Chapter 72: Chapter Eleven

Alyssa

I knocked on the door and cursed myself for being so nervous. It was Demetri. Annoying, irritating, gorgeous Demetri. I had wanted him to kiss me, but after the kiss I felt naked.

As if he had pulled down walls I had worked so hard to put up. The part that scared me the most was that for a moment I forgot all about Brady, all about everything.

I lost my pain, and it scared me more than I was willing to admit. I wanted to keep Brady's memory alive. It was my job, after all.

And then Demetri had said something about death and I freaked. I completely panicked. A vision flashed through my mind of Demetri and me driving and him dying.

I knew he was reckless, knew he used to have a drug addiction. Chances were higher with Demetri than any other boy that he would either break my heart or die from some sort of stupid choice.

I even dug out some of my nicer clothes. I hadn't really put an effort into dressing since Brady left, mainly because most of my clothes held memories of him.

It felt like I was cheating when I wore them without him there. Well, except the sweatshirt.

My mom finally made me wash it after six months.

I sighed and looked down. I was wearing torn jeans, an oversized black band t-shirt, and flip-flops. I knew I looked at least trendy compared to the oversized sweater and Uggs I'd been sporting.

I lifted my hand to knock, when the door swung open.

“Right on time.” Demetri opened the screen door and pulled me into a warm hug. He smelled like spaghetti. I smiled, unable to help the way he was able to so completely disarm me.

“Punctuality. It's my thing.” I gulped and walked into the house. His hands came down on my shoulders.

“Wanna know what my thing is?”

I gulped. “Cooking? Drugs? Music? Fish?”

His hands slid down my arms, sending chills all the way down to my toes. “Wow. I sound really lame. Is that all you could come up with?” He chuckled.

Why hadn't his hands moved? Why was I letting him pull me back against his firm chest?

“Girls with brown hair,” he murmured into my hair. “Short ones.”

I didn't know what to say to that.

“Anyway.” He released me and walked around, leading me down the hallway. “Here's the kitchen. Dinner's almost ready. Would have been done sooner, but somebody burnt the noodles.”

“You burnt the noodles, I take it?” I grabbed a bar stool and sat down.

“No. Mr. Concentration over there.” He nodded toward the couch where a large man was sitting with a grimace on his face. Holy crap. I'd only seen the guy from far away.

Up close he looked like a hit man, like the type of guy you pay to off drug dealers. Wait, maybe he was a drug dealer?

I pushed my hair behind my ear and swallowed nervously.

“Bob!” Demetri yelled his name like a curse. “Didn't think it would be important to tell me that he'd never cooked noodles before.”

“How does one burn noodles?” I directed my attention to Bob, who stood up and made his way over to the kitchen. His face betrayed his lack of amusement as his eyebrows drew together.

“Hmph.” He grabbed a soda out of the fridge and gave Demetri another glare before stopping in front of me. “I'm Bob, Mr. Daniels' security guard.”

“Oh.” I laughed. “I thought you were a drug dealer or some sort of crazy parole officer.”

His mouth cracked into a tiny smile before he turned back around and made some sort of animal sound as he settled on the couch.

“You'll have to excuse Bob,” Demetri said, his back to me as he cooked some sauce on the stove. “Ever since I've been clean, I've been driving him crazy.

“He has to go to the taffy store with me every day. I think he's gained ten pounds.”

“Which begs the question.” I turned toward Bob and smiled. “How much taffy does one have to eat in order to gain ten pounds?”

“Ooo, a story problem.” Demetri threw his free hand into the air. “Love those! Here, let me figure it out. Bob, how much do you weigh?”

Silence.

“Bob, stop ignoring me.”

Silence again.

“Bob!” This time Demetri yelled his name so loud, I almost covered my ears. “I'll let you watch TV by yourself tonight.”

“Three hundred and five,” came Bob's swift reply.

Demetri turned toward me and shook his head. “It's almost too easy, poor guy.” He wiped his hands on a towel and leaned forward against the counter, making eye contact with me. My stomach flipped.

“If Bob tries five pieces of candy a day, and each piece of candy weighs roughly two ounces and…” His eyes glazed over, and his head moved, nearly touching my lips. “Are you wearing makeup?”

“I, ugh.” I ducked behind my hands and covered my face.

“No, no don't.” Demetri ran around the side of the breakfast bar and pulled me into a hug. I still tried to cover my face. “Lyss, let me see you.”

I shook my head. Why had I tried to look good today? I felt so stupid. Was I really doing my makeup and hair for him now?

“Lyss.” Demetri's voice rumbled. “Take your hands away before I kiss you in front of Bob and start taking your clothes off.”

I yelped and pulled my hands away from my face. He leaned in and kissed me anyway.

“Sorry, couldn't help it.” He grinned and ran his thumb down the side of my jaw. “God, you're beautiful.”

What's a girl to say to that?

Demetri seemed mesmerized as he tilted his head and examined my face, turning my chin this way and that, and then he ran his fingers through my hair. “Does it always feel like this?”

“Like what?” I was breathless.

“Silk.” He exhaled and threaded it between his fingers before closing his eyes and smelling my hair. “I think you're trying to kill me.”

“By washing my hair?” I croaked.

“By being too damn perfect.” With a curse he released me, and the happy smile plastered itself comfortably back on his face. Demetri grabbed a few plates.

“Time to eat.”

Abrupt subject change, but okay. I was uncomfortable with his attention anyway. Nobody had called me pretty since the day Brady died.

It was getting harder and harder to remember the way his face looked when he pulled the truck over and kissed me hard on the mouth.

“You're perfect, little seal, so perfect.” His tongue trailed down my neck. Giggling, I pushed him away.

“Brady! We're going to be late for the game! Come on, we need to go.”

“Sorry.” He smiled unapologetically. “Okay, fine, I'm not sorry, but everyone's going to be late, girl. Look at this weather.”

The rain was coming down in sheets, which was typical for Seaside. We had been on our way to Lincoln City for the weekend football game, in which, of course, Brady was starting quarterback.

I clenched his hand and sighed. Life was perfect. I had the perfect boyfriend. He was getting a full ride to Boise State next fall, where he'd start as their quarterback.

Nobody could understand why he would choose such a small state school. But I loved Brady for it.

He wanted to be close to family and knew the importance of being part of a football team that was about the team and the game more than the stars. And Boise State was that team.

“I love you.” I had said it without thinking.

Brady put the car into drive, but before he pulled out he turned toward me. “Good, because we're getting married.”

“Um, I'm sixteen,” I pointed out, laughing.

He grinned then reached over for another kiss. “I'll wait.”

I bit my lip and looked away, totally fighting the urge to clap my hands and shout from the window that I loved the most amazing guy in the world.

“We should go.” He winked and pulled out into traffic.

Then everything went black.

“Lyss? Are you okay?”

I shook my head. I hated it when I daydreamed like that. Well, technically it wasn't a daydream, it was a nightmare. But still. I tried to smile even though my throat felt like it was closing up.

“I'm sorry, what did you say?” My lower lip quivered.

A hot plate of food sat in front of me. Demetri was to my left. “You know what?” He pushed his food away. “I'm not that hungry yet, why don't we take a walk on the beach?”

I nodded. I don't know how he knew it, but I needed to get out of that house. I needed to breathe in more air. I needed to feel the salty wind against my face.

Demetri gripped my hand and pulled me through the house.

Our entire walk to the beach was silent.

Once we reached the water, Demetri spoke. “Want to talk about it?”

I shook my head.

“That bad?” He put his arm around me. I tucked my head into his shoulder and nodded. I couldn't trust myself to speak.

“I wish I could do more than say I'm sorry, Lyss. But know that I am. I don't know what just happened back there, but you looked like you saw a ghost.

“If I was smart like Dr. Murray, I'd say you need to bleed your feelings all over the place, but shit…” His arm tightened.

I snorted, typical response. “Really, Demetri?” I pulled away from him and stared hard. He had the world at his feet! He was beautiful, gorgeous — everything a girl could want.

He had money, he had fame, he had it all. I didn't, and he was going to sit here and tell me that he knew?

“You know nothing.” I bit off. “You're just some spoiled rock star who can't handle the pressure of life.

“You escape through alcohol and drugs and if what everyone says is true, you tried to kill yourself. Yeah, you're right. You know exactly what it's like to feel loss.”

Demetri took a step back, hurt etched across his face. “So that's it? You're going to put me in that category? Write me off like everyone else in town?”

I sighed. “Look, Demetri, I'm not trying to say your pain isn't real, but it's self-inflicted. All of it.”

Demetri's eyes closed. He ran his hands through his hair and cursed. I hated hurting him, but maybe it was better this way. We were from different worlds. He didn't know pain like I knew pain.

“Fine.” His voice was hollow. “Let's just go eat.” He motioned for me to follow him back to the house and started walking in that direction, but I backed up and shook my head.

“Lyss?”

It would be too easy, so easy to walk into his arms and cry. To let him kiss my tears away and promise to be the one solid thing in my life.

But I knew the ending to that tale.

The guy didn't end up riding in on a white horse. No, he left the world in a dark hole — never to rescue the fair damsel again.

I wouldn't allow myself to get close enough to feel that kind of pain again.

“Lyss, come on. I promise we won't even talk. Let's just go eat.” His eyes pleaded with mine. I shook my head again.

“It's better this way.” I bit my lip. “You'll see.”

“Will I?” He shoved his hands in his pocket. “Think whatever you want of me, Lyss. But know, when I said I was your friend, I meant it. If you ever need me… for anything, you know where I am.”

I almost ran to him, but I told my feet to stay planted.

He walked a few steps then stopped and turned. “I won't stop trying.”

“You should.”

He shrugged and offered a small smile. “What can I say? I'm a glutton for punishment, and you're the first real friend I've ever had.”

My heart was beating out of my chest. Why was he being so nice? And why, after hanging out one time, was he suddenly offering his shoulder for me to sob on? I didn't need him — not now, not ever.

He pressed his lips together and sighed. “Look. I can tell you I've changed. I can spout crazy nonsense about how I feel different about you than I have any other girl.

“Hell, I've given that speech more times than I'm proud of. But I'm being honest here. I don't know what type of crap you've got going on, and maybe you're right, maybe I won't understand.

“But take it from someone who knows. That shit will destroy you.” He swallowed and looked at the crashing waves before nodding his head. “I'm not going to push you. I'm not going to beg.

“Just know that I've changed. I'm not the man I used to be, I never want to be that guy again. I like you. I want to kiss you. Hell, I want to watch you eat spaghetti. Does that make me crazy?

“Probably. When you're ready, if you ever are… you know where to find me. Night, Lyss.”

With that he walked off.

And I realized in that moment I was wrong about so many things.

He already had a piece of my heart.

And I was powerless to stop him.