Chapter 14: Soft Like Thunder: Chapter 13

IN MY HAND, I held the most beautiful, intricate metal flower I’d ever seen. And it was mine. Slipping it over my head on a metal chain, I pressed it against my chest.

“Gracie.” I had to blink hard not to cry. I was not a crier. It just wasn’t me. But my girl, my boo, my tall drink of stunningly beautiful water of a friend, Grace Patel, had given me art. And not just any art, but art she’d created at the last minute when Bash had told her my request.

Grace wrapped me in her arms, giving me a hard squeeze. “If you’d given me more notice, I would have made you something better.”

“No, girlie. I can’t even. There’s nothing better.”

She pulled back and gave me a hard kiss on my cheek. “Happy birthday, Hells Belles.”

Sebastian took hold of his girl, nuzzling the side of her head. “Happy birthday, Hells.”

I touched my necklace with the tip of my finger, swallowing a big ball of emotion. “You’re the realest, you two.”

I liked Zadie. Lock was cool. And Theo…yeah, he was a little more than all right. But there was nothing like being surrounded by my people. The ones I grew up with and who shared my history. Being back at Javi’s with them was even better. Javi was a mysterious being who opened his legit lake house on the weekends for relaxed kickbacks. There was a pool, a big yard, sick patio, and an unending supply of alcohol and weed.

An arm slung around my shoulders, a blunt waving in my face. “You need this, boo.” Gabe squeezed me into his side, bringing the blunt to my lips. “This is my present to you. Pen got you a gift card for some fancy salon, and that’s cool, but this strain is top notch. You’re gonna thank me when your head is floating on your neck.”

Penelope, my angel friend, elbowed her boyfriend. “I haven’t given Hells her gift yet. You can’t just tell her what I got her!”

He grinned wide and let go of me to take her in his arms. “Can and did, Lucky-luck. Accept it.”

Pinching the between my fingers, I took a long inhale. “I’ll smoke this in your honor.”

Poor Gabe couldn’t partake since he played college soccer, but he’d smoked enough weed in high school to make up for the time off now.

“Mine too.” Asher Beck, football star and golden god, had become absorbed in our group of miscreants when he hooked his little goth girl, Bex Lim. He’d come straight to Savage River after a day game just to celebrate little ol’ me.

Bex was sprawled on a lounge chair next to the pool, puffing away. “I thought that’s what I was doing.”

Gabe flung himself down beside her, practically knocking her off the chair. “No, you’re smoking for me. Everyone’s smoking for me.”

Asher hauled him off the chair, and Gabe went flying into Penelope, spinning her in a circle so they both didn’t end up in the grass. Penelope giggled, her blonde hair flowing in the wind while Gabe spun her silly.

Asher and Bex were curled up in one lounge chair, and I pulled one up beside them, watching the stars and enjoying my smoke. The party would get a little crazier later, but not much. That wasn’t why we went to Javi’s. We came for laughs and to kick back—exactly what I needed tonight. Theo wasn’t here. He had the address. Maybe he was coming, maybe not. I’d be disappointed if he didn’t show, but it wasn’t a huge deal. Not when I had all this.

Eventually, everyone pulled up chairs or loungers so we were in a circle. The athletes had drinks, the rest of us had drinks and smokes.

Grace kicked my chair. “How’s tricks?”

“Good, good.” I nodded. My head was definitely starting to float. “School, Shakespeare, boys. All the things.”

Bex sputtered. “That does sound like all the things.”

Gabe held up a hand. “Okay, no one wants to hear about you kissing a boy. That’s like seeing your sister boning and shit. Gross. You know what everyone wants to know.”

Bex muttered something about Gabe having boned his “sister,” but Asher smothered her with his mouth to keep her quiet. She didn’t object. Those two were gonna have so many sporty-goth babies, it was ridiculous.

“What does everyone want to know?” I asked.

Grace kicked my seat again. “Elena.”

I groaned. “The only reason I haven’t punched her is because she has Pen’s face. Chick is a terror.” I looked at Penelope Shade, tall, ultra curvy and deliciously plump, blonde and angelic Pen, and puffed a breath. “How do you share a gene pool with that hell beast?”

Pen’s full mouth spread wide. “She has all good things to say about you. I heard about your near-death experience last weekend.” Her brows popped.

I had no idea what she was talking about. Then again, I was high as fuck, so life was good and Elena was a distant memory.

Grace gasped. “What happened? You didn’t tell me.”

Pen snorted and shook her head. “Not my place to tell. I just think our Hells had a really good time. That’s all I’m saying.”

Gabe put his face in hers. “Are you keeping something from me, love of my fucking life?”

She pressed a hand to his scruffy cheek. “This is one of those things you don’t want to know about Helen.”

I finally caught on to what Pen was talking about. “Oh my god, no one is talking about my sex life. And Elena needs to mind her damn business.”

Bash grunted. “Change of subject.”

I tipped my Solo cup in his direction. “Yes. Smart man. I’m the least interesting person here. I want to know what all my people are doing.”

They talked. I toked and drank, happy as a little clam. Bex and Asher were hitting the books hard, he was killing it on the field, and she’d just had her second art show of her college career where two of her photographs had sold for a chunk of change. They were so cute and golden, and you wouldn’t think they’d fit, but they were so gone for each other.

Bash and Grace were living together in psycho-obsessive bliss—his, but a little bit hers too. He’d been in community college, but the demand for his graffiti murals had grown so much, he’d dropped his classes to do that full time—and my friend was making . Gracie was happy in college, working on her art on the side, supporting her man. They were so cute, I could gag, but I didn’t because I loved them.

Gabe and Pen were my constants. I was equally close to them both, and we were always texting and calling, so I knew what they were up to. Gabe was a soccer star. Pen was a science nerd. They were a power couple, set to dominate the world.

All up to date, I went for a walk to the kitchen in search of something else to drink. My Solo cup was woefully empty. A few people were hanging there, but the area in front of the rows of alcohol was empty. I picked up a bottle, then another, contemplating which combination would keep me in this floaty, happy state.

I was not thinking about Theo’s absence. Or that he hadn’t responded to my text telling him the address. That wouldn’t keep me floaty—and definitely not happy.

It was no big deal if he didn’t show. Six people had traveled to town just for me. They’d dropped their responsibilities to celebrate my birthday. I had that, so I didn’t need a single other thing. Or person.

Our group migrated to the den where Bex and Ash were playing pool. I squeezed between Bash and Grace and Gabe and Pen on a big couch, my boys at my sides. Gabe procured another blunt for me because he was the absolute shit. I laid my head on his shoulder while I smoked and reached across his legs to hold Penelope’s hand. My sweet angel girl, letting me borrow her boyfriend’s shoulder and holding my hand. Never been a realer one than Penelope Shade.

“Helen?”

From nowhere, Theo appeared in front of me. He didn’t look happy, with slanted brows, his mouth in a tight line.

I waved. “Dude, you’re here.”

“I’m here.” His head cocked as he scanned the scene. Me between two hot boys, one with his arm around me, my head on the other’s shoulder. I was pretty certain he was missing the girls on their other sides. The ones they were devoted to down to their bones. The ones I was devoted to in the same way.

“Who’s that?” Gabe barked.

“That’s Theo,” I answered.

Gabe shot off the couch, making me tumble into Penelope’s side. She caught me with a giggle, pushing me back toward Bash, who was rising slower, but with purpose.

Gabe stuck his hand out. “Gabe Fuller. Who are you?”

Theo shook his hand, an even deeper frown marring his face. “Helen told you. I’m Theo Whitlock.”

“Sounds fancy as shit.” Gabe twisted around to look at me. “You hook up with a fancy boy?”

“Shut up.” Yeah, it was dawning on me that inviting Theo here had been a very bad idea. I’d obviously been dick drunk when I’d issued the invitation.

“You’re here for Helen?” Bash asked lowly.

Theo didn’t flinch. “Yeah. I’m here for Helen.”

With a chin jerk, Bash shook his hand. “Don’t be an asshole to her. She’s had enough of that in her life. Doesn’t need more of it.”

Asher and Bex had come over too. Ash had his arms crossed over his wide football player chest. I knew him, and I found him intimidating.

“This is dumb.” I hopped up as fast as I could with a floaty head and got in front of Theo. “Stop being dumb. This is Theo. He’s my friend. He’s not going to hurt me because there’s nothing to hurt. I’m safe. I don’t need three daddies chasing him away with a shotgun.”

Theo clamped a hand on my hip and pulled my back to his chest. Gabe zeroed in on where I was being held. Asher shrugged. Bash’s nostrils flared.

“You’re our girl,” Gabe pouted. “It’s our job to look out for you.”

“Nothing you can say will convince me. Time will tell.” Bash glowered at Theo. Then again, Bash glowered at almost everyone.

“It’s not like that,” I insisted.

Theo lowered his mouth to my ear. “It is.”

“Dude,” I hissed.

It wasn’t like that. Otherwise, I’d be pissed he hadn’t texted me for hours and showed up late to the party. Since we were just friends with bennies, it was cool. All was cool. No big deal. I wasn’t mad, and I definitely hadn’t been disappointed before he got here. Cool, cool.

Grace and Penelope, who were much nicer than their boyfriends, introduced themselves to Theo. Bex did too, though she was kind of snarly about it, which I appreciated, since I shared the same trait.

I twisted in Theo’s hold. “You need a drink. Or a smoke. Do you smoke?”

He stared at me, sweeping me with his gaze, then nodded once. “Show me where the drinks are?”

“Yeah.”

Theo wove his fingers with mine, but I led the way back to the kitchen. I showed him the rows of liquor, but he ignored them and backed me into the counter, bracketing my hips with his hands on either side of me.

“Helen,” he growled.

I raised my chin. “Theodore.”

“You’re high.”

“A little. Is that a problem?”

“Nope. You’re cute.”

“You were late.” Oh shit, I hadn’t meant to say that.

He bowed his head so his forehead landed on mine. “Your text didn’t come through until about forty-five minutes ago. I was getting pissed, thinking you had changed your mind, and then it was there. You said you were getting here at nine in the text, and it was already eleven. I immediately felt like shit for being pissed and hauled ass to get here.”

I swallowed. “That explains it.”

“Did you think I wasn’t coming?”

“Yes.”

He brushed his lips against mine. “I’m sorry.”

That made me wobbly. I wasn’t used to anyone being sorry they’d let me down. But here Theo stood, owning and apologizing for something he couldn’t control, because he was that guy. The one who was too good to be true.

“It’s not your fault.”

“Still sorry.” He kissed me a little harder. “I didn’t like the scene I walked in on, if I’m being honest.”

Oh yeah, there was reality. I knew it had been around here somewhere. Theo was good, but he definitely wasn’t perfect. He could be a judgy asshole, just like the rest of them.

“Me hanging out with my friends? And their girlfriends?”

“It took me a while to notice the other girls.”

I laughed softly. “I was holding Penelope’s hand, dude.”

“And had your head on that guy’s shoulder.” He cupped my jaw. “Don’t dude me. I’m not your bro.”

“Who are you then?”

“You know.” He was getting growly, and I was just drunk enough not to buck against his possessive streak. If I’d been sober, it would have annoyed me, but right now, my clit was throbbing.

“Tell me, Theodore. I’m confused.”

His lips ghosted over mine. “I’m the guy whose dick you’re going to take tonight—and for the foreseeable future. My mouth is the one you’re going to come on. My hands are the only hands that get to touch you like this. You’re mine, Tiger.”

Okay, maybe I wasn’t drunk enough not to buck against him. “I’m not yours, dude. We established that.”

“Nope. You’re not calling me dude and turning me into one of your little pals.” His fingers flexed on my jaw. “You’re mine until we’re done with this thing.”

I shook my head back and forth. “I’m mine. I let you into my body because I want to. If I want to let someone else into me, I will.”

“Yeah?” He got in my face, his nose touching mine.

“Yeah.” I shoved at his chest, giving myself an inch of space to turn away from him. He didn’t allow it. His arms banded around my middle, and then I was off my feet, being carried from the kitchen. I writhed and kicked, but Theo was sober, and he had that wrestler strength. I wasn’t going anywhere until he decided I could.

He wrenched open a door and carried me inside, kicking it closed behind us. We were in a powder room, with only a small vanity and toilet. My feet hit the ground in front of the vanity. I met Theo’s wild eyes in the mirror. He shoved my hair to the side and attacked my neck, scraping his teeth down the length of it, then latching on. His arms circled my chest, and his hands were on my tits, kneading and thumbing my nipples through my thin shirt.

“What are you doing?” I breathed.

He rocked against me, grinding his thick erection into me. Unable to help myself, I arched my back and pushed back. He shoved my tank and bra down to get his hands on my bare skin. Fingers both abused and worshiped my nipples, rolling and plucking, driving me out of my mind.

“Proving a point.” He sucked on my neck again. I knew he was doing it to mark me, and I should have hated it, but it made my knees turn to jelly.

“What point?”

He snapped open my shorts and shoved them down in one swift move. Then his hand was in my underwear, fingers sliding easily between my soaked folds. Our reflection let me watch everything he was doing to me, touching me, destroying my neck, thoroughly proving his point.

Then my panties went along with my shorts, and Theo pressed on my lower back, bending me forward. And I went, because it was my birthday, and suddenly, all I wanted were some birthday orgasms Theo was more than capable of giving me.

He sank two fingers deep inside me without warning. My head reared back. Our gazes clashed in the mirror. His was both smug and heated.

“This point.” He worked me hard, thrusting his fingers with brutal force that made me soak his hand. “You’re not going to let anyone else inside because I’m the only one who can do this to you. You can be pissed at me and flooding my hand at the same time. You know it, I know it. Let go, baby. You don’t have to fight.”

His lovely voice, the things he was saying, his heated, muscular body pressing into mine, the precision with which he touched me—it all sent me spinning into a climax that would have knocked me off my feet if he hadn’t been , holding me up, crowding my space, leaving no room for argument or escape.

Then he turned and lifted me onto the vanity, held my legs wide open, and drove into me. His cock wedged so deep, he hit a raw part of me that would have had me screaming, except Theo’s mouth crashed into mine and he swallowed it down.

We were wild like we always were when we came together, but it was magnified tonight. So needy I could burst, I ripped his shirt from his body to get my hands on him. I was addicted to the way his muscles rippled under his skin when he moved inside me. It was powerful and intimate at the same time.

Theo didn’t let up on me, fucking me breathless, making me come with his thumb on my clit, whispering filthy things about my tight little pussy and how I was his. I soaked it all up, letting it go to my head just like the blunts I’d smoked tonight.

I was loud, and he let me be, never muffling me after the first scream. His grunts were carnal, and they only spurred me on to moan and scratch and suck on his throat to make a matching claim on him.

“I’m going to come all over you. But first, I need to make you come one more time. I need it to happen soon. Can you get there?”

“Get me there,” I panted.

“Yeah,” he grunted, driving in deeper. “I’ll get you there, my good girl. My precious, sexy, good girl.”

“Tell me how good I am.”

He cupped my ass to angle my hips so when he thrust, his pelvis hit my clit, and I nearly spiraled into ecstasy.

“The most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen with the sweetest little pussy. It gets wet for me because this pussy knows I’m going to take care of it.” He added a finger to my clit, and my thighs started to quiver. “When you open your legs for me like I ask and take me deep, I know you’re good girl. Aren’t you, Helen? Tell me.”

“I’m your good girl.” The last word was cut off by a soul-deep moan. My belly tightened into knots, then burst into a thousand pieces. Theo pulled out fast, replacing his cock with his fingers, pumping them into me while I came.

With his other hand, he fisted his cock. We both watched him finger fucking me while his dick throbbed in his hand until jets of cum shot onto my belly, my slit, my thighs. I was an utter mess, and I kept coming and coming while he did.

“Fuck,” he murmured, bringing his forehead to mind. “That is beautiful, Tiger. I like that more than you’ll ever know.”

Those words shattered something internal. A wall made of glass Theo had been knocking against since day one. Maybe I was too high and sated to be thinking clearly, but it felt like he’d cracked an integral part of me open.

Then someone knocked on the bathroom door, and our little cloud of bliss went up like smoke.

We looked at each other. Theo was a hot mess with a dark hickey blossoming on his neck, his dick glistening, his hair wild. I probably looked similar. I had to laugh, so I did.

Theo kissed the tip of my nose and grinned at me. “Phenomenal, baby. Let’s get you cleaned up before whoever’s out there pisses themselves.”

Theo took care of me, and we righted ourselves. I draped my hair over the shoulder he’d devoured, leaving behind several hickeys. I didn’t mind that they were there, but they were for Theo and me. I didn’t need to show them off to everyone to feel their claim.

Besides, Gabe might throw an actual fit if he had to lay eyes on evidence of me being a sexual human being. It was ironic considering our past, but I was glad that chapter was so far in the rearview, he’d swung the complete opposite way with me.

“Are we good?” Theo asked.

I nodded. “We’re really good.”

“I didn’t wear a condom.”

“I know. I’m covered, as long as you’re—” I raised my brows. It had been a long, long time since I’d let anyone inside me, and never without a rubber, so I was square. And yeah, I should’ve made Theo suit up, but I didn’t. I just didn’t.

“Yeah, I did the whole testing thing at my last checkup.”

“Good.” I touched the mark I’d left on his neck. “Then no worries.”

“No worries,” he rumbled in agreement.

I opened the powder room door, Theo behind me, but only took one step before I stopped. Amir was slouched against the opposite wall, his foot kicked up against it.

I did not want to do this with him in front of Theo.

He slowly clapped his hands. “Nice show. I didn’t know you had it in you, Hells.”

I shook my head. “Not doing this tonight.”

He straightened, his attention over my shoulder, a smirk on his lips. To my surprise, he bowed his head. “Whitlock.”

Theo didn’t say a word. His fingers dug into my hips as he quickly steered me down the hall, leaving a laughing Amir behind.

“Do you know him?” I asked.

“Not really. Do you?”

“He went to my high school.” Not a lie. Not the entire truth, but not a lie.

“Mmm. I’ve seen him around at parties.”

I had a feeling Theo was answering me the same way I’d answered him. Half-truths were cousins to lies, but they weren’t lies.

I dropped it since I didn’t want him pressing me on my relationship with Amir. Theo didn’t need to know every single dirty, ugly thing about me—not when he had me feeling like I was his good girl and I wanted to keep that for a while.

We got drinks and found my crew outside by the pool again, kicked back on loungers. Theo and I grabbed the last available one, pulling it over to join the group.

“We thought you left,” Grace said.

Bash crossed his arms. “She sent me looking for you.”

Pen’s eyes rounded. “Then we…uh, heard you.”

Gabe fell into her chest face-first. “Don’t make me say what I heard.”

“We stayed here,” Bex added.

“Wisely, apparently,” Asher said.

“Go Helen.” Grace twirled her finger in the air.

“We weren’t that loud.” I crinkled my nose, refusing to be embarrassed.

“You were,” Gabe wheezed. “You very much were.”

Theo curled his arms around me, holding me tight while he shook with laughter. I settled into it, his arms, his hold, his nature that swept away all the bad to make room for the good. In the dark, I met Pen’s gaze. She was smiling at me in Theo’s embrace. I couldn’t explain to her we weren’t together, we were only…well, whatever we were, that this didn’t mean anything. I’d tell her later. For tonight, I sank into what I had at my fingertips.

It was my birthday, and one night with Theo as mine was the present I was giving myself.

Theo parked outside my dorm and walked up the stairs with me. Then he followed me inside the elevator.

“What are you doing?” I leaned against his chest, giving him most of my weight. I wasn’t hammered, but I was more than a little toasty, and Theo felt mighty fine.

“Taking you home.” He gripped my ass like he had every right to. And I guess he did, because I wasn’t arguing. I liked his hands there.

“Door-to-door service. Way to make a girl feel special.”

He practically carried me to my suite because the thought of walking bummed me out. Once we were inside, he kept me in his arms all the way to my bedroom. There, he set me on the bed and kicked off his shoes.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

His shirt went next. “Getting ready for bed. You should too, unless you want me to help you.”

I blinked. “But why are you getting ready for bed here? In my room?”

He continued stripping his clothes, like this was an everyday occurrence. “I’m sleeping here.” Hands on his hips, he stood in front of me in just his boxer briefs. My mouth salivated at the ridges of muscles at his hips. I would have leaned forward to trace them with my tongue if my head hadn’t been so spinny.

“God, you’re hot.” Oh shit. My hands flew up to cover my mouth, but it was too late. Theo knew my weakness—him.

He dragged his thumb down my cheek. “Arms up.”

My arms went up automatically, then my shirt was on the floor with his. “This doesn’t feel like sexy-time stuff.”

He chuckled under his breath. “Fuck, you’re cute when you’re wasted.”

“Not wasted,” I muttered. “Happily toasted. There’s a difference.”

Theo was digging through my dresser, and I didn’t question it. I also didn’t question the way he’d easily found my pajamas without asking me. That was just Theo, with his twinkly eyes and too-good-to-be-true nature.

I stood up to take off my shorts and pull on my boxers and tee. That was when I remembered my new necklace. Slipping it over my head, I handed it to Theo.

“Can you put it somewhere safe? It’s important.”

He held it in his palm, brow furrowed. “I haven’t seen this before. It’s beautiful.”

“Mmm…Grace made it. She gave it to me tonight for my birthday. Can you believe someone that pretty is also talented and sweet? I doubted her at first, but that bitch is legit.”

I started for the bathroom, but only got two steps before I was launched backward onto the bed, Theo landing on top of me.

“Hi,” I breathed.

“It’s your birthday.” Oh, he sounded displeased.

“Yeah.”

“It’s your .”

I nodded. “I’m twenty, weee.”

I could practically feel the thunder booming in his skull. “It’s your birthday, Helen.”

“Yeah, it is. Why does that make you angry?”

His elbows bracketing my head, he shoved his fingers in the sides of my hair. “You didn’t think to tell me? Like an asshole, I show up late as hell to that party and don’t even wish my girl a happy birthday?”

I rubbed my feet on the backs of his calves. “It’s no big deal. I never make my birthday a thing.”

“Helen…” He growled my name like a warning, but since I was me, I didn’t heed it.

“If you’re worried about my friends thinking you’re shitty for not wishing me a happy birthday, don’t worry. They were more traumatized by the sounds they hear—”

“No.” His fingers fisted, tilting my head back. “I give a shit what they think because they’re your friends. But I’m not thinking about them. I’m thinking I would’ve liked to make an effort for you. I’m thinking I would’ve taken you to dinner, gotten you a present, .” He rolled off me, rubbing the heel of his hand into his eye.

“Boyfriend things,” I whispered.

“Shit.”

I turned over, tucking myself into his side. His arm came around me, pulling me even closer. I was sleepy, and Theo was warm, so even though we were in the middle of something, I was close to drifting off. My fingers traced the ridges of his abs and hips, and for once, I didn’t want to climb on his dick. I liked this, being close, touching his warm skin, hearing him breathe. It wasn’t something I’d experienced before. I’d consider it a birthday treat.

“I’m good with how my birthday turned out.”

His arm tightened. “Good.” His lips touched my temple. “Your friends care about you.”

“They do. Pretty sure Bash and Gabe would happily hide a dozen dead bodies for me.”

“Not surprised. You’ve got a way about you.”

I laughed into his chest. “A way that you think I’d have a dozen dead bodies to hide?”

That made him huff a short laugh. “No. I meant you’d inspire that kind of loyalty.”

“Mmm.” I didn’t know how to answer that, but it made my chest feel like there were hot coals piled inside.

After a beat of silence, Theo spoke again, his voice rough and deep. Still lovely, though. “It was incredibly hard not to think about them knowing what you feel like from the inside.”

I tapped on his chest, needing his attention so he really heard me. “Ancient history. Besides, no one knows except you.”

His breath stopped. He got it. He was the only one who’d taken me raw. What he didn’t get was he had me in a way no one ever had. I couldn’t put a name to it, but I knew it was the truth. And realizing that made me all kinds of uncomfortable.

“Tiger,” he murmured, his lips to my crown.

This was too much for me to handle. His soft voice, my feelings, just no. Not now. Maybe not ever.

“I’m tired as hell, Theodosius. Time for me to turn in.” I extracted myself from his arms and nearly leaped from the bed. “I call the bathroom first.”

Then I was safe behind the door of my bathroom, staring at myself hard in the mirror.

“We do not catch feelings for twinkly-eyed rich boys. Stop being dumb.” I shook my toothbrush at my reflection. “You’re a hard-ass bitch. You give boys a baseball bat to the balls, not your heart. Shut it down, Helen.”

My Mads wouldn’t be happy I was putting myself through this. She’d had a lot to say in the ten months I knew her. Her most pervasive advice was to never shut out experiences and to live life like it was supposed to be lived: to the goddamn fullest.

But she wasn’t here anymore, and my reflection agreed with me. I didn’t like Theo Whitlock. I had no room for that. Sex, yes. Friendship, sure. Beyond that was out of the question for us both.