SHIN
Can't be seen. I know even if someone came in, they won't be able to see me. It's not their eyes deceiving, neither was I hiding. But I know I was an illusion in a segment of the past. Yet it felt so real and eerie. The room, the stench, the emotions.
The scratchy grey concrete scrapes, as if the slow, haunting steps that I was advancing with were walking over a bed of shattered glass. When I let my gaze stretch across the floor- I see it. The shreds of broken ceramics. The rays from the stripped ventilation help the room into a patterned gleam, the moonlight only made the atmosphere worse.
When I heard the groan of a young girl in pain, from a corner that I cannot see- her withering visage finally adjusts to the likes of my vision as I battle to look through. In a soaring leap, it all comes back to me. Like tumbling boulders of Jenga as the freezing night engulfs me. I hug myself- the dress and fancy heels that I wore weren't a shield from the room that lacked a heater.
But I know I was the future- I know I am the future so my heart went out for the girl in a bloodied t-shirt. She was young- not more than eleven. Half in and out of consciousness, she wills her eyes to plead. They were staring right at me. Through me. I couldn't even cry for her. How long has she been here for?
I look around in search of an escape. when I see the rusty door- I couldn't move. I don't move because I know it was locked. I know we both were trapped. So I make my way to her- crouch with a knee to the ground. It takes the young girl a complete minute to hoist herself up, her hair matted by her side, impeded with dried blood. Her russet brown eyes are afraid- her chapped lips parts as she whispered-
"It's cold" a frosty smoke wavers by her utterance as if justifying the truth.
"I know" my voice doesn't crack like hers. But it's the most I could do.
"I am hungry" a sob hikes her up.
I close my eyes- as her soft cries resonate. I don't open them to look at my younger self. But when the lock ticks- I feel every little junction of the fear bite through me.
When I open my eyes, I am gasping for air. Gaping around me for something to grab, to find a defense when a hand bleakly hold mine down.
"Shin. Its me. Lee" I hear him aiming to ensure me as I struggled to get away from his touch "Its just me" he repeats it again. Much slower this wise. And it's when I fall back to the seat- staring up at the leather interior of his car as a pulsing headache complains through me.
"What happened?" sulking I rub my temples, choking the thoughts away as I always do, it has became a habit by now. But not him. The piercing gaze of Lee flips my insides.
"You fell asleep" he narrates it cautiously, removing and discarding his cap by the glove box as he runs his hand across his hair to nap it up "And I think you had a nightmare. Just a bad dream I guess"
It wasn't a dream. But I was glad it was for now.
"Are you okay?" he should quit with the subtle regards, it will only make it irk me into blaming myself for letting the three days ruin the eleven years of my life. I was here to rectify and fix it alone. I was here to stop letting others do it for me. and with Lee- It wasn't possible. He was too considerate.
"Should we go see a doctor?"
Jostling the hair out of my face I snap to side. He was already analyzing me with his counterfeiting eyes. So when I vent- he barely reacted to it.
"You said so, it was just a dream. Can you stop treating me like a kid?"
He nods after a hefty silence. Still glossed with frustration that he shouldn't be a part of- I unlock the door and got out only to shuffle. Back and forth I turn, anyone would be standing out in a colossal arena while they had retired from the vehicle comprehending for it to be the place one has been residing in would do it too.
Soon I hear him leave the car. I don't question until he comes and stands next to me. The air was merciful in nature- the blend of humidity and moistening night only adds to the perfect composition to a track's atmosphere. I could stand here the whole night and not get bored. That is if my mind would let me.
"What is this?"
Playing with my finger I ferment my voice to remain nonchalant. But the traitorous excitement seeps through, as I suspected- Lee was stifling a smile knowingly even before I gave up pretending.
"You said that I don't know you the way you do. And it's true. Since we barely make an effort- I decided to let you know what I do to get rid of my thoughts" he stares ahead at the empty bleachers, his eyes shone with pride that seems to light him up.
"You race?"
He scrunched his nose playfully. His lips forming a smile.
"I used to. Was a professional formula one driver once" he preached his right arm up, resting it by the top of his black car so he was looking at me "I was later deemed unfit? It's why I returned to Korea"
The environment remained the same. He made it seem as if he hasn't just revealed his misfortunes to me. His positivity inspired me- but was he the same man he shows inside out? This speculation still lingered in the form of a question to which I can't seek an answer to. Not when he is doing more than he needs to keep me functioning.
"I am sorry" as I say it, he stands up pushing his body from the car.
"You don't have to be" he describes it like the words were crisp in his mouth. Awaiting the predictable response from me "I don't like to dwell on the past. And tonight- neither should you"
I skim through his physical language like a page from a book. A quick glance to see what he meant. But when he draws out his car keys and lifts my hand. I know what he wanted me to do.
"Focus on speed. I love how it feels to fly through the tracks" his maneuvering gaze is a hostage. So I listen to him. obediently "I want to know how it will be for you"
My emotions jumbled into a compounding ideology. When the keys got dumped into my palms- my lips curls into a smile that wasn't a result of practiced generator. I didn't even grasp the image of my reaction until I felt the need to stop doing it.
"I love your car" I nod, enclosing the keys into my fist as he lifts his brows jerking his head towards his Audi.
"You should see my collection someday?" he says backing up, paving a way so that I could reach the driver's side.
"A collection" I state slipping in with a nod.
"I anticipated you to be surprised by it. Impressed even" he leans so that his chin rested upon the open doors frame, he was grinning wide. I flop into the seat to look at him, also to cherish the feel of basking in such domain.
"A face not necessarily be the window to a personality. One can have the face of an angel and may work for a hitman. You never know"
"So you work for a hitman?"
"What?" But soon I got what he did with my prompt. Dismissing the odd feel of warmth at his wink I roll my eyes "I am. I kill people"
And it wasn't completely a lie.
Later his features contort into the one of complex deep thinking.
"So what you are saying is I don't look like a rac-
"Absolutely. I am shocked. But since I wasn't stiff to ideas- I can accept it with respect" I don't know why I keep cutting him off. But I was too hyper and actively in need to test this drive. I wanted him to let me concentrate.
But-
I look at him in time to witness his lip in a pucker. Then he pouts with cold sad eyes- dramatizing as he walks across and takes the passenger seat. He licks his lips while rolling his sleeve by the elbow. His pout was now gone, but the slight swell of his lips remained.
Even when he wasn't distracting me. I still wasn't focussed.
"Seatbelt" he orders. I slide the band down immediately. He asks me to press on the gas- the engine purrs to life, seductively. The tracks were empty- not a single livelihood to be seen at farthest of the vicinity. So when I start- I go smooth.
A lap later- I had read through the path enough to increase my speed.
"You doing good sweetie" he cheers, holding the bar for support since he was a plus and was a victim of inertia. I roll my eyes at his mockery- I work hard to maintain the balance of the vehicle with no jerky movements. Because as Lee had quoted thrice until now-
"Remember. Smoother is-
"-Faster"
When I picked up the final speed, I let go of the instructions and let my body go numb with the thrill. I laugh out, a peal of laughter that I had forgotten was a piece of me. It pummelled through me tonight. I wasn't loitering into fitful nuisance - the momentum that kept pushing me to limits had me caged in a euphoria that I couldn't understand. I don't want it to understand. So when it was time for me to stop- I tone down the speed to an average, then I do the one thing that Lee probably hadn't expected me to since he- since he decently shouted-
"What are you doing?"
I removed my right foot from the throttle sharply, it causes an automatic transmission â a break with the right foot. I steer the wheel sharply in the direction I desired for it to- pulling the brake I held on to the safe button as the seething screech echoes, reels through. The car spins to a halt after the model skid.
When I lift my head, with my right hand curled dead on the wheel- I see the tracks through the curtain of my hair layering my face. Grinning I turn to look at Lee-
"It's been a long time since I did that" I heave, but when I saw Lee staring out with jaws clenched I decided to cease perking up. "You okay. Lee?"
"Do I look okay?" he undid his seat belt and cleared his throat. "I didn't know you could do that"
Instantly my smile was back, his were still absent. But I don't pry at it. I was feeling too light and up high in the abyss for me to marvel about his.
"Dad. He taught me. He had this spare car that he'd let me trash around with"
As I reach out and grab my sling, so that I could have my treats that I suddenly remembered about- I heard him mumble- not high- nor low. But enough for me to listen.
"I am never getting fooled by someone's face. ever"
***
The damp grass wasn't wet with vapor. Cooling enough for sensation, but not so greasy to imprint any unwanted pattern in your clothes. So when Lee said he wanted to relax his spine before he drives us back to the penthouse â I inferred that bleachers were off-limits. He seems to agree with me as we made our way to the acres of wide-spreading grass bed- the lights here temporarily flickered to life as it's sensors selects our presence. My vision relied on the soft faint glow from them.
There were seats by the intervals, but I loved the feel of clean grass on my skin so I plopped to the ground. Lee followed the suit without a blink.
The sky was dull and gloomy, with no stars in sight. Not mandatory for them to make a moment better. They can do whatever they want. However, they want- but aren't they still a part of a constellation that moves in a circle? Like us. like all of us.
As I had been ogling at the basic night, I felt his gaze on me. He simultaneously starts to speak as I looked at him.
"Why Vegas?" he sat with his legs crossed in front of him, both his palms lay flat. Pushing his shoulder up. while I sat idly with the pack of sugar bites nestled by my lap.
It doesn't set me off, his query. It coursed through me that it was the third time he was asking me the same question. I don't lie today.
"When I first came to meet you, you were attempting to convince your Dad to let you go" biting my lower lip I search through the bag to find my preferred flavor "I was told that you use to live here. since I haven't been to vegas- I decided to kill two stones with a bird"
When I found the orange charm, I pop it in. As I chewed looking around- I realized I was still being watched at.
"Two birds with a stone"
Faltering my index to gratify his correction, I nod.
"Hope for whatever reason you are here for its commencing by"
When there was a regulative silence that proceeded after what I had asked- confused I dust my hands and snap my fingers by his face. He doesn't blink even at that, letting his gaze fall to by the patch of marble square with water sprayer he breathes. His demeanor fluctuates faster than I could say his name. From happy, shock to acutely passive. As of now- I cannot know what goes within him even if I project through. He has to say it himself- there was no other option.
"It is in progress" he makes circles with his pinky "What about yours. How has it been so far?"
Like a crackling cassette, the incidents rewinds in sequence. With a pained sigh, I grumble.
Terrible.
But I lie. Like always.
"I haven't been able to do the things that I wanted to yet. But the week wasn't void of anything less interesting than it should be" I sounded so convincing or maybe I was believing in what I was remarking.
A heavy gust of wind sweeps through, fluttering our clothes, hair and caressing our skin. I close my eyes momentarily to sink in the feels. And also to avoid the dust that could get into them.
"What things?'
There wasn't a completive second wasted. I tell him without hesitation- the mystery of how I was able to do so will always remain a mystery. Maybe it was the air or it could be the development in me. But he was the most trustworthy element I had at my disposal so-
"I have this list of tasks that I would like to do before we part ways" enjoying two more bites I swallow them before continuing "of course. It always depends on you for when to do that. When you decide to end the marriage, I'll go back"
The way he regarded me with perplexion as if he was fighting something crucial was strange. He had the tensed outlook similar to that of Hwan when we bickered. But contrary to it- Lee kept it to himself, probably settling to ask something else instead.
"What kind of task?" his tone differed, it was precise and laced with brooding curiosity.
"Nothing interesting" I try to wave him off. But-
"No. you have to tell me. I want to be a part of this"
I pause hogging up when he certainly was considering to be there for me. I place the bag aside and smiled at him. He doesn't mimic me like I want him to.
"You must have a better place to be than tag along with me"
"I don't"
"That's t a lie. You have friends here"
"They will kill me if I showed up now after having avoided them for weeks" he arcs his brows as if challenging me. Weaving on to how placid and dedicated I was to keep him at bay.
"Talk to them. They'll understand" by the present, I was requesting him. making it quite pathetically obvious as a slow smirk marks his features.
"No. you have to understand that It's fruitless to distract me. I am helping you complete the list of tasks. You like it or not" with that he tries to reach for the candies. Tried because as soon as I regarded the advancement I hurl the packet back to me. He grabs the empty air instead.
"What's your level?"
He humours the question as if to dodge it away, his eyes fighting a smile. It was detoxifying to watch him shake his head befittingly. Taking me for a fool.
"I checked. I can have that" he gestures with his chin jutted out.
"Level Lee"
With that- there was an onset of stares that lasted until none of us vouched away from.
"Borderline. But still manageable" I squeal as his voice rose an octave high by the end as he launched his arms to grab the smarties from me. Soon I was crawling away-
"Take the granola bar- it's much healthier for you" I piqued when his fingers grab my ankles, he was too swift with motions. And to strong for my physique.
"No- I need those" his arms snakes through my waist, In reflex I react fast, curving my hands across the last few that were left, I cram it into my mouth right when he spins me around. I seal my lips shut landing on my back as he grabs my wrist lifting it above my head.
He goes stiff when he realizes what I had done. He cups my cheeks, his thumb pressing down my chin in disbelief.
But that wasn't the only thing we got aware of. When the heat from our proximity slowly began to make it's presence felt. With our bodies tangled up upon the grass and his conscious weight on me did we went inflexible. As if we both couldn't move or think. Or at least mine didn't.
Thankfully, Lee flings himself off. Rolling to side as I sat up choking after having swallowed the confections.
"It's getting late. We should leave" he suggests as I nod, holding in another fit of cough to be polite.
But no matter what I did. The shift of something puzzling seem to have taken home in between us this night, because it was the initial time It had been an complete hour with a person who was able to keep my attention glued to him and his antics.
As for him-
He was doing it again. His occasional. The beginning of him being less Lee like.
But it was a tad bit severe.
Who am I kidding! It was a lot severe.
Was I early?
ðvote and comment to see some early action coming through.
This chapter is dedicated to prettyperfectliar. Because she is...she is the most dramatic and versatile reader I have ever had. She is awesome and crazy and I love her for that. Thanks girlð¥°