weight

16.

weight.

mass.

whatever you called it,

they were numbers.

numbers you based

your loveableness on

and numbers you based

your worth on.

that was the first step

in the wrong direction.

you were always sensitive

about the topic,

and disliked your skin.

too much,

it burnt in the back of your mind.

and gradually,

without even your own knowledge,

your goals started to progress:

whether that was losing

or gaining, it began to happen.

and it took a comment

for you to notice it,

that change in yourself.

finally, you were heading

where you wanted.

but those words,

they made you doubt

the lessening and defining

of your figure.

"you look so thin."

"haven't you been eating?"

hearing diluted slurs about

how you were always

"chubby", "plumpish", or

"bigger",

it shattered your soul

to hear negativity

against your lifetime idea

of beauty.

confidence.

happiness.

was what you wanted...

bad?

was what you wanted...

unacceptable?

would you still be allowed

to express your cheer,

or would you have to

apologise shamefully?

that you had lost weight

without consent or input

from anyone else?

the thoughts tumbled

and churned in your head

anxiously and impatiently.

what would it be -

their opinion,

or yours?

whichever choice you made,

I hope you never forgot

that the people that matter

will love your mind and soul,

and not the numbers

that show up

when you step on a scale.

none of that matters,

but the happiness that grows

in you

for you.

🌱