22: It's Shit Actually

I arrive at the familiar suburban home just a little past 1 in the afternoon. I had tried to stall my trip, not sure how I was going to face my family now that the truth was out. I wondered if Gramma Heather had called my parents and aunt Gene while I took the trip here.

If she did i'd be able to tell, my mom always gets squeaky whens she's trying to hold things together. I almost feel guilty that above all else I worry the most about Niall. Don't get me wrong, my family is important but I know everything will eventually be okay between us. Unlike with Niall, where everything is so uncertain.

My black and white keds dragged along the gravel driveway with each heavy step I took. I tried my hardest not to look up at my bedroom window, but I couldn't help it. I paused for a moment hoping I would see him there but he wasn't. Yet I could feel him watching me.

“Gemmy” my moms voices echoes down the drive way, as the door swings open.

“Hey” I sigh as she ran to me and engulfed me in a hug. That alone drove the tears from my eyes and I wrapped my arms around her. Gramma Heather is right, Melissa will always be my real mother.

“I missed you” she finally squeaked after our long embrace.

“I was only gone one night” I attempted to lighten the mood seeing as her squeaks gave her away.

“Yeah” she clears her throat, “But still” she smiles.

I returned it and we walked into the house in silence, where I was tackled in more hugs from my dad and aunt Gene.

***

I kept an ear out as I listened very closely to Gemmy and her family having some serious discussion. Yet as quiet as I remained I could just barely make out what they were saying. All I managed to put together were the quiet sobs and whispered 'I love you's'

I sat perched on the top of the steps as I waited for her to come upstairs. I didn't want to further intrude on whatever the hell's going on lately. I wish I could just ask her but what right do I have?

“I'm tired” Gemmy sighed as the sound of her steps got closer.

“It's alright babe, you need the rest. I love you” Her mother sniffed just before she climbed her way up and walked right past me.

I turned to watch her from where I remained seated. Her bright blue eyes seemed a little duller, lack of sleep clearly evident. Her hair wasn't as shiny as usual and she just looked stressed beyond compare. Completely drained.

I stood and walked over to her side as she threw her things from her bag on her bed. She seemed upset and all I want to do is reach out to her but then i'd be giving in. Finally she gave up unpacking and looked around the room, the sun has begun to set but the mix of pinks, orange and gold, still lit up the room.

“I know your there” she sighed and I focused my eyes on her face. My heart raced as I watched the curve of her beautifully sculptured mouth move.

“I need -” she began and swallowed hard, “I need you” she was trying so hard to be strong. Her strength and courage is really something to admire. I wish I could be as strong as her. Maybe that's why she makes me feel so much more. I've said it before, she makes me want to live. She's contagious that way I guess. I can't help thinking that's exactly the reason my dad wants me to let her in, he knows her strength is enough for the both of us. Maybe it is.

“Niall, please” she broke and flopped down on her bed and I couldn't stop myself.

“I'm here” is all I could think to say as I took a seat beside her and her dulled blue eyes found my own. Despite the lack of light in them, she still managed to make me feel so much alive when she looked at me that way.

“I knew you were” she stifled a smile and wiped the few tear drops that had fallen.

“I'll always be here, no matter how much I force myself not to” I admit more to myself than to her, but she does need to hear it.

She looked away, down at the floor and I knew she wanted to call me out on my shit but instead, “I figured it out” she looks at me once again.

“Figured what out?” I blink cluelessly.

“How I can see you” her sad smile makes an appearance, brushing her hair behind her ear.

“What? How?” I sat at the edge of her bed eager to hear the answer.

“I'm a wicken” she laughs sarcastically, and I cock a brow at her.

I could tell he was trying to make sense of what the hell i'm talking about. I understand it, it's so – so ridiculous. That, and the fact that after having the chance to break down like this with Gramma Heather I chose to do it here. With the one person who lacks the ability to open up to anyone – especially me.

“What does that-” I cut his efforts short as he struggled to put the right words together and tell me I'm insane nicely.

“Well i'm adopted and it's actually funny because it's like a fairytale, I was practically left on my Gramma Heaters door step, where she gave me to my parents. See my real mom was a witch and my dad was human – whatever that means and they were hunt down and killed” I threw it out there like it was the simplest explanation I could find. Leaving the bit out where this is some how possible because of him.

“Gemmy” he stared into my retinas, and that's all it took to see that he believed me. Despite how crazy I sounded right now. His eyes were filled with empathy, not a hint of doubt or judgement. I wondered briefly how he could be that way, when he lacked trust to let someone else do the same for him.

“It's stupid really” I sighed and fiddled with a loose thread on the hem of my t-shirt.

“I't's shit actually” he joked trying to lighten the mood.

“Yeah it is, isn't it?” I laughed slightly. Of course he's capable of making me laugh at a moment like this when all I really wanna do is jump out the window and join him in his despair. I know I can't though. I have to help him, I just wish I knew exactly where to start.

“At least one good thing came from it all” I sighed.

“What would that be?” He half smiled.

“Meeting you” I felt my cheeks warm as I admitted it.

“You make staying away from you really hard” I laugh and reach for her hand. I'm not ready to give this up – to give her up. She needs to know exactly who I was and who I want to be.

As I place my hand over hers the air in the room grows thick and a ringing sounds in my ear. I can't feel her. “What – how -” I stutter trying to take her hand but I can't anymore. I can't touch her.

“Niall” she breathes tears waiting to over flow in her eyes.

“No, no, no – fuck!” I growl as I stand to my feet. “This can't be fucking happening!” I cry, angry tears rolling down my face.

“Niall calm down please we can solve this!” Gemmy attempts to break through my mind but all I can think about is how everything is always taken away from me. Why did I think this was going to be any different? Why did my dad make me believe it could be?

“This is just my fucking luck Gemmy!” I pace the room my hand balled into fists at my sides. “Every time I'm close to being happy something always goes wrong!” I shout, roughly wiping away the tears.

“It's always been like that! Always! With my dad dying – my mom.. I can't be happy it's not in the fucking cards for me. It never was!” I run a hand through my hair and tug at the roots.

“Niall stop that's not true you just think it is because it's all you've ever known just trust me when I say everything will work out” She cries and takes a step towards me.

“No Gemmy, it is true” I grit, my throat tight.

“Stop saying that” she breathes, forgetting for an instant that she can't touch me anymore she hesitates in running her smooth fingers over my cheek.

“You almost had me believing it wasn't – you made me want to live again after -” I bite my tongue, this is not how I wanted to do this.

“After what?” she presses, looking for something to do with her hands that are itching to touch me but can't.

I pull at my hair again and let out a cry, “I didn't want to tell you not like this but – given the damned circumstances why the fuck not right? Hell i've lost you already, so when you leave it won't make a difference” I strain to get the words out as I hunch over myself so I don't have to look at her. So I don't have to see the disappointment in her eyes.

“Niall what – after what? Just tell me” her voice cracks and I fall to my knees.

“You made me want to live again after I – wanted nothing more but to die Gemmy!” I cry falling over into a fetal position on the floor. “What?” she sounds bemused, and I really don't understand why she so surprised.

“You know I'm a coward Gem, it shouldn't surprise you” I sob, screwing my eyes so tight that they sting.

“You – no are you saying -”

“Yes, yes. I died willingly!” I cry into the floor and saying it out loud makes me feel like a bigger coward. “I say willingly because I wasn't even brave enough to do it myself. I saw the opportunity and I fucking took it!” I pound my fist against my hard skull repeatedly.

“The – night of the robbery where you worked” I can barely hear her over the ringing in my ears and my own cries.

----

I'm sorry it's short. All of my chapters for this story seem to come out that way though but i'm sorry. I know what I want to write but I'm so focused on previous chapters like I overthink them so now I think this story sucks and maybe it does. I feel like maybe I rushed into it and it hasn't come along the way I had pictured it. That doesn't mean i'm gonna drop it or anything bc I hate to do that. It does mean it will end soon though, but I also don't want to rush into that either like my previous completed stories :(

For this chapter I didn't want to ruch to get to the point either that's why I ended it there lol Anyway, once this story is done I will delete it and edit it. Like maybe ill post is again as I edit each chapter get it? Or maybe i'll delete it and edit it when I find the time lol :) idk ok bye :(