When I left the big bath, I felt kind of tired â¦â¦.
I sit slumped on a bench in front of the changing room.
I see students leaving the baths, changing into their jerseys and walking up and down the street.
âI feel a little dizzy. Could it have been a case of hot water?
âAre you all right, Shinjo?ãGet some rest.â
âDrink this.â
Hiratsuka and Hirano are worried about me.
Hirano handed me a bottle of Pocari.
âThank you, I think Iâll be able to move after a little rest. Please go to your room first. Hiratsuka has an appointment with Seo, right?â
My words came out without stuttering. I could not have handled it like this if I had been a little earlier.
âI-I donât care if Iâm late!ãShinjo, you look like youâre in a lot of pain!â
He looked flirtatious, but he had the most impatient expression on his face, and the atmosphere was somewhat bizarre.
Hirano pats Hiratsuka on the back to calm him down.
âHiratsuka, you know Shinjo is confused, right?â
âBut, â¦â¦, I donât want to make that mistake again. â¦â¦â
âHiratsuka, itâs different from that time. You need to face Seo with that included.â
âI know that. â¦â¦â
I didnât really understand what the two of them were talking about.
There must be something between Hiratsuka and Seo.
Hiratsuka glanced at me.
âAre you sure youâre alright?â
âYeah, no problem. I took some Pocari and it made me feel better. I think Iâll be fine after a little more rest. Just go on ahead of me.â
Hirano pushed Hiratsuka back.
âCome on, letâs go. â¦â¦Shinjo, donât worry about Hiratsuka. Take a good rest and come back.â
âIâm sorry, itâs gotten weird. Iâll explain it to you when we can talk sometime. â¦â¦ If itâs too hard, call me on my phone!â
Hiratsuka stood up from the bench and said, âAah.â
Whatâs more?
âI donât have Shinjoâs number!?â
ââ¦.Neither do I. Shinjo, can you tell me?â
In my mind, I recalled a bad memory for a moment.
The exchange of messages with Nanako in junior high school. The exchange with Kisaragi, whom I thought we had become friends.
I shake my head. That was in the past.
Iâm okay now.
âAah, Sure. Iâll give you my number.â
We exchange numbers, and the two of them head back to their rooms this time.
I watched their backs in wonder as I sipped my Pocari.
âIâve been in the room for a while now, and Iâve had a good time.
I closed my eyes and spent the time without thinking about anything. There used to be a lot of time like this. I used to be alone all the time.
In past classrooms, I would close my eyes during recess. When I opened my eyes, there was no one in front of me.
I spent my days listening only to the voices of my classmates.
My cold heart became a solid mass and slowed my body down.
âBut the encounter with Anri changed me.
I am a little afraid to open my eyes.
I used to be okay with being alone. Now I am afraid of being alone and feel lonely.
I thought my heart had become weak. But I am not.
I havenât become weak. I have acquired different feelings.
The forest school in junior high school was a bad memory.
But it could have turned out differently if I had behaved differently.
I canât even remember their names anymore, but I never hurt the girls I was with at the time any more than I had to.
I wonder what life is like for those girls?
Maybe I should have just faced them a little better.
I let out a small sigh.
âAll right, Iâm all fine now. Physically, Iâm feeling better again.
I canât wait to see Anri.
I know this feeling is love.
When I fall in love, my chest tightens up.
Itâs not a bad feeling. When I think of Anri, I feel very tender.
Because Anri was there, I was able to change.
I became friends with Hiratsuka and Hirano because of Anri.
âI slowly open my eyes.
I didnât think anyone was there, but someone was looking into my face.
âMakoto, are you all right?â
Anri was right in front of me, her face glowing, as if she had just finished taking a hot bath.
I immediately said the words in my mind.
âââI really love you.â
âHoo? M-Makoto?!â
âAh, no, itâs, uhmâ
I was so excited that I couldnât stop myself from saying what was in my heart.ãWhat am I talking about!?ãMy face is burning.
I was too embarrassed to look at Anriâs face.
âS-sleep talking â¦â¦, I donât mean in a weird way.â
âY-Yes. You were sleeptalking, right? Donât worry, youâre [the most important friend in the world to me].
Anri looked away from me and said so quickly.
The title of Anriâs novel popped into my head.
The words made me feel even more confused.
âA-all right, we still have some free time. Wanna go outside and cool off?â
âYeah, letâs go!â
Anri grabbed the sleeve of my jersey.
The students were passing by in front of the large bathhouse.
Itâs a normal thing for us to hold hands to calm ourselves down.
But, to an unknowing student, it is considered to be a deep relationship.
Until now, we had not consciously held hands.
No, I was aware of it, but I didnât think about it deeply.
I took a deep breath and squeezed all the courage I could muster.
I had been holding her hand as a friend, but from now on, it will be different.
From now on, I will hold hands with the person I loveâ-.
The moment I realized this, my heart began to race.
I grabbed Anriâs hand.
Anri looked a little surprised, but squeezed my hand and twirled it around mine.
I also squeezed Anriâs hand and she responded.
âEhehe â¦â¦â
I could only hear Anriâs small laugh.
I donât care about the students around me.
Nikaido is doing a fist pump in the corner of my vision, but I canât see him. What the hell are youâ¦?
We walked out, exchanging something that wasnât words.
The woods at night are dangerous.
A walk outside is at best a walk around the campground.
There are many students everywhere. Is it my imagination â¦â¦ that there are so many couples, male and female?
âHiyaa!?ãM-Makoto, look at them!ãTheyâre hugging each other!â
âPomeko, stop looking at it â¦â¦â
âT-theyâre holding hands, too!â
âY-Yes, weâre holding hands, too.â
âR-right. Ehehe. Then it should be okay.â
I donât know whatâs okay, but itâs alright because Anri is in a good mood.
But still, our school has many serious students.
Iâve seen some students bring in alcohol and cigarettes when I was in junior high school.
âHey, letâs go to the kitchen over there!â
Indeed, there are no students in the kitchen at all.
There was nothing going on, and it would be a good place to cool off.
We went to the kitchen.
âHey, isnât that Tanaka-san?â
âIt isâ¦â¦, Yamada is there too.â
The two of them were standing at the far end of the kitchen.
There was a strange tension in the air.
I tried to approach them without thinking.
Anriâs face was suddenly close to mine. She also pulled my hand.
My heartbeat jumped.
ââ¦â¦ We canât, Makoto. It is probably important to talk about something.â
Anri whispered in my ear.
âI-Is that so?â
âYes it is.â
While saying that, we couldnât move a step.
For some reason, I was taken in by the atmosphere between the two of them.
All I could hear was Yamadaâs well-composed voice.
âHey, Tanaka, Iâm sorry for calling you here.â
âYou know, I wanted to talk to youâ¦â¦â
âIâm too stupid to play games with you.â
âIâll make it clear.â
âI love you, Tanaka!ãIâve been in love with you since the first time I saw you. P-Please go out with me.â
Me and Anri look at each other involuntarily.
We had just stumbled upon an unbelievable scene.
This is the moment when Yamada is confessing his love to Tanaka.
It was not the usual Yamada, and I could feel his seriousness.
Even though itâs someone elseâs business, Iâm getting nervous too.
Tanaka doesnât make the slightest move. It was too dark to see what kind of expression she had on her face.
After a short pause, Yamada started to cry.
Crying seriously. He is crying.
I had thought that Tanaka also liked Yamada.
Yamada has been dumped. â¦â¦
The forest school is still going on.
Will the awkward time continue?
Tanaka-san is looking at Yamada who is crying.
I had my eyes on Tanaka-san.
Yamada also noticed me and walked slowly toward me.
His face was battered with tears.
âShinjoâ¦.I,Iâ¦..â
I donât know what to say to him.
Thinking back, I had received a confession of love once.
I didnât think it was serious. I thought it was a false confession.
âPerhaps there was a girl who really thought about me.
I had unknowingly hurt someone.
My heart ached when I thought of that.
Suddenly I remembered a girl who had confessed to me before I met Anri. I thought it was a false confession and turned her down.
That girl was crying like Yamada is now.
â¦â¦ Yamada.
The always cheerful Yamada broke down crying.
I put my hand on his shoulder.
âYamada, I donât know what to say, but youâre a good guy. Iâm sureââ
âShinjo, Tanaka and I are in love with each other. â¦â¦â
âHeh?â
âEh?â
A strange voice came out from me and Anri.
Tanaka-san is fidgeting in embarrassment.
I see. â¦â¦, you succeeded.
Very confusing. What the hell, Iâm getting very pissed off.
I was a fool to feel sorry for Yamada for a moment.
Looking at their daily life together, there is no way they wouldnât be together. No matter how one looks at it, they are in love with each other.
I was worried about them, and it was my fault.
Anri tugged on my hand.
âMakoto, I donât want to bother them, so letâs go over there.â
âY-yeah, youâre rightâ¦â¦. Yamada, Iâll see you later.â
Yamadaâs voice was inaudible as he spoke to me.
We decided to leave Yamada and the others.
For some reason, we were walking too fast.
I had never seen a confession scene before.
âY-You know, I have to go back to my room now, or the teacher will get angry with me.
âI guess so. â¦â¦â
We stopped, holding hands.
Itâs the dividing line between the girlsâ room and the boysâ room.
The feeling of not wanting to separate comes on more strongly than usual.
Our hands are separated without any hesitation.
And then
âSee you tomorrow!ãGood night.â
ââ¦.Good night, Anri.â
I said that, but for some reason I was holding Anriâs hand again.
âMa-Makoto?â
âN-no, itâs dangerous on the road at night. Iâll walk you on the way.â
âItâs right over there?ãUhm, â¦â¦then would you kindly?â
It was only a few meters to the room.
I wanted to be with Anri, even though it was only for a few seconds.
For me, those tens of seconds felt like a very long and precious time.