Chapter 85: Chapter Twenty-four

Demetri

“I'm like James Bond minus the British accent,” I announced to Alec on the phone that night.

“Yeah, you're a regular 007. Tell me, Goldfinger, is the world ever enough?”

“You Only Live Twice, Octopussy.”

“Demetri Daniels, Man with the Golden Gun.”

“I have decided to Die Another Day.”

“I've got nothing.” Alec cursed. “Damn, how is it that you beat me at the movie game every single time?”

“I'm sorry, did you not get the whole 007 reference? I'm freaking awesome.”

Alec sighed. “Fine. Tell me what made you like James Bond, and hurry. Nat's been begging for me to take her to the mall so she can buy you a birthday present.”

“Tell her nothing pink. It makes me look pale.”

“Noted. Now speak, Dr. No, before I hang up on you.”

I nodded in appreciation, even though he couldn't see me. “I totally forgot about Dr. No, good one. You still lost, but good one. Anyway…” I moved my guitar and lay across my bed.

“How'd you do that?”

“Magic.”

Silence. “What, you used your wand?”

“Hilarious. No, my brain. You know all that Cristal our publicist sent over from the record agency and everyone else?”

“Yeah?”

I laughed. “Let's just say we had a lot of really happy reporters on our front lawn. I passed out all the free shit and they flocked.

“I gave autographs and the whole time the rest of the gang walked out the back and down the street.

“Wow, brilliant Demetri, and without drugs or your wand. I'm impressed.”

“I live to impress my older brother.”

“And Nat,” Alec interjected. “Don't forget Nat.”

“Am I on speakerphone?”

“Why can't I get you pink, Demetri? Remember the pink shirt I got you at —”

“No, I've blocked that memory, and it said I sing for Seaside. I almost got punched when I wore that shirt. No pink, Nat. No pastels. Get me a guy gift. It is my nineteenth birthday.

“Fine,” she grumbled. “Alec, you ready?”

“Gotta run, bro. It's time to go into Nat's quantum of solace.”

“Huh?” Nat said as Alec and I both burst out laughing.

“Some things are just for our eyes only, Nat,” I said and then hung up. Damn, I missed my brother sometimes.

I looked at my phone. I wanted to call Alyssa so bad. My fingers ran across her number. Should I? Shouldn't I? Someone punch me and put me out of my misery.

I decided against it. Space. I needed to give her space and stop being such a damn girl. Trying to distract myself, I ran down the stairs and pulled out a soda from the fridge.

Cursing, I bent to grab them and froze when I saw a name.

Brady.

Thinking it was Alyssa's, I picked it up.

It wasn't Alyssa's.

Oh God, I thought I was going to be sick. It couldn't be Alyssa's; there was no way it was. Part of me wished it was hers. I needed to look away.

I needed to throw the paper away and pretend like I didn't see it, but I did. I saw everything.

Dear Brady,

I'm sorry I never told you about the baby. It just felt like there was never a good time, and you were so happy with Alyssa. I couldn't do it. I tried to so many times.

The night before you died, I even went to your house. I had this huge speech built up. I was a few months along and knew I was going to start showing.

I still hadn't told Aaron it was you, but I knew I needed to tell you first. I remember ringing your doorbell and then I heard laughter. It was her.

It was Alyssa, and I thought, why would I ruin her life for my mistake? I was drunk, you were drunk. It didn't mean anything, and I was so tired of crying. Of bringing others down with me.

So I left. I remember your confused look as you opened the door. Alyssa came bounding out behind you, you wrapped your arms around her and kissed her, and I knew I made a good decision.

The next day I started bleeding. It was like the baby rejected being inside me. Was it because I was an awful person for not telling the baby's dad? I never got the chance though.

Because the same day our baby died, you lost your life too.

I regret not telling you that you were a father, only because I think you would have been a great father, and because you were a great person inside and out. I know you didn't mean to cheat on her.

You guys had been together for a while. You were inseparable. Alcohol has a way of messing with us, doesn't it? I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry.

But I'm so glad that our baby is in heaven with you. I'm glad you get to be a father, even if I lost the chance to be a mother.

I'm sorry, Brady…

Holly.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! I slammed my hand against the table, causing a slicing pain to radiate from my thumb all the way up my forearm.

After cursing for another five minutes, I grabbed the pieces of paper and ran next door. I let myself in; I mean, I usually only did that when Nat was home, but this was an emergency.

I banged on the door to Mrs. Murray's office. “I have to talk to you. Now!” I was going to freaking lose my mind if she didn't open the door and —

“— Demetri? I'm just finishing up with another client. Why don't you wait on the couch, okay?” Her eyes narrowed as she took in my panic-stricken face. “Don't do anything stupid.

“Right,” I said shakily. I couldn't sit. I paced in the living room for the next ten minutes, alternating between cursing and wanting to run my own face through the wall.

Finally, the door to Mrs. Murray's office opened up. And because I was currently living my own version of hell, it didn't seem shocking to have Holly be the girl coming out of the office.

In tears.

She looked in my direction and then down at the papers in my hand. I tried to hide them; instead, I froze. She froze too. I wasn't sure who was more freaked out, she or I.

“You know?”

“No.” I lied.

“You're lying.”

I gulped and looked down. I couldn't even look her in the eyes. “I didn't mean to read it. I was gathering the papers, and it fell and I saw his name and… I'm so sorry.” My voice cracked.

Holly sighed and walked over to me. “Maybe it's good that you know.”

“How is it good that I know? How the hell is it good?” I was shaking again. Damn, what I wouldn't do for a drink or for someone to shoot me and put me out of my misery.

“At least you know why I waited so long to tell Aaron, and why Brady's death upset me so much. It feels good to tell someone else. Now four people know. You, Sam, Mrs. Murray, and Aaron.”

I knew where this was going. I took a step back, but she took a step forward at the exact same time. “I can't tell her yet. I'm not ready.”

I wasn't able to find my voice.

Holly's eyes welled with tears. “What good would it do anyway? I can't have her remember him as a cheater. It's bad enough that Sam knows. Besides, Brady loved her. It was a mistake.

“He's dead!” I screamed, completely losing my cool.

Holly stepped back.

“He's freaking dead, and everyone pretends like he was some sort of hero, some saint! She deserves to know what he did, what he did to both of you! He should have taken care of you.

“I know.” Holly's chin trembled. “I know this and you know this. But please, just please, don't tell her yet. You weren't supposed to see it.”

I bit my lip to keep from cursing again and took two deep breaths. “But that's the thing, Holly. I did and now I feel stuck.

“I'll tell her.” Holly straightened her spine and sighed. “Just give me some time, okay? I promise I'll tell her soon.”

“Promise me. Look me in the eyes and promise me.”

Holly didn't even blink. She stared me down and nodded. “I promise.”

I exhaled. All the taffy in the world wasn't going to relieve me of the stress I felt at this point. Lame, but I needed to go for a run or something. Get all this shit off my chest.

I looked up to see Holly gone and Mrs. Murray standing outside her door.

“How much did you hear?” I asked.

“All of it.”

“What do I do?”

“I can't tell you that.”

I broke. I could count on my right hand the times I'd broken in my life, where I've cried and felt so completely helpless that I just wanted to crawl under a rock and die.

My heart was shattering, and there was nothing Mrs. Murray could do, nothing I could do, nothing drugs could do to stop it. Nope, this was life, pure and raw.

Mrs. Murray didn't say anything else. She just held me while I shook in her arms. I wasn't even crying. I was too upset, too pissed to cry. I wanted to break something, to break him.

I would do anything to take the pain away. Because I knew there was no way I could keep this from Alyssa. I would give Holly some time, but if she never said anything, I would.

And I knew the minute I did, Alyssa's trust for any guy would shoot straight out the window. Didn't she tell me she couldn't feel for a guy? That she was afraid of losing someone?

How the hell was I going to expect her to handle my life? My fame? With girls swarming?

Shit. Just when I felt like I was helping her get over the guy, there's another rock thrown into the mess. It was like he was trying to keep her from me, even in his death.

I was saying hate an awful lot these days.

When I stopped trembling, Mrs. Murray released me. “Give Holly some time.”

“And then what? Pretend like my heart isn't freaking breaking?”

“No,” Mrs. Murray said calmly. “Then you do what's right.”

“What if by doing the right thing I lose it all?”

“This isn't about you, Demetri.”

“No.” I shook my head. “It's about the girl I fell in love with. The taffy girl at Seaside.

“The very beautiful girl that I have to let go of, and it kills me to let go of the girl who stole my heart. A heart I won't ever give back, because it belongs to her now, my best friend.”