Chapter 15: 15. Alicia: Love Lost

Alicia’s heart stopped as her and Liam shared a moment of silence. His grip on her shoulders was so familiar, a support that she’d once relied on, but now it just reminded her of how different he was to her husband.

“Liam, there has to be a to stop it.” Alicia’s hands went up to rub her eyes as she pulled away from his grasp.

She pushed out the room and this time Liam didn’t try to stop her. She caught a glimpse of him staring after her, jaw set, before she turned away.

“I don’t think there is from here. You’d need to destroy the shade completely.” Liam’s eyes followed Alicia as she made her way to the stairs. “Anyways, why should I care? Besides you barging into my apartment, I have nothing to do with this.”

Alicia stopped midway down the stairs. She wasn’t sure she’d heard him right. Not his problem, how cold could he be? She knew that leaving him the way she had would’ve hurt, it tore her apart, but he’s the one that made the decision to not go with her. Besides their relationship, the Order were hunting children. It wasn’t right.

“How could you say that?” She looked back up at Liam, his figure was framed in the light of the bedroom casting a long shadow across the study below. “They’re just children, Liam and you must know she’s—”

Alicia stopped herself before casting her eyes down to her hand holding the railing. “You can’t condemn them. Besides, the Order’s plan will be set back at least a year if not more…”

Alicia struggled to grasp what to say to him. Liam couldn’t have changed this much with all the warmth and kindness she’d known him to have stripped away from him. It caught her off guard. What made her pause more was that she cared. He’d made his decision over fifteen years ago.

“For years I thought you were dead—” Finally Liam spoke walking to the top of the stairs, his voice measured and calmed. “We’d talked, made a decision and then one morning you were gone. For years I searched for you, but you were nowhere to find. I mourned—suffered like I’d lost a part of myself. I loved you and you abandoned me. That love didn’t go away instantly, I was stuck in not knowing, in hoping you’d come back one day.”

He heaved a heavy sigh as his shoulders sagged. “But you said it yourself just now, you’re not my Rosanna, for all intents and purposes she’s dead. I have made my peace with that. Now you stand here but you are just a ghost.”

The two of them stood in silence with that statement hanging between them. It dimmed the room with its heaviness. It felt like Liam had been waiting to say that to her for years. Now perhaps with all that said he could put that chapter of his life away.

“I… Liam… I didn’t have time to… I had to…” Alicia winced, still not able to find the right words.

Since she’d left her people here Alicia had let her fear and frustration outweigh the harm she might’ve left behind. Maybe Liam hadn’t been ready to leave with her then, but if she’d stayed maybe he would’ve changed his mind. Maybe she might’ve been able to convince him of the truth. There was no higher ground to stand on, they had both made their mistakes and choices, and there was too much in danger now to place blame and regret her past deeds.

Liam swayed his expression flitting through stony indifference to a profound anguish then back again.

“You’re right—Alicia, was it?” He said a beat later, breaking the quiet as he walked down the steps towards her. “I’m not going to condemn an entire family due to one person’s mistakes. I’m not a murderer.”

Alicia was about to reply when she felt the skin on her neck bristle. It was like she’d been zapped by static electricity through her entire body. Automatically she reached for the sensation, it was a string she’d forgotten was there that she could pull taught and then snap, and without thinking she grasped it. She was sent her mind reeling as the world turned on its head.

Alicia grabbed the railing to keep herself from falling backwards down the stairs. A voice echoed in her ear and caught her breath as some connection she had shattered.

‘Good morning, Sunshine,’ murmured the voice of her husband.

Alicia’s eyes fluttered and she was in bed waking up with the warmth of the morning sun streaming through the curtains. She turned smiling to see Stephen sitting on the bed with a cup of coffee for her. She always woke up to him with a love-struck grin. Ever since they’d shared a bed he would bring her the first cup and they would have a few minutes more of cuddles in bed.

Stephen, her rock.

Then the vision was gone, torn away from her, and she was back in the cold darkness of Liam’s apartment. Now that it was gone Alicia could feel the lack of connection. It was a hole burning through her chest. She grasped at it struggling to breathe. What happened? Her head was swimming and she lost her balance, legs giving away, as she lost hold of the railing.

Liam called after her, heavy stomps trailing down the stairs as her vision blurred, clearly worried. An arm wrapped around her midriff before she passed out.

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That same memory played through her head as Alicia dreamed. It was real in the moment, Stephen's warm voice colouring the air like honey as he pulled her in close and kissed her shoulder. He had been all smiles and gentle words even during the most stressful times of their life together. His laugh lines and charm deepened as they grew older together. Not once had he ever faltered in remaining steadfast in all his promises, spoken and unspoken, and support for her.

Alicia’s hand reached out to cup his handsome face but found only empty air.

Her eyes blinked open to find that the same morning light streamed through a nearby window confusing her. It took a moment to realize that the room she lay in was different from her own. The sheets smelled different, floral. Alicia sat up, still dazed. The large window’s light filtered through the yellow fall foliage of trees in the courtyard. The rich wallpaper of Liam’s bedroom seemed less dark with the sun out.

What had happened? She pulled her legs from under the covers and set her feet on the cold floor. Looking down at her bare feet she saw that her shadow had found its way back to her.

“Alicia?” Her head snapped up to the person who’d entered the room. “You’re awake.”

The smell of coffee wafted into the room instantly waking her up. “Ah, right... what happened?”

“You’ve been out for a couple hours. Your shadow came back an hour ago. Someone must’ve dispelled it.” Liam hesitated before walking up to her and handing her the hot mug—their hands brushing against each other. It took everything in Alicia to not flinch. “I was told Ventus was found, you really did a number on them.”

Alicia looked away, remembering her outburst. She knew now she should’ve held back more but her stomach still twisted at the thought of what they did. “They deserved it.”

“You really hate us,” Liam said, not accusing rather stating it as fact.

Alicia stared at him. “You’re still working for the Order, after everything. How could I not?”

“I don’t get your meaning?” His brows knit.

“What?” Alicia cocked her head not sure how he could not know what happened. “You were there, Liam, eighteen years ago. Did you forget?”

“Eighteen years ago—Alicia, that was an accident, a miscalculation. Of course it was a tragedy but that was not some evil machination.”

It was impossible he had no idea about the Order’s goals, wasn’t it? Had he been indoctrinated or was he just naïve?

“You really think so? Liam, they hunt people down for leaving, that alone makes it bad.”

Liam frowned when confronted with the obvious terror the Order brought. “There are reasons for that, and it’s not all people who leave, just those who pose a threat to people.”

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“Do children pose a threat?”

He fell silent then insisted, “We’re not hunting them.”

Alicia shook her head in disbelief. “I’m not going to go into this with you. You’re ignorant and now I’m not sure if it’s on purpose.”

Taking a long sip of coffee she felt her spark reinvigorated. The pit of her stomach warmed as the rich flavour coated her taste buds, it was black just the way she liked them. It was another reminder of Stephen which worsened the nagging in her chest.

She huffed realizing the past was still too painful for her to talk about. She should talk it through with him. It wasn’t just that her family suffered the loss, it was the insistence that it was an accident and the lie that it was all for nothing. Liam hadn’t believed her then, there was no guarantee he would change his mind now. For over fifteen years she’d managed to run from the pain of learning the truth of what had happened and she wasn’t ready to tell that story.

These thoughts pinged something in her mind; if they hadn’t found her family Liam wouldn’t be talking to her. Did that mean Ventus’ new trick was unsuccessful? Alicia didn’t know what to do with that information.

Liam sighed and walked back to the bedroom door.

Before exiting he turned back to Alicia, “I grabbed some clothes for you, they’re there on the bedside. While my own fit you better than me, I figured you’d prefer to wear something else. Oh, and the bathroom is over there if you’d like to take a shower.”

He pointed to the door opposite of the bed then left the room. Alicia sat sipping on her coffee a bit longer.

The windows had been opened slightly and a breeze caused the thin curtains to billow. It was peaceful, so much so she almost forgot she was being held captive by the cult-like order she’d run from so long ago. Her eyes closed and she allowed herself a minute of reprieve.

Deep down, despite the years away from him and the love she’d found in Stephen, her mind still lingered on Liam. Memories long locked away consumed her. She’d hoped to never see him again. Yet a small part of her couldn’t help but to notice that he still remembered how she liked her coffee.

With a sigh Alicia pulled herself from the bed, putting her mug down, and going to pick up the neatly folded outfit set out for her. They were mildly worn with a completely different smell than Liam’s.

Before changing she went to the hall and looked over the banister to see that Liam was on the phone as he sat in one of the chairs placed near the windows. He was speaking too quietly for her to overhear. Having clocked where he was, she went back into the room and shut the door.

The bathroom was fairly nice, clean and tiled in white. The shower was old with a porcelain basin. She stripped and took a long steaming shower. Refreshed climbed out and wrapped herself up in a towel left out for her to make her way into the bedroom to get dressed.

The new clothes consisted of a long button up with a subtle floral pattern, a pair of soft jeans that ended at her ankles and a thin red belt she cinched around her waist. It was a pretty good look on her, fitting surprisingly well, though it seemed to be made for a shorter woman. Alicia caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and cringed at how much of a mess her hair was. It was to the point where she was going to need to spend some time fixing it. Time she didn’t want to spend at the moment.

She picked up her coffee, warmed it, and made her way down the stairs. Liam was off the phone and staring out the window contemplating. He stood as Alicia walked over to him.

Having calmed down since the early morning hours, Alicia noticed that Liam still had that quiet charm about him though a deep loneliness that coloured those dark hazel eyes of his. As the sunlight caught them she was reminded of how they used to sparkle like a sun dappled mossy ground. The years spent alone had not been kind to him though; his high cheekbones added to the severity of his face, copper hair salted with greys, and his brow was deeply creased.

“Richter is coming to get you,” Liam said, clearing his throat as he noticed her taking apart his features.

Alicia looked away, bashful for staring. “Right, back to the hole.”

Her gaze fell on his shelves. crossing her arm she wandered over letting curiosity replace her embarrassment. It was strange seeing so many magical artifacts in one room again. Liam always had a love of studying old relics, though it looked like most of these did not have any juice left in them. The art and science of artificy had long been lost when Inept technology became favoured in most Adept households.

A large portion of the books piled everywhere were written by Liam himself. He’d done so much since she’d left. Her fingers traced his name on one particularly large tome. Liam McCullach. With this amount of published work Liam must’ve dived into his work, it was a good place to go if you didn’t want to think about anything. It was no wonder he looked so tired.

Alicia could feel his eyes trailing after her as she perused and couldn’t help but to peek over. He was completely silhouetted by the green foliage outside. She tried to come up with something to say but they had nothing to speak about. Not anymore. Whatever they had was long gone.

A single photo in a plain pewter frame on the desk caught Alicia’s attention. It was a sepia portrait of a young woman wearing a low square necked summer day dress, a wide brimmed straw hat, and the brightest smile. Hanging off her neck was a plain, single stone necklace. Alicia’s expression softened as she walked over to pick it up.

“I never forgot how wonderful your grandmother was to my family, especially those last couple of years,” Alicia murmured.

“She deserves sainthood.” Liam stepped over and took the photo from her and sighed. “ She passed away a few years ago. She still talked about you to the last, her and your nan, they kept your memory alive.”

“I’m sorry for the loss. The world was better for having her in it,” Alicia said with a small frown.

Everything in this world had changed and the mention of her nan sent a pang of regret through her chest. Alicia wondered how she had fared over the years, and worried that she was alone in that house.

“One thing she always wondered was why you'd taken that necklace of hers,” Liam said, breaking Alicia out of her thoughts.

“I needed strength in a moment of weakness, besides she always said she wanted it to be mine when we…” Alicia stopped and closed her eyes. “I gave it to Natasha, to help her with the nightmares she has.”

“Natasha? Your mom is...”

“I named my daughter after her,” Alicia said, letting the word hang between them.

Liam shifted awkwardly. “Oh, right…daughter, is she…the oldest?”

Alicia was about to answer when there was a knock on the front door.

“Ah yes, Richter,” Liam looked over and quickly placed the photo back down. “Come in!”

Without hesitating Richter walked in dissolving any amount of awkwardness in the room. He looked out of place in this library and looked uncomfortable to be in someone else's living space. The large man was clearly upset. Alicia was aware that she’d just beaten his partner unconscious, and he didn’t look to be pleased by how his morning was going.

“You, let’s go.” Nor was he in the talking mood.

Alicia complied without replying. There was no point in fighting him here. Richter would have an idea of what was happening, though she doubted he would share any of his insights. Richter started casting his binding spell.

“No need for binding—really, just take me back to the hole.” She said, raising an open palm.

With a suspicious eye Richter scrutinized her, judging if she was just trying to pull a fast one on him. His hand fell and the magic he’d been pulling faded. Alicia inwardly celebrated. She hadn’t lied and that spell was extremely uncomfortable. Not having control over your own movements.

“Fine, just know you’ll regret it if you make the slightest move out of place.”

She nodded and made her way over to her jailer.

“Alicia?” She stopped and looked back as Liam called out. “For what it's worth, I hope they’re safe and you’re reunited soon. I’m sure they miss you.”

There was nothing to say to that, she missed them too, but there was no way she wanted to be reunited by the Order. It was better her family stayed far away as hard as it was to admit that to herself. Not looking back she walked out with Richter following close behind.

He directed her through the maze of corridors. There was no use in memorizing the turns. The only way Alicia could find the way out alone was by spending time searching and placing some kind of physical marker. Breaking out of windows would be too dangerous; like jumping out a plane with no parachute. Magic bent space in unfathomable ways when used like this.

Eventually, they made it back to the prison’s twisted metal door. Alone for the time being Richter turned to Alicia. His eyes were intense, filled with barely contained rage. One giant hand suddenly gripped Alicia’s neck so tightly she struggled to breath.

With a low growl Richter’s arm pulsed, the scarring along it undulated. A snake made of crackling lightning emerged from the skin. It coiled around his arm and hissing with discharged electricity it wrapped loosely around her neck as well. She croaked as its scales electrocuted her making her body spark and twitch.

Richter growled, “You ever lay another finger on Ventus again—I don’t care what the Order has to say about it—you will not live another second.”

He lifted Alicia off the ground and the snake hissed as it reared back, ready to strike. The threat came across loud and clear though only made Alicia’s stomach churn with anger. She bit back a witty remark.

“Do I make myself clear?” Richter’s voice was dangerously low as he spoke slowly.

Alicia’s hand grabbed his, trying to wrench herself from his hold. She kicked as she began to run out of air then finally made a sound of assent.

Once he was satisfied he dropped her and she landed with a thud as her knees gave in. The snake dissipated with a final shock of warning. Alicia slumped over and steadied herself on the wall coughing as she tried to fill her lungs again. Once she’d caught her breath she laughed.

“You’re full of surprises, Richter,” She said, voice hoarse. “I wouldn’t have pictured you as the loyal type.”

“You don’t know anything about me.”

“Nor do I care to,” Alicia shot back with a scowl as she clutched her throat.

Richter retorted with a snort. Done with the conversation he held up the same keystone Ventus kept on hand and waved a different rune in front and the door clicked open. Wordlessly he swung it open and roughly shoved Alicia in. She didn’t bother looking back as it shut behind her.

‘Plunged back into an almost welcome darkness, perfect.’ Alicia could feel a headache coming on. Farah looked up from her humming and smiled over to her.

“Welcome back,” she said.