Chapter 33: "The Missing Falcons - II"

Hiyya, lazy losties🤗!

Comment as you read. Goals for a quick update is same as last chapter. Don't see you reaching it, but imma do my bit anyway 😅

Enjoy!

First draft: May 7th, 2021

"Our assessment that Hurayra was their most sought-after target was putting it lightly," Atif Rahman said. "We had downplayed the actual threat, and underestimated the enemy. They were out for his blood. He escaped five assassination attempts within a day of his father's passing. One literally being during his father's funeral. It was a crazy time to live through. From a machete waving attacker among the mourners, Hurayra had walked straight into a barrel of bullets. Zarrar - the mountain of a man that he was - was largely responsible for saving his skin by acting as a human shield."

"How did Zarrar survive that?!" Salma cried out. ". . .if he survived at all?" she added uncertainly.

"A lot of people thought it was miraculous," her father replied, "but the only miracle was the fact that the assailant didn't aim at their heads. Hurayra and Zarrar were both wearing the newly acquired Kevlar vests. It bought them enough seconds to allow the security to neutralize the attackers.

"The very next day Hurayra and Zarrar were both sent into the hiding. No more public appearances for the son of the fallen premier. He was being continuously shadowed by a Tor Gul spy – which we later found out to be a young recruit at the time, Toryal Gul – so sending him underground proved to be nearly impossible. The Chief of Command of the Green Coats at the time, General Rahman, tried to mobilize a quick exit for him. He wanted him out of Sthooriya as soon as possible."

"General Rahman being the famous Doppelganger of your father?" Sarah asked.

"Yes. He and Agha ji were both called Rahman Agha ji in their respective circles and looked very much like each other," Mr. Rahman replied.

"Are the stories about Agha Ji baba switching places with General Rahman in times of need true?" Salma asked, sounding thrilled by the idea of her grandfather doing a bit of sneak-job for the national hero.

Mr. Rahman laughed.

"He was adventurous enough," he replied. "I wouldn't put it past him given the fact that he ran a wolf conservatory of all beings on the planet."

Salma opened her mouth to ask more but much to Sarah's amusement, Mr. Rahman had already dived into the story.

"So, Hurayra went into hiding. A day went by without attacks. Preparations were being made to send him out. Burak was sent to the hideout in secrecy to convey the plans to Hurayra. He was the last person to meet him shortly before his disappearance. Burak maintains that Zarrar was with Hurayra and that Zarrar had gotten in touch with his father in Peshawar.

"According to Burak, Zarrar wanted them to drop the Green Coats plan and follow his father's escape route to fly to Turkey via Pakistan. Turkey being one of the only safe places for him, given the strong ties between Grand Chief Sulaiman and his Turkish counterpart. Burak said Hurayra agreed with Zarrar despite Burak expressing his reservations. However, they had learned not to argue with the hardheaded Zamarud Zai. Hurayra thought Zarrar's plan would be better because, one, the moles within the agency didn't know about it, and two, the freshly birthed and cunning nuisance, Toryal, would be expecting the Green Coats to help him escape the country, not a foreign agency. Burak was sent back to convey the new change of plans to the HQ. The next day, there hideout was exploded to ashes leaving no tangible trace of either Zarrar or Hurayra."

"They were killed?!" Salma cried, aghast.

"That's the most common belief," Mr. Rahman replied.

"Meaning?" Sarah frowned.

"All kinds of theories were floating around." Mr. Rahman answered. "Some said the Tor Guls captured Hurayra and killed Zarrar. There were actual reports of having seen him in their custody at Tor Mahal. Then there was a belief that Zarrar survived and escaped while Hurayra was killed.

"First can't be true because if they had Hurayra, they would definitely have used him as leverage against Lady Nimrah when she became interim Grand Cheif and make her bow before their demands. Second seems doubtful. Zarrar was loyal."

"Seems doubtful?" Salma echoed.

"To me, there's no reason to believe he wasn't loyal," her father replied. "He's just not around to tell us his end of the tale and people in their anger directed the blame on him. The only two people who knew what went down at the hideout when it exploded to smithereens, are not here to set the record straight. Everything else is just speculation."

"So agent Tufan is just speculating?" Sarah asked.

"At best." Mr. Rahman nodded.

"Burak kaka believes he betrayed Hurayra Ma ma," Salma said, frowning.

"Burak is dealing with a lot of loss and guilt. He wishes he was more adamant on changing Hurayra's mind. Burak doesn't know what exactly happened between Hurayra and Zarrar. He just knows that Zarrar was the only one who knew Hurayra's hideout when he went into hiding, as well as the escape plan that they decided to follow, so he believes Zarrar had flipped agencies at some point and ratted Hurayra out. However, General Rahman believed otherwise. There was some curious activity reported around the valley and near the border that he believed was Zarrar's father trying to get them out to safety the next day."

"I read somewhere that General Rahman was at odds with Sulaiman? Could he have switched loyalties?" Sarah asked.

"And killed the premiere? Impossible!" Mr. Rahman denied vehemently. "He and Grand Chief Sulaiman respected each other despite having differences. Also, Hurayra reached out to him in his time of need and Lady Nimrah too, trusted him."

"What about Spogmae?" Sarah asked. "Did the two men have a problem with each other over her?"

Salma turned to her father expectantly.

"None that I know of." Mr. Rahman shrugged, looking a bit uncomfortable  discussing his subordinates' potential love triangle. "I know about Hurayra's interest in her. He never knew when to shut up. Zarrar, I don't know about. And even if he was interested, I don't think he'd actually be consumed by such bitterness that he'd betray his friend like that. Like I said, Burak is just dealing with a lot of loss so he'll believe what makes sense to him. I prefer something tangible over mere speculations."

March 3, 2021

Zarrar is part Pakistani, part Sthooriy with his mother having married a Pakistani Pukhtoon from Charsadda district of Peshawar, in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa (KPk) province. His father, Babar Khan was in the army - an ISI agent. They lived in Peshawar until Zarrar was three. His parents divorced and she remarried in Sthooriya. In summers, his mother would take him back to Peshawar so he could spend time with his father. Although divorced, Zarrar's parents are popular for being a perfect pair that treated each other with ihsaan -as the Quran says- even after they parted ways. He never contested her claim on the house in Peshawar that she was gifted as her mahr, and she in return, never put any restrictions on his access to their son. The two always talked highly of each other.

Growing up in Sthooriya, Zarrar later joined the army as his father. He was one of the four Fighting Falcons.

"What are you reading?" Sarah asked.

"About Zarrar," Salma replied.

"Makes you think what the truth is, don't these stories?"

"I know," Salma replied. "I wish I could go back in time and actually see what happened. Why did the people think Hurayra Ma Ma was captured alive? Why did they think Zarrar survived the blast? And if any of that is true, where are they now? Imagine if any of them is actually alive?!"

Salma's eyes were saucers of excitement as she started living in a fantasy where old heroes of her family and country were alive and well.

"I want to know about General Rahman's role in all of this," Sarah said, partly because it was true and partly to pull her friend out of her reverie before the false hope consumed her totally. The chances that any of the two men survived seemed slim. Not to mention, even if they had survived, with so many enemies, they were probably dead not too soon later. "Dude seems fishy. . ."

Salma glanced at her out of the corner of her eye and snorted. Sarah had this frown knotting her brow as she tried making sense of the mysterious disappearance of the two Falcons.

"I find it amusing that instead of the main players of the tale, like Zarrar Khan, or his ISI agent father, you are thinking about a minuscule side character's role in the whole mess," Salma said.

"That minuscule side character in the narrative we just heard wielded the most power," Sarah replied. "He was the spy chief. One, that had issues with the assassinated premier. If anyone has done anything to Hurayra, it's on the orders of a more powerful person. One of the usual suspects being Agha Gul, the other, this spy chief."

"Or it could be as simple as Burak Kaka said," Salma replied. "Zarrar fell out with Hurayra Ma Ma."

"I think Agent Tufan is just being dramatic." Sarah rolled her eyes. "I am more inclined to believing your father. There's nothing concrete to suggest Zarrar's betrayal."

Her phone beeped with a text.

Salma broke out of her train of thoughts and checked her messages. Her spine tingled with a raking shiver.

A Z Grace: 🐝❤️

A Z Grace: - Zayn.

Salma's heart stopped.

What in the world?!

She shot to her feet and out of her room.

"What happened?!" Sarah called after her as she raced downstairs. Salma skidded into a halt in front of her surprised parents, who were sitting on the couch watching news.

"Dad did you allow Zayn to use my number?" she asked hastily.

"Yeah," her father replied casually before switching channels. "Why?"

Salma saw her mother turning to her husband, caught off guard.

"You did what?" she asked in a crossed whisper.

"I . . ." Salma hesitated. "Nothing, he's just texted me."

"What did he say?" her mother asked, her tone snappish. She was definitely not impressed.

"He signed it as his name," Salma replied, not keen on sharing his emojis. "Probably wants me to know he has the permission now."

"Which was completely unnecessary." Her mother frowned.

"I suppose," Salma mumbled, backing off now. She decided to get back to the safety of her room before the situation could get more awkward. Also, she now had a new problem quite literally in her hand.

How was she to respond to a text like that?! By ignoring it or with an emoji?

Salma ran back upstairs just as quickly as she had raced down.

"Sarah!"

***

First draft: May 3, 2021

Putting the phone down, Zayn exhaled a tired sigh and rubbed his hands on his face, pressing the tips of his fingers against his eyes.

It had been close to five hours now, and she was yet to respond to his text.

"Sir, is that all?" the waiter's voice reached him.

"Yes, please," Robert replied.

"I'm done too." Hamza responded.

"Zayn, you wanted to order something else?" Robert asked.

Zayn removed his hands from his face.

"No, I'm good," he replied, turning to the waiter. "That would be all. Thank you."

As the waiter left their table, Hamza stood up too.

"Excuse me for a minute, iikhwani!" The kid grinned.

"Excused. Get out of here." Robert shooed him.

Zayn gave the junior a tired smile before folding his arms and sitting back. He eyed the pristine chandelier above their heads reflected onto the smooth, dark surface of his phone, waiting. Her father had said he could text or call her. It only made sense that she had talked to Mr. Rahman and given her consent. However, her silence twisted uncomfortable knots in his stomach. Perhaps she never really consented to this.

"You alright?" Robert asked.

Zayn was aware of his friend studying him from across the table. Throwing one last glance at his phone, Zayn flicked it away to make space for resting his elbow on the white satin square draped on the scarlet table cloth.

"In a manner of speaking," Zayn replied.

"And in a manner of not speaking?" Robert asked.

Zayn sighed.

"It's your girl again?" Robert guessed.

Zayn smiled at that.

"You like that, huh?" Robert chuckled. "What happened? I thought you said things had improved between the two of you?"

"They did." Zayn sighed again. "It's just that. . ."

Robert raised his eyebrows.

"I don't think she's into it, Rob," Zayn said, sounding exasperated with the situation. "It's like she's forcing herself to do it. I don't like it."

Robert inhaled a deep breath.

"You think she's frustrated --"

"Uncomfortable," Zayn corrected. "She's uncomfortable in my presence and I can see her tensing up the moment she realizes I am around. And then she pretends to be all cheerful. I --"

"Hate it," Robert finished. "Understandable."

"It's horrible," Zayn breathed out.

"Look, from the sounds of it, she's doing the best she can, bro," Robert tried to comfort him. "Would you rather she starts screaming abuses at you the moment she sees you?"

"No," Zayn said promptly, "but I don't need her pity either."

"You think she pities you?" Robert laughed in disbelief.

"What else could it be?" Zayn almost snapped.

"She's the one in a pitiful condition, mate," Robert said. "I think she's just trying to make it work. Learn to love you."

"I like your optimism." Zayn massaged his temples with one hand. "But I don't share it."

"It's not optimism," Robert said, pulling back as the waiter started putting his order in front of him. "Thank you," he muttered to the waiter before turning to Zayn. "It's more of an observation based on what you've told me - an analysis. Look, she no longer flees your company and she's making an effort to respond in kind. I think she'd be greatly offended if she realizes you dismiss all her hard work on her emotions as pity for you."

The waiter put Zayn's steak in front of him.

"Thanks," Zayn muttered.

"Good luck against the Sounders, sir." The young waiter smiled. "Grab a win!"

Zayn chuckled.

"Thank you. We'll do our best."

As the waiter slipped away after putting Hamza's order on the table, so did Zayn's smile.

"I'm just worried she's pretending to be okay with it all," Zayn confessed to Robert. "I really don't want her to fake it with me. Imagine believing someone loves you when in reality they're just crumbling inside because they're forcing themselves to tolerate your existence all the time. It's a terrible way to live. I don't want that for her."

Robert considered his words as he took a bite of his lasagna.

"What if her feelings towards you are genuinely changing?" he asked, using a napkin to wipe his mouth. "You're going to regret messing it up if you keep suspecting her intentions every time she's nice to you. What makes you think it's like that?"

"A lot makes me think it's like that!" Zayn argued. "For starters, she's very clearly uncomfortable in my presence. She almost never initiates a conversation or an interaction. There's no excitement or enthusiasm on her part. It's almost like she's dead on the inside. I'm almost always unsure if I should keep going or step back? What if I'm crowding her and she's just taking it in quietly, getting miserable each passing day?"

"Why don't you ask her?" Robert asked. "Get some sort of a communication going?"

Zayn said nothing as he twisted his fork around. He turned to his steak but did not eat. Robert studied the ace striker on the team crumbling under the weight of the building anxiety due to the uncertain future of his relationship.

"You're scared she'd confirm these fears of yours?" Robert guessed.

"I feel like . . . it's unavoidable," Zayn admitted hesitantly. He got busy cutting up his steak to avoid meeting Robert's gaze. "I fear once her problem is resolved, she would leave. I don't want to force her into anything but I really don't want her to leave, Rob. I just wish I knew a way so she would accept me by her will, not because her circumstance gave her no other choice but to tolerate me. I want her to love being with me. I want her to forgive me, Rob." He threw his fork away, feeling defeated. "I just want her to forgive me."

Robert put his fork down too. He could feel Zayn's frustration built up. It was radiating off of him in waves.

"I think she's making an effort to do so --"

"It's a conscious effort she's making!" Zayn cut him in. "It's not her natural instinct. Her natural instinct is to hate me!"

"Who can hate you?" Hamza said as he slipped back in his seat, taking the both of them by surprise. "Must be one messed up individual."

"Where did you run off to?" Robert frowned. "Your food's gotten cold."

"Nah, I don't care about it burning my tongue. And, I just got cornered by some fans. Took thirty seven selfies," Hamza said excitedly as he attacked his steak. "So, who's the messed up nutcase that hates you, Cap'n?"

Zayn, who had resorted to drinking water to calm down, shot his oblivious teammate with a deadly glare. Robert tried to kick the kid under the table to warn him to shut up.

"She's not messed up," Robert said, more to placate Zayn then to defend his girl. "He messed her up."

"Nah, I done believe it." Hamza waved Robert away then turned to Zayn. "Cap'n, take my advice, leave her. Gold diggers everywhere. You deserve better."

"Kid, you're inviting your death. Be quiet," Robert warned.

"No, I know what I am talking about," Hamza continued. "I might have, err, overhead a bit of --"

"You mean you eavesdropped over everything?" Zayn snorted.

"Not everything!" he cried in defense. "I just overheard that this girl --"

"Lady," Robert corrected.

"Lady is playing hard-to-get and Cap'n is hurting. Where's the good in that?"

"She's not playing hard-to-get. I hurt her" Zayn said quietly.

"Pshht! I believe that." Hamza rolled his eyes, as he somehow managed to do the impossible; talk a lot as he ate a lot. "What did you do? Not gift her a million dollar car the moment it struck twelve on her birthday? Smiled at another lady in her presence. Not --"

"Kid, just shut up!"

"Even if you did some mess up, I'm sure you apologized and tried to make amends, did you not?" Hamza continued unabated.

"I did," Zayn admitted half-heartedly.

"Then she should have forgiven you if she's a good person," Hamza concluded with a shrug. Half his steak had already vanished.

Zayn did not reply. Instead, he turned to his own food just to keep doing something as he avoided any more discussion on the matter.

"It's not that simple," Robert interfered.

"Why not?" Hamza challenged. 'Assuming she's a Muslim." Zayn nodded when Hamza gave him a questioning look. "She should have forgiven him a long time ago. We're not supposed to keep grudges when people show remorse, apologize and make amends. She should --"

"No, she shouldn't --"

"Allah obligates us --"

"He really doesn't."

"'And let not those of you who possess grace and abundance' all the way to 'they should pardon and turn away.' the whole ayah is about forgiveness," Hamza argued.

"A misquoted ayah."

"She -- wait what?!" Hamza backtracked. "How? What do you mean a misquoted ayah?"

"If you'd stop talking for two seconds, I'd explain." Robert deadpanned.

Zayn watched the two go back and forth with much interest. He was glad he was out of their conversation. With Hamza back, he no longer felt like sharing his insecurities. His teammate pressed his lips together as if realizing for the first time he was continuously talking over Robert, and blinked.

"The ayah encourages forgiveness. It doesn't obligate it," Robert began explaining. "The Qur'an is very clear on the matter. Forgiveness is a victim's sole right. You can't guilt people into forgiving someone. Allah talks about the Muttaqûn– people of piety – who will attain Jannah in Surah Hijr. He says, 'And We shall remove from their breasts any sense of injury (that they may have), (So they will be like) brothers reclining on thrones facing one another.'

"Allah acknowledges that people, who are really good human being - people of taqwa who guard themselves against sins, people who will actually get into Jannah - can get really badly hurt and they can't move on from that. The word used to describe this kind of hurt and ill-feelings in this ayah, is 'ghill' --"

"What?" Zayn asked.

"Ghill," Robert repeated. "You see, in the Arabic language abstract words, like ill feelings, hurt, love et cetera, are associated with something concrete so you can visualize it and understand the concept better. One of the words that 'ghill' shares roots with is 'Ghalal'. You know, the warriors back in the day used to wear heavy armors to protect themselves. And their heads were covered with helmets, but their necks were left exposed. So what they used to do was to put a metal collar around their necks and they would secure the collar with nails into the armor to avoid cuts to the neck during movement. Those nails - that would go deep inside the armor to make sure the collar did not come lose and cause injury during a fight - were called, 'Al Ghalal'. Using this device would render the fighters in an uncomfortable state, but they would do so to protect themselves.

"From 'Ghalal'  you get the word 'Ghill'. When Allah uses this word to describe the grudge or animosity one has in their hearts, it's as if the hurt and the pain is drilled into your heart like that nail drilled into the armor, and you feel like you need to hold onto that grudge, that feeling to protect yourself and you keep your distance from the person that has scarred you because are constantly worry that if you put your guard down, they'll take advantage of it and hurt you again. It becomes a self-defense mechanism."

As Robert continued to explain the concept, Zayn could not help but feel overwhelmed with how accurately the feeling being discussed described the anguish he suffered in his relationship to Lenny. The pain, the fear, the inability to let go, the excruciating memories, the paranoia of being played again. . .

"And yet it's painful corrosive feeling to carry," Robert continued, "like the one wearing the armor. It's uncomfortable and they start rotting you on the inside, but still you cannot bring yourself to let go, the fear and hurt is too deep. Allah acknowledges that this anxious, tormenting feeling is a heavy and painful baggage to carry. Therefore, one of the rewards Allah promises us is that the believers would be in each other's company in Jannah and their hearts would be cleansed off of any 'Ghill'  they had for each other. They'll only know peace within, and security in their surrounding in the Gardens of Jannah. May Allah make us from them."

"Ameen," Zayn and Hamza murmured.

"I have a question though," Zayn began carefully. "How does this fit in with the ayah that Hamza quoted. If there's room in the Qur'an to hold grudges, what of forgiveness?"

"The ayah that he quoted pertains to people who have the power to take revenge but withhold," Robert answered. "It does not address the weak and poor people, mind you. Secondly, Allah acknowledges that it's a really hard thing to actually forgive someone when they've caused you so much pain, so He gives a huge incentive. To the one who forgives and holds back despite having the power strike back, Allah says, 'pardon and turn away. Do you not love that Allah should forgive you?'"

"Then," Hamza began, looking unnerved. "Then Cap'n is doomed? Unless this lady forgives him, isn't he?"

The knot in Zayn's stomach tightened painfully.

"Not really." Robert frowned. "You're confusing Allah's forgiveness with a human's. These are two different things. Allah not only forgives but wipes out previous sins and turns them into piles of good deeds. Humans? Not so much. Sometimes you're hurt and the person you can't forgive isn't a bad person either but the pain is impossible to overcome and Allah says that's okay. It does not make either of them an evil since both attain Jannah, remember? The ayah said they won't have any bad feelings towards each other in Jannah - meaning both had goodness in them. It just means they're human; both, the one who made the mistake and sought forgiveness, and the one who got hurt and couldn't forgive."

"So I really don't stand a chance with her?" Zayn laughed bitterly. "Her hurt is genuine. No one can argue that. I --"

"All I can tell you is, she's hurting too," Robert interrupted his depressing rant. "You should be patient with her if you can, and give it time. Prayers are our best weapon against anything. Allah teaches us a dua in the Qur'an, 'Wa la taj'al fe quloobina ghill lal lilladhina aamano.' 'Do not allow 'Ghill' in our hearts for those who believe'. However, you can only control your side of the street. If it doesn't work out, and at any point you realize she's taking advantage of your guilt, and manipulating you, leave. There's no room for getting played for a fool in our religion."

"She's not like that," Zayn muttered.

"That's what she'd like you to believe," Hamza said. "If she's giving you a tough time for a stupid mistake, she's manipulative and not worth your --"

"What I did is categorized as an assault!" Zayn snapped. "She was given a choice to use me to counter one of her problems with a temporary paper marriage and she refused. She pushed for a proper marriage - a genuine relationship! She's the most fair person I've known and if you don't stop insulting her like she's some soulless opportunist, I'll pay the kitchens to cook you and then the diners to eat you!"

Hamza's eyes became the size of an ostrich egg. Robert laughed at the expression.

"You. . ." Hamza swallowed. "You assaulted a girl?"

"A Lady."

"A lady!" Hamza whispered.

Zayn looked away, ashamed

"You can't have. I – I don't believe --"

Robert clapped Hamza's shoulder. "I tried protecting you from the harsh realities of the world, my child. Never idolize a human being as if he's an angel. He, indeed, messed up. Big time!"

"Then why's she with you?!" Hamza cried in disbelief, completely ignoring Robert.

"I thought you said she's a waste of his time, a gold digger and manipulative?"

"That's before I know what he'd done!" Hamza shot back at Robert.

"Use it as a good lesson to not judge people without knowing their stories."

"Cap'n?" Hamza ignored Robert again. "How's she still with you?"

"She thinks it is wrong to misuse a nikkah like that," Zayn replied unable to meet the kid's disappointed gaze. "And also that it's unfair to me if they just use my signature on the nikkah paper and then send me packing. I don't know what to do. She needs me and I love her."

Hamza just sat quietly for the rest of the dinner, having trouble comprehending what he had just heard.

"How did you find a girl like that?" he whispered after a while.

Zayn chuckled bitterly.

"She found me," he replied, strangely amused by Hamza's complete change of opinion on Bee despite his heavy heart. ". . . hanging upside down a tree,"  he added in his head.

"Don't give up on her Cap'n," Hamza said after a while. "Bob Marley said, 'if she's beautiful, she's not easy, if she's easy, she's not beautiful.' If what you've told us about her is true, do everything you can to win her back."

Zayn wanted to laugh at his drastic switch of sides, but the earnest way in which he said those words made Zayn promise.

"I will."

A beep interrupted them.

Zayn's heart soured to the skies seeing the notification that popped up on the screen of his phone.

Author's Note:

A bit of a banger, this chapter😏. Packed with revelations, several of them! Which one's are you most looking forward to unraveling?😁

Vote, comment and share. Reach the goal for a quick update, lazy losties😉

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Lots of love,

J.