13: Your my start to something new

I don't know where the boldness in me came form but I found myself lacing my fingers with Niall's. His eyes switched between me and the contact of our hands. I closed my eyes to see if this wasn't another dream, like so many others. When I opened my eyes once more I couldn't help but swallow down the knot in my throat that had begun to form. I have dreamt of this for as long as I've known him... Which isn't that long really, but I just feel this connection with him. It's almost unbearable not knowing why, and even more unbearable that I wasn't able to physically reach out to him.

“Gem..” Niall's chest rises and falls quickly, his breathing shallow. He can't believe it either... “Niall” I choke and I can't take this small amount of contact anymore, I move from my seated position and wrap my arms around his neck. I half expected not to feel him anymore.. That maybe it was a sort of preview but it's not. “Gemmy” his voice cracks as his arms wrap around me, holding me tight. He lets out small sobs and I can't help the tears streaming down my face. He feels just how I imagined he would, I take in his scent and it brings more tears to my eyes. He smells heavenly, a mix of cologne and sweet vanilla.

I pull back from the hug and run my fingers through his blonde hair, examining every inch of his face. Committing each detail to memory like a mother would with their child, “Gemmy what are you doing?” he almost sounds amused, “I'm just making sure this is real.. I-” my heart jumps at the thought of confessing my dreams to him.. “You what?” his blue eyes mirror mine as my hand softly caresses his face, running my finger tips over his brow and down the side of his face. Finding their way to his thin pink lips.. His eyes flutter at my touch, as his hands run up and down my back. On my knees between his legs, the sun coming to full rise, I take his face in my hands. “Niall..” my voice is shaky, his eyes shoot open and lock with mine, i'm debating whether or not I should place a small kiss to his lips. Would he like that? Does he even want it? I rest my forehead to his and his eyes flutter closed, his lashes just tickle my cheek.

I can barely hear myself breathing, over the loud thumping of my heart. I have this overwhelming happiness but it goes hand in hand with my fear and insecurities.. Gemmy's soft hands hold my face in place, and they feel just as I imagined they would.. My hands run up her back, and make their way to her hair. Running my finger through it, it slips through my fingers like silk.. “N-Niall..” she breathes my name once more, my hands finding their way back to her hips. “Gemmy” I breathe as her nose brushes mine, is she going to kiss me? I want her too.. But only if it's what she wants.. I can't help but think she'd just caught up in the moment and this is all out of pity. Trying to reassure me of myself after telling her what happened with my mother. If she really knew the whole story, not just the parts I allowed her to hear, she wouldn't be doing this.. Why would she want to? I'm me..

My eyes flutter open and hers close, her lashes fanned over her cheeks she inches closer and I run my hand over the side of her face, removing the loose strands of hair. She's the most beautiful human being I have ever seen, she can't possibly want me.. “Gemmy.. I..” my hands found her shoulders as I pushed her back.. and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from curing myself.

I felt my heart drop when I realized Niall was pushing me away, and in that very moment I wanted to fling myself out the window. I sat back on my heels and looked down at my hands in lap, what if this was the only chance he has to feel.. What if it's the only chance I have? We've both just ruined it, I should of controlled myself.. What the hell is wrong with me? Not that he wanted to kiss me anyway that much is clear. Instead I ended up embarrassed and he ended up looking like a jerk.. The loud ringing of my alarm clock scared me and without another word I got up to get ready for school. “Gemmy” Niall sighed, sounding frustrated probably in himself for pushing me away but I can't blame him I asked for it. “What?” I half barked as my fist slammed down onto the snooze button of my clock.

I watched as Gemmy moved around the room getting her things together and practically beating up her alarm clock. I can only imagine what she must feel like right now, I don't even know if this whole touch thing is permanent and I've already ruined everything.. Like usual. “I.. i'm-”

“I have to get ready for school can you um leave?” she sighed looking down at the floor, her clothes in hand. “Yeah.. sure..” I sighed, I'm such an idiot.. I've embarrassed her and now she's upset with me.. All because why? Because of my stupid insecurities.

…

It had been an hour of waiting here at the bottom of the stair usually she calls me back up when she's done. But she hasn't and I know it's because she's upset.. I have to find a way to fix this, why can't I suddenly be a charmer like that day I trapped her in the kitchen.. I wasn't even trying that day it just sort of came out..

I stand and make my way back up, to find the room empty. She hasn't left has she? No.. I would have seen her walk past me..

It isn't until I hear the sound of soft crying coming from the bathroom that I realize she's still here.. It makes my heart ache, is she crying because of me? I'm not worth any of her tears why would she put herself through this..

“Gemmy?” I knock on the bathroom door, and I hear her stumbling around. “What is it?” she tries to sound like she hasn't been crying and I bravely check to see if the door is unlocked. It is.

“Niall!” I half shriek as he opens the door, his eyes fall upon the floor covered in toilet tissues that I used to wipe my eyes. “Gemmy what's wrong?” his bright blue eyes find mine, the crease between his brows makes my stomach flip. He looks utterly confused, oblivious to what he has done. Can he be so clueless? “Nothing” I sniff.

“Don't lie to me” he steps in the bathroom and closes the door behind him. Oh no..

“I'm not, can you please just let me out I'm gonna be late” he watches me as I try with every force in my being to not make contact with him. I stare at my cream colored oxford flats while he just stands there.. watching me.. “No” he finally speaks, and I half laugh, but it's cut short when he moves to touch me. I almost flinch away but as soon as his calloused finger tips brush my cheek I can't help myself lean into his touch. “I'm.. I'm sorry..” he stutters and I look up at him, his eyes searching over my face, the crease between his brows is still visible. I can see his insecurity as his thumb glides across my bottom lip. He's insecure of himself? I find it hard to believe, he's beautiful.. “D-did you really want to.. um..”

“Yes and I still do” I answer him before he can finish his sentence, and before he has a chance to say something else I find myself getting on my tippy toes, bringing my lips to his. My hands run through his hair and I can feel the uncertainty for a split second before he returns my kiss. I need to show him that I want this, he has nothing to be insecure about.. I've never wanted something so much... I've never felt the way I do when he's around me.. and I have no explanation as to why..

Goosebumps rise on my skin as her fingers tangle in my hair. Our lips move in perfect sync, Gemmy's lips taste just like I imagined, strawberry kissed lips.. I hold her face between my hands as I savor every touch of her lips. I keep thinking this is just because she feel's pity but the more our lips move together the harder I find to believe that's true. She really wants this, I want this.. I yearned to feel the touch of her lips on mine.. I yearned to feel her.. I.. I love her..

I break the kiss to come back for air, pressing my forehead to hers the bathroom is fogged by our ragged breathing. We both struggle to catch out breaths, “Wow..” she breathes..

“That was..”

“Amazing” she finishes my sentence, and giggles. I tilt her chin up so I can look at her, “Sorry..” she flushes, bringing a light pink to her cheeks. “You really have no idea how bad I wanted to do that..” I blurt and flush when her eyes shoot up to look at me.

Niall blushing is the cutest thing ever, but I can't help but feel it's mainly because he feels insecure.. “Gemmy!” I hear my mothers voice echo and her heels clicking over the hard wood floor of my room. “What is it?” Niall moves out of my way and I rush to open the door. “Your late sweetheart” she gives me the look and I sigh. “Alright i'll be right down..”

“Hurry” she calls back as she rushes back down the stairs, “oh by the way! Your aunt Lillian is coming by tonight!” she practically shouts and I huff great.. I love my aunt Lillian but I'm way overwhelmed with everything going on that I'd like a break... My aunt is young and she into going out and having fun, she's basically the opposite of me. “I have to go..” I turn and whisper to Niall and he nods giving me a half smile. “Who's your aunt Lillian?” he half laughs, “You'll see soon eoungh” I roll my eyes dramatically, and he chuckles shyly. “We'll talk when I get back?” I wrap my arms around him and he hesitates but hugs me back..

I take in the scent of her hair, before she rushes out of the bathroom and collects her bag and slings it over her shoulder. “Bye!” she beams before she descends down the stairs. “Bye...” I whisper as I stand in the door frame of the bathroom door.

I still can't believe any of this is happening.. I.. we touched.. we kissed.. I felt her.. And it hasn't worn off. Gemmy makes me want to be a better person, she brings out the best in me. If only I had met her before any of this.. I... Things could have been so much different. But maybe she can change the way my after life goes, not that it'll change much now.. But it's a start..

I don't want to jinx it, but I can't help but feel like along with all this positivity, something negative is bound to come.. I just hope i'm wrong..

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Okay, now the real drama is gonna start ;) sorry it's a bit short but it's something :D i'll fix any errors later!