Chapter 202: Chapter 202

Chapter 0202 Rowan.

My feet hit the pavement as I run. I usually run in the morning, but today I decided otherwise. It was around seven in the evening, and I needed this run.

I speed up, feeling my muscles burn. I wanted to outrun my guilt. Wanted to outrun my heartache. I wanted to outrun my F***ing foolishness.

The guilt of how much I had hurt Ava was eating me alive. Destroying me from the inside out. I haven’t been able to face her since I discovered my feelings for her.

I look at myself in the mirror, and all I see is a despicable human being. I am disgusted by my actions.

Disgusted by all that I did to her.

I thought I was a good man. The kind that loves fiercely. I was always proud of myself for holding on to my love for Emma. I thought it meant that my feelings for her were true. What I didn’t realize was that while doing that, I was hurting the woman I actually loved.

“Fuck!” I curse myself and the world.

How the hell did I get here?

I push myself harder as I run past the gas station a few miles from my house. I don’t have time to slow down because once I do, my demons will be back to haunt me. To taunt me with all my mistakes.

Every time I close my eyes, I see her face from many months ago, before she asked for a divorce. I don’t even remember what I said to her, but it hurt her pretty badly. I remember her eyes shutting down in pain as she told me she hated me. I scoffed. Not knowing that I would one day crave the love she used to have for me.

I messed up big time. Now everything is F***ed up and I don’t know how to fix it.

My phone rings, and I am pulled from my drowning thoughts.

“Hello, I answer without checking the caller’s ID. My breaths coming in hard and fast.

“Dad, it’s me! Noah shouts in excitement.

We’ve talked on the phone, but I haven’t been by to see him. Not when seeing him means seeing Ava.

Hey, buddy. How are you?”

The good. I’m super excited,” he all but shouts.

My curiosity gets the best of me, even though part of me thinks that I will regret asking.

“Why? What’s got you in such a good mood?” I chuckle.

Talking to him brought a sense of peace. Right now, he was my lifeline because I felt like I was drowning. Like I was dying from the inside.

“Well, you remember my best friend Gunner?” he asks “Yeah”

and she agreed.

“Well, a bunch of things happened, and I wanted to cheer him up, so I talked to mon We’re going to an amusement park tomorrow. Mom, me, Gunner and his dad,” he shouts the last part.

I feel jealousy take control. The thought of having another man near her was driving me insane. I know I said she deserves better, but I honestly don’t think I can let her go.

“Is that right?” I ask, my voice taking a hard tone.

“Yeah” Noah replies. “Are you okay, dad? You don’t sound fine,” he says after realizing that I wasn’t as excited for him as I should be.

I spin around and begin my walk back home. My insides burned from envy. What if she chose this man? What if they were in a relationship? What if she fell in love with him? The more I thought of all the possibilities, the more I got pissed at myself for being such an idiot.

“I “Where is it?” I ask him crisply.

“Oh, in the next town,” he replies. “Are you okay, dad?”

“Yes. Absolutely,” I lie.

“Okay then,” his voice is incredulous. “I’ll talk to you later. Just wanted to let you know that I won’t be around tomorrow, in case you wanted to see me. Bye dad, goodnight.”

“Goodnight too, buddy,” I said, hanging up the phone.

I continue my walk. I’d come out tonight in the hopes of calming my thoughts top of all the stress, I was now pissed as hell.