Twenty-Three

Raphael smiled even wider when I said my name and my heart fluttered. There was just something about him that made you immediately like him, I couldn't help but feel the urge to just run into his arms and hug him forever...

That would be weird right?

"Its nice to meet you Opal, I actually just moved here, its nice to meet people, even though this may not be the best scenario..."

I smiled sheepishly. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry you move here and boom, right away I hit you with my car! This is the worst possible welcoming."

He shook his head, looking like he was starting to get a little frustrated. "Please, stop. It wasn't all your fault I was in your blind spot. Please stop stressing, seriously it was no big deal, I have amazing insurance."

I hesitated before nodding which seemed to bother him a little.

I don't know why but everything inside me told me to continue beating myself, that it wasn't okay that I fucked up and I should be punished...

"Do you think I could take you out to dinner Opal? Like I said, I don't know a lot of people around here and would love the company."

"I'd love to but I should be the one showing you around! I should take you out to dinner."

He smiled and nodded. "Deal."

He put his hand out and I gave him my phone. He put in his number, texting himself so he'd have my number too.

"I-I should get going." I said, stuttering slightly. I pointed my thumb behind me and smiled awkwardly.

I'm such a loser oh my god.

I hopped into my car and I found it hard to drive away from him. He was still standing outside his car, staring at me with a strange look of sadness in his eyes.

I didn't know why he was sad but all I wanted to do was make it better,  just didn't know how.

I somehow managed to drive my car away, not being able to find a reason to stay without looking like a creep. I already made a bad enough impression...

As I drove down the empty winding roads on my way home I noticed that this was the first time I had stopped thinking obsessively about 32.

There was something about Raphael that made me forget about all of that. It felt like the two men were fighting for the top stop in my mind. Before 32 took it easily but now...

There was just something about Raphael that just felt more real?

More realistic?

more...

I don't know!

more right.

I just hope I didn't freak him out with my awkwardness. He was so calm and collected and had such a calming presence but everything inside of me went on overdrive, I was almost trembling in nerves.

Maybe I shouldn't be driving a car...

I couldn't help the smile on my face but for some reason as I drove up to mine and Kate's apartment I felt it slip from my face. I got a wave of regret and shame. How could I talk to someone else besides 32?

I'm basically cheating, agreeing to go out to dinner with him!

And my brain was not putting him in the friend box so it wasn't like I could go out platonically like I do with Dylan.

What am I saying he probably would never even be interested in a loser like me....

Even Jake didn't want me! And he was a lazy messy mean drunk.

Raphael was wayyy out of my league, he probably just wanted a friend because he's new here. Or maybe this is a way to get back at me for wrecking his truck?

Even 32 was out of my league.

Even Jake was.

I sighed as I walked through the door, greeted by a very enthusiastic Kate, as always. She bounced up to me, bringing me into a tight hug.

"Hey Kate!" I laughed a little, her happy energy contagious.

"How was your day?" She asked, bouncing back into the kitchen where she was attempting to cook again.

Oh no...

I sniffed the air a little and had to actively hide my cringe to not make her feel bad.

"It was really good actually." I said, blushing a little as I thought back to Raphael.

"You're blushing. What happened with 32, you know how I feel about this whole-"

"Woah! Nothing happened with 32 and I am not blushing!"

Lies. All of it.

"You so are! I understand that you have a connection to this guy but he could be dangerous for all you know! Please just be careful."

Kate had told me this a million times before but I hadn't cared before now. If anything ti drove me further into 32's arms... But now?

I'm starting to see what she means. What I'm doing is a little crazy, isn't it. Something about Raphael is making me more and more aware of what I'm doing and I can't help rethinking everything...

What am I saying?!

I've literally only had one conversation with the guy I need to calmmmm down.

I took a deep breath and turned my attention back to Kate, just now realizing I had zoned out. There was a weird glint in Kate's eyes, though it was only there for a second, disappearing just as I looked up.

It was almost a look of... Hope? Or accomplishment?

Which made absolutely no sense.

Maybe I was imagining things.

Suddenly there was a loud beeping as our fire alarm went off.

I leapt to my feet and looked around for the fire in complete terror.

God, I'm such a scaredy cat!

I was running away from the kitchen before I could process what was happening and was prepared to leave the building.

"OPAL!" Kate called out and I froze, hand on the door knob, heart beating out of my chest.

"It's okay, I just burnt the salmon a little, there's no fire you're safe. Now come back inside and make me some damn dinner cause there's no way In hell either of us can eat this without getting severely sick."

I nodded my head and tried to slip on a smile. On the inside I was still terrified but I pushed past it. Kate needed dinner and I needed to make it for her. I scurried into the kitchen, whipping up a quick shepherd's pie as Kate sat with a vodka cran, telling me all about her shopping adventures and complaining about her family.

Once I finally finished cleaning the kitchen after we ate I plopped down in my bed and couldn't help my mind from wandering to both 32 and Raphael.

Just as my mind was about to go out of control over analyzing everything I heard a ding! from my bedside table.

I grabbed my phone bringing it to me to quickly check the text before going back to overthinking.

It was portably just a wrong number or something.

My heart stopped when I read the notification.

'Text from: That sexy guy you hit'

I internally laughed at the name, my cheeks flushing a little at what it was inferring.

I quickly opened the notification to read his text.

"Hey Opal, I'd still love to take you out if you're still interested. Bernini's tomorrow night 7:30? "

I couldn't help but squeal a little to myself as I quickly responded. I don't really care if I look desperate I couldn't hold it in.

"Hey I was supposed to take you out to dinner!"

"So is that a no?"

"Of course I'll go but I'm not happy about this." I added the little emoji that looks like its glaring to show him that I'm not really serious.

My cheeks starting to hurt as I waited for his reply.

What the fuck I'm acting like a hormonal teenager.

Pull it together Opal!!!

"Too bad. Can't wait to see you again ;) Good night"

"Good night"

For the rest of the night I just laid in bed with a ridiculous smile on my face, deciding what I was going to wear. The restaurant wasn't really fancy but it wasn't casual either so I didn't exactly have a clear idea of what to wear...

He was tall so I could get away with wearing something with a heel...

I'm overthinking this, but I'M TOO EXCITED!!

Shut the fuck up Opal you're just going out to dinner this isn't a real date.

Even if it was I'm not exactly free to date so I'd have to end it and turn this back into a friendship. At least until I get my shit figured out with 32.

I know we're not technically in any kind of relationship but it's still wrong. I would be devastated if 32 was seeing someone else or secretly had a wife or something... I shouldn't be a hypocrite no one likes that.