6: Falling for you

After my dad helped me clean up the kitchen a little I rushed upstairs, leaving him to get ready for work. He starts officially today at his new publishing firm, well it's not his per-say but he was transferred there. He's an accountant and boy is he good with numbers.

I have no idea what happened down there with Niall. Yes you do.. He was beyond the point of flirting with you.. My subconscious is usually always right but right now I wish she wasn't. He couldn't have been flirting with me, this has to be my mind playing tricks once more. It's because of that stupid dream I had, he doesn't like me. More importantly I can't like him, I won't let myself. There are so many things that get in the way, like the most obvious being he's well, not alive.. Even if I would consider it he can't even touch me, oh my god did I just seriously consider that? This is crazy.. I mean I don't even know anything about him except that's he's a ghost and this was originally his home. Yet I feel like none of that matters, I feel drawn to him for some reason. At first when I first saw him in my room I was freaking out, but now that I really think about it, it wasn't because he was some stranger in my house. Well his house.. But the fact that something within me told me I wasn't supposed to be afraid of him. Because I wasn't, and that's what freaked me out... My heart was saying 'don't be afraid' but my brain was telling me to freak out because he was an intruder.. I need to keep my heart out of this, with this strange new gift I had no idea I possessed. I still don't know how I can see him or why I feel like I can trust him. For now I just need to focus on figuring this all out.

I sighed before quickly climbing the stairs to my room, I don't even know what I'm going to say to him. I just know I need to make sure he's okay, after seeing the look on his face after I ran straight through him. "Niall?" He came into view as I finished my climb and stood at the top of the stairs, his back was to me as he stared out the bay window. I scanned over my room and saw that the boxes I was meaning to put away were thrown all around the room.. Did he do that? Why?

"Niall are you okay?" My voice barely a whisper and he finally turned around, his eyes held a sadness that could not be fixed with words. But I have to try... I was worried I'd find him like this, "I'm doing great Gemmy, never better" his sarcastic tone threw me off, because his eyes spoke something different. "You don't have to talk to me like that.. I was just-"

"Save it, I'm fine I don't need your pity" he scoffed and sat down staring out the window like he usually does. What's his problem? I'm only trying to make sure he's okay.. "I don't think your okay" my voice comes out a little harsher because his attitude was making me angry, if anything I should be angry what the hell was that about downstairs? He made me feel uncomfortable, it wasn't appropriate.. But you loved every second of it I ignored my subconscious and walked over to where he sat so I stood right in front of him. "Yeah well don't think" his voice came out in a monotone, any trace of sarcasm or anger or any emotion really, was gone. It tugged at my heart, and the anger or frustration I was feeling slowly disappeared. "No. I think you want to talk about it" I took a seat beside him with my hands in my lap, the sun was shining down on us at full force now.

As I stared out the window Gemmy took a seat beside me, I found it within myself to stop being such a jerk to her. It's just that I feel any second she's going to tell me off and tell me to leave her alone, and that's something I can't let happen. I won't be able to leave her alone, I'm in too deep now. I can maintain my feelings at bay and never let anything like what happened downstairs happen again. But I won't be able to leave her alone.. "I don't" I sighed, I don't want to say the wrong thing and make my fears come to life. "Niall.." her voice was soft like velvet and it held such a pleading tone, I couldn't keep from looking at her. As soon as I did I was captivated by the way the sun was lighting up her face and her hair looked like it was glowing, her blue eyes looked as clear as day in the light, and it took my breath away..

"I just.." I tried to oblige to her plea but the fear that everything would come out all wrong didn't let me. "Yeah..?" she stared at me to keep going but I couldn't.. "Just forget it" I lowered my gaze from hers and fumbled with my fingers, "So you want me to act like none of whatever that was downstairs didn't happen?" she sighed and I could hear the frustration in her voice. "Then the look on your face when..." she trailed off and I was forced to look back into her eyes. She has to be talking about how she just walked right through me.. Of course she saw the look on my face, It made me feel so angry, so miserable.. "Yes, I want you to forget what happened between us downstairs because it won't happen again. I can promise you that.." I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from trying to reach out to her again, because the look on her face was begging me to. Her eyes flickered away from mine as I said it'd never happen again, and she swallowed hard before looking back at me. Does she want it to happen again? "Well it's hard to just pretend it didn't happen Niall.. but I guess I could try" Her body language betrays her and speaks the total opposite of what she just said.. This has to be in my head, I want her to feel the same thing I feel so bad that I'm over analyzing her actions.

"But do you want to talk about me walking.. um-"

"No, there's nothing to talk about. It's not like it's anything new.." I looked back out the window as the trees swayed in the gentle breeze. "Well okay if your sure.." She cleared her throat, "Yeh i'm sure" I assured her, I didn't want to get into the fact of how terrible not being able to touch her makes me feel. We've had enough awkward moments today, right now included...

"Ok then I-"

"Gemmy! I'm leaving now!" her dads heavy steps could be heard coming up the stairs and I couldn't help but chuckle at his impeccable timing in situations like this. Gemmy gave me a half knowing smile as she got up to meet her dad half way. "Who were you talking to?" he asked, and I watched their interaction. He had put on a nice looking suit, it almost looked like the one I was buried in.. Not such a happy memory.. "Um no one dad, hah I was singing a song that was stuck in my head" she lied and I half laughed at how she looked anywhere but at him when she lied, and the way she licks her lips before coming up with the small fable. She looks over at me and gives me a little glare, "Hmm okay, anyway I'll be back around dinner time. I think i'm making dinner tonight" he crinkled his nose and she did the same her teeth clamping down on her lower lip. Everything she does all her little quirks they just stand out to me and I swear it only makes me feel more attracted to her. "Alright, see you later" she hugs him and he kisses her head before retreating back down the stairs. My smile dies at the sight of his arms around her, kissing her head. I wish I could do that.. I wish my parent's showed me so much love..

"Anyway, I'm going down stairs to eat. You wanna come?" I asked Niall as he looked deep in thought and I hoped he wasn't still down about the whole not being able to touch thing.. "Huh? Oh um no i'll stay up here.." His eyes looked a little dull and the sadness that I saw earlier is still prominent in his gaze. "You sure?" I smiled and his eyes glimmered slightly as they mirrored mine and he nodded. "Okay.." I sighed and headed back downstairs, I don't think we figured anything out with that really awkward talk we had.. I think the part that stood out in the whole conversation was when he said "it won't happen again. I can promise you that.." I don't know why but I couldn't help but feel embarrassed, like when you have an almost first kiss and the guy apologizes for it.. It's kinda like what did I do wrong? But I guess it's for the best and that only answers my theory, he doesn't like me like that, and he definitely wasn't flirting.. Hah. He was just.. messing around..

I decided against making more bacon when I went back into the kitchen and just ate my eggs, sitting in the same seat Niall was perched on as he watched me move about the kitchen..

....

I spent all day downstairs in the living room watching movies, I thought that Niall would have come down by now but he hadn't. I was ready to get into watching the lovely bones when I heard the sound of my guitar echoing throughout the house. I couldn't help but think back to my very vivid dream and I found my eyes closing just remembering what his lips might feel like against mine.. I shook it off but he kept strumming and I found myself getting up and slowly heading back upstairs. I tried to make as little noise as possible so he won't stop like he did in my dream, except the difference is he isn't singing. I wonder if he sounds like he did in my dream?

I was waiting to see how long it would take for Gemmy to come running upstairs and interrupt me playing her guitar. But she hadn't yet and I wondered briefly is she had gone out? I was looking out the window practically all day I would have seen her leave... But the thought came and went quickly as I kept strumming, the music was taking me to a better place in my mind. Where everything was fine and my family was whole again, where my mom hugged me on a daily so much it made me feel suffocated, where my dad and I would go golfing together or kick a football around in the yard. A place in my mind where.. I could touch her.. Where she knew me before all this happened and I would have had a chance.. Because I would have tried everything to stay alive if I knew her then.. The lyrics to a song I had written when I was going through the whole 'break up' with that girl from my school has never related so well to how it does now. "You and I, Two of a mind, This love's one of a kind.."

As I got to the bottom of the steps to my room it was like deja vu.. He started singing a song I didn't know is it an original? It sounds like it might, wow he writes songs like I do.. "You and I, Two of a mind, This love's one of a kind.." his lovely voice filled my ears like in my dream and I felt my knees buckle, wow.. I started making my way up careful where I stepped so I wouldn't interrupt,"You and I, We're drifting over the edge.." He's sung as I was almost at the top, Why is he singing a love song? He's in love? With who?

"And I will fall for you, And I will fall for you. If I fall for you, Would you fall too?" I let the words escape my lips my fingers moving up and down the neck of the guitar, strumming out all the feelings I was forced to keep in. I felt a presence and my eyes shot open only to find Gemmy standing at the top of the steps her lower lip caught between her teeth. Brushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear, her cheeks flushed as I continued to sing while I strummed. "You and I, Learning to speak, With kisses on cheeks" We are learning to speak to each other.. and I wish I could plant kisses on her cheeks..

I stood there watching him like an idiot but the embarrassing feeling left as quickly as it came.. His voice had me under his control, he just sounded so tranquil and the lyrics.. "You and I, We're lifted over the edge... And I will fall for you, And I will fall for you. If I fall for you, Would you fall too..?" He stopped and I didn't realize I was biting my lip until I released it from the teeth.. "Was that an original song?" I asked my voice came out like a squeak and I felt my cheeks get warm, his eyes hadn't left mine the whole time.. All thoughts of the earlier awkward talks and events had disappeared like they never happened, it felt like we were okay... "Yeh" he smiled and kept my stare.

"I didn't know you wrote your own songs" she half giggled and came to sit next to me on her bed. "I used to.." I clarified, "I haven't written one in a while" her gaze fell from mine, "Oh.. Well it was beautiful, but it's love song..." she blushed and her eyes met mine once more, "It is.." I smirked, "Was it about someone you um liked?" She looked hesitant in asking, almost as if she were afraid of my answer. "Yes it's about someone I like" My new found confidence when around her surprises me, this sort of stuff doesn't suit me, it's not who I am or who I was... So why is it I can be that way with her? She brings out parts of me I would have never considered... Her eyes stared into mine as they shimmered with an emotion I couldn't really make out.

The use of the word like in present tense made my stomach churn, whether in a good way or bad way I wasn't sure but I think it's good.. Not for you heart.. My subconscious reminds me that I should keep all types of feelings out of the way..

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Well there you go ;) I hope you like. I dunno does it seem realistic? If not let me know cause I want it to seem realistic.. Sometimes I get carried away with my imagination haha School starts soon and it's my senior year :( so I dunno how updates will work but I'll try my best okay? <3

Oh and the "Original" song Niall was playing is originally by the one and only Ed Sheeran <3 he's the best. But yeah credit to him for the song cause it's his ha :)