16: Turn Your Face

This chapter was inspired by Turn Your Face by Little Mix :x hehe if you listen to it while reading you will cry I know I almost did.. You'll know when to start listening to it aha. I tried to move forward with the development cause I understands it unraveling slow, I didn't want to make this story so short but it looks like it might be :/ anyway enjoy! :D

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“This town hasn't changed much since i've been here” My aunt sighs in reflection of her past here over dinner. “Well I wouldn't know about that, but we all seem to like it. It's a big change from the rural surroundings of the city” My mother esteems, she was always nagging about how crowded the city was and having to take public transportation to get to work. Cause let's be real, trying to drive in the city is impossible.

“Yeah it is quiet, not much ever happens around here..” My aunt looks to her son Spencer, and down at her plate of half eaten food. I can only imagine she's thinking about the accident that almost took her away from him. She never wanted to talk much about it, just sort of brushed it off. Of course we never pushed for details either. We just got over it much like she did, or so we think.

I look to my right at Niall who takes my hand under the table. I give him a questioning look, he's been acting funny ever since my aunt got here and it's killing me to find out what's bothering him. “Anyway how's mom?” my mother questions and my aunts face just lights up, of course she the younger one so she gets spoiled by my gramma Heather. “She's great, she misses you all so much. Especially Gemmy” she beams at me and I smile warmly, I miss her so much. She's like my best friend, ha leave it to me to have my gramma be my only best friend. “She's actually been having dreams about you isn't that strange?” My aunt Gene inquires.

“What kind of dreams?” I laugh.

“Oh you know the usual, she thinks she's some kind of prophet” she shrugs and takes a sip from her wine glass. “Oh mom is so full of it. Once she told me she had a dream? No it was a feeling about me winning the lottery or something and I foolishly believed it. I think I spent about thousands of dollars that following year in lotto tickets” my mother sighs a laugh placing a hand on her forehead. I bet she regrets that now, she's always looking to save even if we have more than enough money in the bank. That's what I admire about her, she's not the type to flaunt her money, and if ever asked for a dollar she'd never deny anyone of it either. “I remember you even had me giving you my allowance!” My aunt gives her the 'I hated you for that but damn isn't it funny now?' look. “Oh shut up it was only ever a dollar!” My mother rolls her eyes and finishes her glass of wine.

“Has she ver been right about any of her dreams or uh feelings?” I dare ask as I casually take some more win for myself. My aunt Gene and mom share a knowing look as I wait watching over the rim of the glass that just touches the bridge of my nose.

“She was, only once I believe” My aunt smirks never taking her eyes from my mother. “really? What was it?” I press.

“Well she dreamt that one day i'd be a mother.. and well it came true” My mom shrugs her eyes glossing as she looks at me.

“Oh c'mon every mom says that to their daughters, it's always bound to happen” I roll my eyes and realize Niall has long since left my side. How did I not manage to feel his hand leaving mine?

“Well yeah but this was really weird she told me just a few days before you showed up”

“Actually I think it was even the day before your mother found y-” my mother interrupts my aunt Gene

“Before I found out!” she half shrieks and they share another knowing look. My curiosity is peeked but honestly the two glasses of wine i've downed have my head in a daze, and I want to go see what's going on with Niall..

How the hell am I going to explain this to Gemmy, I know she's noticed my odd behavior. “Yeah hey Gem, your aunt is the woman I gave my life for” Pacing back and forth trying to muster up an explanation or at least a small lie just so I can figure this out, I hear Gemmy climbing up the stairs. “Niall?” she questions and sighs when she finally sets eyes on me, god she's beautiful. “Hey” I whisper as I meet her half way into the room, she looks up at me as I take both her hands in mine. Like most of the tasks I set for myself that I never carry out, this is one of them. I know that I should probably leave Gemmy and let her live a full happy life, but that's just not what I want. But I also don't want her to get hurt.. what could I possibly offer he besides my heart?

“You okay?” she smiles warily her blue eyes mirroring my own.

“Fine” I sigh and brush my thumb over her cheek, why does this have to be my punishment? Falling for a living breathing angel, is this... my heaven? Can it be possible that after all my suffering this, she, was my purpose? Even if this were true, in a way she's also my own hell. Given the ability to touch her yet never live along side her, grow old with her is the biggest punishment. It's almost bittersweet, but more along the lines of bitter..

The sound of small giggles brings our attention to the toddler who managed to climb up the stairs. His bright brown eyes find mine and a smile showing his teething gums takes over his small features. Throughout the time his mother worked with me I never met him or even saw a picture of him. “Spence! How did you get up here” Gemmy scoops him up but his attention is focused on me. “What are you looking at bub?” she attempts to tickle his tummy but he can't be bothered. I figured maybe he's looking at something in my direction but he starts whining and holding his hands out to me. Gemmy's eyes dart to me and I know she's thinking the same thing I am. “He can see you?” she breathes and I take the toddler from her.

His eyes stayed glued to mine, all big and brown and his miniature hand reaches and touches my nose. “How?” Gemmy is shellshocked as am I, I've always heard those stories about little kids being able to see things no adult could, but I never believed it was true until now. “Hey Spencer” I juggle him from arm to arm in my embrace and he giggles. The sounds brings a smile to my face, heres the little bundle of joy that got to keep his mother..

“Gemmy! Is Spencer up there with you?!” Gene calls to her, her voice eerily getting louder. “Um yeah aunt Gene!” she calls back and takes baby Spencer from me, who start wailing at the top of his lungs. “Shhhshhh” Gemmy tries her best to calm him down but it only gets worse.

“Oh oh i'm sorry Gemmy he's tired from our long drive” she rushes into the room and grabs her son from Gemmy. “Uh yeah it's fine” she looks to me briefly.

“I'll go put him down for bed, sorry babe” Gene smiles warily and kisses Gemmy on the cheek before ascending down the stairs, closing the door behind her. The sound of Spencer's wailing gets lower and lower until it can't be heard anymore. “That was close” Gemmy breathes a sigh of relief. Oh if she only knew just how close..

***

“Shhh everyones asleep stop moving around so much” she hides her fits of laughter under her blanket as I take off her headband. Tonight has taken a turn for the better, she seems to have forgotten of my odd behavior and for now i'm happy. I think maybe it's because there have been so many questions that remain unanswered for the both of us that it's just easier to let something slip. Although I should probably grow a pair and tell her everything but being the fucking coward I am, i'll wait until it's too late..

“Sorry I forgot it's not just us” I plop down on the bed beside her, holding myself up with on my elbow. The dim light coming from her lava lamp illuminates half of her face as she fixes her hair in a bun.

“Yeah..” she smiles in deep thought.

“What is it?” I take her hand and trace little patterns on her palm. “I um- forget it” she sighs and takes he hand from mine, settling back to go to sleep. My brows furrow and my curiosity is peaked, “No, Gemmy.. Tell me” I crawl up beside her as she lays down with her back towards me.

I bring the covers half way up my body just as Niall positions himself behind me, his mouth dangerously close to my ear as he whispers, “No, Gemmy.. Tell me” I screw my eyes shut as I try to steady the beating of my heart. Do I really want to do this now? No and yes.. I've let him get away with keeping things from me only because I care, and I hope that he tells me things on his own. But i'm tired of waiting, tonight has made me realize this.. and as much as I'm afraid to hurt him by bringing up things he probably wants to forget, I have to know or else.. we, what ever it is we are, will never work. As if that's the biggest problem with making this work, he's not even alive.. My subconscious aids me in my anxiety and I try to shut her out.

I turn to face him, and take a deep breath before I begin, his blue eyes are glossed filled with worry and fear. “I know you've been through a lot, well I assume you have..” I sigh as I try to muster up the right words. The crease between his brows deepens as he tries to comprehend. “But that's just it, an assumption.. I- I want to know you Niall.. I have let you keep certain things from me, only because I hoped you would tell me when you were ready, but it feels like you never are and maybe you never will be..”

I pause as I watch his breathing increase substantially, “Gemmy I-”

“No don't give me some excuse and try to get me to feel bad for you because that's not what I want” I sit up once more but he remains where he was. “I don't want to feel bad for you I want to understand you, know why these things are so hard for you to get out, and maybe even help you come to a close with them.. You have to know that whatever this-” I signal between us, “Whatever this is, won't work if you keep things from me” I sigh.

Gemmy speaks in the most animated way, giving away exactly how she feels. Frustrated, curious, yet still understanding and gentle. God why am I such a fuck up, she's right, and this shouldn't surprise me it was only a matter of time before she started to push me for answers... I think tonights dinner sucked up the last bit of patience she had left.

I can't keep her in the dark for much longer, but I can try, for her sake. I know she won't want anything to do with me, she won't want to put up with all my shit. “Niall..” she presses me to speak and I sit up against the wall on her bed. “Do you remember earlier, you said you'd never leave me?” I begin and the emotions of pity cross her beautiful blue eyes, exactly what I was expecting.. “Yes but I told-”

“Well” I cut her off, “The reason why I haven't told you the about the demons that haunt me is exactly that, because they're demons, my demons.. And I don't want you subjected to them.. because if you knew half the stupid decisions i've made you wouldn't be here right now” I gulp, trying to rid my throat of the knot that has formed.

“That's not me Niall, you should know that by now, unlike you i'm not afraid to show exactly who I am” If it wasn't because she was more than one hundred percent right, I would have been offended..

“Yeh? Well I am afraid, because who I am is not something you'd ever want. I'm a fucking coward Gemmy. I can never be what you need” I try but fail to keep my voice down, “Don't say that!” she whispers harshly looking back towards the stairs. “I'm not asking you to tell me everything at once, but give me something, tell me anything that will help me understand these “demons” your so scared to let out” she places a her hand over mine, I screw my eyes shut as I revel in her touch. Something I never thought I would get to experience, and probably never will again... This is my chance, I won't let this be another one of my half finished tasks, fuck it.

“Gemmy, I don't want to tell you, I can't. It's that simple, and you know what? I think it's better that way..” I take my hand away from her reach and stand to my feet.

“W-what?” the fear in her voice makes me almost back track, “I- I said you didn't have to tell me everything just-”

“No, forget it Gemmy, forget it all” I cut her off once again. Her small feet pad against the hard wood floor as I walk over to the bay window. I can't give in, I said I wouldn't do this.. Here's me keeping my promise. I promise I was foolishly ready to give up on.

“What- Niall if your worried i'm going to leave I won't I-” I turn to face her, she's just a few feet away from me. “No, i'm not worried because I know you will, and in order to spare both of us it should just stop here. I mean who are we kidding Gemmy? I'm a fucking coward, with nothing to offer you, if you don't leave me now over my shit you'll do it later, when you get tired of me, because you'll grow up and i'll be here holding you back..” I choke back the tears and look away before I look weaker than I already am, the coward is at it again, typical. “What? No Niall I-” realization crosses over her face before it's taken over by fear once more.

“We're truly pathetic to think this could ever work, i'm lifeless, literally and emotionally-” I pause thinking just how wrong I am, I was lifeless before she came into my hell.. “Your so full of life, and it just wouldn't work, you know I'm insecure and that's who I am that's all you really need to know, not that it counts for anything now..” Her beautiful blue eyes that seem to be a lot bluer than my own, shine bright filled with tears that are ready to spill over. I should have never let it get this far..

“So thats it then? I ask you for a little more access into your life and you deny it by pushing me away?” I stutter trying my hardest not to cry. I know he can't mean all of this, or maybe he does because of all is insecurities that i'm sure have everything to do with his “demons”

Yet his insecurities are responsible for his sudden bravery, a bravery I wish I could have helped come out in him the right way.. “Yeh..” he sighs as he lowers his gaze from mine, I can see the lack of conviction across his features just as clear as I can hear it in his voice.

I can agree with him for thinking whatever it is we have could never work, but i'm a firm believer in miracles. I don't know, this could be like a movie where a significant other can saved the other from their damnation? As stupid and pathetic as it sounds, I believe it can happen. I hate to refer back to the strange man that goes by the name of Bobby, who haunts my dreams and even my reality. “he needs someone like you..” The words make my seemingly crazy theory hold some truth..

“Niall..” I take his hand in mine and he doesn't pull away like I half expected he would. “Gemmy don't..”

“I know there is so much that's unexplained, and things between us seem impossible but we can still try we can try to find a solution..” I bravely take his face between my hands and press my forehead to his, brushing my nose just barely to his. I can feel his breathing shallow, along with my own.. “Gemmy..” he breathes his hands resting on my waist. “Please..” I whisper as I gently press my lips to his.

Her lips press to mine, and I fail miserably at preventing it, I didn't even try to stop it.. I love her.. I fucking love her. Her positivity gives me hope, she so damn contagious.. As her fingers comb through my hair and the kiss deepens that pang of insecurity brings my earlier statements back up.. “N-no” I pull away breaking the kiss, that speaks the total opposite of what i've just explained to her. “This is over Gemmy... trust me.. it's for the best” I take a step away from her, watching the tears roll down her face.

I begin to walk away, telling myself that if she calls to me one more time i'll take it all back.. Maybe.. But as I make it half way down the stairs, her call doesn't come and I know exactly what I've just done.. thats it. It's done..

***

[Bobby]

“Your son clearly doesn't want to be saved Bobby” our God almighty sighs, disappointment clear on his face. I accompany him in his disappointment as we watch my only son walk out on the only girl who could truly save him.

“You know what has to be done now..”

“Please sir, let me have a talk with both of them. I can still try to convince him that everything will be alright..” I plea.

“I don't know..”

“Please, I wouldn't have asked you to give him a second chance if I wasn't sure he could be saved.. She's the one my lord, she can help him, you've said it yourself..”

“This is true, their paths crossing was inevitable, it was a cruel misunderstanding that stopped your sons salvation..” he hums in thought, considering my pleas.

“Exactly my lord, this is why I believe there is still a chance..” I press cautiously. Gemmy and Niall were meant to meet that day after the robbery, her aunt Gene and my son were supposed to both come out alive.. Gemmy was going to be his salvation then, and she can still be his salvation now.

“Alright, but his time is limited, and if you succeed you do know what you have to give up in order for him to live is that clear?”

“Yes my lord..” I bow in his grace.

“Good, he has 5 days. Go on now” he sends me on my way as I whisper my thanks. I will not let my only son live his after life in regret.. Gemmy is the only one who can make him come to terms with his own demons..