Chapter 0153 âFor pushing. I keep pushing the issue about Rowan not realizing how much it is hurting you. I just want you to be happy and a part of me thinks Rowan is your happiness. Youâve loved him so long that itâs hard to believe that all of it is gone.â
âLetty...â She was on a rant so she doesnât give me a chance to speak.
âI want you to have a chance to be happy. You told me that you used to want Rowan to have feelings for. you, but now that it seems he has, you donât believe it and youâre against it. I just donât get itâ
I sigh. This again?
I was getting tired of hearing them speak about Rowan and his soâcalled feelings. It grated on my mind every time they did.
Rowan didnât factor in my life and neither did his feelings. He could take them and shove them up his stuck up ass for all I cared. 1 Iâm going to explain it this once and then I never want to hear about this ever againâ I breathe before continuing.
1 loved Rowan and a part of me will probably forever will. Sure, you canât get over that kind of love but it can be slowly killed by actions from the one you love. Rowan hurt me in so many ways that the love I once had for him turned into poison. A poison that was slowly killing me inside. That love I had became too painful for me, so in order to preserve the little pieces of myself I had, I buried it so deep that it could never be dug up againâ
I feel my heart hurt when I speak of the love I had for Rowan. Like I said, it was probably still there, but it was buried under years of his cruelty. The pain he inflicted later became heavier than the love I felt.
He never lifted a hand against me, but sometimes I wish he had. Physical wounds were easier to heal unlike the mental one and those inflicted on the heart and soul.
âRowan hurt me in a way I would never wish on my worst enemy. Burying that love was the only way I could survive the hurricane that was him.â
I hear her sobbing. It hurts me, but I have to make her understand.
âIâm sorry, Ava. I didnât mean to drench up such painful memoriesâ
âI know, Letty and I know you want me to be happy, but Rowan isnât the key. If we were never happy in the nine years we were married, what makes you think weâll be happy together now?â
Like I keep telling Letty, I doubt Rowan has any feelings for me except hate, and even if he miraculously developed some, too much has already happened for us to move past it.
Iâm really sorry. I promise never to mention it againâ
I exhale in relief.
âThank you, and besides, did you forget I swore off men? Love isnât for me. Looking at the men Iâve been with, history has taught me I have horrible taste when It comes to themâ I chuckle.
She lets out a small laugh. She had a field day the day I announced I was done with men.
âYeah I remember. I guess the business idea came at the perfect time. Free S** toys for youâ this time her laugh is more robust and Iâm glad I was able to draw her from the melancholy feelings she had. 1 âSpeaking of which...â
I proceed to tell her everything we discussed with the lawyer. Explaining to her why I had to be a silent partner instead. Just like I had predicted, she accepts the idea.
âI completely understand. I see no problem with it and Iâm sure that Corrine will understand tooâ
âIâll speak to her laterâ
âWhich reminds me, did you buy from the list we sent you like we asked you too?â She asks after some time.
âI was planning to go after the meeting with my lawyerâ
âWell you better get your butt up and go..your feedback is very importantâ she pauses and I hear someone talking to her before she gets back on the phone. âI have to go, thereâs an impromptu meeting and Iâm neededâ
âItâs okay. Have a great day and take careâ
âYou too and remember to let me know once youâve gotten the toysâ 1 After that we hung up.
I finish doing my chores, take a shower, get ready then I leave. Heading straight to the mall. It doesnât take me long to get there.
After parking my car, I head inside. I was a nervous wreck. I was excited but at the same time I felt like I was doing something wrong. Like everyone will judge me and find me lacking by entering a S** toy shop, let alone buying from it.
I follow the directions to where Corrine told me her favorite shop is located. I breathe a sigh of relief when I realize that it in a somehow hidden location.
I pause when I get to it. Still unsure of what exactly I had let my friends talk me into. It was as I was seriously debating whether to enter or not, when I heard his unmistakable deep voice.
Ava?
Ah F***! What the hell was he doing here?