4: Maybe Your Perfect For Me

I watched as Gemmy slept soundly in her bed, she did tell me to leave because she didn't feel comfortable with me in the room. I haven't told her that I don't or uh can't sleep, i'm sure if I did she'd find it even weirder if I stayed the night in her room. I haven't told her I can make myself visible when and if I want.. That's the only reason I'm here now. If by some reason she wakes during the night, she won't see me.. I could be laying right next to her and she wouldn't notice.

Dinner with her family was something else.. I had forgotten what its like to have people that clearly love you, they all shared about their days and joked around. It reminded me of dinner with my family.. Before everything went to shit, it was the day before my fathers accident.. The last real family dinner I ever shared with him. After he died my mom and I didn't even bother to talk during dinner.. Psh, we never even had diner together.. I miss her.. I wonder how she's doing.. I know she isn't really mad like everyone made her out to be or how she made herself out to be. I knew she only did it because she couldn't find the strength to live without me.. Which is still a surprise to me.. I always thought after my dad died that she didn't care.. All it took for you to realize everyone cared, was dying.. I'd like to say that was my subconscious but I don't even know if it is..

Watching Gemmy laugh and having a nice dinner with her family made me wonder what kind of happy girl like her would write such sad and meaningful songs or stories.. I hope that the more we talk and get to know each other she'll open up to me. I know she probably has a ton of questions to ask me... at the top of her list of many questions is probably the most obvious. How did I die.. I know i'm going to have to tell her eventually, but I choose to tell her later.. I know that the way I died would make think differently of me.. because of the fact that I wanted it to happen back... I don't think she's the type to judge but then again you never really know someone.

Even as I say that to myself I can't help but feel like theres some form of connection between Gemmy and I, it's so weird it's like I do know her and I know I can trust her It's almost like she's meant for me... But that's ridiculous.. I guess I just don't trust my own feelings.. because I know they're going to get in the way some how and ruin the only good thing I have going in my life.. well afterlife..

Gemmy starts school at my old high school on Friday.. I wonder if she's going to have any classes with Nick.. The countless stories I could tell her about him, he really was my only friend.. I wish I could ask her to befriend him and invite him over just so I could see him, face to face.. Well for him it's be like face to air.. My thoughts had come to a stop as I sat perched on the window seat as usual, when I saw Gemmy start to toss and stir in her sleep..

I climbed on the roof after hearing the sound of a guitar and the loveliest voice to ever touch my ears. “Niall?” I called to him quietly and the sound of the music stopped along with his voice, he turns to look at me over his shoulder.

“Hey” he smiled.

“What are you doing up here?” I asked as I took a seat beside him, careful not to look down..

“Well I was just waiting for the sunrise.. but now your here” he trailed off and I lowered my gaze.. oh, does he not want me here?

“I can leave if-”

“You brighten up my day way more than the sun ever could” he interrupted and I felt my cheeks flame.

“W-what?” I stuttered as his blue eyes mirrored mine.

“I love you” he whispered as he reached for my hand, and I felt my heart start to race.

“No.. you can't.. We only just met..” As much as I loved to hear those words come out of his mouth, I knew this couldn't be true..

“I don't need to know every detail about you to know that I love you” his smile remained on his features and my cheeks only felt warmer by the second.. How can he love me if I he doesn't know me.. if I don't even know myself?

“Gemmy” he softly spoke as he put his guitar down beside him, his moved loser and his other hand came to stroke my cheek. Before I knew it I was leaning into his touch..

“Niall.. I..” I struggled to talk as my breathing seemed to shallow. Niall only smiled and leaned in closer, his lips were only a few centimeters from mine.I could feel his sweet breath on me, and I leaned in further not being able to take the need within me to feel his lips on mine. I gently pressed my lips to his and he tasted like strawberries and honey...

His lips molded perfectly to mine as the kiss became more passionate and then I realized that he isn't able to touch me.. I pulled away and he smiled sweetly before I felt his touch leave me “Niall..” I squeaked.. before he had disappeared and I was left in the dark before the sun could even touch the horizon..

“Niall” she breathed my name in her sleep as I sat on the edge of her bed, what could she be dreaming about? I wanted to know.. why she called to me in her sleep.. but something tells me she would never tell me. She's dreaming of me.. What could this mean? I want to believe that maybe she feels that same connection I feel towards her, but for me it feels like so much more.. Could she possibly feel it?

I had no time left to ponder and hope that by some chance it were true because she had begun to wake up. I looked over at her alarm clock it was only 7AM. She sat up and looked towards the window I was perched on a few minutes ago and rubbed her hands over her face. A small crease had formed between her brows and I think she was trying to make sense of her own dream.. Did she know she called my name? She looked around the room I think looking for me.. and for second her cheeks turned pink. I followed her every move with my eyes as she fixed her messy bun and pulled down her pajama shorts that had bunched up as she slept. Disappearing into the bathroom, I was left to try to put the pieces of what just happened together.. What is it about her that makes me feel so connected to her? I feel like I've known her my whole life when I've only just met her..

I turned on the cold water and splashed some of it on my face before brushing my teeth.. I checked the time on my watch and groaned it was 7 in the morning what he hell am I doing up? As the minty taste of the tooth paste foamed my mouth I stared at myself in the mirror.. Eyes as blue as mine, invaded my dreams once more but this time, it was really him. Niall invaded my dreams and we kissed... My cheeks flushed once more at the memory. Why the hell am I dreaming about Niall in that way? I barely know him, I can't love him and he can't love me. This is just the hopeless romantic in me playing tricks with my mind. I need to stop reading soppy love stories before bed..

When I come back out of the bathroom i'm startled to see Niall sitting at the foot of my bed and when our eyes meet my cheeks flame.. I lower my gaze and try hide my face, god why is it so awkward I told myself it didn't happen and it didn't..

“Morning” I smiled broadly.

“Morning” She mumbled as she climbed back under her covers. She's acting strange.. She barely wants to look at me.. “You okay?” I couldn't but ask as I turned around to look at her. “Yeah just up way too early” she laughed a little, and I found myself drawing patters in her bed sheets.. I feel like a 14 year old talking to the girl he likes.. Wow, I haven't felt like that in a while.. “Yeah it-” I stopped myself, because I remembered I wasn't supposed to be in her room.. “What?” She propped up on her elbow finally making eye contact with me. “Huh? Oh um.. it is early that's all” I cleared my throat. “Yeah..” She trailed off, I could feel the atmosphere shift... it felt extremely uncomfortable..

“So um you start school tomorrow yeah?” I licked my lips, and caught her eyes flicker beck to my eyes. Was she looking at my lips?

“Um yeah i'm nervous” she sighed.

“I was too on my first day..” I tried not to make her feel like she's the only one.. I'm sure I was much worse..

“I doubt it, you seem more.. I dunno confident” she shrugged and she started playing with a strand of her hair. “Oh trust me.. I wasn't and i'm still not..” I reassured her, because I'm not.. I could tell she wanted to ask me something on that subject but she hesitated and changed the topic.. “Um I feel like we barely know each other..” she giggled, but it wasn't genuine and she didn't even look up at me she kept playing with her hair. “Yeah?” I sounded more suspicious than I had meant to.. “Um well let's play 20 questions?” she suggested and this time she sat up, her eyes mirroring mine. What is she up to?

“Okay” I replied quietly.

“I'll go first.. How old are or um were you?” She corrected herself and blushed at her choice of words... I thought she'd end the sentence with “When you died” But she didn't although I feel like she wanted to. “20” I smiled slightly and I knew this game was going to be fun, because I knew she'd hold back but that doesn't mean I will... “Oh.. your- you were young” she swallowed as her eyes kept flickering from my hands to my eyes. I moved to get comfortable and laid on my side looking up at her holding my weight on my elbow. “Yeah I am.. Haven't aged” I laughed and although I wanted to make the subject less awkward to talk about it didn't really help.. “Your turn” she cleared her throat, “where did you move from?” I won't start off too nosy just yet..

“Um well Manhattan” She smiled at the mention of her home city.. I was right.

“Did you like it there?” I asked another question.

“That's not how you play! It's my turn!” she laughed in surprise.

“I don't always follow the rules” I smirked, “Now answer my question” I raised a brow at her waiting for her to answer. The smile was still plastered on her face as she glared playfully into my eyes.

“Yes I did. I loved it there” she sighed.

“So you miss it?” I kept asking her questions to avoid her asking the obvious question.

“Your really bad at this game” she teased and she hesitated in reaching out to me.. I could tell she wanted to shove me playfully.. Her eyes lowered from mine and her smiled faded.. I wanted to feel her touch.. but that was completely impossible.

“I do miss it” she answered after a minute of silence..

“So is that why you feel lost?” I asked trying not to think about what just or actually what didn't happen.

“Ye- wait what?” her eyes darted to mine and the crease between her brows was a lot more visible. Crap.. I wasn't supposed to mention her journal.. or anything that would give away the fact that I was snooping..

“Um your-” I tried to think of an excise but she cut me off.

“You went through my things? My journal?!” She asked raising her voice, and she moved over I hadn't realized she was so close.. Shit what have I done..

“Um no.. Yes okay maybe I did” I sat up and her eyes glared into mine.

“What the hell?! That's private! Why would you... ugh!” she stood up and her hands were on her hips. I know I'm not a pro with girls but invasion of privacy is a big no for them...

“I'm sorry.. Gemmy this was before we could talk.. before you could see me” I tried to dig my way out, “So?! That doesn't make it okay!” she huffed, I was hoping mentioning that would soften her up by some chance.. guess not.. It's not like she likes me..

“No.. but I'm sorry I was just curious..” I stammered at this point I was standing and had my hands in my pockets.

“No pun intended but haven't you heard curiosity killed the cat!” she spat and my eyes went wide.. ouch.. Well it's not like she knows I was killed or that you wanted to die.. But that hits me home..

“I'm sorry.. I just wanted to know more about you...” my voice was barely audible, and as I bowed my head I noticed her expression change.. She looked like she felt sorry I began to walk downstairs, I needed a minute.. As childish and silly her insult was it actually hit a nerve..

“Niall.. wait..” I heard her feet pad against the hard wood floor but I couldn't bring myself to look at her. I'm going to have to tell her sooner than I thought about my accident “I'm sorry!” She called from the top of the steps but I kept walking until I found myself in my dads old study downstairs.