LEE
Physical activities keep one in shape, It's a prosperous lifestyle that everyone should adopt to their routine. Pushups, lifting weights, or running on a mill- these are indoor exercises that don't benefit you with what an outdoor venture can. Cycling is the best in my opinion, you receive the vitamins from sun, oxygen from air and beauty from nature as you do it. So as I biked over the lane scattered with blossoming trees with thriving flowers on either side as I mentally claimed how much I was dedicated to my fitness mantras.
Surely it's what I was peddling for, it has nothing to do with getting away from a girl who has been successfully stirring off the acute anger that I thought I had towards her. I had freaked out when I woke up in the middle of the night having stubbed my little toe by a plant stand- I don't know why, I was on my feet while I slept- but I did manage to spot the empty side of the bed. When I realized she wasn't having a reception inside the washroom I went out in search of her-
I did find her on the beach as I had suspected- but with someone, I didn't.
Least bothered about the presence of Madison, I had my eyes on Shin. All I could think of was the change in her behavior after I asked her of the last wish- it wasn't obscure anymore. She was hiding it from me with all her might. Despite my generous effort, I found the hurt creep in, a frustration that wasn't necessarily directed at her but myself. Conceivably I wasn't doing enough to gain her trust- but then she was there hovering beside me on her knees as I woke up in the morning.
In her paw sleeved shirt and loosely braided hair, she blinked clutching the teddy to her chest-
That darn teddy and that precious face-
I swallowed the startled gasp as I sulked rolling on the couch, the comforter I had spread on me drifts deserted with a ruffle. Resting my cheek on my folded arm I raise a brow-
"I shouldn't have behaved the way I did last night"
My eyes fall to her lips, they were rosier than ever. Almost red. I bet she had been gnawing on them with anticipation before I woke up. One look at her wide eyes and I know I am not wrong. If only I could run a hand through her soft waves- but I can't, for once I redeem into the stoic person that'll teach her to not mess with me. Not when I am firmly possessive of her.
"I am stupid"
Squinting my eyes, I sat up. Her gaze latched on to the tiniest adjustments I made to myself like a puppy that's been denied to play with.
"That you are" I mutter under my breath as she scoffed at how promptly I approved it. But I wasn't lying- she was stupid enough to reckon that I was willingly acting this out when I had to hold every fiber of my body from not cuddling the life out of her. and maybe more. Certainly more.
She then pulls her up to the sofa and filed into space where I had been laying a while ago. Pushing the mountain of blanket aside she scoots to me.
"Fine. Now that we both agree. You can go back to being the normal Lee right?" I jump up and away from her when she carries her hand up to link with mine because I have zero resistance and innumerable ways by which I'll break through the mask I had now.
"It's getting late, I need to shower" I announce as I move towards the washroom, her scream got mixed with the splatter of water as I open the tap -
"We are on vacation for god sake. What are we late for?"
That was a delayed reaction, and I hummed a melody as I washed my hair because I was contended. I regretted being so happy when I came out because she had now changed into a checkered shorts and a lacey crop top. Her hair hurled into a high ponytail providing the perfect access to her neck.
It was obvious.
It was a freaking thirst trap.
So I throw a towel at myself as I angrily dried my hair.
"You know what? I am in love with this outfit. It accentuates my body in the right places. I can't wait to go out wearing this"
She must be kidding me-
But then again- she was her own person. She can wear anything she wants out as long as I am not around to chokeslam any man who even bats their eye her way. I exercised breathing trying to not stray my gaze longer at her bare waist.
Forgive her and let this go. May be its time-
Demanded the devil in me.
You know what? shin should be made aware of how much her efforts are paying off. Its her birthright to seduce her man.
The angel was no better. Cracking my knuckles I turned around and grabbed my jacket- I scowled at her passionately as she scrunched her nose in confusion.
"Fitness Is important" I quote out of thin air- and with that, I was gone from her vision. I speed out like a leaf blower blowing the leaves in an autumn ground. It wasn't an unpleasant verdict that I made in the spur of seconds. But as I pedaled across on the lone route with cool sun shades on- I heard the rings of bell resonate around me. A figure cycling on a smaller bike reaches next to me.
"What a beautiful day" she exclaims melodiously as I lost my balance- staggering for a while I correct my position as I remove the glasses to lament with a grimace. Shin grins at me, our momentum the same as the wheels roll through. thankfully she had her previous large shirt on top of her crop - but that isn't the case here. how is she-
"I have a tracker pinned on you?"
"What?"
"Kidding. I just followed you" shrugging she winks at me, my face must have given off the vibe of horror I was feeling, she uses it to her advantage "I'll keep stalking you until you forgive me"
"Do it- I like being stalked"
It was a miracle that she doesn't think of me as a psychopath by now. She stayed glued to me the entire journey.
I ride ahead as we both fall into a moment of calming silence. The sky wasn't stark visibility here with the trees veiling what's spread above- when we reached a river stream fifteen minutes into our activity- we found ourselves sitting on a smooth surface. On top of the moisty rock I couldn't help but admire the symphony of it.
Shin had been awfully quiet since she came into the picture that I morbidly felt guilty to have been so stubborn with her. My lips part to end the play but she beats me to it-
"I was abducted when I was eleven"
It was factually presented, lack of sensitivity in the utterance had me wondering if my pretended nonchalance had to do anything with what she was saying. Was she forcing it out? I don't stop her. I couldn't with how desperate I was. so I turn to watch her, her as she stared into the expanse with a faint smile. With her wrist atop of the closed knees, she played with the wedding band.
"It was in the evening, after I had won in an inter-school oration championship" a pause is all she takes before she dives in "They kept me for three days, those days passed with the pace of a snail. I was starved and abused enough to let me consciously feel it. I always wished to pass out then. It was better that way"
Patient-
Is that how I must have looked as I listened, as I clashed with the hurricane of emotions that groped me at the moment. My heart raced with anger at the cruel fate of hers. Of a girl whose story wasn't just so different than Innaras- it's what I had dreaded to not to be true. I yearned for it to be the fiction it was- but her words were indecisively raw with its veins connecting to reality.
It wasn't remorse or pity that I felt towards a world that failed her, it was pure anger and nothing else.
"How did you get out?" I grab her hands that were freezing, tightly grasping onto them- I only asked something that might help her remember the relief she had when was free.
"There- there was this woman whose guilt helped me. She took me to my home, but threatened me with warnings-" she stops right there as I frown once I felt that she was trying to slip away from me. I press at our breaching hold with my gaze spearing on her-
"Then what happened?" I assume I know what, but I don't want to believe it "Please tell me they fucking got caught"
She steals her gaze from me, her eyes were glassy as light reflects through them.
"Shin" I whisper. It wasn't disbelief â it was the torture that came with the knowledge that those people were out there living their lives while an innocent girl struggled with the demons that they infested on her. Those fucking parasites-
"I didn't know what else to do. I dropped out from school, refused to go out or trust anyone, I had never held a microphone since then- It use to take me an hour of a pep talk before I was able to order a portion of food from the menu. But I learned to live through- I became monotonous with a life that I planned. Even with a sentence that I spoke- I wasn't irrational, I was just scared of anyone who looked at my way. But then you came along." She paused to chuckle as if in dismay "You knew what you wanted in life, while I married you to fight through my insecurities. You told me that I had none. When you began to praise them- I started to believe that my flaws are what made me amazing. You were my first friend apart from my family. You are my cure and I can't lose you Lee. I can't afford that" my mouth dropped open, it was turbulence that passed through me as this beautiful girl watched me with tears in her eyes, her voice deep but soft- hoarse with all the things she said- she meant.
"shut up" she complained as I wiped her tears.
"I didn't say anything" finally clamming my jaw I watched her carefully as a smile threatened to breakthrough me.
"Your face says it all" even her sniffles were lovely, she wasn't lying when she said I even praise the things that she deems to be flaws. Everything about her was perfect.
"Please" cupping her face I made her look at me. "Don't cry"
She blinked rapidly, gulping it with a pursed lip.
"I can't stop" she sniffs again as I wipe another trail of her tears with my sleeve "Actually I can't stop crying-"
She sobs hysterically which had my heart falling low until-
"-I have this terrible toothache since I woke up this morning" then she gazes into my perplexed but resurrecting eyes as she whispers "- it's getting worse by the minute"
If there's one thing that you should be -is to be prepared -when it comes to shin, we could be healing from tenure in a moment and next it was a rush to the dental clinic. In the chaos, I borrowed the SUV that Edmund had rented in which he drives through the existing portfolios for his station sites. He was quick to throw the keys at my face and sympathized with shin. Apparently he knows that real pain that comes with an infected gum. I don't- I had a smile that was commercial-worthy.
Even in her groans, she explained that her gums and molars are healthy- Except that she has had this ingrown wisdom tooth that she was supposed to have surgically removed ages ago. But she was just too scared and it was showings its signs now.
"It's fine. We can have it extracted today" supportive of the assignment I offer as she was quick to deny.
"I can't"
In the waiting room I casually ask like any normal person in my place.
"Why?" then I precisely extend my question "Why will you not have it removed when you are literally trembling with pain now" its a statement of scolding. She gritted her teeth and stretched her lips with a sizzle. Her legs restlessly tap as I watched with concern.
"I am not good with anesthetics"
Honestly, I don't get it on my first time. So she blurts. Dumbing it down for me.
"It works like drug or alcohol on me"
There was a pause- she groans when a smile flickers within me.
"That's it?"
"I want to cry so bad"
"You already did"
"Lee" she squeals.
"Shin" I had to imitate her.
"It's fair play, Edmund told me you have my night adventures recorded in your phone" I was useless at a time like this, so I attempt to distract her from it. By irking her further? Is this even how it's done?
"That snake" to compliment her words, she hissed. Her utterance Is a blend of moans and an aspiring parseltongue. She was fierce when in pain. So so feisty. I wasn't complaining- in fact, it was such a sight. Wait-What was I thinking?
Turns out that with so many revelations and outcomes I wasn't thinking straight. So when the dentist kept her on observation for two hours through which she slept as result of the induced medication and later that evening when they sedated her for the extraction, I went through a series of completion that changed the course of everything I had up so far.
I let it rest for now as I was allowed to take her back to our room. But this was a different state of shin that I received when the nurse helped her to me. Her right cheek was mildly swollen and her steps lagged. She seems to ground deep into a discovery that only she knew of.
So when I took her hand- the nurse lovingly gazed at shin and patted her head. I suspected that something was wrong. She then turned to me with a warm glint in her eyes.
"Take care of this sweet sweet girl"
I watched them both with equal attention, they seem to have contrasting emotions housed in them as once the nurse was gone I opened my mouth to ask Shin if she was feeling fine but-
"She has better breasts than mine" it was the second wise my jaw fell open, I looked around at the surprised patients and their companions. Hurriedly I assist her walk as she narrates her disbelief when we reached the car. "They are just so-" she gulps in through the numbness in her tongue- her lisps were an entirely different story. She was like a toddler learning her pronunciations "-So prominent. Lee-
She looks up at me with her eyes widening in shock- I was even failing to fetch the keys because I- cannot- think- straight- with- her- like- this.
"Yes Shin-" I breathe as I elevate her into the seat.
"Shin? Who is shin?" she sniffles as I nod rolling my lips in. It was eight at night, it took an entire day for them to fix her and return me a version of her which will probably be the cause of my death tonight. I close the door and got to the other side. I explain when I settled it-
"It's you. You are Shin"
Since I don't start the car right away, she goes mum. A series of questions running through her eyes.
"I am-" she points at herself furiously, but still her movements were lazy "I am?- my parents named me after a leggy part?"
It made sense- oddly it did as I let out a breathy laugh slamming my palm against the steering wheel.
"No wonder my breast aren't exceptional"
She stretched her tops hemline to peer inside, dunking her face inside her shirt - deaf to my mournful groan. She looks up with a small smile.
"But I like them the way they are"
I couldn't hold it in so I nod at her, encouraging her about it became an instant passion.
"I like them too" I comment as her eyes wells up with tears. Her lips quiver as I respectfully look at her.
"You do?" she squeaks as I bite the tip of my tongue.
"Not that I have met them personally. I still find them â
"You are so kind" she whispers cutting me off "Let me tie your shoelace"
In reflex, I grab her shoulder to her from exerting as she bends on her seat.
"No need. I can do it myself" I ensure her as she watched me with hurt clogging in "Why do you want to do it anyway?"
Seriously Lee? you are asking a drugged person why she wants to-
"I have a shoe tying kink?"
Choking with no intention of breathing soon. She waits patiently for me to reboot. Once I do I bring my wrist together to demonstrate her-
"You mean tied hands?"
she nods sideways with confusion.
"They don't sound bad. But I really want to tie your shoes"
And that's how I let her do it- I undid my laces so she could actually have something to work with. It took her three minutes and thirteen seconds to get the knot done. Yes, I counted. As I drove as she recited on her paranoia so far she skillfully concluded that the dentist took her tongue out instead of a tooth. She cried again when I told her that I can't spot her tongue when she opened her mouth for me to check in. she was back to normal- that is normal in her stage when she realized that she can always attach an artificial tongue in place. she sounded so sure and smart that I thought of searching the internet for such a possibility.
She was asleep by the time we reached the cottage.
I don't go out,
Within the vehicle I don't know for how long I watch her form, she was bundled up with her legs tucked by her arms and face angled to side in a comforting nook. For days I had waited for her to let me in- now that she did- even if just a morsel of it, I still was the useless man who could do nothing because it all laid in the past.
But today, I can't hide from the surge I felt among the chaos.
I can't see a future without her.
I don't want a future where it wasn't her with me.
If she needs me, I need her more. And I can't keep this to myself anymore. Once in I couldn't sleep- if it was her who was an owl yesterday- it was mine as of present. So I walk out like a kid in search of the last piece of the puzzle that could comfort him. I found myself in the adjoining pond by the yard- from here I could still see her through the glass. She was peaceful tonight.
She earned it since she took mine.
Under the dim light and bearing a dull headache I scrolled through my contacts- my legs dipped into the water by the ankles as I paused at chingu-
Elzina Winston- she was the little sister I never had, despite her merely being a couple of months younger than me. And she is perhaps the only one who won't judge me for ringing her up into the night- Alex judges people enough to even out her lack of it. With a smile, I dial on to her-
I had previously apologized to them a week ago- they were understanding enough which probably was the result of their general knowledge on how Asian politics and public image marketing works. So when the phone gets picked up from the other side and her groggy but curious voice fills in-
I smile at the titillating bed for pools.
I don't let her fetch as I checked on Shin- I moderately whisper scream at on phone to get my point across-
"Chingu, I am in love with my wife? Can you believe that?"
I scrunch my nose up with a sigh- my lungs were finally able to function through as she politely goes-
"That's really surprising"
Oh yeah? Shin and Elzinas sarcasm are almost alike- they can have a rap battle with the fiery banter they spit. There were some shuffles as I seamlessly continued my intervention with a raised brow-
"What do I do now?"
There was even more shuffling as I picked up two cold masculine words from her husband before the line went dead-
"Tell her"
It's what he said.
Tell her-
And the scary part was- there was nothing wrong in it. But it was when I realized that Shin still hasn't accepted me the way I want her to. There still was something that's not adding up-
-somthing that I can't seem to grasp.
-Something that she is not letting me see.
Phew...so sup guys?