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SHIN
The title credits rolled by the vast theatrical screen, the lights in the room dimmed out with the High defined curve frame being the sole source of glare that was luminous. Initially, it was unduly bright, but as minutes passed with my thoughts getting sucked by the plot of the movie- I got lost in it.
The room was packed with the audience, some confused some frustrated, and rare, extraordinarily talented ones sat there with their proficiency enjoying the brain burner that Christopher Nolan had presented us with. Quarter in the movie- I pull a notebook out from my backpack and clicked at the butt of my pen.
I felt a knock in my wrist after fifteen minutes-
Shifting my ponytail to the obtainable shoulder I look at the side, I see Lee staring dead at my notes.
"I want a paper too" he whispers, his wavering eyes trading from mine to the pages. I raise my brow smugly, slouching on the plush cinema chair with folded arms.
"I thought you liked challenging yourself when I had asked you prepare for this" he changes course, glaring at the action scene that breached the natural laws of physics and yet it was a possibility. So we had to know how he made it work.
"I underestimated this" he shakes his head in dismay as if his pride was wounded by it "I never use to compile for my exams- but they seldom caused such frustration. Why would you even want to watch this?"
Leaning, I undo the strap of my heels and crossed my legs, jotting down another crucial hint as a faint smile played by my lips. It was this morning had I fetched an online ticket to watch Tenet, as an avid admirer of Nolan's masterpiece I know what I was reserving for. But for the misery of lee which he brought onto himself was his shortcoming.
I randomly had asked him during the breakfast, with much vigor I had mumbled-
"I am going out to watch tenet this evening. Want to join?"
Anticipating a denial, I munched on my cereal as the worst was over. But-
"Are you asking me on a date?" swallowing the food, I watched him grin cheekily. He was having fun collecting my tongue-tied moments. When I don't reply he goes on to add "friends go on dates all the time. Of course, I want to go"
I exhale, disliking the idea of even asking him to go out with me. But as a responsible Nolan enthusiast, I had warned him for what he was getting into-i had read the reviews and even I don't think I was prepared. But he was pretentious and arrogant, quoting that it's a movie and I am being too harsh about it.
Fast forward half an hour into it- he was eating his words in bitter reality.
"I have met this man at a party. He isn't as complicated in-person" Lee mutters, grabbing a fistful of popcorn kernels while I sat there staring at him with saucers for eyes.
"What do you mean by you have met him? Pattinson?"
He looks at me as if he felt ridiculed at my sudden yelling whispers.
"No. The Nolan guy" he corrects me. He rectifies me as if it was common for him to meet-
"You are speaking of the Christopher Nolan?"
First, there was a frown, then it was a calm realization and conclusively the smirk settled on his face.
"One of my friends is an A-list director and I sometimes tag along with him to film festivals. So- yeah. I think I met him. More than once maybe" he steals his gaze working me up further, he rips a page from the note and pulls out his pen from the rugged maroon jacket he wore atop of his black t-shirt.
Even as he pretended to be decisive, he had the wicked glint. He liked how envious I was. I sighed aloud- enough for him to hear and not rattle the viewers. With the rapidly adapting panorama, the hue upon us kept flickering. But he looked good with every color that rained on him.
"A man who wears looney tunes for pants got lucky" shrugging I tried to focus, but both our interest that once dwelled on the plot was long gone.
"Those weren't mine. It was Aarons" he defended serenely "he took my clothes so I had to steal his"
The sibling drama. I recall Hwans text this morning- it was of my face photoshopped into the body of a chimp.
"Hwan does that that too" I mused, missing that idiot for no apparent reason.
The grunts from the protagonist who took hits filled the silence. Then-
"He steals your clothes?"
It takes me a jiffy to get what he was worried about. Then I was a bubbling out-
"Oh- I, no- we mostly fight about the last piece of cake, him borrowing my charger and not returning them, stupid stuff like that" scratching my arms I scrunch my nose at the memories, getting carried away- failing to stop right there as I - " I am glad he is boy, I sleep tight knowing my Victorias secret collection are safe"
The actions sequences intensity as the leads grunts was a full-blown scream as I finished- he was a bit late from distracting me from the blunder, wasn't he?
I bury my face by brisking into the bulletins I had up so far- it made zero sense after what I had said since half a minute had lapsed by, I began entertaining if the revelation was luckily camouflaged by the sounds from -
"Victoria's secret huh?"
Shit.
"Nice choice"
The rest of the movie was absorbed through my peripheral vision, the baby hairs contouring my face from him was sufficient - but after a duration, my hair became a nuisance, since I forgot to spray them this morning, they had their free will to sprawl out no matter how fiercely I tried to part them. I kept propelling it occasionally not realizing that I had an audience.
"You should pin it up" Lee denotes, the snacks we streamed in went extinct an hour ago, we somehow managed to chug it in by the first ten minutes. So he sat there- empty of any movements.
"I don't have one at me now," I told blowing at a strand of hair from my perception.
A minute passed, then in a sudden move, the pen was yanked from my clutch. Perplexed I looked up at lee as he separated the cap from its body. He then discards the pen by its previous slot, that will be my hand. I watch him create some expanse, a tiny space between the cap and its holding clip. Soon I felt his fingers comb my layers to the side- a cool metallic touch of the clip made by his hack finally clamps through my scalp as he fastens it. He shifts to inspect his job and nods in approval.
"I used to have bangs in high school" he closes his eye in dramatization "it was hassle"
I look away as soon as he opened them.
"Looks like you just got through all the struggles I go through" I state recalling how he had admitted about the gown he wore in a play. But strangely, as he answered- It felt as if he was answering in various encrypted decrees to all the unshared story between us.
"Not all. Not All of it"
***
We were strolling around by the pavement, the metropolis hummed with life at the peak hour. The city hoisted so many colors at once that failed to contrast each other. They vaguely fought for dominance. Just as crazy as to how the stories we usually hear from this station.
Busy roads, shouting groups, bass from a shabby-looking club, and every meter that we passed felt like an onset of someone's tale who has been here- here for short while and never forever.
Which reminds me that I don't have a forever to complete my script. I had a deadline and I was lagging behind. So much that even if I had been out tonight my mind was reeling into the mess that I strived to sought out.
"I cannot believe I was able to estimate the plot. I am proud of myself" Lee announces, his hands in his pocket as we walked. He had this fat glint of mirth in his gaze as he craned his neck to peek at the crown of a plaza tower. "What about you?"
Thanks to you. I think I only recall the title of the movie.
"I was close as well" I lie through my teeth.
He smirks starting down at me, soon he nudges me in the shoulder with his as I lazily dragged my steps.
"It's okay if you feel dumb. I can explain it to you" if it was physically feasible to scratch the mischief from his tone and posture- I would be doing it on repeat. "They look uncomfortable"
I stir around to see what he proclaimed, but he tapped at the top of my head so I was staring down at my own feet.
Oh.
"I like wearing them" I smile, wiggling my toes "I am comfortable wearing them"
He frowns in disbelief.
"That's- you are probably the only girl who ever said that" he breathed, a heavy breath as he brackets the back of his neck with his palms. He has been doing it more than a normal in quotient. Breathing ragged as if he was physically exerting even though if we just walked "Do you also like wearing two different shoes in a pair?"
It was not present. The dip of his general persona was discernible. He looked tense and uneasy.
"I don't know how that happened. The nervousness I guess" he doesn't look at me in the eyes like he always does. Rolling his lips in, he nods distracted- and I think I can second guess what it was. "Lee, you want to sit somewhere"
"Hm?" dazed and clueless he tilts, I don't pause - before I can create a niche that I could throw my courage into- I grab the nook of his jacket and tug at him. He follows me as I motion him to sit by the street bench. He does it without a question.
"I think you should check your blood levels" I purpose.
He jerks his head with a smile, the one with drained energy. The one that flunked to reach his eyes. He doesn't speak but proceeds to take out the strip canister and the monitor from the blazer. When the test kit almost slips through his clutch-i don't think. I snatch it from him when I saw how much his fingers were trembling.
"When was the last time you had it monitored," I ask pinching the top of his index and clicking the needle at his skin. Drawing a drop of blood. I looked up when he doesn't answer. He was watching me with an unreadable expression. "When was it Lee?" I try again.
His gaze wavered as if he was fighting his thoughts out.
"Two days ago?"
What?
Wasn't he type 1?
"You do know that you must check on it at least twice a day?" I was way more pissed than I should be "Are you trying to kill yourself?"
He had the guts to chuckle. But when the numbers popped in- I wish I could flick his lips with a spatula. This wasn't a reason to smile-
"It's been a while since it got that high" he smiles at the deadly glare I was diverting at him. But he heaved as if it was fumbling through.
"Please tell me you got your shot on you" I sighed, he blinks nodding. Patting his jacket and thankfully producing out the insulin pen. I lean without a thought- but he takes it away from my reach. His smile dropping avidly.
"I will do it. Thanks" with that he angles to the side, lifting two inch of his shirt by his waist and he pricked the skin below his rib cage. Injecting the contents.
Once he was done he searched for the trash can, I offer to do it for him.
"You know I am fine right" it wasn't annoyed in nature. Mere practical. "I can walk"
"You can. But you don't have to. It takes time for the blood to stabilize at your level" spreading out facts that he probably knows I take the disposable syringe that he willingly let's go by renouncing his grip on it.
When I come back and take my seat he seems to be drowned in his world. With arms folded and gaze craned by his lap he remained passive.
"How do you know so much about this?" Breezy and lucid, he asks starting ahead at the relaxed roadway.
Is this what he was thinking?
"Well- I um-
Since he told me of it yesterday I spent half the night researching articles after articles on type 1 diabetics as he kept narrating about how he would like to eat a cuisine made of water in his sleep.
What even goes on in his dreams? I was explicitly curious.
"My mother. She is a doctor. So I snoop around her memos and books sometimes" can he see through my lies? I hope not. I can fool a mass with my pretense, but he seem to extract words and sentences out of me that leads me astray.
His brows squeezed in as if he was pretending to accept the notion.
"Yeah, right" he nods "isn't she a gynecologist?"
I desperately wanted to decrease the idea of it. I was dying for a different conversation.
"Yes she is" I smile, the false one "she has been ranked at the top this year by the Forbes Korean issue"
"That's great" he adds, expanding the topic furthermore, he doesn't let my mind rest or worry- he reaches to me from the crack and extras my original persona. It scared me. "What else you learned from her?
What I learned?
Oh, nothing at all.
She use to kick me out of her office in a ninja fashion because I was a troubled kid who was so adamant to know where babies came from. Since she told me that she helps the parents bring babies into this world- literally., I used to think of her as the key to answer the universe.
Since I can't confide to him of that, I did the other thing-
That is creating a larger pit of what the hell are you blurting out shin?
"I realized the she is best in what she does" I could've stopped, but was I thinking? No. Was I going to do something about it? Absolutely not. "If you ever plan to have a baby, bring your wife to Mom. She actually has published this pregnancy chart which sa-
I smack my fist softly by my forehead in imagination, in reality, I sat straighter cutting my own words off-
"Forget about it. Forget that I ever did anything"
Time ticked,
It was half a minute -
Half a minute When my lips twitched, I had no alibi, when I heard him snort- my chuckle was next on lane. When none of us could hold it together our laughter sprouts. From the low hum of disbelief to a full blown tremor. We weren't even looking at each other.
We seem to agree that he has understands it by now. And I was scarily comfortable with it.
"ADHD" I say when my voice stabled enough. Meeting his warm gaze I shrug smiling. If a month ago if anyone had told me that i'd be sitting beside a man, married to him in a busy night of Las Vegas, confessing him of my disorder with little to no hesitation- I would have mentally gagged because of how impossible and unnerving the scenario was. Even in a foresight.
But fate knows how to play it's card. So when he brings pulls out the cap from my hair that I had abandoned because of the forgetfulness that comes free while dealing with attention behavioural conditions.
"It's cute" he winks, playing with clipper.
"Not when it's accompanied with social anxiety" I pout, rolling my eyes.
He observes quietly, not like a therapist. But simply curious.
"Where do you think it gets hard for you?" I don't miss the slight concern in his attitude. He shouldn't be. It's what I was running away from. And also-Â and also-
"I speak my mind, sometimes the things that I shouldn't be saying out loud included. My mind races in a multiple directions, hopping from one interest to another, so as I speak. I don't worry about the consequences, I am not even aware that I am doing it. But once I am done-" pausing I notice that I had been tapping my legs restlessly, another unconscious trait. So I try to halt and resumed "- then I tend to go through the mistake in mind. It doesn't stop at times, my mind doesn't stop when I ask him to"
I hook my thumbs through strap of my backpack since the silence between us after what I had disclosed got to me , he slides- eliminating the the good feet of distance that we sat in. But our frame doesn't exceed the limit- I can feel his proximity, but can't sense it materially.
He ridges his body lower since I was no way near bold enough to look up at him. He was smiling.
That darn friendly smile that had a promising language of it's own.
"You don't have to do that with me" he Says, the stubby, minuscule of hesitant gestures of mine melts off. Into the night and onto a boulder of hope "I believe in diversity. I think I can get where you are coming from"
"I know" I admit, even if it was the blush I felt that was heating up my cheeks. I could care less. As if the validation wasn't enough- he went on to explain how severe he was about his phrase.
"No. You must know" he ushered, the tense film in his stare rapidly evaporates- opening a window to a playful one "You can walk around the house in your victorias secret lingerie and I wont judge. I won't even bat an eye-
He wasn't Hwan, neither was he anywhere near being a part of my family. But he was growing into a person closest to me apart from the group I grew up with. So when I stomp at his feet hard-
I do it with passion.
And I do it with smile.
Lee is just so different than the other characters I wroteð. You know the drill- I love you all so much, that if it was possible I will personally distribute a jar of Reese's peanut butter cups individually.