Crush
It's been a few weeks since I first went to Taeyoung's modelling agency. Since then the weather has grown colderâthe leaves turning from green to crisp shades of red and gold. The sun decides to leave us earlier in the day, it sleeps in much longer than it did in the summer. I can't help but think about the approaching holiday; Christmas, and how different it will be this year.
I have been visiting Taeyoung at the modelling agency more and more lately, so much so that the front desk man recognizes me. Taeyoung has become more in demand, even becoming the new face of his modelling company. He doesn't care for it though, his focus is on composing music and he told me that he hopes someday that that is what people know him for, and not just his face. Nevertheless, this popularity offered him more flexibility and breathing room when it came to expenses. He no longer has the landlord coming after him, and he has paid back his housemates to make up for the times they had to pay for him.
Things are going well, slow and steady, but I feel great. It's much easier to push my dark thoughts aside now that I have Taeyoung.
So much so that I don't even think about the past anymore. At all.
***
I'm at my father's restaurant now. I have been visiting to help with the restaurant. They gave me a part-time job, but I use it as an excuse to see them moreâand because I feel bad for getting money when they rarely have customers, I end up using my earnings towards the restaurant.
I had saved up to buy a high-quality, production-level rice cooker and threw the old one in the garbage. It took a week for them to stop trying to give it back to me. I had replaced small things tooâlike the light fixtures, the signs outsideâand I cleaned the place with more determination than I've ever had before. I felt inspired to help turn the place around.
While these small things don't bring us more customers, they do make us work better and more efficiently. I have also reignited the love I have for cooking before coming to Korea. My mother and I often experimented with different recipes, and we switch cooking duties every so often. When you're raised by a single mother, you don't have much choice but to learn how to take care of yourself; I just happen to be someone who enjoys cooking.
It took a while to learn the names Korean-style ingredients that I've never heard of before, like gochujang. I eventually begin to experiment with the recipes, making Seulgi taste test certain dishes to get her opinion. She is quite the critic, to say the least.
"Here, taste this." I shove a wooden spoon with sauce towards her face. She leans forward to taste it, looking off into the distance as she smacks her lips together lightly.
"This is saltier than Chaeyoung was to me the other day."
"Liar." I give up on her and end up adding sugar to the sauce.
"Sohee?" She asks, leaning against the kitchen counter.
"What."
"What's it like?"
"What's what like?" I continue to stir the sauce, adding noodles with my other hand.
"Having a boyfriend." I pause to look over at her serious face. She is rarely serious.
"Why?" I ask a bit accusingly. This girl has a crush, doesn't she?
"Just wondering." She plays it off as if it's no big deal.
"It's...I don't know."
"You don't know? You do have a boyfriend right? Is he fake?"
"Yes, I do. I just don't know how to explain it. It's just like having a best friend, except they're closer to you than that. They see your bad sides, all of them, and still like you. It's kind of strange actually."
"Hmm... then what does love feel like?"
I freeze for a moment. While those words have popped into my mouth a countless amount of times the past month, I still haven't been able to say them aloud.
"I-I don't know if I know," I mutter.
"You don't?"
"I don't know." I desperately try to change the subject. I don't want to admit that I love Taeyoung to my half-sister before telling him.
"You have a crush don't you?" I turn my attention back to her, arms crossing.
I see her cheeks turn darker than her complexion. "So," she mumbles.
"What's his name?"
"Minhyuk." A silly little smile makes its way onto her face.
"Ooh, Minhyuk. Is he cute?"
"Of course, I wouldn't like him if he wasn't," she gives me the most serious expression and I chuckle at her.
"Just be careful Seulgi, okay? You're still only 16, you have plenty of time to date."
"I'm 17 in like a week though." She points her chin at me.
"Still, crushes are fine but don't even talk about love to me yet."
She snickers at me and dips her index finger into the sauce. I look at her in anticipation as she swirls her tongue around.
"Better."
I smile at her.
***
"This asshole," Koko mutters to herself, her face focused on her phone.
We're studying together in the lounge.
"Who is an asshole?" I ask, keeping my eyes glued on the textbook in front of me.
"Max," she coolly says. I turn my head towards her in shock.
"Did you two fight?"
"Kinda." Her eyes haven't looked up at me yet.
"About what?"
"It's hard to explain," she brushes me off.
"Try me."
I immediately regret my words as she goes off on some philosophical topic that I can't even begin to wrap my head around.
"Can you believe this idiot agrees with what Derrida says?" She finally looks at me, her eyes doubled in size.
"Is this post-structuralism you're talking about right now?"
"Yeah, obviously."
"Are you two in philosophy or theory class together?"
"No, he's not even in school anymore."
"Then why the hell are you two fighting over post-structuralist theory?"
"Why not? Debates are fun."
We stare at each other for a while, her look completely innocent, mouth open in confusion. I just stare at her, completely dumbfounded.
"You two are something else. If this is what your fights are about then congratulations on your marriage."
There is truly no way they'll find anyone better than each other.
She ignores me and snickers at her phone. Then she's calling him and goes off on a rant about speech versus writing or whatever. All I know is that I'm done studying for the day. I wave a goodbye at her.
Then I'm walking over to Taeyoung's place. He said he'd be home all day today.
When I arrive, I punch in the passcode and open the door. While I slip off my shoes I can hear the keyboard playing a melody, a beat accompanying in the background.
"Taeyoung?"
"ë¤ ì기 [yes baby]"
He sounds distracted, and when I see his back in front of the keyboard, an arrangement of laptop equipment laid out on the coffee table, I decide to sneak up on him.
I tip-toe. He is completely consumed by the music he's arranging.
I lean my head down close to his own, my lips about to touch his neck.
"Yah, what do you think you're doing?"
I freeze. He turns his body around to look at me with a smirk.
"I was trying to sneak up on you."
He tsks at me, waving his finger. "You should know that no one can sneak up on me."
His arms come around me, forcing me to sit on his lap. I wrap my legs around him, my hands coming to lightly hold his jaw.
"How are you today?" He asks, looking up at me with sweet puppy-like eyes.
"Better now that I'm here." I smile at him cheesily and he snickers at me.
He pushes my head down so that I make contact with his lips. The automated beat still plays in the background as his lips devour mine.
"Yah! This is a shared space!"
I turn around to see Minjun walk into the room from the hallway. My cheeks flush red and I try to get up, but Taeyoung's hands fasten around my waist.
"You never follow that rule so why should I?" Taeyoung fires back.
"Ah, you got me there." Minjun's face falls into a cheeky smile, his eyes disappearing into his fair skin.
I stay silent, slightly embarrassed from his words despite it having nothing to do with me.
I try to get off Taeyoung's lap again, but he pushes me against him, his eyes looking up at me innocently, a small rectangular smile on his lips.
"Let me go."
"Taeyoung, just not on the coffee table, please. I eat on there." Minjun plainly calls out as he pulls something out of the fridge.
Taeyoung laughs as I stare at the boy in horror.
"That's never going to happen!" I yell.
Minjun looks at me skeptically, one eyebrow raising higher than the other.
"We'll see about that." He shoves an apple into his mouth and leaves.
"It could happen you know," Taeyoung casually says as if the topic under discussion is one about the weather.
I glare at him. He knows exactly how to embarrass me. We haven't gone much further than that first day at his photo shoot, but that doesn't stop him from teasing me.
I successfully get out of his hold now and move to sit on the couch, an annoyed expression glued to my face.
"Baby I was just teasing," he pleads. I stick out my tongue at him in response. He just softly chuckles at me before turning back around to hit more piano keys.
. . .
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Sooaura