Chapter 7: CHAPTER SIX

Chuka's phone rang at 8am the next morning. Caller ID: 'Pest of the West'.

Fucking Folarin. He knew he hated waking up that early on days he wasn't working. "This better be good.", he growled sleepily into the phone.

"Oga, wake up." Folarin said, much too chipper for that early in the morning. "Abeg show, show. We get talk." He paused for Chuka's reply. All he heard was breathing. "Now now, guy. It's important." And he hung up.

Chuka swore under his breath, as he went back to sleep. His phone rang again.

"WHAT?"

"I said now." Click.

Chuka sat up and shut his eyes in frustration, as he wondered – not for the first time – if he really wasn't the kind of person to stick a knife in their best friend. Resolving to stay Folarin's execution just a little longer, Chuka grumbled his way to the bathroom to take a shit and a shower.

30 minutes later, he was in Folarin's apartment, which was two streets away from his house. They had lived together in it before Chuka married Lisa and had had to buy a house fit for raising a family. Folarin had found the one he eventually picked. Neither had said it out loud but both were glad they still lived near each other.

"Ishola, if you're going to wake me up this early, you better have food and an explanation", Chuka grumbled as he sank into a plush love seat.

The apartment was still the classic bachelor pad it was when he had lived in it. The walls were painted a light grey with the furniture and décor adding pops of leather and colour. Hanging lights dropped in at the centre of the living room and over the dining area, giving the room a warm tint, a nice complement to the bright white ceiling lights. Just off the living room, the beautiful terrace now held potted plants – all fake because Folarin couldn't be bothered to water real ones – and a giant jacuzzi they still often had parties in. Full length portraits of Folarin and some of his movie posters adorned the walls on one side of the living room while, an 82" OLED TV hung on the other above an imposing white and gold console that housed a DSTV decoder, a PlayStation console, a home theatre speaker set Folarin had spent way too much money on, and a framed photograph of Folarin's mom on one side, and Chuka on the other.

"He used to live here for fuck's sake. It was his apartment too". Folarin would argue when someone joked about how odd it was that he had a framed photo of Chuka in his living room. Folarin could always hold his own against the ribbing – good-natured and otherwise - but for all the shit he constantly got for it, Chuka was a little surprised Folarin never just removed it. He had a picture of Folarin displayed at home too, but the difference was, his were mixed in with photos of Lisa, his parents, his brothers, and Auntie Isioma. He and Mrs. Ishola were the only staples in Folarin's life. He was an only child and his father... his father was not a topic they discussed. Ever.

Folarin, still in short shorts and an open robe, emerged from the kitchen, and held out a plate of eggs and sausages in front of Chuka, a loaf of bread under his arm. "Osiwin ", he greeted.

"Nkapi ", Chuka retorted, taking the plate.

Holding his own plate, Folarin sat in an armchair across the room with a leg swung over one arm, then opened the loaf of unsliced bread. He tore one half off for himself and tossed the other, still in the bag towards Chuka, who caught it mid-air. He took the bread out of the bag, made space in the middle and proceeded to make his African sandwich. "So, w'sup?"

"Seyi is supposed to be here, but it looks like I'll have to brief her on the way." Folarin said, prepping his own sandwich, shawarma-style.

"On the way?" Chuka asked, just before he took a huge bite and then he immediately remembered. Folarin had a location shoot in Akure for the movie he was currently filming. It was another #FoLucy pairing if he remembered correctly. "Oh okay. The shoot."

"Yeah." Folarin replied. He paused to take a bite of his food and chewed for a few seconds before he continued "Okay so, about Annie. I have a plan."

"What plan?" Chuka asked, chewing. "Come, no tea?", he sputtered, practically choking on the ridiculous bite he had taken.

Folarin kissed his teeth slightly and continued. "I talked to Lucy, and she..."

Chuka shook his head and stood. "Useless.", he muttered, heading towards the kitchen since Folarin obviously wasn't going to bother serving a complete breakfast.

Folarin followed and continued talking, not missing a beat. "...she came up with this brilliant idea about how we should trap Annie. I don reason am and I know as we go take run am."

"I'm listening.", Chuka said, as he reached the kitchen door.

"We already know she never posts anything directly. It's how she avoids consequences."

"Yes. We already know this." Chuka said, rolling his eyes as he filled the electric kettle and then set it to boil.

"Okay, so the plan na to run am make she post us."

"And why would we want that?", Chuka folded his arms against his chest and leaned against the counter, with a look that said, 'This ought to be good.'

Folarin repeated Lucy's suggestion to him.

"What?!" Chuka looked at Folarin like he had grown a new head, eyes wide in disbelief. "Are you high?"

"Calm down. We will plan it well." Folarin said, with a chuckle.

"How well can something like this possibly be planned? One wrong move; one thing out of place and guy, we're done. Finished."

Folarin rolled his eyes. "So dramatic. Which one be 'finished'? I mean yeah people will talk shit but it's not like it's a crime or something. We know a lot of people in this industry who are...like that. And openly."

"'Like that'. You can't even say 'gay' and yet I'm overreacting." Chuka scoffed. "Nobody will arrest us; fine, but I also don't want the nonsense that would come with using our hand to basically 'confirm' these rumours when they aren't even true."

"That's the thing. We wouldn't be confirming anything. You neva gree me make I land."

"Whatever plan you have in mind would still be risky if they involve pictures, Folarin."

Just then, the kettle switch made the 'pop' sound that indicated the water it had been tasked to boil was ready.

"I know." Folarin said, as he took two mugs out of the overhead cupboard and handed them to Chuka. "But what is the alternative?", he continued. "We just continue to let it slide? Because na from clap e dey enter dance."

Chuka said nothing, silently mulling it over as he placed yellow-labelled teabags into both cups and poured hot water over them.

Folarin continued. "Chuka, the more we stay silent the more we embolden other "bloggers" to join in on this madness. Especially after that tweet. Staying quiet may have been an option before but if we continue to do that now, we're declaring open season on ourselves. And how much more collateral damage can we really afford? I mean Lisa isn't exactly innocent, but she still shouldn't have been dragged into this."

Chuka sighed. "Fine. You have a point." He opened the provisions cupboard to reach for the milk and stopped short when he saw the sugar container half-full. He paused for a few seconds staring at it and then grabbed the milk tin and closed the cupboard door to find Folarin staring guiltily at him with a sheepish grin.

"I just wanted to drink small garri and they didn't have that date powder thing. Na only once-once I dey use am, I swear."

Chuka looked at him with a straight face and turned back to the steaming cups, spooning milk into them. He had placed a ban on sugar when they had lived together after he'd found out about sugar's links to cancer while Aunty Isioma was sick. He'd also made Folarin cook his weed more often than he smoked it; they detoxed together twice a month, got vitamin infusions, had hyperbaric oxygen sessions and drank solely alkaline water - everything to keep their cancer risks down.

And when he'd moved out, Chuka had made Folarin swear to keep it all up afterwards. And yet, at every turn, he would find fizzy drinks and sugar products and all kinds of processed shit in Folarin's kitchen, with one silly explanation or the other. Chuka wasn't going to say anything this time. If Folarin didn't care enough about his health to be careful with it, he wasn't going to be bothering him about it anymore. "So, what's the plan? What are the specifics?", he asked, a blunt, hard edge to his voice.

"You dey vex?"

Chuka wordlessly handed him his cup of tea.

"No vex nau." Folarin said, placatingly. He knew how deep Chuka's fear of losing him and his mom ran. They were the last of his people and he got how scary that must be for Chuka because it was the same for him. Folarin took the mug and set it down on the counter. Then he opened the cupboard, took the transparent glass container labelled 'Sugar' out of the cupboard and threw the whole thing in the bin.

Chuka's eyes followed the movement. He took a sip of his tea and finally looked at Folarin. "What's the plan?" He asked again, less cold this time.

Folarin picked up his own mug and was about to speak when the front door opened.

"Who be dat?" Folarin called.

The response was female footsteps headed towards the kitchen. It was Seyi.

"Oga, I hope you've packed.", she said loudly, as soon as she stepped through. "Oh, hey Chuka.", she greeted as she walked over and hugged him.

"Hey, Shay." Chuka hugged back with one arm. "You already know the answer to that question."

Seyi sighed. "You're right." She looked at Chuka then back at Folarin. "Folarin does not pack. He stuffs. He'll grab clothes and condoms and stuff them in a bag just when it's time to head out the door."

Folarin kissed his teeth and turned to Chuka. "Ehen, as I was saying –"

"What are we talking about?" Seyi interrupted and then took Folarin's cup from him and sipped.

"Ah ah!" Folarin protested.

Seyi ignored him and took another sip, obviously having no intention of returning it.

Chuka chuckled and shook his head. Then he handed his still-full cup to Folarin and grabbed the kettle. "Folarin says he has a strategy for taking down aunty Annie." Chuka said in answer to Seyi's question. Seeing that the remaining water in the kettle was enough for one cup, he placed it back down and set it to boil. "Oya. Tell us.", he said to Folarin, grabbing his sandwich and taking another bite.

Folarin sipped his tea and turned to Seyi. "So, to recap what I was telling Chuka - the only way to nab her is to get her to post. So, the posts would have to be too juicy to resist but then easy to explain as something else."

"Wait, I thought we were ignoring this girl." Seyi said, alarmed. "We shouldn't - "

"Please please, don't start." Folarin said in a slightly irritated tone. He continued, "Step One is getting the pictures. Step Two is getting her to post them. Step Three is releasing the real context of the pictures. Step Four, we wipe am lawsuit for neck. Step Five, Chuka divorces Lisa. Then, finally, he will sign undertaking that he will only use his heart to pump blood henceforth."

Chuka snorted a laugh. "Idiot."

Seyi giggled at the joke. Then her expression turned serious again. "But this sounds dangerous o!"

"So is leaving Annie to grow wings." Folarin turned to Chuka. He didn't feel like going over this again. Chuka's opinion was really the only one that mattered in this. "Are you in?"

"Sure. But for the 900th time, what is the goddamn plan??!! How do we get the pictures?"

"I have an idea." Folarin smiled and pulled his phone out of the pocket of his robe, dialling a number.

"Who are you calling?" Seyi asked.

Folarin pointed the screen of the phone at them so they could see the caller ID: Charles Ikeji.

Chuka's brow furrowed in confusion.

"Hello?" Folarin said, then paused for the reply. "Good morning, Boss. How would you like to produce a new blockbuster with your boys?"