Chapter 102: Chapter Five

Demetri

“You've been staring at the same spot in the ocean for the past hour.” Alyssa threaded her fingers through mine and smiled. “What's up?”

“Alec.”

“What about him?”

I shrugged. “He's smiling.”

Alyssa burst out laughing. “Alert the media! Call the president! When did you first start noticing this strange behavior?” She rolled her eyes. “Geez, you smile every second of every day.

“It's not a big deal. Maybe he's happy.”

“But I've always smiled,” I argued.

“You're strange.”

“I know.” I sighed and released her hand, nervously digging through my hair like I was going to somehow sprout an answer from the chemical reaction of the sun hitting my scalp.

“Before?” She scooted closer to me on the sand and sighed. “What? What's his story?”

Alec would kill me if he ever found out I was telling a soul about this.

“After the drugs… for a short while… he was suicidal. He tried to overdose on his antidepressants.

“The doctors figured it was because he was coming down off the high from being a heroin addict, but…” I shrugged. “I don't know. I mean, I know what that hell feels like.

“Shit, I lived through it too. He's just different. He's weird in how he deals with things. I dealt with it through going off the deep end. He just… stopped doing shit. Cold turkey.

Alyssa's dark brown hair blew in the wind as she tilted her head. “So, why is that a bad thing?”

“He never dealt. He never finished therapy. After we moved here, he was supposed to go to therapy for like a year, but he went back to do promo stuff after I crapped out and nearly killed myself.

“He never got his time. You know?”

Alyssa chewed on her bottom lip. “So what? Are you afraid he's going to relapse or something? Start doing drugs again?”

I took a moment to think about it. I mean, I couldn't see Alec taking it that far. He had Nat, and he had me of course, but the show alone was a lot of pressure.

I leaned in and kissed Alyssa's nose. “You know I love you, right?”

She rolled her eyes. “Yes, I know. Now don't change the subject. What are you so afraid of?”

The familiar heaviness of fear thumped against my chest. It felt like I couldn't breathe. I could see Alec's life going in two directions. One of them I couldn't even bear to think about.

I closed my eyes and told myself to stop freaking out. Alyssa was in my lap in an instant, wrapping her arms around my neck. “It's okay. I'm the queen of panic attacks. Talk to me, Dem.”

If I said it out loud, did that make it more real? “I'm afraid I'm going to lose him.” When Alec was under stress, it was like he disappeared into himself.

Alyssa was silent while I ducked my head into her mop of hair and inhaled the familiar scent of coconut. “I'm afraid if he doesn't deal with everything, it'll destroy him.

“I'm afraid of what he might do if he's put in a position where he can't control anything anymore.” I swallowed the panic rising in my chest. “Lyss, I'm afraid he's going to do something stupid.”

“Like what?”

Kill himself? Break Nat's heart? Cheat?

I let the question go unanswered, but I knew Alyssa and she knew me. I swore she read minds. She held me and I held her. It was all I had.

I was just waiting for the dam to break.

And hoped to God it would be in his favor.