Chapter 0213 Fuck. This was hard. I wanted to stop, but now more than ever, I knew they wouldnât let me.
âLike I said, things were going well for some time. They werenât perfect, but they were bearable. That is, had given birth to a baby boy and that Rowan fell until the night mom called me to let me know that Aus in love with his son at first sight. Everything around me crumbled, and all the pain Iâd been hiding came to the surface.â I try to breathe through the pain of the memories, but it was so F***ing hard.
âI was in pain, and I was really angry. Angry at myself for turning down Rowanâs proposal, angry at Rowan for getting drunk and sleeping with Ava, angry at Ava for getting pregnant and marrying the man I loved and angry at the baby for being born.â
I hear a sharp intake of air. I donât need to turn to know that it is from Rowan, I still struggle with being around Noah because if everything had gone the way I wanted it to, then he would have been mine and Rowanâs child instead of his and Avaâs.
âI wanted to punish Rowan. To hurt him like he hurt me. I knew he always disliked Calvin for the way he crushed on me, so that night I approached Calvin and seduced him. I knew word would probably get back to Rowan, and that would have hurt him.
Thatâs why I slept with Calvin that night, because I counted on Rowanâs friend telling him. He would have been so hurt, I would have gotten my revenge, and maybe then it would no longer hurt as much.â
1 I donât tell them, but itâs also how I lost my virginity. I was saving it for Rowan and in the end I gave it to the guy who kept fighting for me to love him.
âI regretted it the next morning. It had been foolish of me to sleep with a guy I didnât even like just to get back at the man I loved. I told Calvin that it was a mistake and that he should forget about what happened between us. I snuck out of his room, and I thought that was that. That it was a terrible oneânight stand and that would be the end of it.â
Fuck had I been wrong. I hadnât planned for what was to come next. What destiny had planned for us.
âWe went back to ignoring each other like the other didnât exist, that is, until my period was late. A cheap.
test, and later, a doctorâs appointment confirmed that I was pregnant.â
It had been the worst news Iâve ever received. Deep in my heart, I believed that one day Rowan and I would get back together. I didnât want an unwanted baby to hinder that. I didnât want the consequences of my mistake to always be in my face.
âWhy didnât you get an emergency pill the morning after?â mom asks, making me blush a little.
âApart from being a complete mess, everything was new to me. To put it plainly, I was naive. It was the-
that wasnât really enough to get me pregnant. Looking back, maybe if Iâd told Molly, she would have advised me to get one, but like I said, I was so ashamed, I didnât want anyone to know.â
âYou want to tell me that during all the years you dated Rowan, you never slept together? You were still a virgin?â Travis asks in disbelief. *
I knew ew Rowan wasnât. Before we started dating, which was at seventeen, heâd previously been sleeping with anything that walked and had a vagina. When Iâd told him I wasnât ready, he understood. We planned to wait till I was ready. My biggest regret was holding out on him.