Chapter 31: Chapter Thirty-One

Demetri

I didn't sleep all night.

Instead, I chose to stare at my ceiling.

And think.

I thought about Alec, I thought about Nat, I thought about school, about touring.

And I came to no conclusions. Nothing. I was still on a merry-go-round and I still had no answers. If I got myself into this mess, wasn't I supposed to be able to pull myself out of it?

I mean, I'd seen stuff on TV where people say they just stopped being depressed or chose not to be anxious, but that wasn't realistic! I still felt—off.

My entire stomach was in knots by the time we were supposed to leave for school.

I popped two pills.

And made my way out the door to the SUV. Nat was already in her seat waiting.

“Hey Nat,” I called, getting into the car. Alec followed behind me. The air was so freaking tense I would have cracked a joke had I not been so hurt.

“Hey, Demetri.” Nat's voice quivered.

“Listen—” I turned around while Alec drove the car out of the driveway. “I'm sorry.”

“Huh?” Her jaw dropped. Really? I apologize and she's surprised? Was I that big of an ass?

I shrugged it off. “I'm sorry I lied.” I turned back around, the awkward silence getting worse by the minute. But what the hell else could I say? I'm sorry I fell in love with you?

I'm sorry I want you so bad it hurts? I'm sorry you love my brother more? Or how about this. I'm sorry I'm so messed up that if you asked me to stop doing drugs right this minute—for you.

I wouldn't be able to do it. Yeah, maybe that was it. I was sorry—for every damn thing.

Suffocation by awkwardness was seriously taking place in that SUV—by the time Alec parked, I was ready to jump out the tiny-ass window and faceplant onto a seagull.

I jerked open the car door and made my way across the parking lot. Ah yes, and this was always my favorite part.

The stares.

You know what sucks about being famous?

Everyone wants to be your friend, everyone wants to freaking be you, they want your life, they want your secrets, they want your damn soul—until you mess up.

The minute you do something shitty—they hate you, they loathe you, they think they have some sort of right to talk about you as if you aren't a real person.

So yeah, it sucked that people were whispering about me cheating on Nat, but what sucked more? Was the fact that they felt they had a right to even talk about it right in front of me.

Was I not a human? Did I not bleed? Were my feelings any less important than someone else's?

That's what mere mortals didn't understand about celebrities… we aren't different. We still wear pants. I still shit my pants in the first grade.

I still get the flu, I still get rejected, I still eat cereal and drink milk. But none of that matters, because once you fall from the pedestal, you're fair game.

So you may as well make the fall fun—on the way down.

By the time lunch rolled around, people were in a frenzy that I hadn't sat next to Alec and Nat, like I was pissed or something.

I wasn't pissed; I was giving them space for shit's sake!

Alec didn't deserve it; neither did Nat. So in a stroke of brilliance, I grabbed a chick sitting next to me and licked her face.

Hey, I never claimed to be Einstein.

My licking, however, worked. All the attention that was once on Alec and Nat was now on me.

Swear, I could feel Alec staring a hole through my head, but it didn't matter. I was fixing it in the only way I knew how.

Be a whore.

Act the part.

Show them they didn't hurt me.

Show them I made my own freaking rules.

After a few minutes, Bob grabbed me by the shoulders and jerked the girl away from me. She cursed, almost falling to her ass. I stood to my feet and glared across the lunchroom at Alec.

He was pissed. No, he was full-on raging, Hulk style. As in he would kick my ass if we didn't have an audience. Whatever. He made me what I am. I learned from the best.

I was distracting them from his drama; he should thank me. Instead, he was judging me, he was disgusted with me and that hurt more than anything.

Another girl was in my path. I grabbed her by the arm and kissed her on the mouth too. Hell, I was already in trouble; may as well just embrace it.

Bob grabbed my arm and led me forcefully out of the cafeteria.

I laughed it off.

Bob grunted. “You good?”

“Fantastic.” I smirked. “I feel awesome. Why?”

Bob's eyes narrowed. “Straight and narrow, Demetri.”

“Why?” I snorted. “When the curves are so damn fun? Especially when you go fast.”

I walked across the parking lot to Alec's SUV and grabbed the flask I'd hidden there weeks ago when we'd first gotten to Seaside.

It wouldn't take much to make embarrassment go away, the rejection, the pain; after all, I was already on pills. Alcohol just intensified the effect.

Another five swallows.

I threw the flask onto the ground, then kicked it.

When the alcohol didn't make me feel the way it was supposed to, I went in search of the flask, picked it up, and then sat like a loser in the SUV, waiting for the stupid day to be over.

Three hours later.

Two more pills.

The alcohol gone.

And the bell finally rang.

Suddenly, mad as hell, I jumped out of the car and made my way back to the front of the school, swear the cars weren't even parked, they were all aimed for me, trying to kill me.

“Nat!”

She didn't hear me.

One more taste.

Just so she knew what she was giving up. It was a great idea, right? Then again I was drunk, a bit high.

I said her name again, then grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her against the brick wall, kissing her. “Nat, I didn't mean it.”

I seriously couldn't feel my legs.

“Demetri, stop, you're drunk.” Frantic, her eyes widened as if I scared her. Me? What the hell!

“I'm not that drunk.” I swayed on my feet. “I just need to talk to you. I just want to tell you why!”

She patted my arm like I was a kid. “Okay, why?”

“I love you.” I blurted. My brain was telling my mouth to stop moving, but my heart hurt so bad I had no choice. “I love you so much and I know you love him! I know you do!

“I saw you two, the way you looked at each other! I didn't want to be second.” All my life I'd been second. All my damn life.

“Listen, Demetri. You really need to get your crap together. I'm sorry we didn't work out.

“We didn't.” I looked down and shoved my hands in my pockets, though it took me like twenty tries. “We didn't hook up. I kept thinking about you.

“I saw them, Nat. I wanted to respond so bad, but I needed time to think. And then Alec does what he does best.”

“What's that?”

“Steals the only girl I love.” I snapped.

“Oh, so he makes a habit of that?” She sneered.

I laughed out loud. “You have no idea how messed up we are.”

“I'm beginning to understand.” Her teeth were clenched.

“He stole her.”

“Okay, Demetri.” She tried to step around me.

I reached out and tugged her against me. “No, you don't understand. My girlfriend. He slept with her, got her pregnant, abandoned her.”

Nat's face went pale.

“With my girlfriend.” I scowled. “Who was too much of a good girl to even think about sleeping with me. She slept with him.”

Tears pooled in Nat's eyes. I was hurting her, plunging in the knife so deep I wasn't even sure if Alec would be able to find it… let alone pull it out.

“She was mine! And he knew it! He was such a cocky son of a bitch. We were drunk. He said I needed to seal the deal. I told him it was impossible, so we made a bet.”

Nat's hands shook as she held me back.

“He said if he got into her pants that I owed him a new car.” Tears blurred my vision. “I laughed it off. Alec was always the player. I knew he'd try, but she loved me. I knew she loved me.

“Just like I knew you loved me. And now…” I cursed and punched the brick wall, blood coursed down my knuckles but I didn't feel a thing.

Nat fell to her knees in front of me. Holy shit. I'd killed her. But I couldn't find the strength to even lean down and help her up; my world was tilting.

“Nat!” Alec called her name. “Nat!”

“Nat!” Alec pushed past me and scooped Nat up into his arms. “Damn it, Nat. Don't you dare pass out on me!”

“Bastard.” I mumbled from the ground.

“Really?” Alec snarled, “You're going to call me names? After assaulting her?”

“Fell,” I said hoarsely. “She fell.” I stood to my feet and pushed against him, he was defenseless considering he was holding Nat.

I didn't expect him to actually punch me.

But he did.

So I punched him back, making him almost drop Nat in the process. I almost hit her instead of him, and that's when I really, really freaked myself out.

I tripped backwards, and then fell on my ass, just as Bob came up behind me and pulled me to my feet.

I knew what was next. I was getting dropped off at the house, and put on house arrest, that was what usually happened after I did dumb shit, but this time. Something was different about this time.

This time… as Bob pushed me into the car and drove me home. This time it felt like the last time I'd see the ocean, or school, or even my brother's face.

The hair on my arms stood on end… Huh, why did this time feel like the end? When all the other times just felt like another day?