SHIN
The heart was on fire. My throat parched, it stung when I inhaled. The day came around quicker than I had anticipated. With the chaos that erupted after the announcement of the wedding, I hadn't been able to sit tight.
Not in my twenty-two years of life have I exerted my body until it shut off completely. One day I was at the dress trails and the next, I was in bed begging Mom to let me stay home.
But since I was her only girl and she can't pamper Hwan with the tiaras and heels, she kept coming back to me. In the midst of grappling situations that I kept wrestling with the past months. I did spare time to think of Lee.
And how he got the easier way out.
He can wear his office suit and no one would question him. But me? It was a met gala I prepared for.
When the hunt for the perfect menu, flowers, guest list, destination, and event flow was passed on, the stereotypical fear seeped in.
I carried it with me everywhere. Even when we reached the states. When I shower, when I eat, when I sleep. I think about all the things that could go wrong.
What if I trip on the way to the head altar?
What if I end up sneezing on his face?
What if I get like by him like before?
Damn those ifs.
But when the day revolves around, it all falls into place naturally. And now it was time-
Beneath the chapels dome Lee and I stood, his stance an embodiment of sunshine as he smiled handsomely when he saw me, pretending to rave me from head to toe-
What a darn good actor.
So now, as I finally stood with him opposite to me, successful so far- I go numb.
All I see are his eyes and that they are dark brown. Literally nothing special about it, but on his face it fits right. Oh so right and to be so complacent.
Lee and I were holding each other's hands, grateful that mine was covered in laced gloves. It's gross to let him know how my palms get cold and moist when I am nervous.
I hear the priest read out the vows. We were fooling the priest, we are not doing the death do us apart script here. We are fooling so many who came to wish us.
But Lee wasn't concerned about it, instead, he motioned at my lips with a discreet flick of his gaze and mouthed 'smile'
Shit.
What if there's something stuck in my teeth from the breakfast?
Kicking my overbearing voices aside I smile as per his needs. It goes on for a long time and soon Lee was permitted by the clergy person to kiss me.
I had completely forgotten about this part. By the off-guard look on his face for a second, I think he did too. So he gulps, leaning slowly- and it was the last slow thing he does.
He doesn't kiss.
He pecks.
He pecks me. The kiss that seals wedlock was compatible with the acceleration in which a pigeon picks their crumbs. But imagine that in slow motion taken with 4k DSLR. But yet so fast that I felt as if I was kissing a pigeon. A bird with soft lips. I don't mind, I got married. In Las Vegas. Wearing a thirty thousand dollar wedding gown from Ralph Lauren, where sera Kim was revealed to be director of the labels that runs Korean branch, I flaunted the laced curves in my mirrored reflection. But when it came to parading it for the guests who were awaiting my entry- I had thrown my entire weight at Dad's arms to drag me by the aisle.
My intuition told me that Mom was praying under her breath, even after the circle closed. Hoping I won't faint with all the eyes that were on me. I know I would've if I hadn't practiced what to be said for hundreds of times in my hotel room. So when I delivered it, it came out smooth, butter smooth, glossier than my waxed legs and suddenly it was over. To celebrate the success I skipped lunch. Gathering every ounce of me I throttled to the restroom where I stayed for half an hour while my now-husband ignited my phone with messages and calls.
If I was out they might ask me to do a speech, make a toast, and perhaps even expect me to narrate My life, dreams and aspirations so far- I was to pathetic for tha-
No.
I inwardly screamed, this is not how it should go. My parents deserve to know that I was living it all. I was doing this for myself- being selfish. Not residing or hiding anymore.
Authorizing my legs to move, I decide to go back. Reaching the door I slowly pull at the lever.
But When I peeked out, I let out a muffled scream when I saw Lee standing there- outrageously pissed. I've never seen him looking so predatorily, yet again I don't actually know him too. He had his arms crossed, leaning his tailored back by the secluded wall. His dress shoes tips and hair pushed aside. His lips twitched as mine went lax.
"You struggle with digestive issues?"
It's the first thing he spoke about since we got marital In status. How romantic.
"Nope"
"Then you must like the atmosphere of a washroom?"
"Certainly not"
He grunts to himself. I love replying to sarcasm, it's a trait that brings out the worst in people. And by people, I meant Hwan. So when Lee runs his hands contentious over his hairdo- I don't smile. Even if I felt the tugs I kept a straight face. Showing too many emotions to others is a vulnerability I can't afford. What if they think of me as an attention seeker?
"There are people who have been asking for us" he explains as if I wasn't aware of that. It's what I was striving to avoid "So can we like go over what we have to do in order to be-
"We met at a party in Manila a year ago, we met through our friends. We dated because we were single, but soon we fell in love with each other and before we knew it got serious. Our family apparently knew each other through their contacts which only made things easier for us. A month ago we decided to get married and then here we are"
The colors of his face wavered as he took them in. Then after a while, he slowly tipped his head in admission.
"Sounds satisfying"
"It's an average fake relationships cliche excuse"
He frowned confused. I sighed fatigued from the day's chores.
"I am a good storyteller. Now let's go, get this done with" I waved my hands in gestures.
It was strange, odd how comfortable I was getting with him around despite I hadn't seen him in like weeks. The lunch at our house was the last meet we were together. And the I dos were the initial words we directed at each other after our previous convention. It's been possible because how the number of times he apologized to me since we met.
For the hypocritical looney tunes insult to the blaming for his lack of trust in me which was, a bit dumb if you try to understand it. Or to have kissed me this morning as of now as we walked.
All I could think was-
He bites, but he betters.
But dear Lee. You don't have to be sorry about the kiss today- it was freaking mandatory. It almost felt as if he was sorry for himself but convincing otherwise.
Ouch.
Even if he didn't mentioned it verbally. He face said it all.
***
He took it upon himself to narrate in the essay. I latched to his arms and occasionally smiled, drizzling inputs here and there. And before I knew it was dark out. We were dancing now, he had his hand flat against my netted back while mine was on his chest.
His chest vibrated so much that I had to ask-
"Why aren't you picking up your phone?"
He had been avoiding the person on the other end of the line for about nine missed calls now.
"I can't"
"Why"
"They are from my friends"
"So?"
"They probably read of it, whatever this is through their notification bubble" his necks stern, lips pursing as if he was troubled by the thought of facing his mates.
I wish I could help him relax- but instead-
My heels accidentally steps on his shoes. For the third time tonight.
"God shin, watch your steps" he groans. He has a seductive groan, I note.
Unlike him. I don't apologize. Instead, I derail from his pain into something that might cause him more pain.
"They must be mad at you"
He glimpsed at me displeased.
"Thanks for making me feel better"
"You are welcome"
He pauses mid-track. Spinning me around i let him guide me into a quick lift. Next I was on my feet,
"Do you not understand sarcasm?" he was serious about his inquiry. It was a dim dance floor so I don't think my small twinge of smile was visible.
"I do. But I like to play dumb" he must not have been prepared for this type of uncommon craziness. Because he did stop everything for a second to-
"What does it give you?" he asks, taking my hands again. Gentle than before. But not exceeding a respectable space between us. What a gentleman.
I think of an answer.and that would be-
I feed on the opposition's frustration.
But what I admit is-
"It's fun"
His face morphs into a subtle confusion.
"How so?" With every word he says, the proximity transcends a quirky vibration to my arms. I shrug the sensation away as I started at him in all seriousness and explained-
"Try calling 911 and ask them what their emergency was"
His expressive outlines were modest initially , then the next thing I knew was his chest was resonating with laughter. A laugh which even made his eyes glassy. In between his humor he spoke-
"Smile. We should look real"
When I obeyed he laughed harder.
"Too creepy shin, a little less stretch maybe"
But as he kept snickering I found my false smile dissolve into a scarily genuine one. And soon we weren't pretending anymore. Diving deeper into the night we gave a hearty send-off to the visitors. Soon we began to scatter and Lee stood next to me whispering to himself.
"My spine hurts from the courtesy "
He was smiling brilliantly for the show still, as we wait for the valet to drive in his car.
"You are not even wearing a gown. This is as heavy as my ego" I admit as he chuckled still looking ahead when an electric blue audio rolls in. The four plain rings were hotter than my wedding ring that weighed my finger.
"Once I was appointed the role of an evil stepmother in a school play. I know what you are going through" he pinches the netted fabric of my dress and eyes it with pity.
"Why the evil stepmother?"
The valet hands him the keys.
"Why the most unpredictable question?"
I start to walk,
"No. Why though?"
He stops looking at me through his shoulder. The lights produced an angelic tinge over his outline.
"I am rich and was a brat. Enough reasons to make a good villain" he doesn't change positions, as if he awaits my response.
"Why the unpredictable answer?" This wise it was me who reciprocated. His shoulders squared slightly, buying him a second to think.
He checks his watch, I see the back of him tilt to do so, but he speaks simultaneously as he began to walk.
"You make it easy. You are odd shin and I am odd too"
He had a knack for using the person's name that he speaks to often. I have heard him mention my name five times in today itself.
I do not wait for a man to help me in, I gather the skirt which was one step away from becoming a floor mop, and dived into the passenger seat. Lee jogs to the driving and soon we were off on the road of a city where-
"Why is Vegas all about casinos and strip clubs in movies. It seems like a pretty normal city to me" I said pressing my palm flat upon the window as the luminous city waltz by.
"You have never been here?" I hear him ask. No emotions in them- neither curiosity. A mere small talk to suck the silence out.
"No. It's why i wanted to be here. A place to check off my list of places I want to see"
And also because you were trying to convince your father that you wanted to go back to states.
I confess the former, the latter kept for myself to dwell on, wondering why did his preferences even mattered to me. When I had asked Dad about where Lee used to live before he returned, It was quite strange to hear that it was vegas. I never pictured a person to have a permanent residence here. Not a person like Lee at least.
With the movement of the vehicle, my mind swivels back and forth, in and off the topic I wished to abide by .My neck cradles with the cars slithering momentum. He was a very fine driver. Making use of the last speed resort but never exceeding it, also the authentic choice of his car was drool-worthy in itself.
"You like it so far?" I was surprised he asked, even while looking so fargone.
"It's nice" I lie "it's different. And different is nice"
He hums with a sigh, approving my reasoning. It was effortless, so simple to talk to him. He doesn't know me, maybe this is how restorative it is to get therapy done. You can be yourself with a stranger who has nothing to do with you.
"You grew up in states" I was not a question "What was it like?"
He wheels the car with one hand, scratching his brow with the other with a nostalgic smile. His honest smile was reassuring to know he wasn't a picky presenter, he shows what he thinks. Unlike me.
"It was my best life. I grew fond of many people and developed passion for cars, failed tons of math tests and i- and I lived when I was here." listening to him was like a dense symphony, an incomplete melody by the way he ended the sentence. Leaving it as a past.
"Why did you left?" It slipped before I could stop myself. I cup my elbows anxiously.
He doesn't answer that. I let it go as I should. I slouch further as the tulle from the gown buffs up around me in fluff. I impersonated a cloud in cosplay. I tried to sit still, but soon my hands dug through my pockets- unfortunately, all that came out was the wrapper of cookies that I had finished this morning.
In hopes of something further in-depth I swoop in again.
"Is that- Is that a-
He traded his amused glances from me to the road ahead.
"A pocket?" I end for him " yeah I got it stitched. Comes handy"
He nodded, a satirical rise of his brow told me he was impressed. I was proud of my quick thinking as well. The night doesn't seem to end soon and neither does the road- in five minutes he entered a parking area that I was sure wasn't a residential region.
He then comes to a slow stop. My gaze picks up the large M ignited in yellow.
"I am hungry" he rubs his belly, staring at the joint with so much gratitude that I was enthralled for the time. He looked just so delicious. But you know what else was tasty? Chicken nuggets. So I grin.
"I am hungry too" I searched for my belly, to rub mine as he did. But I lost my arms somewhere within the meters of fabric. So i gave up.
"You skipped meal today so that you can admire the women's washroom. Wasn't expecting you to be full" he said undoing his seatbelt. Then he lifts his gaze to squint at me "Were you going to ditch me?"
I'd be a lie if I deny it. But his demeanor was salty, and it was powerful in a strange manner that leaves one paralyzed- my tongue goes thick not producing any statement at all.
"I may have be lenient on you so far. But I expect your full cooperation shin" I hadn't seen that coming. The razor-like shift in his utterance, like a command. Something that felt as if he wasn't apologetic like he usually is. So when he continued I listened religiously "I have had my way around people in past. I know how it's done- so I mean it. I don't take it easy when I am played at"
We both stare. None taking their gaze off of each other. Then he smiles humbly, slipping in as if he hadn't warned me with red lights going around. So when he got out, I took my time to collect myself.
Then finally when he hollers my name did I Rush out of the car hugging the useless frills to my chest. It was like carrying a life-sized stuff toy with me. I walk past him not sparing a glance.
He follows me by stepping on my skirt,
"Sorry" he sighs.
It Won't be a surprise if his first words as a kid were revealed to be "please forgive me for I have sinned"
But then, I just had witnessed him confess to have sinned and not give a dime about it.
So I kept the thoughts for later to ponder upon.
When we entered, our privacy was disrupted by eager eaters who saw us walk in. In a tux and gown, we did stand out. We went to the counter, Lee stood with his side leaned to the bar while I pointed my gloved index at the LED poster.
"Nuggets"
"Nuggets"
I snap my neck at him, Lee- who was looking at his phone raised his eyes to see me standing there like a child with my hand up to order my food.
He wants what I want.
"We have only one last serving left" at that, we both turn to look at the staff who was ogling at us in awe as she spoke "I advise you both can share-
"Get me the nuggets and the lady can have something else"
I still had my finger up. My lips gaped similar to that of a fish. Lee who so far had a resting glitch face mischievously smiled. I think I got his joke so I almost join him.
"Don't worry" he chuckles and I nod shaking my head "I am not heartless"
"I know"
"Good. I can spare half a bite for my wife for sure"
***
I can be early if you tell me what you think of this. ð. So I guess we finally are at the beginning of their story