Chapter 132: Chapter Thirty-five

Alec

I wondered if I should be concerned that she was still sleeping. I knew they had given her something to help calm her down.

Shit, I could go for something to calm me down right about now. I went into her room again and sat in the chair, closing my eyes against fluorescent lights. Sleep.

****

“What the hell?” I snapped as something smacked me in the head.

Demetri grinned. “Have a nice nap?”

“You ass. You better have a good reason for waking me up. I could have died from… fright.”

“Did you just use the word fright?” Demetri leaned in and looked at my pupils. “Weird. And you aren't even high.”

I pushed him away. “What do you want?”

“Ah, I come bearing gifts.”

“Last time you said that I woke up in jail.”

“That was one time, and how was I supposed to know it was illegal?”

“Things involving drugs and public nudity are always illegal.”

Demetri waved me off and pointed to the corner of the room where my guitar case was leaning against the wall. “I know how you get when you're worried.

“You want me to work?”

Demetri rolled his eyes. “Why is everyone under the impression that what we do is actually work? It's fun. I want you to have fun. I want you to relax.

“I want you to spend five damn minutes doing nothing but listening to the music and getting lost in it. I want you to remember.”

“Remember?”

Demetri slapped my back and shuffled out of the room calling behind him, “Remember why we're so damn good.”

I laughed out loud as he turned and waved goodbye.

Nat was still sleeping peacefully, and as much as I hated to admit that my younger idiot brother was right… I did need a release. A healthy one.

I walked over to my case and pulled out my guitar. It was one of my favorites, which of course Demetri knew. I'd bought the Tanglewood the year after I'd overdosed on my anti-depressants.

Writing music had brought me out of it for a brief while. And then came Nat. My air.

I didn't want to wake her up, but my fingers shook with the need to strum the guitar. I cleared my throat and sat in the corner by the window.

I strummed a few chords and glanced at Nat. Her face was like an angel. I felt so worn, so tired. My body was weak. I needed rest.

But more than anything, I needed to feel alive without sucking the life from those around me. I closed my eyes and sang the first words that came.

The best of it all is you're still here.

The sadness in my heart and earth-shaking fear—

Don't leave.

It's as if a part of me is missing when you aren't near,

Yet I hear,

I hear your voice and I can't keep myself from fading,

Fading into something I don't recognize.

How can you be both my poison and my savior?

My lover and my rescuer?

Shattered. I'm shattered without you.

I can't find the pieces, they're broken and jagged,

And no longer have a reason to mend,

But I want to know that you'll try.

I need to hear you say you'll fix what's been worn,

Put together what's been torn.

I may be shattered and scattered.

I'm freaking bleeding and battered—

Torn, so torn.

But if you'll still have me, I'm yours.

The worst of it all—

The part I can't hide is that I failed.

My demons can no longer hide,

Not in the presence of an angel.

I'm pulling myself out of hell—

With your help — all will finally be well.

Together, but apart, in order to pursue your heart.

I'm going to run, I'm going to fight,

And damn if I won't spend my life in relentless pursuit

Of the one thing I know to be true — you.

“That's really pretty.”

“Nat!” I almost tripped over my feet as I put the guitar on the chair and went to her side. “How are you feeling? Do you remember what happened? Do you need water? Do—”

“Whoa.” Nat gave me a small smile. “Way too many questions. I did hit my head, you know.”

I felt my throat constrict at the thought, as if I was reliving it all over again. I tried to look away, but Nat grabbed my face and pulled it toward hers.

“Kiss me.”

“What if I don't deserve to kiss you?” I whispered against her lips.

“Sometimes love can't be deserved or measured — it can't be earned. It just is.” Nat's lips touched mine for one sweet second before she pulled away, eyes watery with tears. “The baby?”

I kissed her forehead and gently lay down next to her, pulling her tiny body into my arms. “The baby is fine, extremely healthy.”

“Did my dad flip?”

I laughed. “Well, I'm still alive, so there's that.”

Nat bit down on her bottom lip. Her eyes flickered away from my face, as if uncertain. “You don't have to stay if—”

“Stop.” I held her chin in my hand. “No more talking. I'm staying. I'm not going anywhere. If you want me to leave, I will. Just say the word and I'll leave so you don't have to see me.

“But know that when you send me away, I won't actually leave. I'm going to be the creepy guy who stalks you every damn day of your life.

“I'm going to be the guy you can't get out of your mind because he's so damn irritating. I want to watch you every second of every day.

“I want you to be the first person I see when I open my eyes, and I hope to God you'll be the last person I see when I close them. I am you, you are me. We're together, not separate. A team.

“But I'll leave if it's easier. Just know. I'm not truly going to go anywhere. I'm going to fight. I'm going to be relentless in my pursuit of your heart.

“It will be mine, and not because I deserve it, but because I refuse to give up. I refuse to give you up — I choose us.”

Nat's jaw clenched. I could tell she was trying to keep it together. Damn, if I wasn't hanging by a thread right along with her. “Nat…” I caressed her cheek. “You can cry now.”

She did.

She burst into tears. The last time I told her it was okay to cry it was because my ass of a brother had done something irrevocable. Guess it was my turn.

Every single one of her tears represented something I had done to her to cause this. Damn if growing wasn't as painful as hell.

Nat reached her arms around my neck and kissed me softly on the mouth. Painful as hell, but in the end? Worth it. So damn worth it.