76. Photo Memory 🖼️

After getting our milkshakes from the drive-thru window, A.B. drove to the pond across the street and parked his car. I sipped on my strawberry shake. A.B. picked up his chocolate shake and took his first sip. We looked at one another and shared a silent agreement.

I chuckled, "This is so good. It's been a while since I had one of these."

"Same. Are you cold?" He asked me.

"A little warm; especially, in this sweater dress." The sun had made an appearance and was heating things up.

A.B. turned off his engine and rolled the windows down a bit. "Do you have anymore plans while you're here?"

I smirked. He knows I had one plan - hang out with him. And spend time with my parents, too. "Nothing concrete. I'm just over here amazed at how much I don't know about you. I thought we were friends, A.B." I joked.

He glanced at me. "I can say the same."

My brows merged. "I know you joking, right?"

"Quiz me," A.B. suggested.

"What's my full name?"

"Jae... A.B." He laughed.

I lightly hit his arm. "Stop playing, A.B."

"Okay. Jamie Princess Sawyer."

I took the lid off my cup so I could stir my shake. I asked, "When's my birthday?"

"January 3rd, no... the 2nd. Wait... I think I'm confusing you with Shay."

I nearly choked on my shake after taking a sip. "Who is Shay?" I coughed.

A.B. reached over to pat my back. "Want some water?"

I put my shake in the cup holder. "Jace Bravos, I am going to walk all the way back to my parents' house if you don't stop." I gritted my teeth.

A.B. smiled, "I'll stop, and I'll never let you walk anywhere. Your birthday is January 2, 1992."

I smiled at him.

He glanced at me and winked.

I thought of what to ask him next. "Umm... How many siblings do I have?"

"Zero."

"Where was I born?"

"Oklahoma City."

I cut my eyes at him.

"East Grove." He sipped his milkshake.

"What are... what are my pet peeves?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

A.B. replied, "Interrupted sleep, rude people, and Monica."

I genuinely laughed, "That's better than what I would've said. I know your pet peeves."

A.B. looked at me. "What are they?"

"Your thoughts, your thoughts about me, and Monica."

We both laughed.

He told me, "I can't remember the last time I enjoyed talking to someone. Conversations with you are always a lot of fun."

We were silent for a few seconds.

I spoke, "I know that I'm not the most beautiful girl in the world... My body isn't 'thick' or curvy. I don't have a lot of experience in dating or in life. I'll admit that I may not be the first pick, but I'm learning things that I never thought I'd try or do. I'm a great listener when it's time to listen, and I... I'm super loyal. Like, I want to be with someone that I can be myself around. I want them to be themselves around me, too. I guess I'm just thinking about time and distance. Like, when I leave on Thursday, I don't know when I'll come back. I feel like the next time I see, you'll be in a relationship with someone else. I just don't want to regret not speaking up when I have this moment with you. Can I ask you something?"

"Ask me anything," he told me.

"What are you looking for in a girlfriend? Like, what is your number one or the top five traits that she needs to have for you to consider her?" I chose my words carefully.

A.B. thought before taking a sip of his shake. "I don't have a list, Jamie. It's more of a feeling. I want her to have faith in God, date me to get married, be kind, intelligent, have morals and standards, and an overall sense of humor."

I smiled brightly. Did he just describe me? I licked my lips after sipping on my milkshake.

"Those things can be checked by any woman, but I don't want any woman. I want a woman who is serious about her faith - it's unwavering. She won't even let me come between her and God. I want to learn from her just as much as she learns from me. I want longevity and love - romance and spontaneity. I want her... Unfortunately, I'm selfish, because I want to be able to see her when I want to, I want to hold her in my arms and tell her what I'm thinking, what I'm going through. I want to go to her for advice and listen to her voice without a phone pressed to my ear. I want her present. I want her..."

I slowly nodded my head. I think I finally understand what he's saying. "A.B., I appreciate your honesty. I may've tried too hard to show you how much I like you, knowing I'm not your type--"

A.B. interrupted, "Jamie, I have so much respect for you. Our friendship came at a time that I really needed someone like you in my life. Do not take that lightly. You mean a lot to me."

"Just not enough to be your girlfriend." I could feel the tears coming. Ugh! Why am I such a cry baby?

"I think you're only thinking about us in this moment. I'm thinking about when you're Jae A.B. and someone finds out who you are and your private life becomes public..." A.B. sighed, "I'm not interested in the whole world. I want to do what I can here in East Grove with God's help. I don't need any distractions--"

I interrupted him this time. "So I'm a distraction? A.B., I wear a disguise to keep my private life away from the public eye. I don't have a split personality. I'm Jamie when I'm on the stage, and I'm Jamie when I'm with you. You're making it seem like, like Hollywood has changed me. Like, I'm a PK when I'm here, and I'm raising hell when I'm there. You know that's not me."

"Jamie, I would rather..." A.B. stopped himself.

I asked, "Do you support my career or do you tolerate it because it's my career?"

He answered, "I support you, Jamie, all the way. I just can't be in a relationship with someone who is a part of that world."

I said, "That's offensive."

"Please don't be offended. I apologize, Jamie."

I looked straight ahead. "Like, I get it. It's just that everyone is a sinner. And I thought God forgave everyone?"

"No one has to stay a sinner. We can all be redeemed through Christ. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. That's first John chapter one, verse nine. So many of us think going to church is enough, listening to a pastor is enough, celebrating Easter and Christmas - many who don't believe in God do all those things. Quoting scripture doesn't even make the cut. It's all about our hearts. Only The Father  knows the heart, your true intentions, and why you do what you do. He knows more than we ever will, and that's why I put my full trust in Him. Jamie, it can be hard to understand, but God always makes a way for His people. Always." A.B. told me.

I took a deep breath. "I hear what you're saying, I do. I just know who I am. Singing is my career. The people in the music industry have no influence over who I am."

"But that's the problem." A.B. explained, "It's easy to overlook what you've always known. If no one told you that... for example: expiration dates are important, you wouldn't pay them any attention. Then, the old food would stink all around you, in your home, and you may look for the problem, but you won't think to throw out the food, because you don't know about the expiration date. That's what sin is - it's living without knowing God."

He continued, "When you're told it's okay to have sex before marriage, it's okay to get drunk as long as I can function, it's okay to seek revenge, it's okay to disrespect my parents because they don't understand what I'm going through, then you run the risk of having problems in your life that you could've avoided if you knew the the harm of it like children growing up without responsible parents, illnesses and diseases weakening your body, someone breaks into a home and kills someone. Sin is not okay, not even a little bit. But if you know that sin is the problem, then you will go to God with a sincere heart. You will repent, and you will do everything to make sure you are living your life according to His Word. That's when you learn what love really is, what sacrifice is, and why so many people are hurting. Living for Him changed my life, Jamie. I want anyone that I care about to know that. I hope that they will allow God to change their life and He'll do it. I said all that to say... I cannot go back to being who I thought I was before genuinely knowing God."

I dropped my head into my lap to hide that I was wiping my eyes.

"Jamie..." A.B. rubbed my back. "If you go back to L.A. as my girlfriend, everything you'll go through and experience whether you tell me or not, I'll want to know so I can protect you even at the cost of my own life. I know the kind of people that you will be around, and I cannot promise peace or that I'll stay silent in order for your privacy to remain untouched."

I don't know what hurt more - being rejected or knowing how much A.B. would fight for me, risking it all. He has every right to be selfish no matter how much it hurt me.

Seconds later, I heard the car door open and close. I lifted my head to see that A.B. was gone. Then, the passenger door opened. I looked to my right, and A.B. said, "Come here." He held out his hand.

I took it as he helped me out of the car. Without warning, he pulled me into a hug.

I buried my face into his chest. "I'm not crying," I stated.

A.B. admitted, "Good, 'cause I don't like to see you cry. Tell me what can I do to make you feel better?"

"Nothing... I don't want you to think that I can't handle this. I just have a lot to learn."

"Take that pressure off yourself. There's no race. Each day you will get better, but don't force it. And if you mess up, and I'm able to help you, I will. Just never stop communicating with the one that it matters to the most."

I lifted my head and our eyes met. I wanted to ask, "Then, we can be together?" Instead, I asked, "How did you learn so much?"

"It didn't happen overnight. I did my best to do it every day. Jamie, do you feel like going somewhere else?" He asked me.

"Yeah, but not back home. Not right now."

A.B. chuckled.

"Excuse me."

We both looked over to see a guy with a camera around his neck.

"My name is Donovan. I'm a photography student at East Grove College, and I have a project that's due this Friday. If it's okay with you, can I photograph you? I promise you can have the photos, and I'll only share the ones you want me to."

A.B. looked at me. "She's the model. Your camera will love her."

"Actually, sir, you have to be in it, too."

I laughed on the inside. "You can photograph us, Donovan. My name is Jamie."

"Thank you so much," the student smiled. He shook my hand and A.B.'s hand.

"The way y'all are standing is perfect. I'm just going to take a few shots with the pond behind you."

I wrapped my arms around A.B.'s neck as his hands remained on my back. I leaned my face closer to his. He grinned at me. He knew exactly what I was doing. I turned my head as I giggled. I forgot we were supposed to be modeling.

"Nice! Ms. Jamie, can I get you to turn around with your back to his chest? Sir, can you wrapped your arms - Yes! Just like that! Now can you two hold hands? Perfect. Hold it there. One more. Now turn and face each other," Donovan directed us.

Who would've known that A.B. and I would be taking romantic photos together?

"Is kissing a sin?" I teased A.B.

"Jamie, I'm seconds away from calling your cousin."

"I'm seconds away from--"

A.B. cut me off, "Shhh. He told you to look back at the camera. You're not listening."

"Bet," I replied before squatting low.

A.B. nearly fell-out laughing.

I stumbled trying to stand back up. "You almost made me fall!"

A.B. helped me to stand. He whispered in my ear, "Pay attention to our photographer so he can get a good grade."

I cleared my throat. "Whisper in my ear, again, if you want to. You gon' get struck by lightening."

"You don't have the power," A.B. mumbled before clearing his throat.

Donovan asked, "Can y'all slowly walk to the pond while holding hands?"

We did as told.

"You don't know what I got. It can get lethal around here." I pointed at myself.

A.B. shook his head. "You're right. I don't know... Besides, I like mystery."

After hearing him say that, my face literally said it all.

BOOM! In yo face, Anaya Santana! My man likes mystery and-- Reality hit, again. He's still not my man, but for some strange reason I wasn't sad about it. Looking at A.B., I was happy. No matter what our differences or circumstances were, right now, we were spending time together. That's what mattered the most.