Chapter 37: "The Fleeing Demons"

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First draft: May 25, 2021

For the next two days, Salma did exactly as Spogmae had advised. She rested and de-stressed. She left her phone powered off and took days off from the University – which her mother found to be a pleasant relief. Quite frankly, Salma suspected her mother entertaining the idea of giving her drugs to make her lethargic and stay at home and under her watchful eye, forever.

"No coffee-ritual today?" Sarah had asked the first day.

Salma looked up to see Sarah getting ready to leave.

"No," Salma replied, snuggling into her pillow. "Let him know I said salams and that I'll contact him when I find the energy to do so."

"Alright, but if he sends Niall to deliver the coffee at your home, or something, it's not on me," Sarah said staring at her reflection in the mirror as she fixed a pin in her scarf.

"Fine, I'll text him myself then." Salma reached for her phone on the table.

"I was kidding." Sarah slapped her hand away from the phone. "Seriously, you and the Irish look out for each other more than you and Zayn."

"You just made it sound so, so wrong." Salma closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose.

Sarah shrugged.

"I suppose you're right. Dude took a shot for you. No one's upping Zayn for a while," she kept blabbering.

"Just be quiet man," Salma said, sounding exhausted. "And the shot he took was for you."

"Which reminds me, what happened at the Green Coats party the other day?" Sarah continued.

Salma shrugged.

"Nothing much," she said casually. "There was some sort of a discussion going on about security protocols and then they kicked me out."

"That's it?" Sarah frowned. "Looked more serious to me."

"They're nutheads, anyway."

Salma figured she better start clutching some secrets to her heart. A lot of her harmless contacts were now being hounded by Toryal. Giving them too much sensitive information could make them useful targets for Toryal and co.

"Agreed. I got to go now! Happy lazy day," Sarah said, collecting her bag and phone.

"Wait!" Salma sat up to stop her as she was about to leave. "I forgot to ask, what time do you finish today?"

"Don't worry about that. I'm staying in my dorm tonight."

"Sarah, I don't think --"

"I need to ease back into my normal life, Salma," Sarah replied. "Can't let paranoia take control."

Salma still worried.

"I'll be fine," Sarah reassured with the roll of her eyes. "If I can't sleep or something else bothers me, I'll be back on the mattress in your room, I promise."

Salma nodded. Sarah could not sleep on the floor in her room forever. She had her own life to live. Also, since Salma now knew Toryal was out of town, rotting up somewhere in Seattle, she felt mildly better about Sarah going back to her dorm.

"Just be safe," she said.

"Will do." Sarah waved at her before closing the door. "Snore loud!" she shouted from the other side.

Salma heaved a deep sigh.

"Mental."

Salma spent the better half of the morning sleeping, and the other half watching marvel movies and stuffing her face with food. She was doing all she could to stay distracted and not dwell upon her demons. When her head started spinning with all the fast-paced action packed scenes flashing past her retinas, she let her laptop catch a break and dragged herself downstairs around lunch time. Her mother was doing the laundry.

"Do you need help, mum?" Salma mumbled sleepily, reaching for the basket of fresh laundry to put it on the line for drying.

Her mother eyed her looking like a wilted plant, with disapproval.

"Might have, if you looked like you could lift a limb," her mother returned.

"I can. Watch me, momadora! " Salma raised an arm and tossed Asim's pants on the line.

"Funny." Aliya rolled her eyes. "Why don't you call your Uncle after you're done? He has been asking about you?"

"Where is your phone?" Salma asked, not keen on turning her phone on.

"On the coffee table."

Once finished helping her mother, Salma dialed Uncle Dawood. He had probably asked about her but Salma suspected her mother wanted her to talk to Uncle Dawood to get some therapy for her messed up brains, without making her intentions obvious. The previous day, after interrogating Salma about her sudden 'nap' in the laboratory, her father had asked if she wanted to get a therapist. Salma figured Spogmae and Burak had told him her mental state was getting fragile under all the stress. Her father told her she could go to someone else if she was not comfortable with Anne or Uncle Dawood, but Salma declined.

"I think I just need a break," Salma had said. "If it gets too much, I'll seek help."

While Salma's mind wandered aimlessly, Uncle Dawood picked up. His bright smile flashed across the screen when he realized it was Salma who had called.

"Sally!" he cried happily. "Assalamo'alaikom. How's my favorite daughter doing? Where've you been?!"

"Wa'alaikom Assalam," Salma replied flatly. "And I'm your only daughter."

He laughed in response.

"So far." He winked. "I was just letting you know you're still my favorite if we consider my future daughters."

Salma could not help but laugh. She said a silent prayer that Allah grants her Uncle a beautiful princess. Anne and Uncle Dawood had been praying for such a long time. It was a little heartbreaking, but Salma was certain their prayers would be answered one day.

"You're the best!" Salma replied earnestly. "How are things? When are you coming back?"

Salma realized she had really missed him. They talked for almost an hour. A sweetheart that Uncle Dawood was, he never once ventured near any of her stressor topics. Salma figured he was not going to, unless she sought his help. He was just being the other thing he did best. And that was, to be her Uncle.

"Hey, is that Will?" Salma squinted her eyes at the screen. Uncle Dawood looked over his shoulder at his son going about his business in the background.

"Yeah," he confirmed, moving his phone so Salma could get a better look. She quickly covered her face.

"My goodness!" Salma cried, genuinely surprised to see him look like a stick figure in an oversized shirt. "Why did the MIT turn my cousin into a hobo? Do they not feed him?"

Her Uncle laughed again. Will looked up and, like the doofus that he was, made funny faces and started dancing like an idiot, upon realising the camera was focused on him.

"This coming from you is like the raven calling the crow black," Uncle Dawood teased her.

"Absolutely not true!" Salma denied the allegation. "I'm certain I weigh more than him at this point. Look at him!"

Uncle Dawood looked over his shoulder again.

"Would be interesting to see if this is actually true," he said before removing one of his ear phones and turning to his son. "Sally sends her regards, Will!"

Will froze at an odd angle with his arms still raised. His eyes popped out of his already pale face.

"What?" he cried.

"She thinks you look fabulous!" Uncle Dawood teased his son. Salma giggled as she saw Will getting colored 'panicked'.

"The heck you doing, Unc!" he cried in embarrassment, quickly jumping out of shot. "You said it was Alley's call!"

Salma laughed her head off.

"Sally, any chance you recorded that?"

"Stop!" Will's cry of humiliation mingled with their roar of laughter.

***

Salma sat across from Zayn at their usual spot – the benches under the canopy at the far end of the lawns.

"You doing okay now?" he asked.

Salma forced a smile.

"I'm good, thanks," she replied, taking another sip of her coffee just to appear normal.

The both of them had been trying their best to keep the obvious awkwardness and tension between them at bay. However, Salma knew it was just a matter of time before the elephant forced itself to be addressed.

"Listen, I . . ." Zayn began, proving her suspicions correct. He tapped his fingers on his cup, choosing his next words carefully. "I have something planned. If you are free, we can go and --"

"Go where?" Salma asked a bit too hastily.

"Nowhere too far," Zayn quickly reassured. "Just around campus."

Salma's stomach churned.

"I was hoping we could take a walk down the memory lane --"

"I really don't know about that --!"

"-- to fix it!" Zayn continued. "It's not going to be like the other day, trust me. Look, both of us know there's a wall between us and unless we address it, it's not coming down."

Salma swallowed, chewing on her inner cheek nervously. Zayn had only said out loud what she had been thinking for the past two days. She had to face her demons and take them head on. She could not really live with a time-bomb of haunted images and memories in her head, which went off and took her down every time it was triggered.

"Bee, remember when you told me to not give up on you?" Zayn asked. "You said, 'Don't ask me how to win my trust, show me why I should place it in you?'"

Salma searched his eyes. He seemed earnest in his request and confident in what he was doing.

"Let me fix what I have broken, please?" he requested softly.

Salma chewed on her lips. Revisiting the past? Again? After all that had happened just a few days ago?

"Please?" Zayn insisted, his eyes going to and fro between her. "I promise I'll protect you against it. You won't get hurt."

Salma inhaled a deep shaky breath, and closed her eyes.

"Okay," she whispered. "But if it overwhelms me --"

"We'll drop it!" Zayn quickly agreed. "Well go find Bees or something!"

Salma opened her eyes to scowl at him.

"What did you say?" she asked.

"No, like genuinely go find bees!" Zayn said in all honestly. "I know a place near the Botanical Gardens where they grow flowers and stuff. The Animals Sciences folk have collaboration with them for Bees --"

"I know about that!" Salma interrupted. "What do you mean by go find bees!?"

"Like literally go there and watch bees!" Zayn explained the obvious. "It'll be fun!"

Salma fixed him with a hard glare. He seemed serious but she had to make sure. If she were to find a minuscule trace of ridicule, her coffee would find residence in his hair. So far, however, it seemed her coffee was meant to be drunk, not dumped.

"What? You think I'm poking fun at you? You kidding me, right?" Zayn laughed awkwardly, finding her suspicious gaze bizarre. "Why would I do that?"

Salma looked away, grumbling.

"Something you should ask yourself," she said. "That's what you've been doing all along."

"Oh come on, Bee! I am serious!" Zayn chuckled. "Why would I make fun of your interest in bees when I've been trying to win one over for years now?"

"Very funny." Salma rolled her eyes, desperately trying not to crack a smile.

Zayn shook his head in amusement.

"Anyways." He sobered up. "Shall we go?"

Salma took in a few deep breaths, preparing herself for the incoming madness. She slung her bag over her shoulder and grabbed her phone and coffee.

"Let's go." She stood up, uttering a silent prayer for Allah to give her the strength to go confront her demons - and the devil she married.

***

The air became thicker around them as they walked towards the alley they had avoided a few days ago. Salma felt her chest constrict and her shoulder blades hurt with the tension in her muscles. She looked around when they reached the dead end. The alley was exactly as it had been the last time they were there; it was surrounded by tall red brick walls of the dormitory building, water pipes climbing high above their heads and ferns and vines growing out of the crevices between the bricks.

Except, now on the walls lingered a painful memory. Salma could almost hear the words haunting the small space as they were hurled at her, branding her mind with a searing reminder of his harsh words.

Salma swallowed to ease the tension in her jaws and clear her clogged throat.

"So what happens next?" she asked, trying her best to shut down the voices screaming at her from all sides.

Zayn took in a deep breath and reached for his bag, unzipping it.

"Here is where I said some pretty crappy things to you," he began, taking some papers out. Salma frowned as he unrolled them. They were almost the length of half a poster. Zayn picked one out of the stack. "I said – and I'm really, really sorry about it. I can't apologize for that enough – I said, 'So you mind my touch now? You did not have a problem throwing yourself at me back in the forest' or something along that horrible line," he finished, embarrassed, unable to look her in the eye.

Salma flinched to hear those words again.

"I regret saying that," he muttered, "and I believe this is how it should have gone once those words left my mouth."

Studying whatever was on the paper for a second on two, Zayn sighed and flipped the paper around.

Salma blinked, then frowned. She leaned closer, to read the words and the graphics.

Zayn pursed his lips nervously as he held the paper up for her. She backed off a little, her eyebrows raising skywards. Her shoulders shrugged with a . . . snort? . . . or was it chuckle? His stomach sank thinking it could be just an act of indifference.

She pointed at the drawing, and looked at him, then fisted her fingers back. Then pointed again.

"I mean . . . yeah," Zayn said uncertainly as she turned to the paper in his hands once again.

Her eyes snapped at him and then she burst out laughing.

His brain suffered a freeze.

And then his jaw hit the floor.

"Huh?"

Salma just waved him off, still laughing. Throwing a glance at the comic he had drawn, she was overcome by another fit of laughter.

Once she keeled over, Zayn found his senses returning. A grin stretched on his face. He found the sound of her laughter exhilarating.

God! How he had dreamt of hearing that sound again! He rolled the drawing up, chuckling at her state.

"Now I feel bad for myself." He pouted.

"I'm sorry." Salma sniffed, still laughing as she wiped away tears of jest. "Can I see it again, please?"

"No." Zayn pushed the comic behind his back.

"Oh, come on!" Salma wiggled her fingers. "I promise I won't laugh. It was just so unexpected . . ."

She laughed again, but stifled it quickly to prove a point.

Zayn shook his head in amusement. "Such a poor liar."

He carefully leafed the comic away from the rest of the stack and handed it to her.

"It was meant for you anyway." He smiled. "And I'm glad you found it funny."

Salma grinned, opening the comic. She giggled again. It was still funny.

It was a short comic of a five frames. In the first frame, a cartoon version of Zayn yells the horrendous words to a young girl in a niqab – the cartoon version of Salma. In the second frame, the girl is glaring at him with shock and anger, her eyes flashing dangerously.

"What did you say?!" her bubble read.

In the third frame, the girl spins on her feet in a tornado of black and yellow colors, and flashes of lightening.

"I'll show you how I throw myself at you!" her electrified bubble screamed in fit of fury.

In the fourth frame, which covered most of the center space of the paper, she had turned into a super Bee, donning a costume of black and yellow, with wings and a golden stinger. She charges at a terrified Zayn who was trying to run away, while the Super Bee was aiming a truck load of javelins – that Zayn had named 'super stinger' - at him.

"This is how I throw myself at you! And this! And this!" her three bubbles of anger read.

In the last frame, a battered and disfigured Zayn was seen walking out of the alley towards a bewildered blond boy – that Salma suspected was Niall – while Salma, back in her normal attire of an abaya and a face veil, was calmly walking out of the alley with a wave at Niall.

"What the hell happened to you?!" Niall's shocked bubbled asks Zayn.

"I . . . made her . . . throw. . . herself. . at me . . . ?" Zayn's bubble read, showing his barely conscious state.

"Hi Niall!" Salma's bubble read.

"Hi . . ." Niall's last bubble said, showing his confusion.

Salma laughed again, then rolled the paper up, and turned to Zayn with a big smile.

"Thank you," she said. "I love it!"

"My pleasure," Zayn replied happily. "I have to say, at the most, I had been praying for a more toned down reaction than what I got."

"Aww, did I just hurt you ego with my laughter?" Salma faked a sorry expression.

"Hurt?" Zayn raised a brow. "You just turned Super Bee on my ego and battered the poor thing with Super stingers of laughter like she battered Zayn!"

"I'm . . . honored?" Salma crinkled her eyes some more to make sure he knew she was still laughing at the cartoon version of him.

Zayn chuckled.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," he said earnestly, before hesitantly admitting, "I may or may not have asked Snob's help for writing the Super Bee's part."

"I see." Salma folded her arms. "So it's basically Sarah's character when it turns cool?"

Zayn scratched his neck.

"Um, not really," he said uneasily. "It's her take on how you were in your head when you were mad at me. Like, how you wanted to respond."

"She reckons I was throwing stingers at you?" Salma raised her eyebrows, making a mental note to tell Sarah off for telling Zayn things about her.

"No, she reckons you wanted to give me a good beating," Zayn replied.

"True that." Salma laughed. "So you had to put your spin on how I'd beat you?"

"Yeah, I'm a genius like that." He gave her a smug smirk.

"This alley is getting rather small for your head." Salma returned.

"Rude!"

The two laughed. It was strange to be so jolly in each others company, but it felt good.

"Bee." Zayn sobered up and turned to her seriously, holding her gaze. "I know we can't wipe our minds clean of what happened in our past. We can't rewrite history, but with this, I hope we can co-write it. Have a fun memory in the same corridors of darkness where our demons suck away at our happiness. Maybe like this, every time our pain and regrets catch up on us and try to consume us, we will inevitably think of the lighter moments, and moments of happiness. Moments we can cherish and find peace in."

Salma felt her throat clog again as she gazed at him – this time, from an overwhelming wave of positive emotions. She nodded, smiling.

"Laughter," she managed to utter past the lump of tears choking her. "It's a natural pain killer."

A confused frown broke Zayn's blissful expression.

"Pardon?"

"Nothing." Salma chuckled, realising she had interrupted his moment by a random fact. "Just thinking out loud. Thank you so much. I believe this could work Inshaa'Allah."

"Yeah?" Zayn's face brightened up.

"Yeah," Salma confirmed, before peeking at the stack of papers in his hand. "You got more episodes of 'Super Bee'?"

Zayn quickly flipped the comics away from her, turning to leave the alley.

"A bit too keen, are we?" he said, as they started walking towards the mouth of the alley.

"Don't flatter yourself!" Salma denied, feeling like a feather floating in the air now that she had shed the load of one of her demons in the alley, and left behind her javelins of laughter to deal with it. "I just want to see how else I reacted to your idiocies in Sarah's head."

They exited the alley, continuously bickering back and forth.

"I totally believe that!"

"Show me!"

"No."

"Oh, come on!"

"No."

"I'm not going to ask again."

"Jesus!"

"Christ Alaihi Salam!"

"What?!" Zayn laughed.

"Are you going to show me or not?"

"Alright, alright, this way, your Buzziness! Episode two is waiting for you!"

Author's Note

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