SHIN
Dealing with my thoughts and sanity is a chore in itself. The racing impressions and reflections to every trivial thing that I find intriguing or detracting, restrains my energy. Exhausted just by doing nothing has been my metier. Most of the time I don't know what to say or do- or how to get my thoughts out.
Even as of now- it's clear in my head. The monologue- but there is a possibility that I would forget what I am even thinking about the next second to come. An hyperactivity- that's just confined to my mind. A person who knows that she is evidently cool inside her head- but a boring bundle of a verbal mess when she speaks.
No surprise that I gave up on the nuggets so easily. My spine is not even there in existence. Maybe it was some illusion that had me tranquilized around Lee so far. Because now- in my head- I was freaking out.
We have been silent for too long.
"You rented a penthouse?" My fingers tamper, clipping each other and drawing strings from the threaded satin. We stood out of the large glassy marbled door as Lee searched his pockets for the key card. I stood inches behind him,
"No. I bought this when I used to live here. But sera recently has been renovating it for us. She likes to supervise the needs" he pulls up the token and shoved it by the scanner.
Good thing he likes to shove entities too.
The machine bings and the clock ticks, he sighs in relief, probably with a far view of resting for the night. Couldn't say that for myself. He tilts sideways as he walks in- simultaneously listing-
"Our attires and essentials have already been shifted. Sera made sure that we-
He halted as soon as he stepped through the access hallway. I stopped abruptly beside him, bumping my shoulder accidentally. But that wasn't the concern that gripped us. The tension rippled with each breath I took-
What had us both in a spell, For a minute was the embellishment that covered every nook and corner of the apartment that did. Flowers, lights, and banners. It was a Christmas party in here for us. A sensual one, yet a reception.
But then again. That wasn't my concern as my eyes started to tear up.
"She outdid herself" Lee hesitantly scratched his head-turning. And when he saw me, his eyes went slight wide in an alarming motion "oh God, I am so sorry if you feel uncomfortable by this. I had no idea that-
"I am not uncomfortable" I sob, sniffing. I bet my face was flushed scarlet by now.
"Then what?" He takes a step near, trying to figure this out. Figure me out to precise with hands on his hips. I wish I could cry harder right then and there. I have had it all packed from the day-
"I am something else" I coughed, wiping the healing trails of tears. Pinching the bridge of my nose I struggled to mask my pain into nonchalance. But it was getting harder to breathe.
He looks at me, blank a second, and relaxed the next. Maybe I was doing a good of pretending to be fine and he-
"I get it. You are turned on" he scans his appartment, his lips curving "with such set up, I would too"
No.
Mission abort.
His mind wasn't working as well.
Gawking in pieces, I wait as my nose twitched. Then my lips formed an O. At last turning my side to him I bent down sneezing.
Then two more In a row.
By now the stock of tender hair were curtaining my face, no sooner than it, my mouth began blurting facts to the man who had no shame concluding his theories.
"I am allergic Lee" it was accompanied by another tiny sneeze "The flowers" wildly I gesture.
He looks around, a light coat of blush toning his cheeks. But the smile of his was nurturing as if he would have commented it even if he knew about my allergy . He was a bit on the naughtier side wasn't he?
"There were flowers at the wedding too" does he suspect that I am lying? Does he really think it's because I am horny?
One doesn't sneeze when they are craving it. I know that much.
My vision blurred at the Q and A. But I wander obediently.
"Those were fake. Mom made sure of it" crossing my arms, I hold my elbow as I peek at side. With my free hand, I cup the area by my nose and mouth to shield them from inhaling the fragrance.
"What do i do now?" I ask, wheezing softly. Hideous in expression.
He doesn't reply the instant, But the next thing he does was peculiar. He takes his blazer off and flings it by the chair near the kitchen counter. Undoing his cuffs he Rolls the sleeve of his white shirt and strides towards where I presume the kitchen was, a minute of clatters and the sounds of things falling and breaking later he came out with a vacuum cleaner and a mop in hold.
"What are you still doing here?" It was a scolding, "Go to changing room and get changed. I'll take care of it"
When I don't leave still- he blows air out. Exhaling with frustration he drops both the household equipment to the ground.
"I know I am going to be a vision as I flex while I clean" he dusts the imaginary crumbs off his shoulder, then his behavior got severe where he was glaring at me "But you can enjoy the show some other time. Now buzz off from here before you suffocate. I don't know how to perform a CPR"
Immediately I saunter off from his view owning to the seriousness of the moment. I go left with faith in my instinct.
"It's on right shin" I hear him scream faintly.
***
It would not be an issue to sleep in here, I mull with the option as I sat on the cherry red chaise chair in the middle of the walk-in wardrobe slash dresser cabin.
It had everything I need, and all I need is a ground to sleep. it stretched a good hundred square feet for me to use. But I don't think it will be taken lightly by Lee who has been going around the house with the awful vibrations of the machine for about an hour now.
Does he feel like accomplishing a sense of responsibility?
Why was he doing this anyway?
"It's over"
I blink, pausing to scroll my phone screen I look up. He was standing there by the door, not a fraction of him was out of shape. Though a sheen of exhaustion could be seen on the crown of his face nothing else was different.
He was fit.
Fit as a fiddle.
I got up, signing a thumb up for his duty. I can't trust my mouth tonight. I walked to him with my eyes on the two pink petals that sat on his matted hairline.
I pick it up for him and clap it out of my hand. Then I finally mount my courage to look at him. Like completely attentive of what he was behaving like-
Unfortunately, he had his gaze cast low- or specifically at my toned legs. He looked impressed and mildly in daze. Of course, he was a man- and by how at ease his attitude is, I bet he has adequate knowledge of courting girls.
He was too confident.
Yet I wasn't afraid of him. Not much. Not until now.
"Haven't seen legs before?" No. I should've kept quiet. But they were just legs, it won't hurt to talk about it. I try to reason my conscience that wearing shorts wasn't a bad idea. It's what I always have been wearing to bed for years now. Bailing tonight would mark the beginning of new a insecurity.
It was just skin.
I wait for him to say something.
My conscience kept providing the flash warnings, nonetheless, I was scraping trouble for myself.
He doesn't meet my stare shortly, he takes his time. Lethargic and slow, with a smirk he replies.
"Not like yours"
"Friends don't flirt"
Pathetic shin.
"How is noticing that your legs are unnaturally pale flirtatious?"
Unnaturally pale.
Don't let it affect you.
Don't.
Though I pick up the crack in his tone that was proof that he wasn't being serious about it, I have millions of other ways to convince myself that he couldn't have been more candid.
"You don't want to wake the wrong side of me"
Wrong side.
I don't mean the fighter part of me that'll protest or argue with him. He doesn't even realize what he is contributing to, that they were helping one evaporate the morsel of willpower they had worked on for months and years. Nobody could because it was us who was at fault.
"It's bad" I admit as jab my index at his buttoned chest with a tight-lipped smile. The kind I use with Hwan. And my family. It's a mystery how I was hoping him to understand.
"You can't. You are in debt. I saved your life by cleaning every inch of this place" he took a step closer, stamping one of his hand on the door frame that lined behind me "I keep doing more than what I had bargained for"
It was uncalled, the sudden rush of anger that brimmed in my eyes. And suddenly I was tearing up. His words weren't something that stung me. It was the fatigue, pent-up insecurities, and the consequence of what I had been doing so far that perched on me like rubble.
Though it was humorous to see him melt into slush, the afraid eyes did it for me as I pushed his arms aside.
"Shin, listen" he calls after me. I don't stop for him.
"Hey, I was just teasing you. Isn't it what friends do?"
I don't know. I don't have any.
"I am sorry girl" his hurried footsteps made my pace rapid, but when his fingers curled by my wrist did my body goes cold.
He comes and stands in front. I scowl harder. He smiles sheepishly.
"Your shorts caught me off guard. That was it" he asserted "you have nice legs. I swear"
It shouldn't affect me the way it did. I wasn't fetching for compliments-
I hate the blush I donned even if he was just trying to make me feel better. Twisting free from him I try to walk to the room, he runs and outdoes me as he blocks my path. Coming to stand in front.
"I was embarrassed okay. I got caught checking you out and I had to lie. You really are beautiful" he blurts, his tone bathed with so much dept and integrity that- goodness, I wasn't able to think straight. Gaping like a fish I frown-
He holds a hand up, motioning me to stay the way I was -
"You don't have to forgive me" he smiles, angling slightly lower to look at me in the eye "But remember, don't let anyone tell you how you look or should look"
My heart raced as if it was the organ that got the message the most. As if the heart was screaming at me to stop listening to my head. It wanted me to tell the man how grateful I was for what he said. To confess.
I don't do it though. I stood cemented in the same spot, unmoving and rigid as he winked playfully and walked away towards the room.
He lied when he said he failed in maths.
Because he was sharp, so accurate at calculating a humans emotion and relation that it got scarier as I realized that he had been reading me all along, playing the dumb character with a charming smile. He had me pierced with the probability-
Suddenly it wasn't so difficult to grasp the reason behind why I felt it was safe to be myself around him. Even if it was bare minimum. It was made possible because he kept wielding and morphing circumstances into what will keep me warm.
Maybe he was terrible with numbers. But he was adding me up sequentially. Wizarding his way into my head and for the sake of God-
We have just met for the third time in two months. Jerking the palpitating thoughts i jogged towards his previous direction. He stood in the middle his eyes narrowed at the bed-
His face gives everything that he wants to show. Fooling you into thinking that he is an open book when he plays the guide into opening yours.
I don't know if I should be thankful or frightened about this. But as long as he helps me with my head- I think I can manage. And stop right when it diverts it's ways into my heart-
Because my heart was weaker than my brain. And I don't think I can harbour a heartbreak even if I tend to not believe in love.
The rug was plush, my feet sinks into the sensation as I walk in-
The interior of the residence was ten times more dominant, be it each contrasting piece of art or the furniture that occupied the room was so in coordination. Sera knew what she was doing with this place. And so did Lee when he cleaned it.
"Which side of the bed you prefer?" I ask, we were adults, I think it's mature to share a master bedroom than to sleep on a couch or on the floor of an unfurnished room. Coming back and Remotely standing next to me he shrugs.
"The one you least prefer. I sleep anywhere. Also, it's way past my bedtime" he looks down at his watch, astonished.
It was quiet after that. Then-
"You follow a bedtime?"
He yawns nodding, closing his eyes while demonstrating. I moved and sat by the left corner dragging in the comforter up to my thighs. The bed was too big for the two of us. But I wasn't complaining- I want the space. We need the space.
Dimming the lights out he makes a quick trip to the washroom and when he came back he had a black t-shirt and white sweats on. Also, his eyes were drooping shut so when his head ultimately hits the pillow. He is dead asleep.
Like a sculpture, poised he was flat out cold with shallow breathes that indicated his mortality.
He has a bedtime. It shouldn't be a surprise, but to a girl like me who despite the exasperation I endured today laid there wide awake- it was envious to see a man sprawled out so briefly.
Soon I was basking in boredom, pressing my cheeks against the pillow I squint my gaze at him.
Poking the tip of his nose with my pinky, I dab at it to make sure he was asleep. When nothing happened I began-
"Lookit, the little baby. Cuddled in his cot right when the clock strikes" cooing, I roll my eyes. Striking over all the formalities we had so far.
If he was awake I would have punched myself in my mouth before deluding this out.
"Ah, look at those pretty eyes. Shut as if lids are glued by" I whisper aggressively, and then shriek out freaking when simultaneously he opened his eyes as the sentence expired. Starting directly at me.
The apology got stuck in my throat- as it should. But when he closed them back as if nothing happened, I froze out further.
That insufficient action of his splits my night further, seconds gathered to minutes and minutes to quarter of an hour- and it's when he sat up.
Sat up as if he was a puppet and there was an invisible tug in his chest that cause him to sit straight.
"What happened?" I mimic his position and shoved my hair back. Fumbling around I turned the lights on, it blinds me instantly - but I keep blinking to adjust my vision. "You need anything?"
I was desperate. I just want him to go back to sleep and let me swim in my thoughts alone. But he was there- swinging in between. Confusing me.
He was staring at his lap. His pupils far gone- as if he was lost among constellations.
"What do you want Lee?" I whisper, afraid if he still thought I was a segment of his nightmare or whatever on earth that is going in with him.
"Koalas"
What?
"What?"
He shakes his head like a whiny puppy, his hair fluffs up in consonance with his bustle.
"Koalas belong in a shopping cart" he grumbles softly, his voice induced with slumber and fatigue. He doesn't look up, he reaches his and out and fists up the comforter, tugging it to his chest he shuts his eyes with glee.
"They belong in jungle Lee. Not shopping cart"
I.....don't know what I was doing. But I was doing it.
But as he kept caressing the balled up duvet by his chest, nestling it as if soothing a baby- or a baby koala in this case- it wasn't arduous to figure out the cause.
Stifling a smile I roll my lower lip in. Slowly getting it. Understanding it.
"I must hug a bear" he was- he sounded convinced. Inspired even.
Padding my palms I search for my phone. This was too good to be true. But darn the phone that died the moment I tried opening it.
Does this happen everyday?
He was in bliss, with heavy lids almost sealed and a smile so alive.
"Aren't bears dangerous?"
Though I bet he can't hear me or know about his surroundings, I randomly kept adding my insight into it.
Only if everyone in the world owned this habit, it will be a lot easier for us socially awkward to feel less lonely at night.
"I can buy a bear if I want" he was- determined. There was a tense frown marking his commitment. So when he blindly searched for something I tried to stop him from slapping himself awake.
That will be a loss of free entertainment. But when he caught on to my nook, he tugged me forward. And before I know I was engulfed into the biggest and warmest of hugs ever known to mankind.
"Must also hug a koala"
I feel his chin dig on top of my crown. Panicking I tried to unleash my body when he dropped back to bed. Taking me down with him.
He was so damn strong that even after multiple trials I failed, as the time passed I gave up. Exhausted I wait for him to shift so I could sneak out, but his steady heartbeat, right beneath where my ears rested kept hypnotizing me hauntingly. And suddenly, I was dozing out.
Kekeek. As promised, I uploaded early, can do it if I get the motivation. And you know how to do thatð.
Loved all your response in the last chapter. Thank you so much