Chapter 28: 26

Chapter Twenty-Six

"Let your damage damage me."

✧ P R E E T ✧

"Reet."

My brows frowned as I looked briefly at him, wondering if I misheard my name coming from his mouth. His dipped eyes peeping with happiness, sparkling within told me otherwise.

He looked....content?

I couldn't find a word better than that to explain what he looked like at the moment.

Another unexplainable thing was what I was feeling in the insides of my body every time his hand was tenderly brushed against my thumb.

It awoke a dead cell, I swear.

It also made me forget everything that was running on the treadmill of my mind and just lose myself in his intense gaze.

If it was his tactic to make me open my mouth then....well, it was working.

I had almost given up on my tough layer of rudeness, but I was not telling him anything so early. Let him get as anxious as I did the whole night. I could barely sleep with this shit going on in my mind, making up theories, trying to connect some invisible dots and just finding a loophole.

"Stop overthinking." His voice brought me out of my trance and I flickered my eyelashes, not wanting to meet his gaze.

I'll lose my control getting lost in those pretty blue eyes.

His hand reached my jaw, lifting it slightly and making our perspectives meet together. I didn't choose to go non-verbal, but rather I was too stunned to let out a word come out of my mouth which wasn't jumbled.

Another two to three minutes passed, and we were still equally adamant. He wasn't ready to let a hair of his body move. And I was being a rebel as well.  I tried to give him a light push and escape this matrix, but my plan failed miserably; he didn't even budge from his position.

"I told you I am not moving until you talk to me. I mean it." His tone sounded very firm. I tried to control my expression of a helpless face, not letting the sturdy image, which I had been keeping up with since yesterday night, go in vain.

As much as I tried to be resistant, deep down I just wanted to rant out everything to him and hit him with a slipper.

I'm not this rude person, I tried to be.

A tiny pout managed to escape my lips; upon seeing that, he broke into a chuckle and shook his head vigorously.

"All your stud attitude just committed suicide with that. Come on, man,  bring back my real cutie, Preet." I kept staring at him with an angry face.

"Stop." I exaggerated the last letter and it almost sounded like an American saying Stawppp.

"Stop what? Making your acting go in vain?" He joked. I removed my hand, which he was caressing till now, and due to the unexpected jerk, even he couldn't hold it.

Folding my hands below my chest and raising my head to look at him clearly, I found his eyes moving down, gazing there for a few seconds, and moving back up to meet my scowl.

"What a besharam," I said pointing my hand towards him. He was caught off-guard and mumbled.

"I was not looking—"

"I caught you red-handed, man." Since when did I pick up his habit of saying this?

"I wasn't but, um," He stuttered, his ears flushing red with embarrassment. It took another five seconds of him figuring out what to say, but then admitting it cutely. "Sorry."

"Get back to the topic, I'm still mad at you." I decided to save him from further awkwardness. His posture immediately changed along with his facial expressions, getting serious.

"Yeah and for the millionth time, why? At least acknowledge me about what I did. After that, you can swing this pan on my face, and I won't mind."

How can I be mad at this adorable huge creature?

Even though the things he did... or not, have affected me a lot. But my heart still isn't ready to accept what happened yesterday. Hiding it would only make things worse so I'm not going to be Deven in that matter.

"I think that works with me." I shrugged.

"You're gonna hit me with a pan?" He made an innocent baby face, pretending to be hurt. I pressed my lips in a straight line trying to control my smile.

Fuck, how did I melt so soon?

"Get to the topic or I'll leave," I warned.

"And how are you planning to leave?" He indicated our position through his eyes with a sly smile.

"Why do you keep forgetting that I'm still mad at you?" I questioned, my voice lacing with pure sarcasm.

"Because you do not answer everything I ask you."

"Yeah, I'm trying to be Deven for a day," I muttered under my breath. He let out a confused huh, ignoring which I chose to speak.

"I'll ask you some questions, answer them honestly-"

He instantly replied, "Okay, wifey."

"And seriously," I added, throwing daggers at him. He showed a thumbs-up as a response.

"Do you have someone in your life?" I asked him the first question. I had picked this question up in my one-hour walk, where I was utterly frustrated deciding how to communicate and sort this out. Because if I don't, this will eat me alive.

"Except for you?" His voice morphed to a serious one as I passed him a nod. "No."

"Do you journal or write letters?" The quietness hung into the air as he turned pensive.

"Yes."

So, he did write that.

"Do you like someone-"

"You."

"-whose name starts..." My voice trailed off as the sudden wave of realisation hit me. He did not just accept that when he was sober, did he?

"R." I completed, not paying much attention to the unexpected interruption which startled me, making me speechless. We shall focus on that later.

"I might have." My forehead ceased to wrinkle as the confusion drained my mind.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I don't remember." I sulked at the responses.

"Do I roam around with brainless plastered on my forehead?" His lips formed into a thin line.

"I don't see it." My next intense stare with a cold look instantly made him apologize by holding his ear. I wasn't in the mood for jokes.

"Deven, this is what I dislike about you. Every time I try to ask you something personal, you either joke about it or just dust it off. Whereas I've been a little too vocal and transparent about the series of events that have happened in my life." He opened his mouth to speak something but I beat him at that.

"You wanted to know why I was avoiding you yesterday, right? This was the reason, Deven. I don't care about what Aniketh tells me because I trust you over him, I'm not that dumb to believe him. But the fact that I've to question you even for a flicker of seconds because you like to keep everything to yourself bothers me. This would not start if you even answered me seriously, for once. I'll be honest, I hate how you hide everything."

"That's not the case." He said in a very low voice, almost a mumble.

"Then what is. You just said that you like me and you can't even share a single thing with me. What do you like me for, Deven? How do you like me if you don't trust me? I don't understand this."

Now the floor looked more appealing to him as his gaze was fixed on it, his face filled with spark, now fell. I lifted his head by his chin and made him face me. My eyes softened and so did my head. "Look at me,"

"If you want me to enter your heart, you need to give me some space. I tried making some of my own but that's not enough. If I wish to heal your heart, you have to show me your scars first."

I kept staring at him and let out a deep breath upon hearing nothing from him at all. My heart was pounding against my chest as I looked at him helplessly.

You can help someone only when they let you.

I want to know him just like he knows me. But for that, he has to allow me. He has built up some very strong, huge walls which I can't cross, no matter how hard I try.

I feel guilty, sometimes questioning myself where I am wrong that he can't even open up in front of me. I'm not asking him to do that for a barter. But for me, you like someone for how they feel after knowing all of you. I don't want to know all of him right now, that's not even possible. But I want to know some of him at least. Some of him beyond all the smiles he fakes.

I can understand he has a trauma of his own, which doesn't let him tell people about his worries or fears and that is fair. But he needs to let it out someday. Keeping everything inside will only result in bursting of emotions which might not be the best thing.

"Say something." He passed a light half-shrug.

"I don't know what to say."

"It's okay. Just know that it's okay to need a shoulder sometimes. You don't have to go through everything alone. Especially when you have me." I embraced his bewildered self in a tight hug by putting my arms around his neck. A minute later, when I still didn't break the hug, I felt his arms on my waist, tightening and his face dipping in the crook of my neck.

A small smile unknowingly made its way to my lips.

"Let your damage damage me, Dev."

I regretted not having control over my mouth and letting the nickname that made him uncomfortable get out. Although, to my surprise, he didn't react to it.

Suddenly, his words from last night rang in my head, and I took a deep breath, closing my eyes. I still want an answer, but I don't know if I will get any, at least right now. I should rather just give him some time and space.

Deven broke the comforting hug when it was done, providing him enough contentment, and my mind started missing the feeling already. I noticed him wiping the corner of his right eye, and I just opened my mouth to comment on it, but he interjected.

"I was not crying. It was dust."

"Okay." The softness in my voice didn't go unnoticed by him and neither did the understanding smile.

We walked to the room and quietly paced towards the bed. No one knew what to say next. The silence was not uncomfortable but neither was it warm.

He opened his arms and said, "Come here." I obediently followed his words and went towards him. He made me sit between his legs in a way my back touched his front. And his back met with the bed frame. In no time, his chin was on my head without putting full pressure and his hands were lying on my shoulder, encircling my face.

"How did the topic turn into something so emotional, man?" I chuckled at the disbelief in his voice.

"Do you hate emotional things?" I asked.

"I do."

"Well, I'm a very emotional girl."

Someone would bluntly call me a stupid bimbo at this point. I spent the last night getting all furious, confused, crazy about what had happened. And now, twelve hours later, I was practically sitting on his lap with a composed and calm mind.

The only common thing is how I didn't know anything at night, and how I still don't. Rest all my flavours of emotions have taken a three-sixty-degree turn.

"I know." His voice brought me out of my trance. "I'm sorry for the way I am."

I turn to look at him and shake my head. "Never be sorry for the way you are. I like the way you are, who you are, and what has happened to make you the way you are. It makes you you."

"Do you not think you've been putting up a lot of philosophy today?" Once again, I laughed slowly at this.

"This is not philosophy, Mr Mehrotra," I replied.

"Then what is it, Miss Randhawa?"

"It's called the essence of life," I spoke dramatically. He didn't reply any further, and we sat in silence, enjoying each other's company and touch. I played with his fingers, observing the tattoo on his arm. The rose one with his grandma's initials on it. I traced it with my finger.

He loved his grandmother a lot.

"How was your grandmother?" I asked him, out of the blue.

"Huh?"

"Nature wise? She must have loved you a lot na. Mine was so bad, always teamed up with Nirmala Bua and kept taunting everyone." I felt a little guilty for bitching about my grandma who would be enjoying heaven...or hell, you never know.

"Yeah, she was nice. Why this sudden question?" He asked.

"Your tattoo. This one was for her, right?" I raised his hand in the air to show him the tattoo and he nodded, taking a pause.

"Yeah." The conversation dried up again, and this time, I had nothing to start with. I barely managed to bring up his tattoo relating to his grandmother and he cut it short too.

"Preet," he called my name. Suddenly it struck me how he called me Reet in the kitchen, a while ago.

Is the R girl's name Reet?

No that would be something so harsh to do.

"Deven, why did you call me Reet in the kitchen?" I enquired. I thought that was not the right time to point it out as it was leading the conversation somewhere else.

"You noticed?" He pulled up a question instead of the answer.

"Of course I did." And with that, he went silent again. This feels like I'm talking to a doll whose battery runs off time to time.

"Tell me." I insisted. I tilted my head and tried to take a glimpse of his expression.

"I like the name, Reet. A very cute nickname just like Dev." My eyes lit up at the mention in astonishment.

"So you noticed too," I said and he nodded. "I like calling you that. Can I call you Dev? I've noticed it makes you uncomfortable, so you are allowed to say no, too; I'll find a new nickname." I shrugged with a pout.

"Yes."

"So, what other name can be made from Deven? Even? No, that's a girlish one and not the best-" he interrupted.

"You can call me Dev." I looked at him impressively.

"So confirm, it's Dev and Reet. Dev, Reet." I grinned at the sound of our names beside each other. It sounded pretty dreamy.

I can't comprehend what happened today. There is a lot of stuff to digest for me. And for him as well. It feels new, fresh and nice.

Except for the remnants of the past, which aren't cleared yet. He couldn't answer yet again. That did disappoint me a little but it's okay. Better late than never.

It's better if he takes time rather than lying about it or making stuff up. A harsh truth is better than a hundred lies.

I can wait for it. It's not like he's running anywhere.

All I know is how I trust him with my gut. Whatever he says, I believe that without a doubt or question. I know he won't lie about anything to me.

"Reet,"

"Yes?" He did not reply but I knew he was fighting a battle of thoughts within. He just let out a deep breath.

"Nothing."

✧

Any thoughts?

It's getting a little messy but that's what the interesting part is, right.

Call Preet anything, but I love my girl sm. I wonder if I could ever do justice in expressing why Deven loves her.

Also y'all I need your reviews, give me one motivation to write atleast man 😭