"Are you going to be alright?" Liya asked me concerned as I was about to go and talk to Alec about whatever he wanted to talk about.
"Yeah." I nodded my head at her letting her know that it would be alright. Whether this ends or begins, it will be alright.
"Where are you meeting him?" She asked slinging her bag around her shoulders.
"Just behind school, in the open area."
As soon as I said that I could see her making a face, "I don't have pleasant memories from that place."
And from the way she shuddered I could tell it was something related to Xavier and her. I can just look at her tell about that.
"Are you guys talking about me?"
The both of us turned to look at Xavier walking towards us. He had his eyes fixed only on Liya as he came and put his hand behind the small of her back. I cleared my throat and looked around.
"Not everything's about you." I heard Liya say, "Serenity, be sure to meet with me and Evelyn after this. We have to spend some quality time." She said enthusiastically.
I let her know that I would be sure to join them and watched her go away with Xavier complaining, "I thought we were about to spend time together."
"Not today." She said before their voices were mumbled among the other people.
I looked around the parking lot full of people before sighing. I had already told Max and Henry about my plans to meet with Liya and Evelyn so they already went ahead with Brian, their new found best friend, who is as much of a clown as they are.
I walked where Alec would be waiting for me. Sure enough I found him waiting for me. I watched him as he looked around nervously. His back was turned to me as he cracked his knuckles.
"Why did you call me?" I walked towards him, getting his attention. He looked at me with the same troubled eyes like before when we met in the morning. I could still feel my heart aching by the looks of him. By the look he was giving him. I felt like....I was only troubling him?
"I wanted to talk about...it." He said slowly taking a step towards me.
He wants to talk about it. IT. He doesn't even want to say it properly that he wants to talk about my feelings or my confessions or anything dammit. Anything other than 'it'.
I bit the insides of my cheek as I asked him, "What about it?"
He could tell there was sourness in my voice because he let out a deep breath through his mouth.
"Look Serene," he started.
"Serenity." I corrected him.
If he was going to act like a stranger to me. As well as drop the casualness. I could feel his eyes looking at me with a little hurt.
He cleared his throat, "Serenity...I know how you feel."
"You do?" I chuckled mockinglyâlooking around at the school building.
"I do. Maybe better than anyone?" He said softly.
"Because you've been in love with Liya?" I asked.
"Let's not go there."
I stared at him baffled, "If we are going to talk about my feelings...we have to go there."
He ran his hands through his hair before coming near me and holding me by my shoulders, "Please don't make this hard for me than it already is."
I pursed my lips to stop myself from showing him any kind of hurt on my face but his eyes were boring deep into my soul and for once...his eyes weren't their usual bright blue. No. They weren't sparkly. The eyes which always found their way to shine even in the dark rain. The night under the beach, they were dark now even under the daylight.
I removed his hands from my shoulder and took a step back.
"I am not trying to make anything hard for you , Alec. It's as easy as a 'yes' or a 'no'. I either stay or leave."
"But I don't want to lose you." He whispered.
"BUT I CANNOT JUST STAY FRIENDS WITH YOU." I said frustratedly, "Don't you see? I cannot see you just as a friend just like you can't see Liya as a 'friend'. But unlike you, I cannot pretend that everything is fine while hanging around with the person I like who is with someone else."
I could see a dangerous look shadowing his face as he controlled hard to not let his feelings get the best of him. To not let my words get the best him even though they were true.
I don't know how I was getting the courage to finally say this to his face but I couldn't keep a control over my mouth seeing him like this.
I don't care about anyone. I really don't. Who loves who. Who ends up broken hearted, I don't care. Why should I? It's not like I am attached to them.
And so it was with Alec until he made me feel attached to him. Make me like him, not entirely his fault because I let myself fall for him. But now that I am attached to him, I was not keeping quiet about it.
"What do you want me to do, huh?" He asked grinding his teeth, "Its not just Liya. Even before I had feelings for her, I was best friends with Xavier. I cannot break my friendship just because of my feelings for her...besides, I knew she was his fiancée but still I fell for her willingly. I didn't stop myself. I couldn't. So stop preaching if you don't know anything."
Oh. That hurt.
This was the first time I had seen Alec being so rude to me. This was the first time I had seen him this angry or frustrated.
At this point, I don't even know who to blame anymore. Liya? Who is literally the sweetest person I have ever met. Not even once did she give a green light to Alec and she is happy now. Alec? He decided to fall for her even after knowing she was engaged. But I cannot blame him for it because didn't I do the same? Decided to fall for him even though I knew he already liked someone else?
So who should I blame? God? For putting us in such a situation from which we cannot escape? For creating such situations that if it were to happen again, I would still choose to fall for him again?
I could feel tears forming around the edge of my eyes but I wiped them off. I could feel my legs getting a little weak but I stood my ground.
"If you don't like me. Just say so."
His eyes softened around the corner as he looked at me pleadingly, "I do!"
"Then why?" I cried, "Why are you doing this?"
He went silent for a while. I looked at him with tears in my eyes as he looked up in the sky before looking back at me. He came forward and even though I was hesitant and wanted to take a step back, I stood there as he came and wiped my tears for me.
"I-I don't know how to tell you this." He whispered softly so that only I could hear.
I looked at him confused as he continued to explain himself, "You can't blame me, can you? It's just been two months and the thought that I might have feelings for you when just a few weeks ago I considered Liya, my one and only for the rest of my life, scared the living shit out of me. I promised her she was the only one."
"What did she say?"
He still held my face into his hands, "She told me that I will find someone. And she will be my one, not her."
"So why don't you try what she said." I asked sniffling a little.
"It's not that easy to move from a person you were in love with. I reallyyyy like you. I do. But it takes time, Serenity." He said slowly.
And I didn't have time. I don't think I do. For me, this was the time. And he needs to understand that I tried my best, and this is where he needs to make a decision.
"Do you think I can ever replace, Liya?" I asked him.
He looked around for words baffled and that was enough of an answer for me.
"If you cannot do this, then I cannot either. This will be the last time and I am letting you go, Alec. Because unlike Liya, I cannot hold onto people. I have learnt to let them go if it starts to hurt me. And right now, holding onto you is hurting me the most."
"Don't do this." I heard him say, "Give me some time. I don't want to let you go. I have never felt so comfortable with anyone."
I wanted to stay. I really do. But learning from my dad where I actually waited for him for a long time, I have learnt better than that. There is no point in waiting. Nothing magical happens. So before I end up hurting myself more, I have to let him go.
I come first.
"I'm sorry." I mumbled before stepping away from him.
I could feel his eyes behind the back of my head as I walked away from him. I felt like crying. But I also knew I made the decision on my own so I had no rights to burst into tears right now. I was stronger than that.
I heard him running after me before feeling his hands on my wrist. I was surprised when he made me face him. I opened my mouth to complain but he cut me off.
"I cannot lose you." He repeated getting close to me. I could even say that he looked desperate. I wanted to touch his face but I refrained myself.
"But you are letting me g-" before I could complete my sentence I felt his lips press down against mine.
It was so sudden.
I was surprised by his sudden behaviour and tried to push him away lightly, but he didn't budge. He continued to kiss me before I gave in.
"I cannot lose you." I heard him mutter in between the kiss, one last time.
___