TW: MENTION OF DRUGS
XANDER'S POV
I was angry. And this time it wasn't because of the kitten or the detective or anyone else. I was mad at myself. What the fuck was I thinking. Forcing her into bed like that. I might be a monster but I am not a fucking rapist.
Taking my anger out on the punching bag was the best way to deal with my anger. It was the only way I knew how to deal with it. The last time I tried a different way, I almost killed the fucking therapist. I was 17 and since then I have been on my own.
Her screams echoed in my mind and it only fueled my anger. I continued punching the bag. For hours. I didn't even stop when my hands started to bleed. I didn't even stop when my hands became numb. I stopped when I passed out from exhaustion. When I opened my eyes, it was dark outside. My mind felt more in place and I could feel bits of my hand.
Getting up, I walked towards my car and headed to the safe house. As soon as I entered the house, I was met with extreme silence. There were a lot of things I learned to deal with. At some point in my life, I became an addict. Drugs were the only way I knew I could deal with my anger. But after Damien lost his sister, I had to be there for him. It was hard at first, but as months went by, I finally got a hold of myself.
However, no matter what I tried, the vulnerability that I felt in the quiet was one thing I never could control. People may call me a monster because of what I do, but even my monsters had fears and their moment of weakness. This is one of the reasons why I choose the mafia. There was never tranquility or peace. The chaos stopped the voices and I could feel more in control.
Where was everyone? I started to walk towards my room, when a loud echo filled the house. Grabbing onto my gun, I walked towards the room, from where the sound came. It was the room where I lost control. It was the room where I hurt an innocent woman. Opening the door, I walked inside and was met with the one person I had never expected to see ever.
My little kitten. No not yours, my mind said.
She was trying to pick up the broken glass pieces from the floor. What the fuck is she doing here? Seems like she didn't even notice that I was in the room since she continued cleaning the glass pieces. I felt my anger rising again. Did she really want to die?
I marched towards her and grabbed her arm
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE. I THINK I ASKED YOU TO FUCKING LEAVE. DO YOU REALLY WANT ME TO KILL YOU?" I roared at her.
THEA'S POV
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE. I THINK I ASKED YOU TO FUCKING LEAVE. DO YOU REALLY WANT ME TO KILL YOU?" Xander screamed as he grabbed me. I felt fear creep through my body.
"I ASKED YOU A FUCKING QUESTION? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?" He screamed again. I was scared. He was hurting me. His hands were holding me too tight.
"I didn't know who Damien was. When you left, I tried to look for someone but no one was there. I even tried to leave. I walked for like half an hour, but there was nothing. No cars, no people. Just trees. So I came back" I whispered, tears threatening to fall down my eyes. Stupid tears. They just can't control themselves, can they?
"So you choose to come back here, to get killed, instead of just running away" Xander spoke. His voice was softer than before.
"I would rather get killed from one bullet, than become a dinner meal for some wild animal, lurking in the woods" I said in all honesty. As much as I hated Xander, and as much as I love my life, I refused to be eaten by a wild boar.
Whatever I said, may or may not have pissed off Xander. He was rubbing his face and hair in frustration, murmuring something in a language I didn't understand. I really should have taken the Russian classes, Lila offered me. A few minutes later, he seemed to have come to a decision, since he started to drag me out of the room towards the exit of the house.
He wouldn't just leave me in the woods right? I mean for a man that almost raped me, I don't expect any sort of kindness from him, but that's just not correct. I hadn't realized that we were in front of a black car and Xander was getting into the driver's seat. Did he want me to get in?
"Get in the car Thea" Xander growled. Of course he wanted me to get in. That's why he dragged you here. He started the car, once I sat in it, and drove on the other side of the road. Seems like I was walking in the wrong direction.
'He might just be taking you into the woods to kill you', some rational part of me spoke. Will he really kill me? I hadn't even done the things I have always wanted to do. I wanted to go visit the places I have always dreamed about, get a pet panda, a few more tattoos and date a few guys. I wanted to get married and so much more. I hadn't even noticed when I started to cry until Xander spoke,
"Why the fuck are you crying now?" I wanted to beg him to not kill me. But I don't think he would listen. I just continued crying.
"WHY ARE YOU CRYING NOW WOMAN?" He growled.
"You are... You are going to ki.... Kill me right? Please don't...please don't leave me in the woods" I stuttered and continued crying.
"I AM NOT GOING TO KILL YOU, малÑÑка" (little girl) Xander screamed again, punching his fist on the steering wheel.
"Really?" I looked up at him, not believing what I just heard. He just nodded and continued to drive. Wait. If he doesn't want to kill me, then will he hurt Lila. I obviously did not do everything he asked me to do. No, I didn't want Lila to get hurt. She was the only family I had.
"Rouge, let's just go back. You can do whatever you want with me. I won't stop you. I promise" I begged Xander. If I did anything he asked, he wouldn't hurt Lila. even if it meant doing that. My heart hurt just thinking about being in that kind of pain again. But Lila was family.
Suddenly the car stopped. If I wasn't wearing the seat-belt, I sure would have gone flying through the glass
"What are you talking about? You saying, you want to sleep with me? You want to lose your innocence to a monster, Kitten?" Xander spoke, looking at me
"No, I haven't changed my mind. But since I didn't keep my end of the deal, you will hurt Lila. She is the only one I have. I do not want to see her hurt" I explained, whispering out most of the sentence. Xander seems to get angry a lot. I could see him clenching his teeth and even before I could react, he grabbed me by my hair and pulled my face close to his.
"I will not hurt you or that detective of yours, малÑÑка," (little girl) "I have never forced a woman before, and I tend to stick to that. I had a moment of weakness and I apologize. I am taking you home. You are free to go"
I could leave and Lila wouldn't get hurt. This was the best thing I have heard. I was so happy, I couldn't control myself. I threw myself at Xander, giving him the best hug I ever could.
"Thank you so much Xander. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You don't know how much this means to me. Thank you" I thanked the inked man with every inch of my existence.
XANDER'S POV
The little kitten threw her arms around me like she didn't even care that I had tried to take her innocence without her consent a few hours back. Did she have no fear at all or was she just dumb. Feeling her warm hands around me, did spread heat in my body. I had never been hugged before. Is this how people feel when they hug?
Warm, peaceful, quiet.
I felt a tinge of jealousy for everyone that got to experience my kitten's hug before me.
NOT YOURS. NOT YOUR KITTEN. YOU ALMOST RAPED HER.
My mind screamed at me. The voices came back. They came back cause I felt calm. They came back because my mind felt peaceful. No, No, No. They can't come back. Never. I pushed Thea and started to drive. I just needed to drop her off at a place where she could ask for help and then get the fuck out her life.
She was no good for me. Neither was I. I drove recklessly through the roads. At some point I even heard Thea beg me to slow down, but I couldn't. She needed to leave as soon as possible. After driving for ten more minutes, I found a restaurant. Stopping in front of the place,I stepped out, and walked towards her side. Opening her door, I pulled her out and spoke
"Go find someone to help you. And don't ever let me see you again. This time I mean it Thea. I will kill you if I see you again. And tell the detective that the deal still stands. I need my guy out of jail by sunrise tomorrow and she needs to find the person who actually did it. Or else, I will find her and she won't like what happens"
With that, I got in the car, and drove off. Hoping that I never see her again.
Only that it was a lie but I was too much of a coward to admit it.
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