5: Sorry

"Gemmy?" My mom called from the bottom of the stairs, and I panicked.. Did she hear me technically arguing with myself? Since i'm the only one who can see Niall.. "Yeah mom?" I squeak and I heard her coming up so I ran over and plopped down on my bed. "Who were you yelling at?" She stands in front of my bed and gives me a concerned expression. "Oh um I was having a bad dream that's all" I lied and turned over in bed bringing the covers up to my neck. I wonder where Niall ran off to? He did say he can't or never tried to actually leave the house..

"Are you sure? It sounded like you were awake and really upset at someone.." She came over to sit by me.

"It was just a dream mom.. I woke myself up just now.. hah" I stifled a fake laugh and her concerned expression vanished. "Well okay.. if you wanna talk about it I'm here sweetie" she brushed the hair from my face and gave me a loving motherly smile.

"I will" I return her smile.

"Well I have to go into work, it's really early you should be asleep" she jokes and starts to leave. I watch her disappear before I get up and start pacing. Why am I so worked up over this? Maybe because you dreamed he loved you and you know you like him.. No... no no, I just feel guilty because I hurt his feelings.. I want to go downstairs and see where in the house he ran off to. But I don't want my mom thinking i'm going crazy.. I think I am though.. I'll just get dressed and then go downstairs and act like nothing happened if my moms still there..

....

After I had showered I picked out my loose fitting floral blouse and tucked it in to my high waisted white knit skirt. I slipped on my tan wingtip shoes and a necklace to accessorize a bit. I put my hair in a pony tail before twisting it around into a bun. After applying some mascara and eyeliner I took one last look in my mirror I thought about how I'd apologize to Niall and maybe we can sit and just talk.. I think we desperately need to know more about each other, like in terms of boundaries and the no go conversation topics or details.

I made my way downstairs and when I got to the first landing I peered around the wall into the kitchen to see my mom was getting her bag with her coffee mug in hand. I looked around into the living room to see if he was there but no sign.. "Gemmy! Ugh you scared me" My mom rolled her eyes dramatically as she came out of the kitchen.

"Oh sorry I just- have you seen Candace?"

"Yeah I think she's in your dads study.. before I went to check up on you she just ran in there.. crazy cat.. Anyway, i'll see you later today babe" she sighed and with a quick kiss on the cheek she left. I looked towards my dads study to see that the door was open slightly, my brows furrowed and I made my way slowly to the room. "Candace?" I called to her as I stuck my head in and I found her perched on my dads leather arm chair purring like a lawn mower because Niall was petting her.. He didn't look up as I came in leaving the door the way it was before. "She's really friendly" he spoke after a few seconds of awkward silence. "Yeah she is.." my voice was barely audible, "Niall i'm really sorry if I-"

"Don't worry about it, i'm over it. Plus I can't say I don't deserve it, I shouldn't have gone through your things.. even if it was just to get to know you.." He sighed still not looking at me and scratching behind Candace's ear. I stared down at my hands that hung in front of me, he didn't deserve what I said to him.. why would he think that.. "No I do have to be sorry, I shouldn't have said what I said.. I mean I don't know how you.." I stopped not sure how to word this and he finally looked up at me his eyes mirrored mine and I felt my breath being taken from me. The effect he has on me is insane.. "Look, I'm just really sorry.. you didn't deserve what I said and maybe someday you'll tell me how you um passed.." I tried to put it as lightly as I could and the fact that I had brought up the future without really thinking made me wonder.. Will there be a future? One that he'll be a part of? I only just met him and I can't help but hope there is.. "It's fine really Gemmy, I might have over reacted.." He half smiled and continued to pet Candace. I walked over to her and started to pet her as well, I've been neglecting my kitty. "I thought animals were scared of ghosts" I giggle and Niall's hand slips, I'd like to say it brushed mine but of course it didn't..

We took our hands away quickly and Candace ran off, "Um yeh the bad ones" He chuckles trying to lighten the mood and I hadn't realized I was remembering his touch in my dream. I wonder if that's what it really feels like to touch him. I mean what else should it feel like? I feel so dumb I'm talking about touching him when it probably feels just like touching any other person.. His is different.. No, It's not. I ignore my subconscious.

"Gemmy?" I asked she had drifted off into space.. I wonder what she's thinking.. Of course now she thinks i'm nosey so I can't ask her as much as I'd like. "Huh? Oh um sorry I was- Are you hungry?" She looked at me briefly her cheeks slightly flushed and before I could answer she was walking back towards the door. "Um I don't really eat" I cleared my throat as I got up and followed her into the kitchen. I sat at the kitchen island just like I used to do when my mom was making a meal in here. Well before my dad died & she actually payed attention to me.. I'd just sit and watch how she made magic with a wooden spoon and some spices. I remember her home cooked meals like it was yesterday.. "Right I forgot you don't" she gave me a tight smile as she got the eggs and turkey bacon from the fridge. "Do you um ever miss it?" she asks as she takes out one egg and sets the pan in the stove. "Miss what eating?" I chuckle and lean on my elbows. "Yeah... well all of it.." She turns and turns the stove one, leaving it to get the butter from the fridge. "Oh.. you mean being alive?" I sigh and I didn't mean to sound so bothered by it.. But I guess I really am, I always thought that my life never had meaning and it didn't.. Until I died, and I guess it's true that saying, they'll only care when your gone or dying..

"Yeah" she squeaked as she put the butter to melt on the hot pan before cracking the egg on the edge of the counter and pouring it in. "I'm not sure yet" I answered truthfully, because i'm not.. Right now I might miss it because I see how everyone really did care, but what if I hadn't died? Things surely would have been the same, unless you decided to change it.. The small voice in the back of my mind had a point.. I never tried. But I needed help, I needed someone to give a shit about me, and no one ever stepped up to do it. And the fact that maybe I would have never met Gemmy, in a way dying was a blessing, what I wanted had a great outcome.. I got to meet her. That's as selfish as wanting to die.. I know it is and maybe that's why I wasn't able to cross over, because I am in fact selfish.. "How so?" She asks putting her scrambled eggs on a plate.

"Well I dunno I guess there are certain things I miss.." I got up and made my way over to her, "Like?" she asked a little breathlessly, I was only about 2 feet in front of her. "Well like eating for one, being able to see the ones I care about.." Everyone I care about is either locked away or just too far out of my reach.

Niall was only 2 feet away from me and I some how ended up cornered against the kitchen counter. "And I guess all of my five sense to be honest.." he breathed and took another step towards me, I had nowhere to run and I wasn't sure if I wanted to run.. "But you have your five senses don't you?" I gulped and his thin pink lips curved up slightly into a smirk, I wish I knew if those lips really do taste like strawberries and honey.. no no stop what am I thinking.. "Well no see I only have, sight..." his face was now an inch from mine as his beautiful blue eyes flickered from my mouth and back to my eyes. I couldn't break my gaze from his.. what is it about him that makes me so vulnerable? He isn't even alive.. what if he has some weird power.. no what if he's possessing me to want to be in this position right now.. Don't be dumb Gemmy. "I have smell too" he smirked and dipped his head into the crook of my neck, clearly taking a whiff of the perfume I had applied earlier.. "And hearing.." he whispered in my ear before his eyes met mine once more, "I can hear the shallowness in your breath and the loud thumping of your heart against you chest.." He said with a sly smile and I gasped, finally lowering my gaze from him. It's that loud? "The only things I don't have are.. Taste... but I don't think I miss that much. What I do miss, is the most important well, to me.." he pauses and he raised his hand, my eyes followed it's movements until it was near my chin, and I looked up noticing his hand was following my actions.

"Which is.."

"Touch.." I breathed the word out before I could stop myself and I felt my cheeks warm, I wanted to be able to feel his touch.. "That's right.." he half smiled and his hand moved to the side of my face, I watched from the corner of my eye as he traced a line down my temple, past my cheek and to my chin where his thumb and index finger "gripped" my chin. I couldn't feel a thing, and if I were to be misfortunate and not have my sight, I wouldn't have known he was touching me..

"Gemmy! What is that smell!? What's burning?!" my dad's voice echoed through the house breaking this very intimate and very unusual moment I was having with Niall. As he explained all his senses I seemed to have lost my own.. The bacon I had set on the stove was burned to a crisp, the icky burned smell instantly filled my nostrils and before realizing it I walked straight through him... I looked over my shoulder quickly to see his head was bowed, before he turned to face me a frown spread across my face. And I turned around busying myself with disposing of the tainted bacon.. I threw the pan in the sink and my dad came barging in as I turned the cold water on and a gust of smoke puffed up from the very hot pan. "Gemmy? What happened?" a crease was formed between his brows and I was surprised he wasn't angry but he looked worried, of course.. my dad wouldn't even yell at a fly why would he yell at me? This really shouldn't surprise me, I guess i'm still recovering from what ever just happened with Niall. Where'd he run off to anyway? I looked past my dad around the rest of the kitchen and he was nowhere to be seen. "Gemmy?" my dad brushed a thumb over my cheek bringing my attention back to him. "Oh sorry dad I was um looking for Candace.. she ran off outside when mom left.." I lied.

As soon as Gemmy's attention was set on making sure the house didn't burn down I ran upstairs to my.. well I guess it's her room now. No fuck it, it was my room first.. I stormed into my room and the anger within me was unbearable, I kicked a few of the empty moving boxes that Gemmy still hadn't put away. I hadn't noticed Candace was curled up on Gemmy's bed until she hissed at me and ran off downstairs. UGH! I sat down on her bed and with my elbows on my knees I ran my hands through my hair tugging at the roots. Why the hell did I just do that to her?! I know she doesn't like me, she can't and more importantly I can't. I can't even touch her for fucks sake! I don't know what came over me, she's just so beautiful and all I want to do is make her mine in every way.. But that's impossible..

Why? Why did whatever higher power there is above us have to set her in my path? Why did I get the chance to talk to her and get to know her, just so I could be miserable and know I can never really have her?! She's never going to talk to me again.. I bet she's going to come up here and tell me off and tell me to go away. I never felt so confident, I was never a natural charmer so where the hell did that come from? It's almost like I knew what to do to get her wound up... But that can't be, can it? That would mean I know her more than I believe. Maybe you knew her before.. No, I couldn't have met her before.. but if I did I'm sure that just knowing her would have made me want to fight to stay alive... It's almost like she brings out my confidence... how can that be?Ugh whatever.. All I know is that I can't let something like this happen again, if this doesn't make her hate me then the next time will.. but there won't be a next time. I have to try to fight the feelings that keep coming out, I've only just met her. Surely this is just some phase because she's the only one who could see me and the only one I can talk to.. Maybe it's some form of gratitude I have for her. But why is it only her? Why wasn't it her mom or dad? Well it's not like i'd want to talk to them they're much older, maybe it's just because she's around my age? "Why?" I said to myself as I fell back on her bed and stared up at the ceiling.

"Niall..?" I heard her small voice whisper and her shoes patted up the stairs. Here we go.. Hold it together mate..

Sorry it's a bit short I'm kinda tired :/ but I hope you like it :) thanks for reading lovelies x