Chapter Twenty-Five
If I could, I'd keep her locked forever in my arms.
⧠D E V E N â§
I woke up with my head heavy, my stomach hurting and my brain pounding. I don't think I have ever had such a bad hangover in my entire existence.
I barely managed to sit on my place, holding my head with my hand and massaging my temples. Looking around and finding the room empty, the first word that got out of my mind was "Preet."
There was no response given from her side.
It took me a while to register how she was avoiding me for something that fucker told her last night. After that, I saw her with some guy making the best of her time and I drank a little too much in jealously. Later...
My forehead ceased into lines as I tried to remember what was next. Some blurs of last night did replay in my mind but I wasn't sure if that was real.
I like you too.
Was that a dream? Was that something my mind made up? Did my mind jinx the scenarios I've thought of about this when I was drunk? What was that?
Shit, man.
I hope I didn't fuck up.
What if I had confessed to her about everything? Like everything. That would be such a nuisance. I don't want that to be happening at any cost. Not right now, not when I was drunk.
I want to know her reaction to that. I'll save it forever in the camera roll of my mind.
I wonder how she would feel when she found out about that. Happy? Nervous? Awkward? Shocked? Astonished? Weird?
What will be the first sentence that comes out of her mouth? It would be so unexpected for her. I'm trying not to make it a shocker for her by giving her small hints, but that woman, forgive me, god; I still love her, but she is so dumb in this case.
And I'm more of an idiot, why did I have to tell her that the flirting is just for fun? Because now she can't seem to take anything seriously. She laughs it off on every single thing, man.
Even now, if I go and tell her, Hey, I sort of liked you for years. Like? No, I am out of my fucking mind in love with you. I don't know how to stop and it's getting out of my control. Either give me a solution or love me back.
No, that's so rude. Love me back? Why am I ordering her? Who am I to demand her? Cancel that sentence. My bad.
Yeah, so to that, she'll go like, Oh my god, Deven, how many times should I tell you to stop flirting with me? I'll find a girl for you blah blah black sheep.
Take me seriously for once, woman.
On that note, where is she? How come I didn't hear her voice since I woke up? Or else she wouldn't stop throwing orders at me, like a wife.
Deven, should I make this? Can you tell Rano to shut up? If you don't come out of the washroom in ten minutes, I'll do this, I'll do that. What is your towel doing in the centre of this bed?
Come on, buckle up, Reet, have some guts. At least, hurry me up and then make me dance on your little finger. I'll ace a performance of my dance then.
I think I miss her a little so much that I've started mimicking her voice with exact sentences. You're down bad, Deven. Down bad.
And I've also started talking to myself. Someone come and tag me as an official crazy person in love. I wouldn't mind. It would be an achievement for me.
I'm losing my mind.
I removed the sheets and walked towards the drawing room at the realisation of how I'd diverted from the main topic-if I'd messed up yesterday, to everything about Preet. See, that's what she does, replacing the problems and worries (created by her and the langoor) with a large grin on my face.
Searching the whole house while chanting Preet, and still not finding her displeased me.
I think I've done something. My gut feeling says that it's me who has messed up because I certainly can't remember shit.
I tried calling her five times, but the call was forwarded to voicemail every time. Now, this had aroused fear inside me. Did I do something so wrong that she left the house?
My eyes widened at the thought and the body stiffened, losing all its colour. No, please, No. It took us a lot of time to reach this stage. My fingers danced at the screen of my phone as I thought about what to do next.
Pipadiya.
I called her instantly and she didn't pick up. Two times, three times and again, she didn't pick up the call. Then, I searched for Rushaad's contact. I hope they are together right now. When I had lost all hope, he picked up the phone at the last ring. "Hey-"
"Is Neava with you?" I asked, cutting off his further statement.
"Umm...Yeah."
"Give her the phone."
"I think your hoodie looks better on me. I'm planning on stealing it-" I frowned.
"Deven wants to talk to you." Hearing Rushaad say this, she immediately shit up, and with a span of a few seconds, she was on the line. "Do you know where Preet is?"
"No, what happened?"
"Do you think she'll leave me?" Such a wonderful question to ask.
"Mehrotra, what happened?" Her voice was tensed as well now.
"I don't remember, man. She was upset last night, avoiding me and shit-" I stopped mid tracks when I remembered what Ananya had asked me to do. Ask Neava about that. "Do you know what Aniketh told her?"
There was a pause of five seconds, with the atmosphere heavy with tension. My heartbeat ran a marathon, and I think it won based on the speed.
"That reminds me, you moron, who are you writing letters to? Didn't you tell me how you secretly loved my best friend for years, and now you're calling her the new girl? The audacity you have?" She bombarded me with questions in a very loud voice, almost screaming.
"What the hell? Which letter?" I was annoyed at this point. New girl? What nonsense? Every day, I wake up with a new allegation on me. And the fun fact is, I'm not even a celebrity.
"Aniketh gave her a letter saying it's yours and she was sure that it was written by you because of some handwriting. There you had written to some girl about how deeply you like her and can't move on." I shut my eyes closed in frustration. I think I know which letter she's talking about. "You had written it to some girl named with R."
"The R girl is Preet. My God, there's no other girl." I replied, sitting on the couch and hitting my palm on my forehead, so loudly that a nice thud was heard.
"What is this confusion? In which universe does Preet start with an R?" Letting out a deep sigh at the blunder that got created accidentally, I explained it.
"Reet. It's for Reet."
"At this point, it feels like you're making excuses, and it's tiring. Be honest." I gasped at the accusation thrown at me. It's tiring for me to constantly explain myself to everyone out here, especially when that's the only thing I exceptionally suck at.
"I'm not. There's a whole theory behind this. Let me explain. When I met her for the first time, I mistook her name as Reet, which matched her very self, very pure and soothing." I gulped the saliva down my throat and continued.
"And it was two days later, Ananya corrected me on how it was Preet. I had written in my journal about her by then, and everything was as Reet. I thought it was our meet-cute type moment and I liked it. So I decided that it would be a nickname in future if I ever got to be with her, and I continued using it. So the R stands for Reet in her name Preet. That simple."
"And the new girl? What was that?" She further inquired.
"I don't know which letter you are about precisely, but there was a time when I tried to get over this whole thing, I think the letter is of that time. Because it felt not-so-nice after getting to know she had a boyfriend and she was twenty. I started questioning my sanity and thought to brush this off as a trivial attraction. So there was a phase where I went on dates, but it didn't work when I saw her again in Mumbai for the internship. I broke that girl's heart, that's it. I don't even remember the girl's name now, so the letter might be very old; almost around 5 years."
Neava took two minutes to process everything. In those two minutes, I laughed at how twisted my fate was.
The letter written for her with love, got her avoiding me, ignoring me. Irony.
"You're not lying, right?" My lips turned into a straight line as I hit my hand on my forehead again. This is not Aniketh that you keep hitting it. Go and take revenge on him.
"I swear, it's the truth, Pipadiya. You gotta trust me."
"Fine. But now she took it all in reverse. She thinks the letter is for someone from the past, and she's the new girl." She explained and all I could let out was a wow.
Just Wow.
I fear if I even make it on the list of God's children, let alone be a favourite.
"New girl?" I let out a sarcastic chuckle. "She was, is and will always be the only girl. No one could change that, not even me because that's not in my hands anymore. I've lost myself in it completely and willingly."
"Yes, yes, Romeo, But how are you going to fix that?" I shrugged, scratching my head.
"If only I knew." I hesitatedly asked after a while, "Should I tell her the truth? She will die overthinking about this or else."
"No, Don't even think of that. This is not the right time. I will give you some free advice, Mehrotra. Don't let her know until you know she completely and blindly trusts you. Some things have happened, so she has her guard up when it comes to all this. Everything can take a flip on you." I quickly understood what incident she was talking about and honestly, makes sense. But this frightened me to another level.
"I know your intentions but she might not take it nicely."
"Okay. So, I can't tell her anything before the right time comes. Now what am I supposed to tell her?" I waited for her reply until it clicked me, and my blood boiled, "Also, how did Aniketh get that letter? Did Preet ask him that?"
"What makes you think that he'd answer that? Of course, he didn't." I hope this is the last time he has fucked up because, after the warning I gave him yesterday, I think he'll keep his nose out of this. Or else it will be worse for him.
I've lost all sympathy and empathy for him. I can't sit here and watch him make my love life a shit show. While he enjoys a tub of popcorn.
"Makes sense. But Preet is nowhere in the house, neither is she picking up my calls. I'm worried now."
"Let me try calling her from my phone," Neava suggested, to which I approved. She won't ignore her calls.
My right leg wouldn't stop shaking when I'm anxious. And right now it was the peak time.
I didn't know how to handle the situation, whether to make up a lie or cover-up. What if she catches me lying and gets more upset? What if she doesn't trust me everyone again then? What if she leaves everything? This is my only and final chance, I believe.
Because as per God's plan, he was never going to give me the chance. I had to snatch it away from him and take the matter of destiny into my own hands. I had to change my fate. And I did.
But now, it's rebelling, playing games, evil moves. Little did I know that all of these wouldn't stop me. No force in the universe can ever make me stop loving her.
Whether she loves me, she doesn't love me back, we are meant to be together, we aren't destined together, the world is ending, I don't care. I give zero fucks.
Deven Mehrotra is always going to love his Reet.
If our fates are not linked together, I fucking will make mine interlink with hers.
Because the mere thought of losing her before I could even get her felt like a nightmare to me now.
All I asked for was a chance to prove myself, somewhere, somehow, anyhow. If I don't get that now, I'm doing it my way.
I might not be the best man out there for her, but I'm trying to be the best version of myself for her. That's not enough, though, because as soon as I take a small step ahead, something happens, and we go three steps back.
I'm not giving up though. I'm not giving up on her. I never will.
My eyes flew open upon hearing the sound of the doorbell. I rushed to open it, swinging my phone away. As soon as I opened the door, it revealed Preet standing there with a bag in her hand.
Without thinking twice, I immediately threw my arms around her, embracing her so tightly as if she'd vanish any moment. I just got my breath back. Her usual feminine smell of perfume calmed all my tensed nerves, as I took a breath of relief. Her body stiffened as she stood there stunned for a split second and later eventually lost in.
Is this what people mean by the feeling of home?
Because if they do, then they are not wrong. I had wished to pause this moment and stay in it my entire life because the way all the fear, anxiety and anger were replaced by peace in this very moment was something commendable.
I wouldn't care if the whole world came crashing down right now.
I inhaled deeply for the one last time and forced myself to move away from her. If I could, I'd keep her locked forever in my arms.
"What happened?" I heard her say in a low voice, almost a whisper. Her big brown doe-eyes looked at me, gaze flickering between the ground and me as if fighting a battle in her head.
"Where were you? I was so scared." My voice was filled with genuine concern. I took the grocery bag from her hand and stepped aside, letting her in.
As if something morphed inside her, her face switched from soft to cold.
She chose to go non-verbal and removed her boots while I stood there, waiting for her to reply. Ignoring me, she walked towards the kitchen and I followed her with frowned brows. I won't lie, I was hurt by this.
I banged the grocery bag on the counter intentionally to catch her attention, but once again she moved on like nothing. "Preet, I asked something."
"Yeah, and I don't feel like replying." She gulped the water down her throat, avoiding my strong gaze on her throughout.
"What?" I let out as my heart sank. "Look at me." I took a step ahead and turned her face towards me by holding her jaw, gently.
And for once, she raised her eyes entwining our gazes together. She didn't reply for a minute, holding onto eye contact when I demanded my answers.
I swiftly put my arm on the other side of the counter, straightening my posture when I noticed her turning to walk away. Leaving no other option, she turned back towards me and placed her hands on the counter to maintain a decent distance.
I put my hand over hers, not leaving her eyes for a flickering second. She was startled by this. "Let me go."
"Tell me what happened." My tone was heavy and authoritative, contrasting to the usual tone I used with her.
I realised that I shouldn't let her know that I already knew it through Neava. Firstly, it would cause me trouble in future if she stopped telling Neava what's on her mind, too. Secondly, what if Neava tells her the whole truth, which I doubt she will but I can't take any risks. And thirdly, Neava might not like it as well.
"I don't want to." There was a little unsure in the tone of her voice.
"I'm not giving you an option, baby. You are telling me what's wrong with you." She didn't reply and just stood there like a statue. "Take as much as time you want. I'm not moving and I can wait."
Like I always do.
I brushed the back of her hand with my finger, feeling the touch I have yearned for years.
"Deven," My name coming from her mouth sounded like a sweet soothing melody. Her brows furrowed, lips slightly pouted and eyes looking at me with pureness alone.
I gulped and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath in. My chest felt heavy with emotions, voice clogged as I struggled to let the word out of my mouth.
"Reet."
And as soon as it did, I let out a breath, trying to hide my tiny smile.
â§
OML, This was hard.
I hope I did justice to Deven's yearning because that was all I could sum up in this chapter.
Let me know about your views on this>>
What do you think, is Deven's love, attraction, obsession or just yearning?
Y'all aren't going to vote (if you don't want to) even when I ask, so let that be for today. Just give me a proper response because taking time out to write and then not getting reviews sucks. Especially the readers who were sticking around since the start and now they've randomly stopped sharing what they feel. I see you guys :(((
The next update is going to take a lot of time, I'm saying that in advance.