93. The Missing Piece 🔓

We got in Deonte's car with a bag of four to-go plates. I'm gonna be hungry tonight and all weekend, because I don't even know what Zeke's family is going to eat on his mother's birthday.

"Earlier, you were asking questions about living in a condo. If you want, I can show you around the neighborhood."

I put on my seatbelt. "Really? Let's spin the block, then."

Deonte chuckled, "Cool."

After exiting the parking garage, Deonte drove around the neighborhood, showing me almost every nook and cranny. He pointed out grocery stores, a park, shopping areas, restaurants, and back roads to take in case there is traffic.

"I didn't expect you to show me everything." Wait. That sounded kinda rude. "I mean, I'm glad you showed me more than I expected you to."

Deonte looked ahead as he drove. "If I'm being honest... I'm not ready to leave your presence."

I instantly smiled, "Aww, really?"

"Yeah. You're fun to be around, and this was supposed to be our hangout day, but my family surprised me."

"We can still hangout. You know anywhere we can go?" I asked him.

Deonte slowed the car down at a red traffic light. "Hmm... Do you like desserts?"

I gave Deonte a mean mug. "Sir, what type of question is that? I'm a sweet tooth fanatic."

"I knew you and I were on the same wavelength, same frequency."

"Exactly. Same page, same chapter," I added.

We both laughed.

Deonte said, "Cookies and ice cream are my weaknesses. There's this spot near my old neighborhood that has the best ice cream sandwiches in all of L.A."

"Stop talking. Take me, right now," I demanded.

Deonte went through the green light, made a right turn, went down a back road, and made an immediate right into a small parking lot. He got in the longest drive-thru I've ever been in.

I arched my brow, "Is it always like this?"

"Always," Deonte smiled at me. "I promise you. It's worth the wait."

"How long will it take for us to get to the speaker to order?" I inquired.

He put the car's gear into park. "If I tell you, then you'd probably think I'm crazy. Let's just talk while we wait. Two birds. One stone. Right?"

I took a deep breath. "From here on out, I'm calling you C.J."

Deonte chuckled, "You really don't have to call me that."

I nudged him. "What? You don't like it? I think it's better than being called CRU Jr. Your siblings have all the fun nicknames: Cash, Cha-Cha, Chanel... You should have one, too."

"That's 'cause I gave them their nicknames."

"Seriously? You're so creative. Okay, then. What would you nickname yourself?" I asked him.

Deonte thought before replying, "I guess... Cage."

"Cage?" I wrinkled my nose. "Why?"

Deonte turned the stirring wheel so that it was straight. "No reason."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Sooo... there's no reason why you call your brother Cash or your little sister Chanel?"

"There is. Chanel is spoiled by the whole family. She's an expensive kid. My brother has never been without money. Even when he didn't have a job, he had money. Cha-Cha is quick with everything. She learns and moves fast but she makes it look effortless."

A car horn caught our attention.

I looked in the side mirror to see two cars stopped with their bumpers very close to each other.

"Did they almost hit each other?" I asked.

"It's a one way parking lot, but somebody always tries to ignore it and gets upset when they nearly get hit," he informed me.

I shook my head. "People are something else. Anyway, I like the meanings behind your siblings' nicknames. I just don't see how Cage fits you."

Deonte confessed, "My therapist once asked me to describe myself in three words. I said tired, trapped, and toxic."

I bucked my eyes in disbelief. "You got a thing for consonants," I tried to joke.

Deonte could barely smile. "That and alliteration."

I asked, "Why those adjectives, though? Whenever I'm around you, you show the opposite."

Deonte put the gear in drive as we moved up in line. "I've been in the same place mentally for a long time. I've grown exhausted, because I'm not where I want to be. I feel trapped, caged; stuck... like a prison with no bars. When I try to escape, I take on a new hobby, a new relationship or something to distract me from what I need to deal with."

"Have you talked to your family about any of this? What about Cha-Cha?" I suggested.

"Cha-Cha? I've told her a lot in the past, but she only gave me Bible verses. Sometimes, we would read them together. Even after she would explain them for me to understand, it's like she's giving the medicine without knowing the diagnosis. I was questioning if I'm even depressed, thinking where did these thoughts, this feeling come from?"

I nodded my head in agreement.

"I know Cha-Cha tries to help. She prays for me, too. I'm not saying it's a waste of her time. It's just frustrating to have to tell someone over and over again what you're feeling. Then, they look at you, ready to put bandages on you, and tell you everything's going to be okay, but... she doesn't get it. My therapist doesn't get it. Nobody gets it. I just wish somebody could understand me when I say I'm not happy, and I haven't been for a long time."

I immediately covered my face, but it was too late. I was already crying. Uggghh!

"Jae, you okay?" He asked me

I tried my best to not expose myself, but the lump in my throat was forcing the sound out of my mouth. "No..."

"Are you crying? I'm sorry." Deonte rubbed my shoulder.

I sniffed, "It's not you."

I heard something open then close.

"Here's some napkins."

I used my left hand to hide my face as I took the napkins Deonte placed in my lap. Without removing my shades, I wiped my tears.

I removed my hands and took the napkins. "A.B. is my... I want him to be my boyfriend. He's a lot like Cha-Cha - very wise when it comes to God's Word, but I think because he's been that way for years, he forgot what it's like to be on the other side. He's not the only one. I've vented to my cousin who is like my sister. I've vented to Zeke, but none of them truly understand what I'm saying to them. I tell them that I'm tired. I don't want to do this anymore, but they--"

"They tell you not to give up and that you'll get through it," Deonte finished my sentence.

I looked over at him. "Yes!"

Deonte said, "They continue to give you advice after you've told them you're not looking for  advice."

I admitted, "So, I just stopped saying anything. I tell them I'm fine. I know it's bad to keep stuff bottled up, but it's frustrating."

Deonte glanced at me. "It's hard, because I want to be happy, but I don't know how to make this void in my heart go away. Now, I'm just watching the clock, waiting for the time that I can be free from it."

"Do you know what caused that void?" I asked him.

Deonte nodded his head. "After The CRU broke-up."

"That's a long time, Deonte," I commented.

He blew air from his mouth. "I've never told anybody that before. My ex once asked me why I was sad when I had everything anyone could dream of." He eased his foot off the brake as we moved up some more in line. "I never told her the truth."

I looked at him. "What's the truth?"

"The truth is that after the group broke up, and we individually became more successful, I found out what people really thought about our group. The love was fake. The support was fake. It was like they were waiting for us to dis-band. Everybody was saying how if we never broke up, we'd still be struggling or we would no longer be in the business."

I leaned toward him. "My cousin and I never thought or said that. Y'all were one of the biggest and best boy band to us."

Deonte grinned, "I wish we could've met back then. You would've saved me years of pain."

"Sir, I was in middle school."

"How old are you?"

"Twenty-nine."

Deonte chuckled, "We're only four years apart."

"I was in the 8th grade when you were a senior in high school."

"Jae, I'm talking about now not as kids," he informed me.

"Oh."

Deonte drove ahead. "We got two more cars in front of us."

I took a deep breath before taking off my hat. After a few seconds, I took off my sunglasses.

Deonte said, "Not now but before we get to the window, I'm gonna put on my sunglasses, and you can get in the backseat. A lot of teenagers work here."

"That won't be necessary," I told him.

He glanced at me and did a double take.

I brightly smiled at him. "Hi, it's nice to meet you, Deonte Way. My name is Jamie Sawyer. I'm from a small town called East Grove, but now I live in L.A. as a singer and songwriter."

Deonte looked speechless. It was like he was seeing me for the first time. "Jae-Jamie... You are beautiful. Now I know what Zeke saw when he met you. Are you sure you and him were pretending?"

I chuckled as I wiped my eyes. "You're just being nice."

Deonte stated, "I'm not being nice. I'm telling you the truth."

I blushed as I looked down at my sunglasses and hat.

Deonte lifted my chin with his finger. "How serious are you about that guy?"

I laughed as I slapped his hand away. "We've known each other for about six months. I'm giving him one year."

Deonte stared at me. "If he doesn't step-up, I'm gonna make you forget all about him."

"Sir, what happened to us being friends?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

He quickly looked away. "Don't look at me with those sexy eyes. That voice and face should be a crime."

"Oh, my goodness!" I threw my hands in the air. "Just drive, sir."

"I'm gonna stop, because I respect you and I like our friendship."

"Me, too," I admitted.

Finally, we made it to the menu and speaker.

Deonte told them to give us a minute to order. I was down for an ice cream sandwich until I saw the cookie monster. a huge chocolate chip cookie with three scoops of ice cream on it, chocolate and caramel drizzle, chopped nuts, and whipped cream with a cherry on top.

When Deonte said he'd share it with me, I declined his help. I had plans to consume this treat on my own. Deonte got a vanilla ice cream sandwich with a chocolate chip cookie on each side, and half of it dipped in chocolate.

Our conversation was lighter as he drove me to the Rivers' Residence. If I had known that Deonte was the ear I needed to talk to, I probably wouldn't feel so down these days. Yet, I do recall Aja Frost stepping in when we were supposed to record his song together. It's amazing how the person or people that you were looking for were always near yet so far away. In the future, I will speak up to those that try to interfere with my endeavors. This is my career. My life.