37

“Liesl, you have it wrong.” He gently cupped her cheek and stared into her eyes. “I took the pills because I explode every time, I’m near you. I can’t keep it up because you turn me on so much, I’m blowing my load too fast to give you pleasure first. I have zero control with you.”

She swallowed at his words and shook her head, slapping his hand off her face. “You said it was because work made you unable…”

“I didn’t want you to think I couldn’t keep up with my wife,” he said, his eyes searching hers for any sign which would give him hope.

“You need to go get your clothes on and get out.”

“I know if you came with me, if we went to bed right now, you would remember how much I love you and how much you love me.”

“No. What I would feel if I went to bed with you right now is filthy, dirty, and low. You’re married to my sister and unlike her, I won’t fuck my sister’s husband. You can give me all the words and sweet talk in the world, Merl, but the truth is, you cheated. Then if it wasn’t bad enough you cheated, you left me hurting and crying on the floor of your office like I wasn’t worth the time to console or even apologize to.”

“Because I knew if I did, I’d break,” he said softly. “I would break, and I would beg you to forgive me, and I would ask you to leave with me and we’d leave Manchester and never come back. Dad told me what to do and I did it because I want the company for us and our future children. I should have told him to go fuck himself. I’ve lost everything because I listened to him.”

“You lost everything because you slept with my sister,” she reminded him of his transgressions. “If you hadn’t done this, we wouldn’t be where we are.”

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I am so sorry for hurting you and for what I’ve done. I have so many regrets and so much disgust with myself. I wish I could go back in time and fix all of this because I got caught up. I know I fucked up. I know I shouldn’t have let her touch me the first time. I should have not allowed her to threaten you or extort me. I got caught up in panic and worry and I’m sorry.”

“It’s not enough,” she stepped away from him. “Please go put your clothes on and leave.”

“I’ll get dressed but I want us to talk more.”

“Not going to happen. You’ll get dressed and you’ll leave.” She moved backwards again. “Sandy is having your son. You need to go home to your wife.”

“Wife. Fuck her. I hate her guts,” he said bitterly.

“Yet you jump through all the hoops she holds up for you.” She shot back, her own anger resurfacing.

“It’s a McGrath heir in her belly.”

“You put it there.”

“I know,” his tone was calm again. “I know I did. I wish it was you.”

A pinching sensation filled her chest at his words. “Merlin, go put your clothes on.”

“I don’t want to,” he said staring at her. “I want to take you to bed, hold you and never let you go.”

“You don’t get to do that ever again,” she shrugged away the ache in her chest at his words. “You left me broken. You don’t get to come into my life and dictate how I heal.”

“I know you still love me.”

“You know nothing,” she growled angrily shoving his chest as she barged past him. “You don’t know a fucking thing!”

“I know your fling with Machado is a fling to him and you aren’t the kind of girl who does flings. He won’t put a ring on your finger. He won’t give you the family you want.”

His words stung. “Leave Merlin.”

She tried not to look at his ass as he strolled back to the bedroom of her apartment slowly.

“I know you’re looking at my ass,” he called out. “You always liked looking at my ass.”

“I’ve seen better.” She called back and he gave a dry chuckle at her response.

“If you’re talking about Machado’s, you should study it hard. It’s probably all you’ll see of him when he walks away from you.” He turned around giving her a full glimpse of his body with his hands out, “and when he does, you can come back to me, and I won’t ask a single question. We’ll call it even. You fucked my enemy in retaliation for your sister.”

She stood staring at him as he backed up with a smirk disappearing into her bedroom, the rustling sounds of him getting dressed haunting her. “How the hell did you get in here, Merlin?” she asked for what felt the hundredth time.

“You’re meant to be with me, love.” He called back. “You applied to rent from one of our companies. Your name was flagged and so I told the agent to give you whatever you wanted.”

She felt her mouth fall open at his words. She felt rage boiling over at his next ones.

“I have a master key. It was fate which put you back to me. I remain certain if I reminded you,” he sounded breathless as he hopped into his pants, “of how good we are together, you would wait for me.”

“You thought you could seduce me into taking you back?” she rolled her eyes as he reappeared.

“I knew if I made love to you, not the fucking Machado probably gives you without any kind of emotion to it, but actual love making, you would know where you belonged.” He buttoned his cuffs and held her gaze cockily. “You might like the thrill of almost getting fucked in a nightclub or over all the furniture in a hotel room, but you,” he approached her and tapped her nose playfully, “like being loved and taken care of. All of this independence and stomping your feet and spiteful behavior is not who you really are deep down. Your art has improved, I will give you this much. It’s incredible really, it always was. However, you’re not the kind of woman who does emotionless anything, Liesl. You’re an artist. Everything about you is passion and enthusiasm. Our sex life might have gotten a little predictable, but” he was toe to toe with her, his shoes against her bare feet, “you liked being under me, feeling the way our bodies connected from tip to toe without any space between us. You liked how I know every single spot on your body and though you want to say you like the thrill and excitement of taking a new lover, you need something he can’t give you.”

“I’m sure he gives me everything he needs.”

“No, baby, he doesn’t.” He shook his head sadly, “he’ll never love you. He’s not capable. His longest relationship was about three years and he walked out on her without looking back. He doesn’t know how to love anything other than a dollar. He’s not a family, man, Liesl. Once your sister has this baby and I divorce her, you can come home, we’ll plan our own family, and we’ll have ten kids if you want. You know I love you. I fucked up. I won’t even lie about it. I fucked up bad. You can put a GPS tracker in my dick if you need to. I won’t give up on you Liesl.”

“Leave,” she whispered, her voice cracking with emotion.

“I’ll leave.” He dug into his pocket and put the key in her hand. “Here. I won’t use it again until you give it to me.” He kissed her forehead. “I love you, princess. I want us back together and I’ll find a way to make you see who you need to be with. When he breaks your heart, I’ll be there to pick up the pieces.”

“You don’t get to say such things. You broke my heart first.”