Chapter 17: Chapter Seventeen

Alec

Nat sat at the table with Bob, Evan, and Demetri. My eyes followed her the entire distance from the lunch line to the table.

And when she sat, I still stared.

So many emotions raged through me that I didn't know which one to pick. Should I be pissed that I freaked out and let Demetri make everything better?

No, because funny enough, he did a good job and he was right. Ugh, that was a bitter pill to swallow. And yeah, I got the irony about pills.

He handled it so well—everything. I was the one that was a mess. Because I knew deep down, it was my fault. Demetri was finally turning into the guy I knew he could be.

But here's the thing about liking someone—having such a strong pull to them that you can't eat or sleep or even function throughout the day.

Even though you know it's a shitty idea to involve yourself, you can't help it. Eventually, you will justify your actions in order to get what you want. I hated my lack of self-control.

What's worse? I think Demetri knew. How could he not? After how I acted last night and this morning? Damn, I didn't want to hurt him. Maybe it was best if I left.

Maybe I should just—go back to LA, let him do rehab here. It's not like I was the one with the drug problem. I quit cold turkey; hell, I could even drink still and be totally fine.

See? Justifying again.

Helllll…I groaned and stole another glance at Nat. She looked really pretty today—tired—but pretty.

She laughed at something Demetri said, then looked across the lunchroom, locking eyes with me.

My mouth went dry as we held gazes.

It wasn't just me.

And that's what made it so hard. Yes, she liked Demetri, but she was curious about me, which almost made it worse.

I didn't even realize someone had sat down next to me until a girl reached out and touched my arm. I jumped a foot and swore.

“Sorry.” She smiled. “You just seemed like—stoned or something.”

“Hah.” I cracked a smile. “Nope. Just fine.”

“Good.” She shrugged. “I wasn't hitting on you or anything.” She blushed.

I barked with laughter. “Thanks for the heads up.”

She blushed a deep red. “I just… you looked lonely.” She bit down on her lip. “And there was nowhere else to sit.”

I returned her smile. She was sweet—nice—not salivating over me and definitely not stripping so I could get an eyeful of her goods. I liked it. But she wasn't Nat.

Damn it! I stole another glance at Nat's table. She was watching me, glaring more like it. My smile fell. Holy shit, was she mad at me? Because I was talking to another girl?

Screw that.

“Thanks for sitting by me, I gotta run.” I whispered to the girl and stalked out of the lunchroom, nearly throwing the door off the hinges. Where the hell did she get off being mad at me?

I leaned against the wall and cursed, just as the lunchroom doors burst open revealing a panic-stricken Nat.

My brain said “no.”

My heart said “no choice.”

I grabbed her from behind and tugged her into the janitor's closet. Thank God it was open. “Don't scream,” I whispered. “It's just me.”

“What was that about, Nat?”

“What do you mean?” She twirled a piece of hair between her fingertips.

“Don't play dumb,” I said. I really didn't have the self-control to stay inside a small space with her that long. But we needed privacy. It needed to end. Now.

Nat's lower lip quivered, then she bit down on it, sucking it with her teeth. She may as well have kissed me for as violent as my body responded to that one little image.

“Don't do that anymore, please,” I begged, my voice raw.

Nat stopped sucking her lip and looked up. “Do what?”

“Bite your lip, it's distracting as hell.”

“Okay.” It looked like she wanted to do it again, nervous habit I'm sure, one that would eventually be my demise. And then she put her hands on her hips drawing my attention to her body.

“Yeah, like that's better.” I pushed her a little so we had more space between us and sighed. “Now, are you going to tell me why you were trying to kill me with your mind in the cafeteria?”

Nat looked down at her feet and mumbled, “You were smiling.”

Silence.

“And” —she continued looking at her shoes— “it wasn't at me.”

I exhaled. My body started to shake.

“I know it's stupid.

“I know how ridiculous I sound, but you were so angry this morning in the car and you never smile at me at school, and now it's even worse because you said you're going to try to stay away from me, and I really don't want you to.

Escape. I needed to escape. I tried to lighten the topic. “You talk a lot when you're nervous.”

“A habit I'm trying to break,” she retorted.

Her body was like a magnet, drawing me towards her. I couldn't “help it. I didn't want to help it.

“Nat…” My hands moved to her shoulders, she felt so damn good underneath my hands. So precious. This was it. It was time for honesty. I needed to clear the air.

“They're just pictures,” she grumbled.

“It's not about the pictures,” I said quickly.

Her head snapped up.

Our breathing was mingled—labored. I swayed a bit on my feet, swayed directly into her space; my mouth was so close to hers, so damn close. I couldn't. I seriously couldn't. I needed to leave.

My brain screamed at me, my heart pounded against my chest, wrong. It was wrong.

“Nat…” I groaned, the pain of being so close but not touching her was killing me inside—ripping me to shreds. Nat was shattering me with her presence.

She reached up and touched my face. I closed my eyes and cursed under my breath. Her touch would always be my undoing.

“We can't,” I croaked.

“Can't?”

“Us, we can never happen, Nat.”

She jerked back. “Why?”

Why? WHY? I wanted to scream at her. Or maybe I wanted to scream at myself. “I promised someone a long time ago that I would never get in the way again. He really likes you, Nat.

“Possibly loves you. I won't do that to him. I can't do that to him, regardless of how I feel about you.”

“How do you feel?” How did I feel? On fire. For her.

That moment defined me. For the rest of my life, I would always think back to the moment when I betrayed a person I loved the most. Where I was almost responsible for his death.

Where I was responsible… for both of our lives. Because it wasn't me. It was us. Alone. In that closet. And Nat wasn't choosing Demetri; she was choosing me. She wanted me.

So how did I feel? Really? I felt a lot of things. But I chose the feeling that out-ruled them all.

“Guilty,” I growled just as my mouth pressed against hers. A small gasp escaped between her lips just as my tongue pushed its way into her mouth. My kiss turned aggressive way too fast.

Like I hadn't actually kissed a girl before and was experiencing a first kiss all over again. Everything felt new, exciting, overwhelming.

Her taste intoxicated me, made me want things I shouldn't want. I moaned into her mouth, then took that lower lip captive, the same lip that had been taunting me for weeks.

I kissed her harder; I prodded. And then I pulled back. Wrong. I had been wrong. That wasn't the kiss to start all kisses—it was the kiss to end them.

It was goodbye.

I stumbled back, my breathing ragged. “Goodbye, Nat.”

Her eyes pooled with tears as I opened the door to the closet, looked up and down the hallway, and fled the scene.

I was officially the brother who had lost it.

Forty-five minutes later I was returning from the parking lot—I’d left my phone in the car to charge and wanted updates on the whole scenario regarding Nat.

Nat. Ugh. Someone run me over with a car, please. I’d even pay someone at this point.

As I got closer to the main doors to the school I saw two figures. One was Nat, the other my brother. He was kissing her—quite aggressively.

And then Nat wrapped her arms and body around Demetri like a freaking pretzel.

Right. So that’s how things were going to be.

I kissed her less than an hour ago.

My tongue was in her mouth.

That’s what happens when you let someone go—they latch onto whoever’s close by, who just so happened to be her boyfriend.

To say it was the worst day I’d had in a long time would be a hardcore truth.

“Skipping school?” I interrupted.

“Nat wasn’t feeling well.” Demetri pulled away and shrugged. Hmm, wonder if guilt did that to a person. Ate them alive from the inside out. Oh wait, yes, yes it did.

“I wonder why. She looked fine in your arms a few seconds ago.” I made eye contact with her. Steely brown eyes met my gaze. Yeah, I’d totally just pissed her off.

Cool, so maybe she’d run me over with the car. One could only hope.

Instead, I played indifferent. I smirked at them both. “Whatever, I just came outside to grab something from the car. You kids have fun.”

My entire body was shaking as I made my way back into the school. I almost stumbled a few times. Legs like lead, I finally made it to class and stared numbly at the teacher.

I’d officially pushed away the only girl I’d come to really care for.

It would be worth it though—right?