Chapter 103: Chapter Six

Alec

Crap. What the hell were we going to do at a bed and breakfast? We could eat, but we couldn't really sleep, not if we had that stupid restaurant opening in a few hours.

My control was seriously slipping. I flexed my hand and began reciting the states in alphabetical order. Other than burying myself deep in the girl I loved — it was the only way I could relax.

Running had stopped working, and I knew it was absolute insanity to run fifteen miles a day. Singing helped, but we were supposed to be acting, not singing. Alabama, Alaska, Arizona…

I took the stairs two at a time. Arkansas, California… Thankfully, the elderly couple was already waiting for me in the main dining room.

“Alec!” Mr. Smith came forward with arms open. I hugged him and then kissed Mrs. Smith on the cheek. There were only a few guests and most of them were over the age of sixty.

The familiar smell of the restaurant calmed me down. “I need a favor.”

“Anything.” Mrs. Smith pinched my bicep and winked. “Now, what can we do for you?”

What could they do?

Oh, you know, erase a few nights from my memory and convince Bob, my bodyguard, to assassinate the one person who could ruin my entire freaking existence with one push of a button.

“Um, how about a room? Something nice? I want to spend some time with Nat away from everything.”

“Done.” Mr. Smith walked over to the main desk and pulled out a key. “Enjoy yourselves.”

I reached for my wallet to pull out my credit card, but he held up his gnarled old hands. “Oh no, you don't. You've done so much for our business already, son. This one's on the house, alrighty?”

“Please. Let me pay.” I offered one last time. Charity made me feel nervous, like I couldn't control the situation. Wow, I had issues.

“Nope. That's final.” Mr. Smith held out his hand for me to shake it. I wanted to shake it. Instead, I just stared at it and told myself to stop freaking out.

It was a free room for a few hours, not a house. Smiling, I reached for his hand and shook it.

“Thank you.”

“Have fun! And let us know what you want for your meal.” Mrs. Smith waved goodbye as I turned and jogged back out of the building.

Nat was in the middle of the patio, her blonde hair blowing in the wind. I could watch her forever. She tucked her hair behind her ears and crossed her arms.

She had no idea how precious she was to me — or how deep she had etched herself into my soul. I couldn't help but wonder… would she curse me later for that very thing?

I tried to push the dark thoughts away, but it was hard. My brain felt fatigued, probably all that alphabetizing.

“You bought me a car! You shouldn't have!”

I paused. “Wow, never actually thought about it. Do you want a car? I guess I could buy you a car. Would that make you happy?” I smirked at her eye roll.

“Maybe.” She blushed.

“Would you scream my name over and over and over again?” I kissed her hard on the mouth. “Would you be mine forever and always?” Damn, I was losing my mind.

The need to be with her was trumping everything. I knew it was wrong. I was using her. Using the way she made me feel in order to push away my demons. But nothing else was working.

Not the pills, not my ridiculous staff of people that I pay millions to keep. Nothing. Only her kisses, her touch. If I was going to hell, I wanted to take every shred of this feeling with me.

Nat exhaled and pulled back. “Yes. I would.”

“And all because of a car?” I squinted, trying to calm my heated body down. “Hmm, too bad this key doesn't lead to a car. But…” I grabbed her hand.

“Oh? That confident, huh?”

I stopped and pulled her into my arms for another earth-shattering kiss. “Extremely.”

I released her and led her inside the building. I found our room, unlocked the door, and allowed her to go in first. Nat stopped in the middle of the floor. She silently took in the room.

“Beautiful.” She sighed.

It wasn't that I couldn't hear her, it was that I was lost in thought. This is what she should have had the moment I took her virginity, something beautiful, something special.

Instead I'd taken her again and again, and now? Now all I could think about was the salty taste of her skin against my tongue. When had I turned into the type of person who used others that way?

“Alec?”

I sighed and walked toward Nat. She was facing the sliding glass door, staring at the ocean.

I assumed her silence meant she was stunned and excited.

Instead I watched in horror as her shoulders slumped and she caved to the floor on her knees. Her sobs filled the room.

“Nat?” I scooped her into my arms and sat down on the bed rocking her body back and forth. “What's wrong, sweetheart? Are you sick? Are you okay?” I kissed her forehead.

I would do anything to protect her. I hated it when she cried.

“No.” She wiped my nose with my sleeve and gave me a watery smile. “I'm so scared of losing you, and you aren't being yourself, and…” She started hyperventilating.

I cursed and helped her to the floor, so I could sit behind her and brace her body. I wrapped my arms tightly around her middle.

“Baby, it's okay,” I whispered in her ear. “Just close your eyes. Can you do that for me?”

She nodded and hiccupped. I could feel her body convulsing with emotion. What the hell was wrong? Nat was a part of me. It was ripping my soul in half to see her so sad. Shit. Did she know?

Did Demetri know? Now I was beginning to hyperventilate.

“You and me, just you and me. Okay, Nat? I love you so damn much. My heart beats for you and before you crack a joke about me being cheesy — know that it's true.

“I didn't—” She gasped for air. “Stumble.”

She would argue in the middle of a panic attack. “You're right. You fell. Flat on your gorgeous face. Could have knocked out your teeth too. Good thing I was your knight in shining armor.”

“You were not!” she argued as her breathing seemed to level out.

“Was too. Shh, you're ruining the story.” My arms tightened around her. “And then when I sang to you… wow. You almost swooned right then and there.”

“I never swooned.”

“You wanted to swoon.” I chuckled at the memory.

“Alec—”

“—tsk, tsk, who's telling the story?”

She sighed and took another deep breath. Her body sagged against mine in defeat.

“…I never told you, but…” My lips found her earlobe and then her neck. “I wanted to taste you so bad that day at school that I didn't care. I didn't care if I was going to hell.

“I didn't care that I was hurting my brother. I didn't even care that I was forcing your hand and putting you in a position where you had to choose. All I knew was I wanted you. Crazy, huh?

“My heart beat, her, her, her, over and over again. Every damn night until I thought I was going insane.”

“It beat for me?” she asked in a small voice.

How could she still not get it? How was it possible that she still didn't know the way I felt about her?

“It still does. Every damn day, Nat. The day you said yes, the day you chose me, was the day that my heart stopped wanting to beat for me… it wanted to beat for you — only you — forever.”

A single tear ran down her cheek. “But, you've been so distant and weird and you're smiling and—”

“People smile, Nat.” I could feel my control slipping. What if I just told her? Would she believe me? Believe my ridiculous story? It would make things so much easier.

If I told her then… well, the fear that she could find out would be gone. Then again, she may never forgive me for ruining her life, for ruining our future — for ruining Demetri's.

I closed my eyes and lied. “And I'm stressed about the show and Demetri. Hell, it's like I'm everyone's dad. I'm just trying to figure out life.”

“I thought we were supposed to figure it out together.” She turned and got on her knees to face me. “Isn't that what you do in relationships? You partner up? Fight for the greater good?

“Suffer together? Laugh and cry together? Isn't that what we have, Alec?”

So much truth fit into her pleasant words. It sounded easy. But I knew it wasn't. I knew that her words were just words that any person says when they've lived the perfect life.

We can get through anything? Damn, Nat. I wish that was true. God, how I wished it. “Come here, sweetheart.”

She straddled my lap and sighed as my hands traced her face and finally cupped her chin. Nat needed the words.

She needed the truth, but all I could do was lie again and hope to God that it would someday become truth. Because as of right now, I felt her slipping even further away from me.

“Promise?”

“With all my heart.” My voice caught as the words stumbled out of my mouth. Shit. I couldn't go on like this. “I would never intentionally hurt you.

“I know.”

“Good.” I sighed. It was good enough for now. “Now, if your moment of hysteria is over… I think we should pop some champagne, eat some food, and be lazy.”

“Yes!” She yelled in my face, making me shake my head in laughter. “Sorry. I was bummed that we were going to miss lazy whore day today.”

“Me too.” I chuckled and patted her butt. “Okay, up. Let's tell Mr. and Mrs. Smith what we want.”

“You.” She shrugged.

“Unfortunately, they still refuse to put me and Demetri on the menu. Weird, right?”

“I'll lick you anyways.” She nudged me as we walked to the door.

I groaned. “You better run, woman, before I tackle you to the ground and have my way with you.”

She shrieked and took off running down the hall, laughing the entire way.