17: Roger Rabbit

I sit hugging my knees to my chest, in the spot usually taken by him.. I can just barely open my eyes, through the swelling from all the crying. I haven't had a wink of sleep, thinking about all the ways last night could have gone. Why did he run? He pushed me away, I never once said I would leave him. In fact, I promised him I wouldn't.

I don't know what hurts more, the fact that he doesn't want to open up to me, or the fact that he thinks so little of me, that he would think I'd actually walk away when the going gets tough.. Like he did. He has many faults, but that's okay because no ones perfect. I'm sure as hell aren't, there are so many things I wish I could just shut out. Much like Niall does or tries to do.

“Gemmy, your mom and I are going out you wanna join us” my aunts voice startles me and I hit my head against the wall.

“You alright there babe?” she laughs as she walks up the last steps and into my room.

“Yeah just um-”

“Have you been crying?” she interrupts as I wipe my sore eyes for the thousandth time. My skin is so irritated that the motion makes them sting.. “No um I just have allergies” I rush the lie, and she comes over to me and helps me up to examine my face.

“Your a horrible liar, especially with the evidence right in front of me” she grips my chin between her neatly polished index finger and thumb. I lower my gaze from hers in shame, i'm not even gonna try to keep lying. Well about the obvious that is..

“What's wrong Gem?” she signs and runs her hands up and down my arms in a comforting motion.

“Gemmy..” she presses for an explanation.

“Um nothing just teen angst or something” I shrug her hands off and side step past her.

“Oh no you don't” she grabs my wrist and makes me face her once more. “I've been there and done that sweetie, this is over some boy isn't it?” she lets go and crosses her arms over her chest. Of course she would be dead on, she's not much older than me.. She's in her late twenties. But how do I say, 'Yeah aunt Gene, I was crying cause the guy I happen to really like broke up with me? Oh yeah and he's like dead'

“No it's nothing really, i'll get over it” I force a smile. She raises a neatly waxed brow at me giving me a knowing look and sighs, “Fine, we'll talk later”

“So where are we going?” I ask trying to change the mood and maybe even try to have some fun today. Anything would be better than staying in this room all day.. moping. “The town Diner for some breakfast and then maybe a little shopping” she beams, and I laugh there's not a decent place to shop around here she should know that she lived here for almost a year.

“Don't give me that face I know the shopping here is practically non existent, but...” she tucks my hair behind my ear.

“I know of a mall not too far of a drive from this tiny town” she grins and the thought instantly brightens my mood. I like shopping online for clothes but this is a much needed adventure. “Sounds fun. I'll be down in thirty minutes” I smile an actual smile, for a split second forgetting about the night before.

***

“Are you sure your alright?” my mom asks as we walk in to the not so empty diner. I guess everyone was in the mood to go out for breakfast today. “Yeah i'm just tired” I sigh, the oldest lie in the book and she seems to notice but doesn't push it. Typical. My mom and I have a good relationship I guess, but it doesn't really involve much feelings or the sharing of them. Same goes with my dad, and it's always bothered me in the back of my mind. Cause although things are good, they're just never right.

I guess that's why I push the fact of having everything out in the open with Niall. I want to have someone who will listen to my problems no matter how petty they are, and vice versa. I know how much it sucks to not have someone to really talk to, and that's why I would never ignore someone about their problems. Ever. But I guess Niall just isn't that someone.

I climb into a newly open booth next to my aunt Gene and pick up a menu. The glasses and plates left over by the last family to sit here are stacked in the center of the table. “Sorry about that, it's a busy day” the familiar male voice hums just over my head. I look up and an actual smile spreads across my face. “Nick?”

His green eyes fall upon my sitting figure and he almost drops the plates on the floor. “Shit! Sorry” he stumbles to catch them. “Hey Gemmy” he finally breathes. I laugh slightly as I take in the stained apron hanging from his hips. “Ahem..” my aunt clears her throat from beside me and I stutter before I can form a proper sentence. “Oh um sorry Aunt Gene, Mom, this is Nick. A friend from school” I introduce them and he nearly drops the plates again trying to wave at them. I hold back my laughter so I don't hurt his feelings or anything.

“Nice-”

“Nick! Get over to table seven! It's mess!” the heavyset man covered in grease, calls Nick from across the diner. “Yeah got it Sal!” he calls back and gives us all a small smile before running off.

“Well he seems nice” my mom smiles before looking back at her menu. Aunt Gene gives me that knowing look and roll my eyes at her. She's not even close..

Once we finished our break fast we set out on our little adventure to this mall aunt Gene was bragging about. She said it was almost always half empty because not many people from town knew about it. I don't dare question how they manage to stay afloat if not many people shop there. Then again I don't really care.

“Gemmy!” I hear Nick rushes over to me just as I had one foot out the door, my mom and aunt Gene didn't even notice me linger behind, their too animated about the topic of what colors are in this season.

“What's up?” I smile up at him and his glowing green eyes match the grin on his face.

“Um nothing- Well I um-”

“Spit it out Nick I don't really have all day” I tease and he chuckles, since our little encounters at school and basically being partners on history we've managed to get passed the awkward 'hi' and I'd say we're actually making progress with this whole friend thing. Well lets say acquaintances.

“Are you um busy- well are you doing anything right now? I'm just getting off and I don't have any plans I-” I laugh cutting his rambling short. “I'm headed to some mall my aunt knows about” his smile falls a little but the gleam in his eyes is brighter than ever.

“Oh.. okay” he sighs.

“Gemmy let's go!” my aunt is behind the wheel and I cringe imagining the little fight she had with my mother. My mom never lets anyone drive her car no matter who you are.

“Just a sec!” I call back and Nick stuffs his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “You should go they seem in a hurry” he nods towards our car and I don't even stop to think before I ask, “Do you wanna come along? My aunt and mom can be kinda dull..” I smile and he opens his mouth to try to say something, before hesitating and agreeing.

***

Getting my mom and aunt to et Nick come along was easier than I thought. Although i've been receiving that knowing stare from my aunt through the rearview mirror here and there. If she only knew that my heart has been unknowingly been taken by someone I can't even begin to describe. One because there isn't much more than the long nights of jokes, hushed laughs, and talking about anything but his past.

Yet, here I was reminiscing over such things that have made me fall at his feet. The sad part is I never even realized it until last night.. Maybe it's my fault.. I pushed him away.

No. He pushed you away. Don't you dare take the blame for his cowardly actions.

My subconscious roars stirring a new found anger inside me. It almost makes the ache in my chest disappear. Almost..

“You okay?” Nick nudges me, bringing my attention back from the passing scenery of large yards and farm style houses.

“Yeah just tired..” I half lie, I am tired just mentally...

Before belting out our arrival, Aunt Gene gave me that same look for what seemed like the billionth time today. It makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs that the one responsible for my heartache is six feet underground. I imagine the several ways that could go as the large shopping mall with the parking lot half full comes into view. Tearing her gaze from the rearview mirror my aunt pulls off the busy two way road, that despite such a remote area is buzzing with speeding cars.

*

“Now I'm sure Nick doesn't wanna tag along and talk girly fashion with us hags” my aunt jokes and my mother gives her the 'speak for yourself' look. “So you two can just go do your own thing” aunt Gene waves us off, and gives me a wink before dragging my mother into Banana Republic.

“What was that all about?” Nick laughs as he walks slowly beside me, hands still stuffed in his pockets.

“I dunno she's just, I dunno” I shrug. “Great explanation” he teases and I elbow him joining him, for a split second all thoughts of last night and him are blurred. But the action of messing around like this with Nick reminds me all too much of how Niall and I joked around those late hours of the night. Gemmy stop. My subconscious warns and I sigh forcing a smile on my face and shoving all those memories in the closet.

“Have you been here before?” Nick asks after we wandered aimlessly from store to store. “No, this is the first time” I laugh looking down at my tan oxfords as I walk. “Oh, well there's this really cool record store on the ground level if you wanna-”

“Wait you've been here before? AND you've held back this information from me for like-” I look at the nonexistent watch on my wrist, “Like hours” I laugh, and he joins me raising a brow at me like i'm crazy.

“I didn't think you were the musical type” he bites his lip clearly speaking cautiously, “I mean you seem I dunno like a fashionista?” he cringes at the word and I literally throw my head back and cackle.

“Just cause I dress differently than most girls in our school doesn't make me a fashionista, by the way no one really uses that word anymore” I shake my head at him and take him by the wrist. “Show me the treasure Nick” I call over my shoulder not sure where the heck i'm leading him.

“Okay okay maybe we should go in the right direction then” he chuckles and tugs me the opposite way I was heading.

We literally race through the light crowd of people down the escalators coming close to the record shop he was talking about. “C'mon my grandmother runs faster than that” he laughs over his shoulder at me. Recieving glares and mumbled swears from other mall goers. As I speed up, a familiar pair of blue eyes catch my attention from the far side of the wide hall of the ground level. I stop, my feet sliding on the marble flooring, and Nick doubles back making sure I don't fall. But I hadn't even realized I was about to, I was too focused on finding the blue eyes that shone out in the light crowd. Where are they? Where is he...

“Gemmy what's wrong?” Nick asked bravely tilting my face back to look at him. “I thought I saw- someone..” I struggle to catch my breath as I look over the crowd once more.

I kept a look out on the house making sure Gemmy had left, after over hearing Gene and Melissa talk about going to shopping. I can't stand the thought of being so cloe to her, yet forcing myself to keep my distance. It's the hardest thing i've ever had to do. Knowing that I have the chance at.. so much.. more.

More.. hah. To the average living person more is something attainable. But to me a shadow of my former self it's complete shit. Nothing will change no matter hos much I want it to and I will not allow myself to drown Gemmy in my hell. My mind is set..

I spent a lot of time finalizing my decision while I was visiting my mother. I was glad to see her getting better, and although she can't see me I felt as if she knew I was there. She would stare off in my direction where I watched her, every now and again. I'm glad she was moved to another floor, where the staff actually treat the patients humanely. She looked a lot less... empty.

Her eyes were still sunk into her face, the dark circles still visible, the welts.. But she looked sane.. and I hoped that it was my final goodbye to her that managed to get her humanity to resurface, so she wouldn't fully give up on life like I did.. Like I still do.

Giving up is what I do best. I gave up on trying to come back from my fathers death, I let it drag me down. To the point where I just wanted to give up on life. And I did.

Now i'm giving up on Gemmy. I was stupid to think anything more of what was surfacing inside me towards her. I warned myself too but she made all those warning seem unimportant. I got addicted to the way she made me feel.. alive. When we talked it felt like we were both in the same world, but in reality we're from totally different worlds. I don't know why I keep repeating this to myself, I know it like the back of my hand. Yet I still feel the need to remind myself in all the possible ways there is of saying it.

“Fuck” I rest my forehead on the heel of my hand as I sit in my usual spot on the bay window.

“What do you think your doing?” my dads voice echoes throughout the room. It only half startles me, but when I look up at him stalking towards me. I can't deny the bit of fear that sets in, he's angry..

“What?” I try not to sound affected by his demeanor and tone. I stand before he tries to hover over me and intimidate me, I know he has that planned. Just by the way he was coming at me.

“Your just going to let her walk out of you life?” He huffs, trying to lower his voice.

“Yeh. I don't think i'm supposed to be sharing my hell with anyone” I retort and step past him.

“Ah for fucks sake Niall! Just stop it!” his voice rises again and I turn around to face this man i've never seen before. Not like this I mean..

“Stop what?! I'm doing this for her own good!”

“Stop doing that! Putting yourself down and assuming that no one loves you enough to stick around! I've watched you do it all your life and even in your after life you still don't get it!” He runs both hands over his short hair and turns around giving me his back.

“It's easy to say that when you haven't lived your life that way..” I spit, a low blow but I know it'd hurt him..

“Oh no. Don't try to turn this around.” He turns to face me once again, “Niall, that life you lived is in the past. I can promise you it will never be like that again.. But you have to start now, you have to let her in.” he sighs taking a step towards me.

“I can't- I won't let her in only to break her heart in the long run..”

“I'd say you've already managed to break her heart” his blue eyes mirror my own.

“Better to have done it now before she sunk further into the abyss yeh?” my voice barely a whisper echoes through the room louder than any of the yelling we have done. But it's the loudest statement to ever leave my lips.

“The only abyss there is, is in your mind. You think that she's going to leave you, that your too messed up for her but you have no idea what she's capable of..” he grips my shoulder and I glare at him, how could he talk like that? Like this is some simple teenage drama, where the loser get's the girl in the end?

“Why do you talk about all this as if it were that simple? It isn't simple dad, you should understand better than anyone that me and her would never work. I'm a fucking shadow blowing in the breeze. There's no future to this.” I hiss and his eyes flash an emotion that I can't quite pinpoint.

“You just have to trust me.. Niall she's the best there is for you” he sighs, not meeting my gaze.

“You keep saying that but I find it hard to trust you when you don't tell me anything” I brush his hand off my shoulder letting it fall to his side.

“Niall.. I would if I could” he struggles to make the right words come out. “Your my father.. whatever it is i'm sure that, that alone would be a perfect exception” I press, it has to be something important if he's acting as if I stand a chance with Gemmy. Nothing adds up when he shows up, he tells me what to do and expects me just accepts things. Well not anymore. I need answers.

“I can't not right now you have to understand”

“No I don't have to understand anything. You've wasted both our time, not that we don't have more than enough time. But quite frankly i'm done with this damn subject. The decisions been made.” I roll my eyes and flop down on the the damned window seat.

“No Niall it hasn't.. I- you have a limited amount of time alright? Just let your negative walls down and let her in..” he sighs, my mind still processing what the hell he means by limited amount of time.

“What do you mean limited time?” I stare into his eyes, my brows furrowed.

“Just please.. trust me. Talk to her.. make things right.” he can't seem to hold my stare.

“No” I simply state, I can't deny that this little sliver of information makes me rethink my decision. What will happen if I do what he says? How much time do I have? I thought I had an endless amount of time in this hell.

“Niall” He groans in frustration. If I keep this up I know he'll be back to try to convince me again.. And I know i'll get it out of him, if things are how he says they are then he'll make sure to be on my arse until the down set date. “I told you the decision has been made, nothing you say will change my mind” I lie, and silence takes over the room. Before I know it he's gone.

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Okay so :) I've made it my mission starting today to update this story more frequently :x and to start off there will be another update tomorrow :D I'm sorta kinda doing this as a celebration to getting accepted to another college I applied to :D lol yay! (sorry i'm really happy about it I feel the need to tell people lol)

Also, there will be more to learn about Gemmy's character I feel like I need to give details about her for some of these unanswered questions of hers ;) (plot twist hehe) Anyway expect an update tomorrow ! ily! xx (p.s. sorry for any errors)

Btw I chose the title of this chapter to be Roger Rabbit bc I love that song :x I used it before in an earlier chapter :p it's by Sleeping with sirens :) I encourage you check it out cos I feel like it describes Niall's feelings lately :D