase and she quickly ran towards Zayn and smashed her lips against his. He widened his eyes in shock but quickly closed his eyes and kissed her back. I took my gaze off of the both of them kissing and reminded myself that I was on a date with Chase.

I slightly smiled and looked up at Chase since he was almost a foot or so taller than me. Everyone was taller than me and I was shorter than all of them. I felt his arm wrap around my waist, pulling me slightly closer to him.

"You thirsty? Or hungry?" he asked and when I looked up at him, his look said that he looked a bit uncomfortable even though my friends weren't even staring at him. I nodded and he smiled in relief.

"We're going to go get something to eat and drink, see you all later," I told Jesy and she nodded while giving me an approving smile which meant she approved of Chase. I chuckled and rolled my eyes and Chase and I walked over to the table that held the drinks and food. After getting something to drink we both sat down on two deck chairs a bit away from the rest of the people here and stayed talking to each other.

"So you're still 17?" he asked me in astonishment.

I chuckled and nodded. "18 on 1st of June," I stated proudly.

He chuckled at my pride and slightly shook his head. "So your birthday is on the first of June, this is your first time in a real school because you were always home schooled and you're an only child?"

I nodded and he nodded his head.

"So what about you?"

"Well, my name's Chase!" he replied sarcastically and I rolled my eyes. "Birthday is on 23rd of November, I've just moved here almost two years ago and I've been enrolled in this school for a year now and I had an older brother and an adopted sister."

"Had?" I asked him confused.

"Yeah," he nodded, his face slightly fell. "He died with leukemia two years ago, that's why we moved here."

"I'm sorry," I replied, feeling as though I needed to tell him something.

"There's nothing to be sorry about," he replied sadly.

"How old was he?"

"Seventeen."

I nodded and decided to not ask him anything about his dead brother. "How old is your sister?"

His face lit up and he smiled widely, the smile reaching his eyes. "Five next week."

"That's cute," I replied while letting myself smile. "What's her name?"

"Anastasia was her real name but my parents decided to change her name after my brother, Andy. So they named her Andrea instead of Anastasia."

I smiled at him, he looked like he really loved her.

"Let's play random twenty questions," Chase said after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

I looked at him weirdly and after a few seconds I shrugged.

"OK, me first!" he said sounding excited. "Are you a virgin?"

I raised my eyebrow at him and his cheeks slightly turned a slight shade of pink.

"That is a random question," I replied and he chuckled, the slight shade of pink still visible on his cheeks. "And to answer your question, I am still a virgin," I lied. In one way or another I still was but in others I wasn't and it wasn't exactly my fault that I wasn't.

I was still twelve.

"Really?"

I nodded. "Are you a virgin?" I asked him while wiggling my eyebrows at him.

He looked hesitant for a while and a flash of guilt flashed across his face but he quickly covered it up. "Nope."

Was it weird that I actually knew the answer?

I didn't comment on the answer and instead waited for him to ask me a question.

"Any hobbies?" he asked after he realised I wouldn't say anything else.

"I've danced ballet since I was three years old and at the age of around thirteen I started hip-hop and street dancing but then I stopped both around a year ago but I'm starting hip-hop and street dance again tomorrow," I explained and he did look interested, surprisingly enough. "And I love art, too."

"Art as in drawing and painting and that stuff?" he asked and took a sip out of his beer. I nodded and he smiled. "So you know how to do portraits of people and the fancy stuff?"

I chuckled and shook my head. "I did some portraits of people but I just draw what comes to mind. I could just see a tree and decide I want to sketch it until it looks like a replica of it but just a sketch."

He laughed out loud and I found myself seeing him even more attractive than I had seen him. He looked so carefree and innocent while laughing.

When his laughter died away and some people stopped staring, I asked him the next question. "Did you ever love a girl you liked?"

"Yeah but she found another guy after a year and five months together and she just told me straight in my face and went off with him," he replied slightly clenching his jaw.

"At least she told you," I tried to cheer him up. "Did she cheat on you?"

"Not that I know of," he replied and took a few more gulps out of the beer can, tightly grasped between his fingers. "You?"

"What?" I asked, sounding confused.

"Have you ever fell in love with a guy you liked?"

"No," I replied softly and he nodded.

"It's better that way," he replied and I furrowed my eyebrows, confused.

"What do you mean?"

"Love fucks you up and hurts you and makes you miserable as much as it makes you happy and like that person is your everything," he replied and I nodded understanding by what he meant.

"But we never fall in love because we want to," I said. "It just happens, no?"

"You could say that and that's probably the main reason why it fucks you up because you're not expecting yourself to fall in love with someone," he continued, sounding angry and hurt. "It's never equally proportioned. It's always the bad things that are always to happen and the good things only come a few times. There's never a happy ending and there will probably never be."

I stayed silent, not knowing what to reply to his words. He actually sounded extremely hurt and that he really loved the girl but I didn't want to ask him anymore questions about her or probably anything that could bring up memories of her. Silence fell between the both of us and I heard the rest of the football team joking around and Sophia's flirty laugh and giggles over all of the other laughs. At one point I heard a loud splash and a lot of people bursting into fits of laughter. I turned to look over my shoulder and saw Louis' and Harry's head pop out of the pool's rippled surface. They both looked at each other and Louis put his hand on top of Harry's head and pushed him downwards. I chuckled and rolled my eyes.

"Hazel?" Chase said and I whipped my head round to look at him. He was slightly closer and my breath hitched in my throat. "I know that it hasn't been a long time since we met and you'll probably think I'm some freak or whatever," he rambled on and I found myself smiling at how nervous he looked. "Um, well, this is our second date no?"

I nodded and he smiled, his blue eyes twinkling.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" he asked quietly, looking nervous and sort of guilty?

My eyes slightly widened at his request and I was having a battle in my head. Should I say yes or no? Was I even ready to get myself into a relationship? Did I like him as more than friends or dates? I mean dates could just easily be stopped without any fuss whatsoever but a relationship? Like we said before, love comes unexpectedly and we can't control it and that it fucks us all up but I didn't love him. I mean, duh, I have only known this guy what? Two weeks? Or maybe a bit less but still. I couldn't love him and I was 101% sure about that.

I found myself saying yes and his eyes lit up and I quickly found his lips softly colliding with mine and I kissed him back. One thing I noticed was that I didn't have the cliche' 'fireworks exploding' sort of feeling in my stomach but I just felt the normal usual feeling in my stomach and slightly nervous because I was actually kissing a guy but not the 'fireworkds exploding' feeling.

Had I made the right decision or what? Was I supposed to say no or was I supposed to say yes?

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Love you all :)

~Kat xx