Twenty-Four

On my way to work that morning I was already feeling the nerves. The nerves about my date that isn't a date tonight and my nerves about seeing 32. I couldn't help but feel completely guilty even though I hadn't actually done anything.

We never said we were exclusive and we never said we were in an actual relationship of any kind.

Hell, he's locked in a mental facility and won't even speak!

The more I think about this the weirder it gets...

What am I doing?!?

Maybe I should rethink our whole relationship or whatever this is. This is BEYOND unprofessional and pretty fucked up if you think about it.

But every time I think of that I can't help but think of him. How drawn I feel to him, how each of his touches makes me feel so good. How just looking him in the eyes can take my breath away.

I should talk to Dylan about this... He's dated a bunch and he's a really good person so I know he'd give me good advice.

As soon as his familiar arm wrapped around my shoulders as we headed towards 32 I stopped turning to him.

"Hey Dill, can we get coffee and talk? I need to ask you about something."

"Of course Ope, what's up?" He asked as we made our way towards the coffee area that I had still yet to go to. I wasn't going to let Dylan stop me this time with his weird manners or whatever the hell that was. I'm honestly curious about what its like. I've worked here a long time and never really felt the need to go but now that Dylan wouldn't let me I really want to.

We head up and he seems pretty relaxed. He's not trying to pull me in the other direction or convince me not to go, he's just letting it happen. Maybe I was just reading too much into the situation. I mean, what could Dylan possibly be trying to hide?

We took the elevator up and I actually almost got lost, never really coming to this floor much.

We walked in and sure enough it was a normal cafe. Nothing suspicious or weird, completely normal. Maybe I really am going crazy. I've got to get my head sorted out soon, who knows what I'll start doing. You definitely don't want to show any signs of mental illness while working in a mental hospital. They'll notice it and lock me up before I even now what's happening.

That's one of the reasons I haven't really told anyone about 32. I don't know how they'll react. I need to be more careful, before we get caught. It wouldn't affect him much but I'd be in deep shit.

Dylan and I settled down and I sighed. With all of these people around I'll have to make sure to speak quietly. I don't think they can hear me unless they're actively trying to eavesdrop but still. Better safe than sorry.

"Um, well I wanted to talk to you about 32." I said softly and Dylan raised his eyebrows.

"Well, you know I don't like it. I think he's dangerous and think you need to stay away from him before he hurts you, or worse.

I frowned. I really don't think he'd ever hurt me. I can't help but trust him and actually feel safer when I'm with him. I don't think he's dangerous. If anything Dylan's words were just making me reflect on what a good guy he is.

He doesn't seem to be an asshole like Jake was. He doesn't seem like he just wants me for my money or to cook and clean after him, considering I haven't done anything for him. He doesn't seem like he's using me. He seems to genuinely care.

"Mhmm..." I mumbled, my mind lost in thought.

I was looking out a nearby window but I swear, in my peripheral vision I noticed Dylan looking smug and proud of himself...

I must just be imagining something. Or maybe he's lost in thought too and it has nothing to do with our conversation.

"Is that it? I don't think we had to go out for coffee for that. You could've asked me anytime." He said laughing a little and I smiled a fake smile back at him, nodding my head.

"You're right. I'm sorry, we should head to work before we're late."

Dylan nodded and we made our way back to 32. I was silent the entire walk. There were too many thoughts, too many perspectives to consider.

I really wanted to go out with Raphael but I didn't want to somehow betray 32. Maybe if I make sure its not a date, that its totally platonic, then I can get to know Raphael and see if this is even something I should let myself think about. I won't cheat on 32, even if what we have isn't technically official, hell I'm not even sure he understands what official is.

Yes, that's what I'll do. I don't need to be drowning in guilt. I can find a way to figure everything out without even approaching the idea of cheating.

As soon as we got closer to 32's floor I could already begin to feel something within me, pulling, begging for me to get as close as possible to our hot ass patient.

I took a deep breath, fighting against the urge to run right into his arms and expose myself. Dylan already hates that we have a patient-doctor relationship, he'd be horrified if he knew that it was so much more than that.

I'm beginning to have a hard time imagining my life without him. I'm not quite completely attached yet, I could still move on now but I can feel him consuming me more and more by the second.

Aware of this I kind of kept my distance today. Acting more professional and just thinking about everything. I don't want to make any more mistakes. If he ever hurt me like Jake did I don't know what I would do.

I like him so much that I'm not even sure I could leave him and that scares me. He has my whole life in his hands and I'm wondering whether or not that will come back to bite me in the ass.

I think it's safe to say I have trust issues.

Hopefully tonight with Raphael will clear everything up. I just can't stop thinking about his beautiful eyes and strong yet perfect features. Just thinking of his smile makes heat rush to my face.

I noticed that whenever it happens whoever is with me looks at me with an accomplished smirk, as if they knew what I was thinking about.

They couldn't know, could they?

No way, there was no one else on the road.

As soon as it was a reasonable time to leave I bolted out, completely nervous about getting ready for tonight. I don't want to overdo it and come across desperate but I also don't want to underdress and come across as a hobo.

I looked into the restaurant and while its nice its nothing too fancy. Apparently it has really good food but the prices are much more reasonable. I went as far as driving by it to see what people are wearing to get an idea but it was still closed, since they only served dinner.

I was just praying that Kate was home and that she could help me.

I pulled up to the amazing apartment building, handing my keys to the valet guys and shooting them a quick thank you before trying not to run to the elevator in a panic.

As soon as the elevator doors opened I was bursting into our apartment calling for her a little too loudly to find the apartment completely empty. Fuck.

I spotted a note on the counter, quickly reading it.

'Gone for the night and a bit of tomorrow. Dad stuff, sorry! Tell you all about it later.'

I sighed, cursing under my breath. She's the queen of fashion, I'm so screwed.

She leaves for the night a lot for family business. Every other time she's left I couldn't help but be a little excited and I immediately went to spend the night with Thirty-Two but tonight I was about to have a panic attack because she was going to be my key to not freaking out.

I spent the next couple hours tearing apart my closet and doing my best to put on the right amount of makeup without overdoing it and made sure my hair wouldn't become an afro halfway through dinner.

By the time it was time to leave I was stumbling to grab my purse, throwing my shoes on while locking up the apartment.

It was safe to say I was a mess.

A hot mess though.

I put on my favorite pair of skinny jeans with a silk and lace bodysuit and my favorite belt. I through on my favorite black heeled boots and hoped to death I didn't accidentally look like a stripper or a nun.

I finally took a deep breath while in the elevator.

I decided that tonight I would not be thinking about 32. No matter what. Not today, today I'm going to concentrate on Raphael and decide whether this is a friend thing or if I have a problem.

By the time I got to the restaurant I had hyped myself up and tried to show as much confidence as I could.

Sometimes I almost felt like there was something pushing me down, holding back my confidence, but I pushed through it as best as I could. I looked good but to really catch his eye I had to have the confidence to back it up.

Not that I wanted to catch his eye or anything...

We are just going to be friends.

FRIENDS.

Once I stepped out of the car, my head up and a small smile on my lips I could feel people already beginning to look at me. There was something familiar about the feeling but every time I tried to think harder about why I would feel this pouting in my head and I let it go.

I walked into the restaurant, head up, making easy eye contact.

It was a little difficult at first to force my body to act this way but deep down I knew this is what I wanted to do. It felt right.

I walked up to the hostess and smiled at her.

"Hi, I'm here to meet someone, I don't know if he's already here? His name is Raphael?"

The hostess nodded before telling me to follow her.

The restaurant was gorgeous. It was cozy but modern, the perfect ambiance and I had managed to pick out the perfect outfit for the vibe of the restaurant, thank god.

The hostess nudged me and I looked over to her confused.

"You look gorgeous by the way, where'd you get that top?" She asked curiously.

I smiled, my face heating up a little while I looked down at my shoes.

NO! STOP IT! CONFIDENCE!

"Thank you! I got it from Aritzia, it was kind of expensive but I got it on this crazy sale."

She said something else but I couldn't process her words as I made eye contact with Raphael.

Shit.

Just friends...