Chapter Twenty-Seven
"Delusional starts with D, and so does Deven."
⧠P R E E T â§
"Can you show me the letter?" Deven asked me after thirty minutes had passed in silence, filled with a thin layer of tension and confusion. Both of us used it to figure out our high emotions.
"If you're starting the conversation, then I'm afraid I will expect you to handle the confrontation as well." He took a minute, probably to think about the same.
"Yes. You might be waiting for answers as well."
A tiny smile filled with victory appeared on my face, knowing how effortlessly my trick worked.
I knew giving him some time was the best I could do to make him trust me.
After knowing him for the past three and half months, I understood that although he is very good with words, those are just words for him; they won't work on him.
Rather than telling him how I trusted him, I had to show him that I did and prove it. And that's what I did; I turned off the running machines of my mind and sat in silence with him. The anger won't tell the answers silence will.
Because since morning, the rudeness or avoidance did nothing good but make him drift away even further and doubt whether he should tell me. And it's fair enough, my bitchy behaviour would make him think that I would judge him for something he did or isn't willing to tell me.
Now, it feels like finally I have decoded him. And how he functions.
I learned this technique from a professor at the university. I remember her saying how every character should have their issues, and how they deal with them would be different for each one of them, to give him a more realistic touch in a movie, drama, or book whatsoever. Every human has a different way to cope and to understand them better, you have to use their way on them. Only then can you decide how a character functions.
You may create a character, but they give the edge and decide their way on their own.
This might not be completely related but what I had attained was that this can applied to humans as well. You have to understand the person first, how their mind works, how they operate and the rest is simple.
I had picked up that he gets quiet in unpleasant situations when I mentioned his parents. It might not be the uncomfortable silence but just the blank one, where he overthinks the situation.
What I'm guessing is, this time, he did the same; the only difference was that I was a part of the silence as well. And I guess, that made the difference.
I handed him the letter after removing it from my clutch and tied my hair in a loose bun, straightening up my body. I was preparing for the tough part.
"Oh," he let out a breath and turned his gaze towards me. "The letter is very old. I don't even remember the year I wrote it, it's more than five years old. Look at the condition of it."
I nodded. It was torn from the sides and crumbled, and the ink had faded slightly.
"Yeah,"
"It was for a girl I liked, I guess. I don't remember her name, Preet." He chewed his lower lip and a hint of nervousness was visible on his face.
"I don't want any lies, Deven. Please. I'm allowing you to clear everything, and still, if you lie. Then that would only make me hate you after I learn the truth." I cleared beforehand. I did not want the situation to be more messy than it already was.
"It is the truth-" I interrupted.
"It's not. You and I, both of us are aware of that." I put forth with a strong voice.
"We both know that we had an underlying authority towards each other. If we didn't, then I wouldn't have avoided you or confronted you but just sulked in my mind. And you wouldn't feel responsible for giving me answers, rather directly or indirectly tell me how it's none of my business. But you know it is. So, if I have the right, I need the truth as well."
"Okay, alright. I'm sorry. I just...ugh, this is so hard." He rubbed his forehead with an annoyed expression.
"You are not obligated to tell me everything now. I told you already, I'm ready to give you your time. And I trust you enough, but in return, I want the truth, even if it's blunt or hurtful." I repeated and he shook his head. I have never seen him this...confused or anxious. Communication is indeed very hard for him.
"No, It's not that big of a deal to stretch it more. It's not even hurtful or something. I'm making a mole out of a mountain." I frowned and cross-checked in my mind if what he said was the actual phrase.
"Mountain of a mole." I corrected.
"Yeah, same thing."
"If it's not that big, then what are you even fearing? It's getting so confusing again." He was the last person who could help me with that, especially with the helpless look plastered on his face.
He wants to say something but he's hesitating.
"Okay, wait, let me create." I narrowed my eyebrows at him. He hit his head lightly on the headboard behind him. "Narrate."
I waited silently and patiently. "So, there was this girl when I was doing my internship; I liked her a lot. I became friends with her only to find out she had a boyfriend. By then, I was very much in love, let it be one-sided. Deep down, I wished for her breakup; I know it was the wrong thing to do, but I couldn't help it."
"I tried to be around her as much as I could because, of course, I loved her. But she was the one who sent me on dates with some of her friends, trying to set me up but I just couldn't move on from her. Then she broke up, all because of my wishes to god and we got into a relationship, again thanks to my prayers. But later she shifted back to her hometown for some personal reason and her parents married her off. End of the story."
Oh?
"She was my first love, so it was hard to cope with things, but eventually, they got better. She was the reason I started taking relationships seriously, or else I used to be a little duh in relationships, you know."
"Duh?"
"Dickhead." I let out a giggle unknowingly and instantly apologized after his glare.
"You don't laugh at my remorseful story, it was my first heartbreak." I kept a finger on my lips, nodding to his words.
"Although your narration sucked, and you couldn't express how madly you were in love with her the way you did in the letter, I understand your emotions." I patted his shoulder with sympathy.
"Yeah, because the letter was almost a decade older. I felt it then, but now I don't feel anything. It was just another chapter of life."
"But, you said that you loved her for years, still love her and will always love her." He looked shocked, would be an understatement.
"When?"
"Last night, when you were drunk" I heard him mumble something under his breath.
"Ye kya raita failaya hai maine."
I squinted my eyes and looked at him. He shook his head, "Let's be honest, people speak bullshit when they are drunk."
"No, I heard that they confess the truth." He pulled up a face.
"But I was not. It's not the truth, so you have nothing to worry about. I don't like anyone right now, except for the one I'm conducting this interrogation session with." I looked at him, raising my eyebrows asking for surety.
"Don't give me that look. I'm not making anything up." He stated.
"I never said that you are." I shrugged and said at the very next moment, narrowing my eyes, "But are you not?"
"You know what, whatever helps you to sleep at night." He said and folding his hands, turned to the other side. I chuckled. "You say, I don't tell you things, but now that I've confessed the very important thing, you're not paying an ounce of attention to it."
"What important thing?" I questioned.
"I just accepted that I like you, twice. And you ignored me, twice." Now it clicked me how we are not on the same page.
"Yeah, we already had that moment," I replied, referring to last night.
"What moment?" He jumped, sitting straight on the bed and looking at me. Everything happened so fast that I couldn't even understand.
"The confession." His jaw dropped to the floor in amusement.
"When?"
"Last night. You told me that you like me." He gasped at the newly found information. "You also said how you can't forget this moment even after seven lives or something like that. But look at you, you forgot it the very next day. Tch tch tch."
"Oh my god, how much did I miss? How did I forget this, man? I wanted to live and cherish the moment. I don't even remember shit." His face fell with a voice full of regret. As much as I wished to make fun of his state, I felt bad for him too.
"What did you say? How did you react?" He bombarded, eyes shining with hope.
"I said that I don't like you and we are better as friends." He threw daggers from his eyes after seeing me hold back my smile. Why can't I control my laugh and act serious for once?
"Oh, is it? So you had the authority to know everything as friends?"
"Yeah, friends don't keep secrets, do they?" He rolled his eyes. I was enjoying every bit of this. "Also, you told one more thing about the girl-"
"Now, what, man?"
"Right after confessing that you like me, you buzzed off, saying that I look like her. What was that?" This is why I prefer clearing everything on the spot and seriously. It gets easier and less complicated. Here, I'm remembering everything in breaks.
"And you still couldn't understand?" I knitted my brows as my face turned to confusion.
"Understand what?"
"Nothing." He shook his head and closed his eyes with a smile, almost invisible and let out a muffled chuckle.
"See, once again-" Before I could start my lecture, he joined his hands in front of me, making me stop.
"I'm not hiding anything, it's nothing, ma'am." I let it go, still unsatisfied.
"Whatever. But if it was so simple then why were you avoiding it?" I asked him and he licked his lower lip, staring back at me blankly.
"I don't know." Ugh. I was slowly and steadily getting hell annoyed by his responses.
I think he managed to figure that out because after gazing at my expression for three seconds maximum, he added. "I mean, expressing my feelings or all this is not that easy for me, and I might have given you a very simpler version, but conversing with the hurt is much harder. And I didn't want to face that."
"Makes sense. Did you love her so much?" I tried hard to not sound insecure, when in reality, I was.
Imagine, your potential future boyfriend tells you how he's always going to love some other girl right after he told you he likes you.
"I might have because that was the first time I had fallen in love, and I genuinely felt a lot for her. So yeah," I pressed my lips in thin lines.
Don't be insecure. Don't be insecure. Don't be insecure. Don't be insecure.
"What was her name?"
"Ritika."
I didn't know what else to say. My mind was back to over-analysing the situation. Why do I feel that something is missing in the story? Something fishy.
"Well," I started but words weren't coming out of my mouth. I didn't know how to feel about this. Call it jealousy, insecurity or possessiveness; I didn't like how he said I looked like her.
"What's going on in your mind? You look...upset." His voice broke my trance and I shook my head.
"Come on, even I have the authority to know what's on your mind." I rolled my eyes at his constant use of my mentioned word.
"Shut up, bade aaye authority wale."
"Tell me, seriously. I don't want any further mess, I've had enough." I thought for a slipt second, whether to be Deven or just let him know.
"I feel uneasy about how you said that I look so much like her yesterday. It made me feel like...um, you like me because I resonate with her." He swung a hand on his head, ever so loudly that it made me gasp. Muttering some words very fastly which were inaudible to me, he raked a hand through his hair.
"That is just not the case, it will never be true, Reet. It was some shitty statement I had passed when I wasn't sober, you don't even look like her." I just pouted, heedlessly.
"I am so sorry for fucking this all. I understand your point of view, and you're correct in your place but just know that I can never do that to you. I would never." His eyes were stuck on me, not flickering for once. I tried to look for some hint of lies or fumbles, subconsciously, but I failed.
"She might be a fragment of my unhealed past, but you are my present and futureâbeautiful, soothing, and worth protecting at all costs. And even when drunk, her initial slipped out of my mind, but if it were you, I'd chant your name sober without hesitation."
He's good with words.
But he wouldn't lie, I trust him.
"Okay, I believe you." He lets out a sigh and comes forward to hug me, sideways. He kisses the side of my forehead and I just sit there, baffled with uncountable conclusions.
It's too much to take in.
But at the same time, it's nothing to fuss over.
I'm not sure.
"Dev,"
"Yes?"
"I have chosen to trust you blindly, with everything I have inside me. I can't afford to have it shattered again, Please don't break it. " My voice came out soft with something tugging at my throat, making them heavy.
He is the second person whose every word I'm starting to trust. The first one successfully managed to give me nightmares to date.
Although, I know Deven is not like him at all, and he won't do anything that would leave me devastated.
But the fear it's eating me out, not letting me be at ease.
"Never." His voice was firm yet filled with emotion, and he pressed a soft kiss onto my hair, his breath warm against me. "No matter what storms we face, donât let this trust die. It's the only thing I'll ever ask of you."
I tried to be happy and feel good, but something wasn't just settling right in my head.
Maybe it is my overthinking.
I hope it is.
"I'm trying to open up to youâit might take time, but I promise I'm trying. I know it can be difficult to handle, but please, don't give up on me."
"I won't. I promise." I turned my head towards him, moving closer pecking his cheek lightly. His hand made its way towards my waist, hanging there loosely. "By the way, this also happened, yesterday. Letting you know, because you don't remember."
This was my attempt to lighten the atmosphere.
He gasped and kept staring at me in disbelief. I chuckled, which soon turned into laughter echoing throughout the room. "I'm never touching a drink again, man."
"Woman."
"My woman." I looked at him, with a surprising smile and instantly layered into a teasing one.
"Not so fast, Mister. Not so fast. Preet Randhawa isnât someone you can win over that easily," I said, tilting my head with a slow shake, my finger wagging in sync.
"Exactly. Not easy to win, but worth every effort," he shot back, his eyes glinting with determination. "And I think, I've already won some of her. Authority, you know."
I don't think he is ready to get over this one word got out of my mouth.
"Delusional starts with D, and so does Deven." I shrugged, faking an unbothered attitude and flipping my hair behind at this iconic comeback.
"Determination starts with D and so does Deven." He copied my freshly made phrase with arrogance of his own.
"Bring something new. Uno thodi chal raha hai ki reverse kar rahe ho." He laughed at the joke that I, myself found so lame.
[We are not playing Uno that you're playing reverse.]
"This moment is so heartwarming. I wish I could just pause it." I immediately sat straight, moving away from him.
"We can," I said and searched for my phone all over the place. Finding it on the nightstand beside me, I unlocked it. "That is what cameras are made for. Not pause, but capture the memories."
"No, I look like a drunkard who hasn't taken a bath for weeks." It was then, I noticed how his hangover could already be seen.
"Who told you to drink so much?" I sarcastically questioned. Lifting the camera in the air, after switching to the front camera I found Deven hiding his face.
I swayed away his hand covering his face, "Come on."
"No, let me freshen up first." I pulled a face at his tantrums.
"No, we should capture the reality. And I'm not posting it anywhere, it's for the memories." Rolling his eyes with a totally sad expression on his face, he looked right into the camera as if he were a serial killer.
I clicked one picture because the expression was funny, and for the next, I squished his cheeks while smiling sheepishly.
After two or three pictures, he had given up as he put his arm around my neck, with our faces sticking together at the sides, with wide grins.
I turned to kiss his cheek for a picture, only to get my eyes widened, when my lips touched his.
Oops, looks like we chose the same pose at the very same time.
We burst out chuckling with a tiny layer of redness on our faces, highlighting the shyness.
Fortunately or unfortunately, my live camera was on to snap a video of it.
â§
...Messy? Or No?
If yes then I successfully managed to express their minds.
Deven has fed a nice big fat lie with a hint of truth, what do you think about that?
And the ones saying confess, Miss Madam Neava has told him not to. Why do you think he'll go against her best friend's word? ð
The update was a lot sooner than expected, even after the minimal response to the previous one, so don't forget to vote and comment. It takes me a lot of time and effort to write this.
I'll upload the next chapter on the basis of the response I get in this one. I have to make sure that everyone has read it
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